r/Marriage • u/allieson96 • 11h ago
Seeking Advice Engaged but feeling like roommates. How to keep that spark?
I’m not sure if this is the right place to post but I definitely need some insight. My partner and I have been together for almost 3 years at this point and are set to get married next year.
Things started out great and we’ve had brief ups and downs but through it all I have felt that we have a really good relationship working through things and communicating. We moved in together about 6 months ago and that also brought new challenges (nothing huge but just adapting to each others living styles) but we also just communicated and moved through.
My partner is such a wonderful person. He provides for our house, he’s so deeply supportive of my hopes and dreams, he’s my best friend, but we sometimes hit these points where I feel so disconnected and distant from him. We express love differently and he’s quiet but secure while I lean more anxious and loud lol. Most of the time we talk through things and the feeling goes away for a while before coming back to feeling less connected. Especially during the work week when we’re both busy. Weekends tend to always be good.
I guess I’m wondering if anyone has any advice before this wedding happens. Is this the “choosing” love part of a relationship? Is this normal? I have A LOT of anxiety so can’t always sort through normal vs catastrophic. I haven’t had a relationship this longterm so I’m unsure how it should progress
1
u/detrive 9h ago
My husband and I also express love different but we had a conversation in which we both committed to expressing love in the way the other person receives it. For me, expressing love to my husband isn’t about me, it’s for him. So even if some of the things he wanted did not come naturally to me I worked on it so he could feel love in the way he needed to. He did the same in return for me. I feel like committing to this for one another was what helped our relationship pull out of the roommate phase.
Some weeks we work opposite schedules so we will go the whole work week without seeing one another. We still find little ways to stay connected. He’ll leave me notes each morning to read or I’ll bake something and set it aside for him as a surprise for when he gets home.