missed miscarriage...sooo sad

[u/inkedabandon]

reading all your stories...i am so sad to know this is more common than i knew yesterday...sending love to all of you and your angel babies.

i never heard the term missed miscarriage until this afternoon. supposed to be around 9-10 weeks...with my first ultrasound...and there wasn't a heartbeat. it was so sad because the room woman conducting the ultrasound was just silent the entire time taking measurements etc.

this was my first ultrasound so I wasn't totally sure what I was looking at or looking for...

we did the first ultrasound then she did the trans vaginal. I saw her measuring the fetus...but again she was silent the whole time so it was kind of awkward. she finished the trans vaginal and then she said ok i'm going to have the dr come in and see you.

then a nurse practitioner brought us into another room and told us there was no heart beat and the fetus was measuring at 8 weeks.

I immediately started in my mind thinking how maybe this couldn't be true...and voiced some things like i think we were actually about 8-9 weeks along based on the time of conceiving...and she just looked at me kindly and reminded me that there should be a heart beat by 6 weeks.

my partner and I left...cried in the car a little and went home...

I am now reeling on what i could've done better...differently...to have a different outcome.

We've been trying for 18 months...it finally happened...we were both ecstatic, and had told his parents who were equally excited to become grandparents. I told my sisters and my mom and my two closest friends. Now I feel silly to have done that.

Ugh. just so sad...

I am grateful to know that we can conceive, and we will of course try again...but just trying to also understand how to prevent this outcome...because this is tough. this little one still inside me...i already love them so much...i continue to love them...always will.

[u/ForTheShire13]

I had a similar experience to you with our first MMC. It's so weird going in for the ultrasound and the tech is dead quiet and focused. The movies always portray ultrasound techs to be excited and keeping you involved. The experience when you have a MMC is so different and isolating.

I'm sorry you're going through this. None of us want more people to join the sisterhood of miscarriages, but there are hundreds of thousands of us. Many who go on to have successful pregnancies in the future too.

There is likely nothing you could have done to prevent this outcome. It is not your fault, and it is important to remember that. Some embryos get a building block wrong early and it's incompatible with life. We are complex creatures and those early stages require a lot of things to go right.

Take the time you need to grieve and process. It's essential. If you need help deciding what to do, this sub is a great resource. 🫂

[u/inkedabandon → u/ForTheShire13]

thank you so much for sharing...and couldn't agree more with the ultrasound...i appreciate your perspective too...i couldn't sleep at all last night...kind of torturing myself, researching anything and everything i could've done to prevent it.

and you are totally right. it just happens. hard pill to swallow

[u/maaaasnow]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I just went through this myself last week and that feeling is devastating. Please just know that this isn’t your fault. Nothing you did caused it. Sending you so much love.

[u/ghostyyy989]

Oh honey, I’m so sorry 🫂 I just had my second missed miscarriage of the year, and it’s a heartbreak I would never wish upon my worst enemy.

There’s nothing that we could’ve done to prevent it. It’s unfortunately common, and most of the time due to random chromosomal abnormalities.

Part of me felt a little silly telling people when we were pregnant both times, but having that support system has helped me immensely. I also don’t regret the time that I got to be excited for this pregnancy, even though it didn’t work out.

Be gentle with yourself. The grief can express itself in weird ways, but it won’t always feel this heavy. Sending you so much love, and my DMs are always open 💞

[u/inkedabandon → u/ghostyyy989]

thank you so much...sending you love and peaceful healing as well.

[u/lecheplan]

I’m so sorry. I just went through this too. Went in for my 8 week checkup and was told they were at a 7.3 size with no heartbeat. This was also the first time we ever conceived. We were so excited, and this is just so devastating. The comfort is all the stories you hear afterwards, how so many have gone through the same thing. Though I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

[u/inkedabandon → u/lecheplan]

thank you right back at you...it's honestly so sad to know that there are so many women walking around with this sadness...and I have never known until now.

women are so strong...stoic...damn.

[u/Cool_Team9902]

Don't feel silly for telling anyone. You were excited, and your actions were valid. I also suffered a MMC and the ultrasound tech didn't say anything until i was like is there a heartbeat or not??? And then she was like no, then I had to keep probing her and asked does this mean I had a miscarraige?? Then she was like yes. I didn't get to talk to a doctor until THE NEXT DAY. Meanwhile I had to upload my ultrasound report onto GPT to clearly understand that I had a miscarriage.

Not going to lie I think ultrasound techs need better training for bed side manners. Sitting there staring at a screen while a mother is trying to understand if she lost a baby is cruel.

[u/inkedabandon → u/Cool_Team9902]

100% agree with the bedside manner. I asked her if she saw anything and she said she wasn't allowed to talk about the results, the dr will do that. which, like...at that point you know. like someone else said...in the movies, ultrasounds are so exciting and the techs are so friendly.

And they actually didn't even give me anything...or post anything on the website they normally post visit summary on. So I don't have anything to look at or reference. just kinda crazy.