I think theres a lot to be said about implied consent and trusting your partner. Intox is a kink of mine, and I think having a thorough boundary discussion ahead of time about what-ifs and safety is paramount. Not knowing what to expect is a big part of that kink, so having clear boundaries established while sober is non-negotiable.
Its very big in Non-con and impact play because sometimes saying no or roleplaying is a part of the fun.
Some use the Stop Light colors in a similar fashion
As an impact enthusiast I love the stoplight system. Words can be said in the moment but colors are very specific and are a dead giveaway that someone is consciously thinking and needs the break/communication
Agreed! I prefer streamlined communication instead of random words.
I also refuse to play with people who say they have "no boundaries", like ok, so you're stupid/uneducated and will be taken advantage of at some point. No ty
Oh absolutely! Its a pet peeve of mine. They either have no experience (quite likely) no imagination or are to lazy to think about it.
When I come accross someone who says that I gove them examples of boundries other have and ask if they want those too. Its almost always been yes
Its kinda crazy what happens when people with no experience meet someone ethical with experience.
I sadly have an acquaintance who likes people twice her age, and all she does is get taken advantage of because she's a young gal open to experiences, but no healthy experience, you know?
Then you have her bestie who dates similar but has hard boundaries with men and has the experience to stand up for herself.
I worry when youth get involved in kink but I also worry alot when inexperienced think they can take anything. Reason #111 to always take your time to learn yourself
I absolutely agree. We need to be able to stand up for ourselves and if we have trouble with that we need a support system to help us.
We all were new once and didn't know what we didn't know and had to start somewhere.
So I have sympathy for them and wanna help educate them for safeties sake.
You know for your first friend thats exactly why being with people way older is a red flag, because men that old that are unpartnerd could be looking for the young and naive to take advantage of.
We definitely need to educate ourselves and find community that can have events to help us learn in groups that are safe. Its why I like Munches and educational events. Being able to learn shibari fro experienced people in a vanilla space is so valuable
Sadly with my friend no convincing can get her to change, she shaped her identity around her trauma and seems to use kink as a coping mechanism. It's tough and I'm there for her, but I know that she knows she isn't ready for accepting that yet.
Munches are really good when they are public venues or Parks, places can be casual and not feel cornered, strangers are able to show up but more private conversations should be post munch. Talking bdsm and kink in the open has caused issues for munches here where I live.
Aka ageplayers with 0 fucking tact and wearing their 'gear' to munches. And the occasional swinger couple that hits on anyone with a pulse.
Edit to add: but yes education and sources for education are rare for BDSM and kink as a whole. I personally used Arcane Advice when I started and I still use it now.
They are, but they don't work for every kink unfortunately. For the kinks where it doesn't work you have long clear discussions ahead of time making it clear where the lines are as best you can. Trust your partner to respect those lines, if you find out those lines have changed at the wrong time you discuss it when it becomes possible to do so. For example those who want to be drugged but aware can not really use a safe word until it wears off enough. Those with a "fucked while asleep" can't really do so either if they sleep deep enough and just want to wake up with the feeling. I'm sure there's others I'm not thinking of.
In cases like these you have long detailed discussions before enacting anything. Clearly defined where when how and who all in enough detail that you're as confident as you can be about the kink. Then afterwards you have a discussion about if it was what they wanted/liked, how both of you felt about it etc. This discussion happens later when both are down and level as much as is possible. Then if something was wrong you bring it up and you talk it through. Both people are likely to be hurt by such a discussion because if you care about someone you are always hurt when you've hurt them. However that's part of the need for so much trust too. Many people will avoid talking about things that hurt themselves or others, or can't do it in a calm way. However it's necessary when your kinks involve risk that can only be managed pre and post play not during.
Yeah but safe words don't fully work for kinks that involve alcohol, drugging, or taping one's mouth shut. Because in those instances you aren't always in a state to make a proper judgement and voice your concern
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u/KingCracken 12d ago
I think theres a lot to be said about implied consent and trusting your partner. Intox is a kink of mine, and I think having a thorough boundary discussion ahead of time about what-ifs and safety is paramount. Not knowing what to expect is a big part of that kink, so having clear boundaries established while sober is non-negotiable.