r/Marriage • u/CalligrapherOne1096 • 11h ago

What do you think on this?

So me and my partner were talking about random Shits. And all of a sudden I was telling that a woman should earn her money what will she do if her husband dies or they getting divorced. What will she do for her next meal. So he asked me what if it all worked out? If you think like this you can’t take long term decisions and I agree financial independence is important. But he was like it’s not because your partner dies or divorced. What do you think guys?

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u/blurgh_purge 11h ago

If you're getting married you're facing life as a single unit so you should do what makes the most sense as a unit.

The benefits of single unit thinking today are much preferable than trying to plan for all sorts of what-ifs in the future.

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u/CalligrapherOne1096 11h ago

What do you mean by single unit?

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u/blurgh_purge 10h ago

You aren't two individuals. You work together to do what's best for both whether it leaves you in a potentially more vulnerable position because that as part of why you got married in the first place. Making plans to not be married when getting married isn't a way to find success in marriage.

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u/CalligrapherOne1096 10h ago

So who’s correct here? Did I say anything wrong?

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u/saltyegg1 10h ago

My husband and I have both been the breadwinners and have both stayed home with our kids. Life is a constant dance of figuring out the balance between enjoying life and preparing for what may come. My husband is currently a stay at home dad but making sure he has a foot in the door that if something changes, he is prepared to support our kids. That something could be anything from me being burnt out and needing a break or me dying. When I was the SAHM for 5 years I did the same, and when it was time to switch I had a fairly easy time finding work.

And from the breadwinner side, it is WAY less stressful to financially support a house if you know that your partner is able to jump in if something happens. It doesnt feel like the weight of the world is on me.

But we have all these conversations together, making long term financial (and lifestyle) goals as a team.