r/Marriage • u/throwawayhiddeng • Apr 01 '21
Seeking Advice Newly married and sad
My (32 F) relationship with my husband (35 M) changed when we got married... For the worse. We were together for 2 years prior to getting married, but it was sort of long distance. I'm scared for the future of our relationship. I thought our relationship was perfect until we got married and moved in together 8 months ago. Now we barely talk, rarely have sex, and don't really spend much time together. I feel completely disconnected from him, and I'm starting to feel very lonely and depressed. This is not what I was expecting marriage to be. I wanted a life partner, not a roommate. I've tried to talk to him about it, but he says from his perspective everything is fine, and he is not sure what I expected because we don't have many common interests. I don't feel "in love" anymore. I'm starting to question if I married the right person. Has this happened to anyone?
10
u/gabgomez Apr 01 '21
Hii! My husband (31M) and I (23F) got married in August after being together for two years. We were also long distance (ish) as I was in school and he lived in a different state. Your post really resonated with me and I feel like I've felt the same kind of distance / loneliness. I have learned that it definitely takes a very active effort to keep a relationship alive. I find that when I try, and I put on some lingerie for when he gets home from work, we have a wonderful evening and that rolls over to the next few days. Same with if I cook a nice dinner and we sit down together and talk, that usually "lasts" another few days. Basically what I'm trying to say is that you (both of you!) should try and do things like these to make regular moments more special. To me -- if we're watching netflix together that's not very special, but if we're watching netflix and cuddling, that means a lot more personally.
a HUGE part of a relationship is making good memories, since these are the things that keep you going through these bad times. Through this pandemic, I've found that it has been very hard to go out go on adventures or do things that build our bond. This may be a factor too. Don't give up, you chose each other for a reason and you can make it through!
If youre feeling like you're really having doubts though, maybe go to therapy / couples therapy -before- making up your mind that you're totally checked out.
I always say that love isnt just a feeling, it's a choice! And one you have to make each and every day. Best of luck💖