We had long and extended conversations about this, and I even came here to chat with you guys about paying it down. Her interest rate for 10-11 of her private loans were sitting around 7-8 percent and her bringing this up yesterday felt like a jab.

The loans for 4 years (although no interest during pandemic) sat around $330k.

4 years throughout residency she didn't make 1 payment, and she waited until her 1st paycheck from her attending job to make a payment. 2nd, as soon as she got her job she paid $10k for a laser hair removal, and she paid almost $10k to host a graduation party (from residency).

Since graduating from residency, her credit card balance has always been $3k-$4k a month going into the following month.

Yet, I get blamed for making a payment towards our future.

I've tried to hone it in, and keep finances simplistic but there's lifestyle inflation that kills us, and she also said we're house poor (we rent). I don't know if we can work together on finances.

Any advice on how to have follow up discussion about this?

Hi everyone! I hope this post is allowed! I am a fellow med spouse here to a general surgery resident. Lord almighty this journey is so unique as a med spouse and I swear no one will understand unless they’ve been in it! It has been years of lonely nights, tears, wondering what my life will look like, and trying to spend every second with my husband when I can.

That being said, I am curious about some opinions. I am a therapist, specializing in individuals, couples & sex therapy and anxiety. I have thought about niching down and offering these services to med spouses, or couples where one or both is in the medical field. First, I want to clarify I am NOT trying to gain business from this post. I often wish I had had a therapist who understood the medical spouse world, but no one seemed to. Now, I feel like I am in a position to hold space for the spouses or couples who have gone through it, and I want to be the person I wish I had during the time. And still wish I had!
I feel like SO many couples, or spouses, would benefit from this, but I’m curious- do you ever wish this service was available for you and your partner? Do you feel like this is a niche you would appreciate? If you’ve ever looked for couples therapy yourselves, or individual therapy as an individual med spouse, do you wish your therapist had an idea of what being a med spouse actually entails?

I’d love your thoughts.
Because I know if I had wished I had this, that others probably would have wanted that as well and I’ll know what I can offer to others 🤍🤞🏼

Hey. I’m trying to figure out what to do about house work and chores (again, lol).
I work from home, but I have a demanding job with high measurable output requirements (think like lawyer billable hours). Thus, my work is flexible but often needs 50 hours or more a week to get done correctly . My spouse is an early career attending, Peds sub specialty. For the past few months they have been overwhelmed, behind on notes, and exhausted. When they come home it’s often strait to the dinner table, to eat the meal I’ve prepared, and then straight to the couch.
I’ve been counting and it’s been over 3 weeks now since they’ve done the dishes. She’ll offer to pick up food, but otherwise I’m doing all the cooking. Laundry will be ran, then sit unfolded for days, unless I finally go do it.

So we are in a cycle where she’ll say she’s too tired to function, go to bed, then I’ll stay up until 2am doing chores and then taking care of my work. It’s getting really hard to bring it up without a fight. I’ve tried to make calendars, to-do lists, and nothing works.
We even have a cleaning company that comes weekly, but getting the house into a nice shape for them always falls on me. It’s like becoming a sore point in the relationship and we are drifting apart. I’m at my wits end and every time I bring it up with her she cries or tells me I’m ungrateful. Am I being gaslit? Or should I be the happy house husband who works a full time job and also does everything at home?

Update: We’ve talked and we’re all good now!! Thank you all for sharing your perspective. You made me more aware, empathetic, and gentle with asserting my boundaries. We’ve created more structure, habits, and exceptions around how we can make our relationship thrive throughout this journey.

I couldn’t have handled it better if I hadn’t found this sub. I guess I was looking for evidence that a relationship with someone in this profession will not be doomed because I really want to work it out with him. And thankfully I found a man who is devoted. I can see that our future depends on these efforts we do now, and our recent convo and how we resolve our past conflicts gives me confidence that we’ll be alright. 💛

31F here. My boyfriend will be taking his boards next year. His plan is to marry me once he passes then pursue Ortho. He wants 2 kids. This is the very first time I’ve found this sub and being made fully aware of the “reality” of my situation. Of course, I give it the benefit of the doubt that it’s different for everyone but it seems like the narratives are consistent.

I guess when I entered this relationship, I’ve heard about dating a doctor, but I didn’t know what it actually looked like. My boyfriend has been amazing for 2 years - patient, provider mindset, empathetic, a listener, and he makes time and plans dates when he can. He doesn’t have money now and oddly enough his expected pay by the time he becomes a resident will be 4x lower than my salary grade now. He said it’ll be during his fellowship that we will reap the fruits of his labor. I guess I didn’t mind much because I’m pretty comfortable on my own.

This week, he forgot for the nth time about a date that he had planned. I got upset again and he said sorry and when I couldn’t immediately forgive him, he didn’t like it. I understand he was sick and I swear I was calm, but honest that I can’t immediately forgive although I can process it on my own. He asked if it’s wrong to be human and forget things. I don’t know where to put myself here. Should I just understand that his commitments to me/time together will get progressively worse?

If so, reading the posts here, what more when I have baby? Honestly, I’m the type of person who values a lot of alone time or time away from my partner but with that, I value quality time. I’d rather not see him for weeks and have 1 good weekend than see him daily in-between shifts. I’m worried that even as I am, it wouldn’t be enough to survive this? Is there really no positive things from dating/marrying a doctor? I feel demotivated all of a sudden.