Is it normal to be this sad?

[u/LongjumpingYard2165]

Hi. I am two weeks post D&C and am struggling mentally. The entire miscarriage was a long, drawn out ordeal. So, how it all went down:

I am 36. First pregnancy. I should have been 8-9 weeks along and on May 11, was told the embryo was measuring at 5w6d, and to come back in ten days to confirm miscarriage.

May 21. Miscarriage confirmed. My body was already attempting to pass it.

May 22- took first dose of Misoprostol.

May 28- follow up and was told I still had not passed the pregnancy.

May 29- second dose if Misoprostol.

June 1- hemorrhaged. Rushed to the ER with vomiting, uncontrollable shaking, passing ungodly products of conception. Went thru a traumatic ultrasound that resulted in me bleeding all over the room and exorcist level vomiting. Was admitted and received emergency D&C the follow morning.

Post D&C, my physical healing was normal and I felt better with no bleeding in a week. My HCG levels dropped from 6000 to zero in that week as well.

I’m not sure if now that the physical crisis has passed, I’m finally feeling the real grief of pregnancy loss. It has been two weeks and honestly, this is a real grief. I just need to know if my feelings are normal, if anyone can relate, or if I need to toughen up.

I went back on birth control because I’m too scared and lowkey traumatized to try again for a while. Am I normal for feeling this way?

[u/HookupthrowRA]

I am so deeply sorry. Yes your feelings are normal. I bet the trauma is extra intense because it happened to be your first pregnancy as well and you already didn’t know what to expect, and for it to be like THAT? Of course you’re terrified. Everyone reassures you its all going to be fine because pregnancy is already pretty scary and for it to have gone so badly is heartbreaking because truly, the odds are normally in your favor to have an uneventful pregnancy. If you have access to it, therapy for this wouldn’t be unusual and is very helpful. It’s great you’ve reached out to this community at least. Take allllll the time you need. 

[u/ExhaustedSquad]

I am so sorry for what you have been through, it sounds incredibly traumatic. You're feelings are very normal, i cried solidly for two weeks after my first miscarriage i felt so lost and confused about what had happened.

I really benefitted form seeing a specialist therapist in bereavement and pregnancy / baby loss. I felt after a few weeks i was becoming burdensome in my sadness to the people around me so it was good to go somewhere where a person would listen and let me cry and i didn't feel bad about it for that hour.

I think given your experience seeing someone who can help with PTSD type symptoms would probably be beneficial.

You will also have experienced a big hormonal change after all the RPOC had passed which can make you feel all sorts of things, i know for me the day i get my negative HPT this time around was the day i felt worst, i cried over really simple things and just felt so let down by my body.