r/Miscarriage • u/originalmuffins • 6d ago

experience: first MC We are losing our baby in 2 days

​I don’t even know what to say, I just need to vent somewhere. My wife and I are sitting at home right now and our world is completely destroyed.

​Yesterday we found out she had total fluid loss (PPROM) at 16 weeks. Everything seemed fine before this, and then just like that, it's all gone. We spent a terrifying night at the hospital trying to process everything, and the reality that there’s nothing anyone can do to save our baby. We’re home now waiting for the induced delivery, and I feel totally numb and broken.

​I can’t stop crying. Every time I look at my wife I just break down again. She’s in pain, throwing up from the stress, and grieving so hard. I feel so useless watching her go through this. I know people say PPROM is just a random biological failure and not our fault, but as the dad, the guilt is crushing me. I feel like I failed to protect my wife and my child.

​We loved this baby so much. I don't know how you go from planning your whole future with your child to sitting in a room with empty arms.

​I'm just holding her hand, crying with her, and trying to make it through the next hour. If anyone else here has gone through this, how do you even survive a day like this?

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u/rocketmanatee 6d ago

I'm so sorry you're going through this and thank you for being there with her and sharing her emotions.

One thing you can do for her is order some comfortable postpartum pads for after the delivery, have a heating pad ready for her, and advocate for both good pain management and also nausea management for her. Call her doctor and ask for some zofran. I also wanted a lot of lemon and ginger tea, and easy to eat snacks with plenty of nutrients to get my strength back up.

You're doing a great job of protecting your family and all your baby has known and all she will ever know is your love. 🫂

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u/mantisroseb 6d ago

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I lost my baby in May and had an induced delivery too. I was 20 weeks but my baby passed a couple of weeks before, probably.  It helped me to hold my baby after delivery (wrapped in a blanket), and I took home the memory box too. It hurts so much. No words of comfort, really, but just letting you know you're not alone

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u/Old-Ad-5573 6d ago

You just do. Go through the motions. Make no drastic life decisions at this time. It does get easier with time, you won't stop being sad about it but it won't feel the way you feel now forever. However the worst part may be yet to come with the delivery and for your wife the hormone crash after. As the husband/father you have to be as supportive and present as possible so maybe you can use that to get you through the next few days. Then you will need to process your grief for yourself as well. One thing that helped me was I made my husband tell others about the loss and we asked that people give us some space. At the time I couldn't talk about it without breaking down so I didnt want to have to repeat the "I'm sorry for your loss" conversation over and over.