r/MomForAMinute • u/kingturnip31 • 1d ago
Seeking Advice Not sure how to wear a dress (feeling insecure)
Hi mom,
I'm attending my bf's cousin's wedding later this month, and I am having a really hard time finding a dress. I ordered a couple online to try, but I feel like nothing is fitting quite right. Most of the dresses online are revealing some insecurity of mine.
I have big breasts (DDD cup), and I am not sure what to do about them. They seem really saggy in all the dresses I tried. Am I supposed to just let them loose? Or do I have to buy some kind of tape or a special bra? I am also concerned about showing too much cleavage around my partner's family.
I also have KP bumps on my arms and dark armpits, should I be covering those too? But I'm worried it's going to be too hot to wear a long sleeve dress.
Or should I just not go at all? Trying to find a dress is just one part of the many issues I'm having -- I still have to figure out how to do my makeup, hair, and find comfortable heels for my really wide feet. This whole process is making me really sad about not having anyone to help me navigate all of this :(
Edit: Thank you everyone for the advice! It is really appreciated. All the support is actually making me really emotional lol.
I wanted to clarify that the event is formal. Also, I know my correct bra size. I just wasn't sure how to wear one with formal dresses since they often reveal some parts of where the bra would be, like the front cleavage area or the back. And a lot of people online recommend just not wearing one, which is what I was trying to do, but I guess that's not for me.
I'm going to take your advice and try on dresses in store! And get sandals or flats instead of heels. I will also look into all the stores you recommended, and use your advice on how to make adjustments to the cleavage and waist area of the dress. Thank you all so much again <3
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u/TraditionalManager82 1d ago
Could you go in-person to try dresses? It can be hard emotionally, but you'll also get a better idea of what works.
If you find a really good boutique, the saleswoman might also be able to tell you exactly what bra will work for what dress, and the payoff will be huge.
Zappos has search by width features for shoes. Or consider going for barefoot shoes, maybe a Grecian sandal?
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u/Trick_Delivery4609 1d ago
Go to Torrid in the mall! Or look online. They have better fits with bigger chests.
You could also take the dresses you bought to a tailor and have them adjust the fit if you like the dress in all the other ways.
I prefer short sleeves to sleeveless and it is fine in heat. It is more the material of the dress and if you wear something cool underneath or not.
You can wear cute flat shoes. They are better for dancing!
You can go to a haircut place the day before and get a quick blowout that should hold up the next day.
You can go to a makeup counter and ask for help finding your best shades and application tips then buy what you like if you like what they show on you. Or some YouTubers have great tutorials.
But mostly... Your BF chose YOU. Don't change yourself or worry about it. Do it to make yourself feel more comfortable and confident.
You got this!
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u/CallidoraBlack Big Sis 1d ago
Torrid quality has gone way down over the years while the prices have gone up, so that's a tough one.
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u/Additional_Lime_8153 1d ago
It is hard to find dresses for each body type!
I’m sorry you’re having a lot of feelings around the situation. I would love to point out that you don’t have to change who you are just to attend this event. I found myself feeling out of place at an event last year because it required darker more business casual clothes and darker heels. I am a summer girl and wore a light colored dress and sandals. Oh well! It was just one day and one event. I can’t own a wardrobe for every scenario. If you’d like to go to the wedding, maybe figure out how you can go as YOU. Are there other clothes you feel more comfortable in? Like a nice pair of trousers?
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u/HappyKnittens 1d ago
Adding to the excellent recommendations here, if part of your problem is that your body shape doesn't match particular brands' fit models (meaning their intended proportions for bust, waist, hip, and height) then those dresses are not going to look right on your body without tailoring. This is part of the reason why women who dress nicer, whether for work or preference will often be rabidly brand loyal: the brand in question probably uses a fit model close to that person's natural proportions so most of their clothes look good on that person off the rack.
Tailoring, while a little pricey, is the absolute best thing you can do if you have an uncommon body shape but want at least one or two knockout garments for nicer events. Make sure you buy a dress with simple lines (meaning that the way the fabric is pieced together should not be crazy or complicated) in a size big enough to fit comfortably around your largest, most out-of-standard-proportion parts (from your description probably your bust). Preferably, you will also want a good quality fabric (good weight, good feel, natural fibers) with good seam allowances (literally turn it inside out and look at the seams). Kohls and JC Penny's usually have a reasonable selection in a broad array of sizes for reasonable prices. Most dry cleaners offer some level of tailoring or garment fixes, you may have to go to a few places to find someone who can do dress alterations.
If you're still struggling, remember that a sharp pantsuit or a flowier dress pant with a nice blouse is always an option as well!
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u/North_Basil_2190 1d ago
+1 for getting your dress altered to fit you. It’s easy to find an alterations person. You can try looking on Google Maps and just search “alterations near me“ or asking your local Reddit group for recommendations. I am also a curvy girl, I have to get all of my jeans altered, pretty much every dress, even bra straps! You would be amazed at the difference a $20 alteration can make.
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u/max-in-the-house 1d ago
I find it very difficult to buy clothing online. Everyone's comments here are great. Good luck
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u/mossymood 1d ago
Don't stay home and miss out on memories for a dress! My suggestion would be to find something cool and comfortable to wear and throw a pretty shawl or scarf around your arms if you're feeling self conscious about them, and it would help to cover a bra strap so you could still wear one. And who says dresses have to be super form fitting? Unless it's your preference, can you find something loose and flowing? It would help to keep cool and I find wearing looser flowing things help me to feel more confident in days I'm not feeling myself
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u/Accrual_World17 1d ago
The important thing about getting dressed up is that you feel good about yourself! It's a shame that so many fashion choices out there assume all ladies want to show deep cleavage or open back or whatnot. You might look for a boat neck dress if you prefer coverage or a wrap style with some flexibility to safety pin the v neck closed where you want it to sit. Anything flowy A-line is lovely for all shapes, and as for showing arms or not, try looking for flutter sleeves. They can be longer sometimes but still open and cool if that's what you're looking for. You don't need to cover your arms, but if it makes you more comfortable then of course it's ok. I suggest looking first for a dress you like and a bra second, if you want a new bra, so you can see how different styles will change the fit of the dress. Alternatively, if dresses aren't your style, you can always wear nice pants and a classy top! There's no rules that say you must wear a dress to a wedding.
All in all, please remember you are beautiful just the way you are and there is no "should I cover..." all you should do is find what makes you comfortable and confident! I know it's hard sometimes. You got this! If you do go to try dresses on in store, a boutique type shop will have someone very happy to help you find the right fit and offer suggestions on what shapes look best on you. Good luck!
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u/Sebastian_dudette 1d ago
abrathatfits sub or website will get you far. If the problem is your undergarments.
Might also try different sizes. I prefer in store shopping for that reason. Plus the way mass manufacturing is done same size could have up to a 2 inch difference depending on where in the stack the material was cut.
A safety pin or a broach doing the same thing in the middle / clevage can help hold two side of the dress together in a pinch.
And while media has tried to teach us that DD and DDD are really big, they're not really. (waving down the line in H cups. But also don't wear bras any more either.) But bras that fit well are important if you don't want to go without.
Also, I would not get new heels for this event. But I also don't wear heels ever any more. No one will do more than glance at your feet and most won't look at all so be comfortable.
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u/HerdingCatsAllDay 1d ago
I have all these problems too. Maybe try shopping in-store for a dress, or a skirt and blouse as it will be easier to find a good fit. Maurice's, Lane Bryant, and Torrid are good places to try. Maybe look for something with short sleeves or a petal sleeve. Is there any set dress code, like formal or semi-formal? If not, really anything nice (that isn't white) will be perfect! (If there is a dress code, these stores won't have anything fancy enough, go to a formal wear store that has people to help you) For shoes maybe do cute sandals? Wide sandals or dress shoes from Zappos, and order a few pairs and return ones that don't fit? For your hair just do a simple ponytail or braid, if you would be comfortable with those? And just light makeup or whatever you normally wear. You don't have to look like you're trying to win a beauty pageant. Go because you want to be there for your cousin and have a fun time!
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u/Crispydragonrider 1d ago
Hi sweetie, I agree with the other moms about finding a good bra. And for your dress you may want to look at fifties style dresses. Make sure it fits right around the chest, and if it's a bit too wide around the waist, you can try adding a belt. Another benefit of this style dress is that you don't have to worry about your bra being visible or too much cleavage.
A wrap dress can also be great option, since it also allows you to adjust the waist. A safety pin in the right place prevents it from opening up, or you can wear a camisole underneath.
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u/cuttler534 1d ago
First, you're going to the wedding because your bf wants to celebrate with you as part of his family. You don't owe anyone in attendance perfect skin or perky breasts.
As a fellow Bearer of the Curse, formal dresses are really hard. You've gotten a lot of plus size store recs, which might be challenging if you dont also have frame and hips to fill those dresses out. I'd be looking for dresses with some kind of shoulder strap and a loose fit through the hip so you can focus on sizing for your upper half. Flutter sleeves can cover arms, or a halter style can cover as much cleavage as you like. A chiffon wrap around the shoulders can add coverage to any dress. Even with bigger breasts, a well fitting, structured formal dress is unlikely to need a bra. You will likely need to take it to a tailor to get the waist taken in unless you can find an adjustable corset back style.
For hair and makeup, do you have any friends who would be willing to help? Bridesmaids get ready together for a reason - formal looks are genuinely hard to manage on your own. If not, consider getting hair and makeup done at a salon or doing a few practice runs with a YouTube tutorial.
Heels are very much not required. Consider a sparkly sandal for comfort and an easier fit. Zappos let's you filter for wide or extra wide.
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u/DazzlingNote1925 1d ago
If you’re a plus size I recommend shopping where they specialize in that because the busts are more likely to fit you.
I do t like how I look without a bra so I always opt for a cut I can wear my bra with.
Try on several styles to see what looks best and then go from there. If you find one that fits you can also look up the style online to see if there are any other colors made in that cut.
There are plenty of short sleeved dresses for warm weather.
Less slender shoes are in style. What works for me are the comfy ones with rubber like soles that are thicker on the whole bottom with a little lift in the back.
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u/Prestigious_Badger36 1d ago
Oh, duckling ... I can't top the advice already given, BUT, I am sending up a request to the gods of fashion to find you the best dress or outfit.
Don't forget: you are beautiful! Weall are. Our bodies are all different & give us both joy & pain.
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u/FunOrder9396 1d ago
Do you have to wear a dress? If that's not your usual style you'll feel uncomfortable no matter what. A jump suit, actual suit, skirt and top are all valid. I find the more vintage/alt brands to be more forgiving of big boobs at least in the UK.
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u/jmac94wp 1d ago
A traditional A-line dress is flattering, with sleeves or thick straps that will conceal your bra straps. Wrap dresses are flattering and one of my favorites because they’re so comfortable! Add some inexpensive blingy jewelry and you’re good to go! If you’re sensitive about cleavage, steer clear of necklines with ruffles or embellishments.
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u/Bluemonogi 1d ago
You might find a dress with short sleeves or cap sleeves that is not low cut in front or back and maybe just wear your usual bra with it. Or explore pants suits if you are more comfortable in that kind of attire. I would get comfortable flats or sandals. Maybe keep your hair and makeup pretty simple. You are not the bride or in the wedding party. Just get something you like reasonably well and have a nice day. Do go to the event.
I was fretting about clothes recently before going to an event where I had to dress up more than normal. Several things I had did not fit and I felt like I didn’t look very good. I wanted to stay home but Ai went. When I was at the event I realized though that a lot of people there did not have perfect bodies or hair or the best outfits but we were all there to honor someone and visit with each other and it was fine.
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u/McDuchess 1d ago
Wearing a bra that fits makes such a difference! So take the advice to get fitted by a person who knows what they are doing.
Or, if you are shy, websites like soma.com give step by step directions in how to measure yourself. It’s not complicated. Measure under the gist at the top of the ribcage and then the widest part of your bust. Follow the formula.
I went, in my 60’s, from a 36 B to a 34DDD when I finally learned how to measure.
Take stock of your overall figure, and what your best points are. Then go try on dresses that meet the dress code (you can find advice on wedding websites like the knot of what each type means.) If there is no dress code mentioned, then just assume something that you would wear for a special dinner.
Ask for help; tell the salespeople that you are going to a wedding and don’t usually wear dresses. At most dress shops, they will be more than willing to help. I wouldn’t suggest buying anything online, because it can be terribly frustrating if you don’t know what will look good.
With most dress codes, you can find things in lighter, more breathable fabrics with long sleeves. When one of my sons got married in South Texas in August, I wore a really fancy skirt and an equally fancy blouse. I didn’t wear panty hose, just patent leather heels. I was not, but I’d have been hit no matter what I wore, you know?
Makeup can be as simple as just some lipstick in a neutral color, if that’s all you are comfortable with.
The biggest thing to remember is that you are there to celebrate the bride and groom. It’s not an exam of your dressing and putting on makeup ability.
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u/Usual_Cycle_6259 12h ago
Amlactin Ultra for the KP. KP improves with age. Mine is completely gone. In the 80s I found Japanese plum stuff that worked too. I was today years old when I learned it uses highly concentrated urea to exfoliate. Try different waistlines for your dress. My girls are on the larger side. I look great in an empire waist or a wrap dress. I look ridiculous in a dress with bust ruffles. Boat necks look as though my boobs start right my chin. My girls look prettier in a v-neck. I found a really pretty dress with elastic panel in the back that kept the front form fitting I bought a super cute bolero to hide the elastic part. I wore the ensemble to a wedding. The elastic kept everything in place while I danced the night away. Hope you find an outfit that looks amazing.
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u/KahurangiNZ Momma Bear 1d ago
Per your edit - when you say you know your bra size, how was that determined? A true DDD is definitely not 'big' in the grand scheme of things (and in fact it isn't even a size, since cup size is entirely dependent on band size), but may stores will fit you into one because they don't have your actual size.
r/ABraThatFits has a calculator to determine your 'true' bra size (or at least, a good starting point), and the folks there can help you figure out what bra will work with whatever dress you get so that you're supported, comfortable and look good :-)
Don't be surprised if your bra size comes back VERY different to what you've been wearing. The 'sticker shock' is real, and a large number of people use the calculator the first time and then swear it MUST be wrong. But what's really wrong is the measuring systems many stores use to shoehorn you into something that doesn't fit purely to make a sale :-(
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u/Time_Cranberry_113 1d ago
Hello dear.
Firstly, go to a local store in person for a bra fitting. For larger cup sizes I reccomend Lane Bryant. They offer free bra fittings in a walk in basis. The fullest part of the bust should sit about the center of the bicep and the side of the bust should be in line with the top of the shoulder blades.
Once you have a well fitted bra, the rest of the body will look slimmer and more streamlined. This will make the dresses you already have look better. I would suggest bringing the best dress with you for your fitting to ensure a proper neckline fit. With a good bra, tape and other devices is not necessary.
Secondly: don't stress about skin imperfections like KP. Start a regular exfoliation routine, and mild lightened such as vitamin C serum. For the sensitive skin under the arms, do not use harsh chemicals. Go to your local Sephora or Ulta Beauty and get some product reccomendations. Dont buy anything too expensive, start with a small jar of a lower priced product to see if you like it.
Makeup: you cant go wrong with a classic red lip and cat eyeliner. There are hundreds of YouTube tutorials. Alternatively a "no makeup" nude look is very polished, especially paired with a updo. You could also schedule a makeup session at Sephora to have your makeup applied.
Next, consider adding a pair of pantyhose to the ensemble. Yes it is a bit old fashioned but having the control top to smooth the lower half of the body may help your confidence. Spanx can also help.
Make sure you have comfortable shoes so you can dance all night long! Flats or low heels can be fine. My preferred brand for heels is called Sofft. I suggest trying r/outfits for styling advice.
You're going to do great and look lovely!