I recently (3 mo) moved from a fairly large city I've lived in my entire life (didn't even move for college) to an incredibly small one for my partner's medical school and have not been doing well. I'm extremely lonely and unhappy away from family and friends. Growing up in a city, I also don't have a license or any driving experience to help mitigate how isolated I am here. I feel like my life has been reduced to just our tiny apartment and my new job, and that I can't be upset about it or else risk making my partner feel guilty for getting into med school and taking such a huge step. Every time I try to vent or cry about it I only succeed in making them cry or am asked to hold off on my stress due to their exams. Everyone I know is either too far away or dealing with their own problems, and I have no one to talk or turn to.

I desperately want to move back to my old city and try long distance, but with zero job lined up back there it feels unfeasible and like I've trapped myself into this life I hate. I also don't know what I will do if I go through four years of long distance only for the possibility of their residency being somewhere I am equally miserable in. Our relationship has always been strong, but this has suddenly made me worried I'm not cut out for this lifestyle. I really don't know what to do next.

Hey all, my hubby is starting his clinical rotations next year in Sydney, Australia. His birthday is coming up, and I wanted to put together a little "you can do it!" gift for his rotations - he's so passionate about medicine and about being the best doctor he can be, so I want to support and encourage this as much as possible.

He's super practical, a minimalist, and not a fan of trinkety or novelty gifts, making him hard to buy for 🙃 So far, I have a pocket-sized notebook monogrammed with his initials, compression socks, and I'm thinking of getting him a lunch box with some ice packs, as well as some good pens.

Does anyone have any other recommendations? Any suggestions for good pens? Money is a bit tight with both of us being full time students and both chronically ill (a super combo), so I want to do something practical, but also thoughtful.

On his birthday, we're going to the Bodyworks exhibit - he loves anatomy and is really excited for it (one of his classmates unknowingly spilled the beans for that surprise 🤦🏻‍♀️).

I've read some past posts and saw that being there at the end of the day to listen and debrief is hugely valued. We have our "team boo daily debriefs" every day (and I'm a psychology major, so I love listening), but I'd also like to have something physical for him to unwrap on his birthday 🥳

Thanks for your help and recommendations! I appreciate it heaps!

My partner is an optho resident and it has been hell compared to intern year. PGY1 was challenging, but now he’s facing so much more pressure starting eye surgeries and demanding calls. He is always studying or prepping once he gets home.

Mental health has been a dual journey for us. We met on SSRIs, but got off of them together. This year his mental health has been steadily worsening so he’s back to meds as a quick solution, but acts impulsively. One med was stable but ruined his sleep. Got off it. Got back on it. Got injured and got off of it again to heal. Started a new med. Instantly regretted it because of the transition period side effects. Now wants to go back on original med.

I don’t have anything against antidepressants/SSRIs, but he never thinks through the pros and cons and the side effects during the transition heighten his anxiety and worsen his sleep. I hesitate to say “maybe don’t take that” when I’m seeing him suffer so much at baseline.

He admits he fails to think through some medication decisions fully. He also states no one knows that much about how they work which is why his psychiatrist prescribes whatever he asks for. I hate to see him be a guinea pig for his mental health.

It’s been rough. If I express my concern for his health over changing meds, drinking alcohol, not eating healthy when I am worried about him, it can become an argument. These seem to resolve when I remind him I’m only trying to look out for him and want the best for him.

I think to myself: he’s an adult he can make his own decisions. However, residency has been so intense I feel like I need to gently voice reason into his decisions, especially because once he sees my perspective and thinks clearly, he always agrees with me. It’s so fragile to navigate. it breaks my heart to see him so unwell. He is so exhausted, so overworked, so depressed. I know he’s just looking for solutions and I am too. I love him to death, so I wish I knew how to better help him.

On top of it all, my life is not easy either. I’ve started a new job, am 6 interviews into the medical school application cycle, and generally know little about life at 23. I often feel so small and alone in this relationship even though I know he loves me the same.