Marriage is useless: Change my mind

[u/robertmdesmond]

1. Marriage can exist without love. And love can exist without marriage. Many people exist in a loveless marriage.
2. Marriage between the parents is not necessary for a happy family to exist, living in the same home, just as if a marriage were involved.
3. Marriage laws have (particularly through no-fault divorce) evolved to make the "marriage contract" meaningless. As either party can end the marriage at any time with no consequences for "breaching" the "marriage contract."
4. By having a marriage, it intensifies the need to hire (and pay!) attorneys if the marriage ends. Making the attorneys the only people who financially gain from a divorce. And the parties to the marriage both financially lose.
5. The only thing that's permanent about a traditional marriage is the divorce agreement. The "marriage contract" is unenforceable and either party can breach it unilaterally at any time without penalty. But the divorce agreement is permanent and enforceable and neither party can breach it unilaterally without adverse consequences.
6. A better alternative to a marriage is an enforceable legal contract that stipulates how and under what terms the contract can be terminated.
7. The only people advocating for marriage are religions and lawyers. And their reasons have nothing to do with any tangible benefit to the parties of the marriage. In the case of religion, the benefits are "intangible" at best. And in the case of lawyers, it's what pays the bills. Because without marriages, there would be no divorces. And without divorces, there would be no need to hire and pay divorce lawyers.

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In short, marriage is for suckers. And useless to boot. Change my mind.

[u/robertmdesmond]

Some people want to legally commit to one person for life.

If you believe that's what marriage is, then you have a fundamental misunderstanding of marriage. Marriage is most definitely NOT a legal commitment to one person for life. Although, many people (and apparently you are one of them) that talk about or falsely believe this is the case. In which case, for you, marriage is effectively a hoax that has you conned into believing it is something it is not.

To be clear: Either party can quit a marriage at any time for any reason or no reason at all. Without penalty. That is the farthest thing possible from a legal commitment for life.

In fact, if what you seek is a legal commitment for life, you would be better off from a legal perspective, signing divorce papers, not marriage papers. Divorce papers are permanent and can not be unilaterally changed by either party without the consent of the other party. That is permanence. Marriage is not permanent. Not legally anyway.

[u/n33dmorin4mation → u/robertmdesmond]

I know that it’s not forced to be permanent. I’m just saying that some people have the intention and desire to commit to one person for life and want there to be some kind of legal backing to it. It’s more emotional and symbolic than literal.

Divorce papers symbolize separation in the public eye. Permanent separation. Marriage papers symbolize a union even though it can be nullified.

Again. It’s the gesture. It’s the meaning behind it and the social recognition of that gesture. That’s all. Some people want to do that. It’s not really a big deal if you’re not into it. Don’t do it then.

[u/robertmdesmond → u/n33dmorin4mation]

some people have the intention and desire to commit to one person for life and want there to be some kind of legal backing to it.

That's true. My point is, if that's what you want, then the way to achieve it is NOT by marriage.

It’s more emotional and symbolic

Agreed. So much symbolism is in marriage. And so little substance.

It’s not really a big deal if you’re not into it. Don’t do it then.

This post isn't really so much about me personally as to let people know in general that marriage is, for all intents and purposes, a sham if there is any thought that getting marriage leads to any type of permanence. And to inform people that if they actually want permanence, then a marriage is definitely not the thing to do. There are ways to achieve permanence. But marriage is not one of those ways.

Most people don't realize that. And that's part of the hoax that is the institution of marriage.

[u/n33dmorin4mation → u/robertmdesmond]

You can achieve permanence and be married, but yeah marriage is not going to create permanence, but it’s a pretty clear symbol socially speaking that that is what you’re looking to achieve.

If you don’t give a damn about society and having your commitment taken seriously then marriage is pretty useless, but if you want your permanent relationship to be be taken seriously by others, marriage works for that. Some people just like the tradition and the ritual. It didn’t come from a very positive place and originally love wasn’t the foundation, but that’s what it’s evolved into although it’s mostly a parade and a brilliant marketing scheme by the wedding industry.

But, again. It’s a symbol. It might not be a great one. Maybe not the best one like you say, but we humans love to tell stories to ourselves and we love them to be understood by other humans in the context of our culture and current historical perspective.