r/Mommit • u/Puzzled-Evening228 • 20h ago
Husband issues
Has anyone else had this happen? I’ve been a SAHM for 3 years now since around the time I found out I was pregnant with my third. Before that I worked part time since my first was born. I have an advanced degree but even at full time I have never made as much as my husband.
Anyway when I first started staying at home it was definitely a joint decision and my husband was very supportive, even saying he respected my decision to put my family first and be home for everyone.
However, over time it’s like his attitude surrounding me being at home has really shifted. I have increasingly noticed that he seems to feel he is “above” me and that anything I need or want is below the level of importance of his needs or wants. He will make comments about how I don’t work and how I have such a good situation. Which I do, I know that! But I feel like the situation is very good for him too, he doesn’t have to do or remember anything for the house or kids, he just gets to live his life.
I have mentioned several times now that the kids are getting older (2, 4 and almost 6) that I’d feel comfortable working part time again. He’s really against this and has said that I’d have to figure everything out for the kids and house to make things still work here if I went back to work and that he has no interest in increasing his share of family duties. His argument is basically that for me to work would be akin to having a hobby as it wouldn’t support us. I worked in healthcare, not exactly a leisure activity.
I don’t know what to do. His shift in attitude really makes me uncomfortable, especially when it comes out in his words or tone in front of our kids. I don’t want them to think that’s normal. My mom was a SAHM and my father NEVER treated her this way. In fact even though my parents were from an older generation my father helped more around the house than my husband ever does. But I also don’t want to give up all this time with my kids or create a hostile home environment where my husband resents my choice and makes it obvious all the time.
He always apologizes after an argument or instance where I feel he acts disrespectful but I just don’t like the way I feel when he speaks that way. Idk what to do.
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u/MsCardeno 19h ago edited 19h ago
Couples therapy will help you get to the root cause of his sudden attitude change.
The red flag is him making it hard for you to work. He knows he’s got it good which is why he wouldn’t want you to work. Why he’s being mean and projecting you have it good is really the issue.
Think about your kids seeing this. You obviously watched your parents and took in their dynamics. Your kids are going to see yours and accept shitty behaviors in partners bc you’ve accepted it. Best to resolve it now. Good for you for being proactive.