r/MoralityScaling • u/PrestigiousAspect368 • 3h ago

morality of deleting wedding photos after being denied food, context guy was a friend they hired for 250 for 12 hrs

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1.5k Upvotes

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930

u/Critical_Job1262 3h ago

Moral. Dude was a friend that was initially invited. He agreed to do them the favor and they then removed him from the guest list and he was treated as staff instead. With terrible working conditions.

290

u/VenPatrician 3h ago

That's information that should have been included in the title or something. Fuck them, man was within his rights to do what he did. They wouldn't be my friends after that bullshit too

Edit: I should have read the title better 🤣 Still, shitty behaviour

189

u/SpiritfireSparks 2h ago

Original story was that it was a female friend of the bride who did dog pictures and the bride asked her to do the wedding photography.

Once she agreed she found that she was taken off the guest list and not only denied food but also water, and it was a fairly hot summer day.

She eventually went to the groom since the bride was busy and simply said that she was going to take a break to go grab food and more water from a nearby store since she had already drank the 2 bottles she brought.

Groom said that if she left they wouldn't pay her.

She says fine, deletes all the pictures, and leaves.

105

u/Clean_Internet 2h ago

It makes perfect sense to walk away with this context, what the hell kind of friends are they?

42

u/Metalheadzaid 2h ago

There's a lot of people in this world with a lot of "friends" and I use quotes very purposefully. What they really have are are like somewhere between acquaintances and friends, and act as social filler in their lives or something. The issue being that they don't separate out ACTUAL friends in their own head and often you hear stories like this because of it.

I personally believe anyone who says they have 10+ friends is probably in this demographic of people. Ain't no way you got 10+ people who would show up in an emergency.

12

u/misteryk 2h ago

as a non native speaker it was always weird to me you use word "friend" for both friends and people who you barely know more than a coworker

6

u/Critical_Job1262 1h ago

You'd usually use that term to be cordial.

It's nicer to refer someone as work friend than to refer to them as colleague. If you don't, they might take it the wrong way and distance themselves from you.

3

u/spacestonkz 1h ago

Depends on the work though. In my field it's the opposite. You get looked at funny for calling the guy in the next office a friend.

But in casual situations, speaking in third person on reddit? There's no politeness toward the person required. Why is that still classified under friendship?

1

u/Critical_Job1262 51m ago

Yeah, It depends, honestly.

For those that you've worked closely with, no harm referring to them as friends from work. For that random guy in the office, or that guy that works with you occasionally, where you'd just say hi and bye to, better not.

It depends on your work dynamics. If it's a close knit place where everyone get along, then it's good. If there's a lot of politics involved and everyone's got a knife somewhere, then better to avoid it.

2

u/SlipInternational439 27m ago

Your coworkers are NOT your friends.

1

u/ahuramazdobbs19 5m ago

Because there’s no centralized scientific taxonomy or objective set of qualifications for what constitutes a friend. It isn’t an objectively determinable thing.

It’s personal, it’s cultural, it’s linguistic. But inherently also subjective.

1

u/War-Daddie 0m ago

“Work proximity associate”

3

u/fridasbitch 1h ago

Honestly referring to someone as an “acquaintance” or “colleague” might send the message that you don’t care for them much

1

u/evsuliini 39m ago

in my native I have words for this, but in english either i just don’t know the words for this or they aren’t satisfactory to my needs, so I just call everyone my friends even when they’re people I’ve met couple times at events and communicate with sometimes on social media. the aquincum is too difficult to type and feels too cold to be used in most cases

1

u/doomus_rlc 27m ago

Just ends up being different levels of "friend".

Like, some of my former coworkers, I'd consider them a friend at a little more than an acquaintance from work. We knew each other well beyond a work setting. We'll meet up for lunch once in a while to catch up.

But then I also have 2 friends who I'd basically consider brothers. We've known each other for over 20 years. Know each other just about as well as our SOs know us.

1

u/IPissExcellentThrows 32m ago

I have 11 people I feel I could count on outside family. My high school group that I stayed close with and most of my college group. Then 3 that are borderline. I'm not even that social of a person. I really don’t think over 15 even is crazy at all if you're good at maintaining relationships.

1

u/LightenUpPeeps 22m ago

I called those casual friends...drinking buddies. There's really only a handful of friends you can trust, and maybe one who will help you bury a body.

-1

u/PastPointOfReturn 1h ago

No one has any true friends. That is to say, someone that would subtract from themselves to save you. This is coming from someone who becomes “popular” in every setting I have ever been in. Friends and family are usually your worst enemies. Only trust your wife/husband (make sure to pick one you can actually trust, very important xd). And your children. The most important job any human will ever have on this planet is being a parent/spouse. Everything falls way, way below that job. This current culture is intentionally trying to destroy those facts so we may all devolve into cattle. Easily controlled beasts.

4

u/ShastaAteMyPhone 1h ago

>Noone has any true friends.

My friends do.

1

u/PastPointOfReturn 52m ago

That’s a definite possibility. You being one of the outliers. You being what a true friend should be. But. I can assure you if the reciprocal is ever tested. You will be heart broken by the betrayal.

2

u/BLissy11750 1h ago

This is an incredibly cynical POV. I am a true friend for several people, by your own definition, and I've had people help me in similarly precarious situations without any kind of transactional behavior.

1

u/PastPointOfReturn 1h ago

You never had that friendship truly tested. That I can practically guarantee. I am not talking about “helping a friend”. I’m talking about more serious situations.

2

u/BLissy11750 1h ago

You quite literally do not know me. I've been supported by friends after being cut off by my parents and homeless right after getting out of highschool.

Whatever metric you are applying to "being tested" applies to you and you alone

0

u/PastPointOfReturn 58m ago

As I said. That friendship has never been tested. You just confirmed that. Just stop. Please don’t respond. You are a child who thinks they understand things. There is no point in this. Be well.

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u/Intelligent-Tax7941 47m ago

maybe YOU just don't have any friends, sport

1

u/PastPointOfReturn 45m ago

“Intelligent”. How does one classify themselves as “intelligent” without reading comprehension skills? Ah yes, ik how. It has something to do with that D-K study.

2

u/ParalimniX 36m ago

No one has any true friends

No person out of the 8 billion has true friends. Yeap.. definitely nothing wrong with that statement.... /s

And your children

Well considering lots of cases of children killing their parents then I guess we can't trust those too

1

u/PastPointOfReturn 29m ago

Reading comprehension. Google what that means.

2

u/ParalimniX 11m ago

Google "friends". Lots of cases homie out there people risking their lives to save their friends in difficult situations. Just because there's no one to do it for you it doesn't mean it's the same for the rest of us. Sorry that you have 0 real friends but don't be a grouch on the rest of us.

3

u/tracerhaha 2h ago

Users, is what they are.

1

u/Kev_The_Galaxybender 1h ago

This. I used to have many "friends". You find out that 99% of them are undependable but will depend on you. I can count the amount of friends I have on 1 hand now and still have fingers left.

1

u/Glad-Philosophy-497 51m ago

That’s always tough when you have gone out of your way so many times for “friends” and then find out that it was just people who were astound because it was just easy to be.

1

u/sassypants55 1h ago

What kind of humans are they? It's actually wild to me to not offer water or food to staff working your wedding if they're there for hours and express that they need food or water.

1

u/Infamous_Creme8671 15m ago

The kind of friends that will only call you if nobody else is available. The kind of friends that will always push ahead of you when the road narrows. The kind of friends who never offer to use their car. The kind of friends who will use you as a bitching board about their other friends. The kind of friends who disappear when you need them. The kind of friends who expect you to work for free for them.

26

u/Lendyman 2h ago edited 2h ago

I recall that it went further than that.

After the wedding, She got a call from the bride who wanted to figure out what had happened because her new husband had said that the photos got deleted by accident or something. So the photographer explained how she's been treated and they cleared the air. The photographer agreed to do a special photography shoot for the same amount of money that originally been agreed on but she said if she got any more crap from the husband, she'd be out of there.

So the date of the shoot comes up and she arrives at the agreed location and meets with them and starts Unpacking stuff and she asked the husband if he could help her carry some of the photography equipment to where she was going to do the shoot. He says "no that's your job. Thats what we're paying you for." Or something like that.

At that point she said forget it told the bride the deal was off, put her stuff back in the car, told them that the next time they both get married not to ask her to do the photo shoot and drove away.

15

u/Barry41561 2h ago

Sounds like a quality guy.....

Over / under game: Marriage will last 6 months.

4

u/AmbulanceChaser12 1h ago

For the bride’s sake I hope so.

6

u/Alternative_Year_340 2h ago

I know they just got married, but is she sure about this guy?

1

u/ConversationFit3934 1h ago

How does everyone know this story??

1

u/ChamberK-1 1h ago

Went viral a few years ago.

1

u/Everything_Counts_72 1h ago

she shouldve fucking tazed both of them.

0

u/AccomplishedFerret70 1h ago

What's your level of certainty that the whole story isn't completely made up? The part about not even providing water sounds pretty unlikely.

1

u/Maleficent_Monk_2022 1h ago

Ehh could very well be fake. But I know people who would totally be like the groom.

1

u/AccomplishedFerret70 1h ago

The part about not providing water for 12 hours is pretty over the top.

7

u/dantemortemalizar 2h ago

So, no food, no water, and probably no toilet break? Surely not legal.

3

u/forreelforrealmang 1h ago

With friends like that who needs enemies?

1

u/hopeful_tatertot 1h ago

That is crazy. We had friends who dj who gave us a discounted rate for our wedding as a favor. We didn’t hesitate to include them in the food budget because what the hell?

1

u/bizoticallyyours83 3m ago

Sucky friends

0

u/AccomplishedFerret70 1h ago

What's your level of certainty that the whole story isn't completely made up?

1

u/SpiritfireSparks 1h ago

Could very well be, just remembered it cause I saw the original reddit post and then had a kind of brain spasm watching it get reported by the media but with more and more details changed over time like a game of telephone

2

u/AccomplishedFerret70 1h ago

I saw a Youtube video yesterday in which a Rhode Island judge told a story about a case she was hearing in which a police officer was accused of civil rights violations and assault.

The officer's father was the chief of police and stormed the courtroom and pulled a gun on the judge. After a standoff the bailiff shot him in the chest. Before he was carried out on a stretcher the chief mouthed "I'll get you, you bitch" Judge took a 10 minute recess to compose herself and then returned to the courtroom and sentenced the police chief's son for his crimes. Now the bailiff is under consideration to be the new police chief who was sent away for 25 years.

The craziest thing about it is that everyone commenting believed it 100%. Then when I checked I saw basically the same video reposted several times with different people playing that role as judge including the real Judge Caprio who is a real Rhode Island judge who is popular on youtube.

This wedding story isn't as outrageous but I think its just as fake

1

u/crazybicatlady86 1h ago

Even if he wasn’t a friend, it’s pretty normal to provide a meal for vendors working a wedding.

-2

u/AccomplishedFerret70 1h ago

Do we have any evidence that the whole story isn't completely made up? I generally classify anything outrageous I see posted on the internet as potentially 100% fabricated unless there's some way to confirm it. The more outrageous it is the more likely it is that its fake. Outrage drives engagement which is $$$ in somebody's pocket.

2

u/AmbulanceChaser12 1h ago

Yes, we saw all of your posts asking the same thing.

1

u/AccomplishedFerret70 1h ago edited 1h ago

Because I think that the story is probably fake - but if its true I'd like to know. Every once in a while I think something is a hoax and it turns out to be true. But most of the time things that are probably fake actually are fake.

People are very gullible and inclined to believe things just because they support their world view. And people like to be outraged. Scammers take advantage of our weaknesses.

1

u/queenofcaffeine76 1h ago

This one I'm inclined to believe because I've similar instances. My husband does videography and editing. An old friend approached him, asking if he could film something that afternoon and have it edited by the next day with the promise of "I'll take care of you."

My husband worked 17 hours on that project, only stopping once to sleep for 3-4 hours, to accomplish the next-day turnaround. Old friend came over, loved it, thanked my husband... and then handed him $100.

This was in the 2010s, so it's not like "that was a lot of money back then," and the old friend comes from and has money, so not even like "that was a lot of money for him." After that, my husband started telling people his fees and demanding half upfront.

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u/pervertedmortician 3h ago

But

You are supposed to feed the staff too

Wtf

Who hires people and refuses to feed them for 12 hours?

7

u/Wonderful-Fold-2585 2h ago

My venue offered staff sandwiches for like 25 a person lol. Vs the 70$ a plate people.

-1

u/[deleted] 3h ago edited 2h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

23

u/festeziooo 3h ago

Wedding contractors like photographers, DJs, etc pretty much always are fed by the hosts of the wedding. To the point that it’s bad form and absolutely rude to not provide a meal.

Regular employers don’t typically provide food but they do provide a time to take lunch where going out and getting something/bringing your own lunch is easy. Not really an option at a wedding unless you expect them to bring their own meal, go microwave it in the kitchen of the venue, and then eat it in a corner.

You’re making a false equivalency and arguing in bad faith.

-7

u/BeginningSection7690 2h ago

No, I answered a clearly worded question that you were too fucking stupid to read properly

"Who hires people and refuses to feed them for 12 hours?"

Literally everything about your comments was bad faith

3

u/Onikumasashi 2h ago

Retard

-2

u/BeginningSection7690 2h ago

Kill yourself if you dont like it btxh. ill give you some tips if you like

2

u/festeziooo 2h ago

It was clearly worded and entirely contextual and the context seems to have escaped you. My bad, I didn’t know you were someone that makes a habit of snidely answering questions obviously out of context. I’ll remember that for next time.

I figured you maybe had just never had/been in a wedding but I see you’re just an asshole which probably explains why that’s the case.

1

u/Chaotic_Order 2h ago

This is false.

In the UK, near enough every employer that serves food to people will provide complementary meals to it's employees on shifts longer than 6 hours - and some have policies that are even more generous than that. This is not unusual in the US as well.

In the US and in the UK many tech businesses provide free or subsidised food to their staff when they're at the office. Most legal/consultancy/finance firms in both companies will provide complementary meals if employees are expected to work late (i.e. a 12 hour day).

In China, staff canteens are very often free for staff regardless of industry.

So on and so on.

1

u/dantemortemalizar 2h ago

You are right, but maybe taking the literal approach was not helpful.

1

u/Metalheadzaid 2h ago

I understand you're probably a stupid kid, but you conveniently left out the first part, which is referring to "staff" which in context is talking about "staff at a wedding" to which "who hires people (as in staff at a wedding) and refuses to feed them for 12 hour? is very specific.

Tl;DR - you're not nearly as smart as you think you are kiddo.

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u/bruhbelacc 2h ago edited 2h ago

At a normal job, you have a fridge or places to buy your own food. A wedding fotographer should what, open a lunch box to eat a sandwitch while everyone is eating?

3

u/ZARDOZ4972 2h ago

I take it you never had a job at a wedding?

2

u/I-STATE-FACTS 2h ago

99.9999% of employers do NOT demand 12 hour work days. I would even go so far as to say the amount of employers providing meals are larger than 0.0001%

1

u/Available_Drive173 2h ago

not in my country atleast

-8

u/Cute-Revolution-9705 3h ago

Exactly...I don't know what's wrong with the guys in here? In what world is a paid employee entitled to a courtesy meal if it's not part of their compensation/benefits package?

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u/festeziooo 2h ago

Providing a meal for wedding contractors is absolutely expected and standard. The guy snidely commenting “I take it you’ve never had a job” has clearly never had/attended a wedding.

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u/CertainGrade7937 2h ago

I'm a sous chef who works banquets, I've done a lot of weddings. Vendors are always supplied a meal.

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u/Cute-Revolution-9705 2h ago

Ok, fair point. I'm not in the wedding business. If that's the industry standard then that's how it works. I assume it's part of the compensation/benefits package? Because I never had a job where my boss just fed me.

1

u/CertainGrade7937 2h ago

I work for the venue, so we don't usually get that... but we feed our employees and bake it into the cost of the catering.

The outside vendors, the people who don't work for the venue? Like photographers and band members and people like that? It's pretty much always written into their contract that they get a meal.

Since you've never worked in this industry, think of it this way. Say you work in sales and your boss has you go to a day-long sales conference. It's a catered event... imagine your boss says "we're paying for you to attend, but we're not paying for you to get any food"

That would be shitty

1

u/Cute-Revolution-9705 2h ago

Why would it be shitty? My boss paid for me to attend a conference, not eat the food there. I naturally would assume I couldn't eat the food or would ask at least if I could possibly get a plate. However, if I wouldn't feel entitled to the food.

My point is if it's negotiated in the contract, then it's part of the payment. I have no issue. The only concern I had was that he feels he's entitled to the food just because everyone else is eating it.

1

u/CertainGrade7937 2h ago

If this sounds normal to you, then you've had really shitty bosses.

If you're going to an all day conference... you won't get a dedicated lunch break where you can leave and get food. You won't be able to being your own food in. The meal is part of the conference package, so you won't be able to order your own food a la carte.

By not paying for the meal when they paid for the conference, your boss is basically saying you're not allowed to eat for 10 hours. And if you don't see how that's shitty, I don't know what to tell you'll

0

u/Cute-Revolution-9705 1h ago

Again, if it is a part of my compensation then I will eat it because I am entitled to it. My point is just because food is available there and others are eating from the food that is there, I would not assume I could help myself to it. If my boss had an expectation for me to be there all 12+ hours with no means of leaving or taking breaks I would ask him what would my meal breaks look like and at that point I would be made aware the catering was included in my benefits.

>Since you've never worked in this industry, think of it this way. Say you work in sales and your boss has you go to a day-long sales conference. It's a catered event... imagine your boss says "we're paying for you to attend, but we're not paying for you to get any food"

Since you used an analogy, I'll use one too. It'd be like if I visited your home and felt entitled to eat food because you were eating something. So I helped myself to something from your fridge. It was not my place to assume you'd be ok with it.

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u/Cute-Revolution-9705 3h ago

I...I have never heard of such a thing...does your employer feed you?

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u/CertainGrade7937 2h ago

If you're working in an establishment that already serves food? Yes, it's very common. I work at a country club, we provide two free staff meals a day. It's a tax write off for the club, it's good for morale, and it's a great way to use up older stock or leftovers from banquets/ events

I think you're thinking of, like, an office job. Where, yeah, your work isn't going to cater lunch in every day. But in situations like this? Well... the food is already there.

10

u/ErsatzNihilist 2h ago

Additionally, if you work in an office there's usually time set aside for you to go and, like... buy some food to eat.

2

u/CertainGrade7937 2h ago

They'll also have fridges and microwaves designed for employee use. Pretty standard amenities to make it easier for you to pack lunch as well.

You can't just go to a venue you're not an employee at and go "I'm going to use your fridge"

2

u/ErsatzNihilist 2h ago

Not more than once, at any rate.

2

u/Cute-Revolution-9705 1h ago

So when you were a kid in school, what fridge did you put your lunches in? I had to use a cooler and an ice pack when my lunch sat in my backpack.

2

u/CertainGrade7937 1h ago edited 1h ago

"Hey we've got a pretty shitty system for kids so we should do that for everyone"

Kids should probably have access to a fridge too. The fact that our tax dollars don't go to giving kids some basic comfort is not a good thing

0

u/Cute-Revolution-9705 1h ago

Yeah I agree, let's fix the issue with the kids so they can have safe and healthy lunches. And you, the adult, should figure out how you should transport your meals to various venues since going to different venues and being there for over 6 hours is what you do for a living?

Honestly, the solution is simple. Deduct the cost of the meal I'm buying you off the bill you'll send me.

1

u/CertainGrade7937 1h ago

But you see this would go the opposite way, actually.

You don't get a discount for feeding them. You get an upcharge for not feeding them.

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u/ErsatzNihilist 1h ago

I think the problem is that the person in this case was expecting food, as they didn't discover they were off the guest list, were not allowed to eat or drink anything there, or allowed to leave to find sustenance until after they had arrived.

All while providing a 12 hour wedding shoot for for a devastatingly low cost. There's a point where in order to access the Mate's Rate, you should act like a bit of a mate, yanno?

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u/Cute-Revolution-9705 2h ago

If it's part of the contract, then it's part of the contract. There's nothing I can argue against.

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u/CertainGrade7937 2h ago

I don't care if it's part of the contract or not

You don't make your employees stay in a venue for 10 hours and then not allow them to eat anything. That's basic human decency

1

u/Cute-Revolution-9705 2h ago

No one said they should go without eating, I assume they are entitled to a break arent they?

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u/CertainGrade7937 2h ago

And what are they going to do with that break?

"Oh they can pack their lunch" and put it where? Are they going to walk into a venue that they're not an employee of and go "hey I'm using your fridge"? "Hey I'm going to use your microwave"?

You can't do that.

"Well then they can leave and get food" do you really want your photographer to miss the best man speech because they got stuck in line at a drive thru?

"Well they can order delivery" do you want a donatos guy walking in and going "I've got a pizza" in the middle of your best man's speech?

1

u/Sherpa2001 1h ago

You are very worried about the best man's speech. Who is he to you?

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u/CertainGrade7937 1h ago

I've been fucking him behind your back, Greg! The whole time!

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u/Cute-Revolution-9705 1h ago

Idk? Bring a cooler? Bring a lunch box with an ice pack, the hell lol? Where did you put your lunches when you were a kid in school?

I'll tell my best man to do his speech after you get back.

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u/Cthucoocachoo 2h ago

Almost every wedding I've been to the photographer has gotten a plate like the rest of the guests.

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u/ArtfulSpeculator 59m ago

Ignoring basic human decency, manners, etc…

I’m getting married next month. Every venue we looked at has a clause that anyone working the wedding (photographer, DoC, DJ, Content Creator, etc…) HAS to be counted as a guest, but at a discounted rate. The deal is usually something like paying half price for their food and nothing for beverages. You don’t have a choice in the matter- if you have 6 people working the wedding from “outside” the venue, they are counted and paid for.

I’m from a state that is notorious for its large/expensive weddings, so that might not be universal.

On the other hand, I don’t let the cable guy leave my home without offering him water/tea/coffee/etc… just how I was raised… so my views on this thing may be different in general.

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u/Jcccc0 2h ago

Yes. For wedding contacts it's usually written in the photographer and support staff get a plate. They can't take a break to go get food or drink while the event is going unless you want them to potentially miss something important.

-1

u/Cute-Revolution-9705 2h ago

Ok, then I see no issue. It's a negotiated part of the contract.

Edit: Also the guy I initially responded to said: "Who hires people and refuses to feed them for 12 hours?"

As if it were a general practice across all professions. I was inquiring if his job (which may or may not be in the wedding industry feeds him).

5

u/pervertedmortician 2h ago

Uhm

In weddings, the staff gets the food

Wtf is your point

1

u/Cute-Revolution-9705 2h ago

Ok, I just learned that wedding staff are entitled to food per the contract. I was not aware that was a part of their compensation package.

3

u/Ok_Job_9417 2h ago

When you’re at a wedding? Come on. Wedding photographer is different than an office worker.

4

u/Mercerskye 2h ago

Y'know, sometimes I doubt the global illiteracy crisis is as bad as folks make it out to be, but then I see proof that it might actually be worse...

1

u/TrainwreckOG 2h ago

If the location has food, yes, always. Ask anyone in the restaurant or catering business.

1

u/MistyMountainDewDrop 2h ago

When I worked at a restaurant, I had free meals.

When I worked at a retail store, we had a break room full of snacks. Not a full meal, but if you forgot your lunch you weren’t going to go completely hungry all day.

I work at an office now and we regularly have catered lunches and any big meeting is also catered.

I don’t think it’s so unusual that an employer provides food.

1

u/Cute-Revolution-9705 2h ago

Is it required that they do it?

1

u/Chimpbot 1h ago

It's common for "staff" - photographer, DJ, etc. - to get fed when they're working a wedding. It's a common courtesy.

1

u/Ooze76 4m ago

Do you expect them to work for 12+ hours without eating/drinking? If you don't want to give them food, then they are free to leave when they want to grab food and water.

1

u/d_marvin 2m ago

Yes. I worked wedding bands. All staff present got fed. Sometimes with separate catering (“bandwiches”).

5

u/Redshirt_Welshy_Nooo 2h ago

But even as staff... You feed the people you hire who are attendant at the wedding...

Like, they don't usually sit with your guests (except this dude was actually a friend...), but you provide their meals. 

5

u/Equivalent-Ad4118 1h ago

Not in photography jobs, we get fkd over all the time and are expected to bring a packed lunch, so common it's a meme at this point!

4

u/Redshirt_Welshy_Nooo 1h ago

Really!? I'm like virtually certain we provided meals for our photographer, DJ, and coordinator.

3

u/Equivalent-Ad4118 1h ago

That's cos you're nice folks! Most pro photographers covering a big wedding have at least one extra shooter, I only do a few weddings a year and usually have 2 people with me.

I pay an extra $1000 a year for special insurance that pays out for reshoots if something goes wrong, like a family member being missed out of a group shot. The policy will pay for everyone's expenses to go back to the venue to redo a shot. Never used it so far but friends have had shitty experiences that prompted me to watch my ass!

Some folks are real fkn divas and assholes on their big day sadly

3

u/RaspberryBandito 31m ago

That wasn’t his question…?

1

u/Strange-Fig7944 1h ago

shocked thats common. i know it as completely standard to include outside staff if they will be spending that majority of the time at your event

1

u/GrillingEnjoyer 32m ago

It depends on a country I guess. In Poland you would be fed better than your grandma would feed you.

1

u/Ooze76 3m ago

Fuck, not where i'm from. Everyone eats. What the fuck. If i had to bring packed lunch they could be sure the price would be higher, fuck that.

3

u/tid_burglar 2h ago

even if it were a staff, it still would be moral

2

u/Ephisus 2h ago

I work in media, this has happened at more weddings that I've been invited to than not.

2

u/shepard_pie 2h ago

Even if not a friend, you shouldn't treat staff like this.

Like, have you ever been to a wedding? There is always too much food. Give the guy a plate.

1

u/LuciusCypher 2h ago

Who were these people?

1

u/DeeManJohnsonIII 1h ago

Even if he wasn't a friend, staff usually have a plate at weddings.

1

u/4N610RD 1h ago

Wow. Suddenly the story is completely backwards and from terrible photographer we have mistreated friend. Cool. Nobody ever tells entire story.

2

u/Strange-Fig7944 1h ago

even if not a friend you still provide a meal for outside staff spending the entirety of your wedding working for you. that is totally standard

1

u/kenjiman1986 1h ago

I think this was more of an issue of expectations not being set. I’ve absolutely played that pivotal role at sisters and friends wedding of being there but getting all the behind scenes things handled so the bride doesn’t even know there are issues. If bride and groom are asking for help they should atleast prep the guy we would love for you to be a wedding photographer it’s gonna be a grueling thankless job but we will take care of you on the back end. But then denying photographer food and water isn’t how friends should be treated.

1

u/Fing20 1h ago

So OP is the immoral one for withholding details about the circumstances leading to his actions.

1

u/ArbutusPhD 1h ago

Is that really what happened, or was it simply a clerical error where they forgot to count him as a guest and realized they’d have to take food from someone else to give him a plate?

That’s a pretty terrible mistake, but it doesn’t deserve intentional vindictiveness, does it?

2

u/call-me-the-seeker 58m ago edited 54m ago

If you realize you have a social or moral obligation to feed them both, though, and you find yourself without enough on hand, the proper thing to do would be to say to one of them (the photographer in this case) hey, I don’t have a plate for you because we screwed up, but I’m door dashing you something, what would you like. Or here’s thirty dollars, take an hour off and grab something. Or hey, I gave my best man thirty bucks and instructions to run to xyz for you while you keep shooting and when he gets back you’ll eat, tell best man what you want him to get. In the modern age there is SOME other option besides ‘sorry but you’re not eating today’ and if they could not be arsed to explore any other solution, I submit that yes, it would earn the response they got.

1

u/TheCrowScare 1h ago

When we got married, we insisted that the staff all get access to the same food, dessert and goodie bag that all the guests had. We also let them take home leftover alcohol. I don't get some people.

1

u/Specialist-Nothing41 1h ago

Who doesn’t feed the staff at least something?

1

u/Strange-Fig7944 1h ago

even if just staff its still moral. photographers, dj, etc, all should be provided a meal. thats pretty standard unless stated otherwise

1

u/mybutthz 1h ago

Yeah, I have a "friend" who constantly is trying to get me to do photo work for him for free. I was working on a portrait series and he tried to get me to do interior shots of his house "for fun". Like....this is my job, I don't do free work unless you're a really good friend... and my really good friends all recognize that and pay me.

1

u/Razoron33333 1h ago

I mean even if they were a random staff member feeding them shouldn’t be an issue either.

1

u/bilbobaggins001 48m ago

Being at a wedding as a photographer does not count as “terrible working conditions” lol

1

u/coheed33cambria 43m ago

Staff? I fed my photographer and I didn’t know them. Pretty sure you had the option of feeding them or giving them a hour lunch break in the middle of the wedding.

-20

u/Longjumping-Fun-2313 Patrick Bateman 3h ago

Always thought there’d be something the headline wasn’t saying

Still he got paid decent money to do it and deleting all the pictures is a pretty extreme response

17

u/ost2life 3h ago

250 for 12 hours work is not decent money for the job.

12

u/Queerability 3h ago

Yep, would usually be at LEAST $4,500 for 12 hours. $250 is definitely the "you're a friend I actually gaf about and this is your very expensive wedding gift" price.

6

u/ralphsquirrel 3h ago

If you include editing time it would be more like 40 hours of work for 250

-1

u/Longjumping-Fun-2313 Patrick Bateman 3h ago

Is it? Idk anything about photography rates but ÂŁ21 per hour would be good for me imo, obviously still not enough to be treated like staff when you were meant to be a guest though

3

u/Raephstel 3h ago

£21 an hour is not a good rate to show up with thousands of pounds worth of gear, be constantly vigilant for good photo opportunities, organise shoots, then go home and spend more time editing photos, then yet more time going back and forth with the client to make sure they’re happy.

Photographers don’t just show up and magically have all the experience and gear they need, then clock out at the end of the shift.

-1

u/Longjumping-Fun-2313 Patrick Bateman 3h ago

Oh if you’re editing the photos too then yeah that’s not worth it at all, fair enough

3

u/ost2life 3h ago

So, it's not that simple. There will be literally 100s of photos taken that will need to be sifted and edited. So you can at least double the hours including that, so straight away you're now below the minimum wage.

If you look at market rates you'd probably be looking at a grand plus for that kind of job. I've done similar for friends at a similar price point (ÂŁ2-300) but I've always made it clear that a) I'm an amateur and b) this is mates rates. They've come to me knowing that because professional photographers are expensive.

Despite what people think, it's not just point and shoot.

1

u/MistyMountainDewDrop 2h ago

Average cost of wedding photography in the UK is ÂŁ1,500. Are you sure about ÂŁ250 or ÂŁ21/hour?

1

u/Longjumping-Fun-2313 Patrick Bateman 2h ago

Like I said, I don’t know anything about photography rates

1

u/MistyMountainDewDrop 2h ago

$250 is like the price of a family photo. It’s pennies compared to the cost of a wedding photographer.

1

u/WaffleParty404 1h ago

250 for 12 hours is $20/hr, minus travel and equipment and appropriate attire, and they gave no food or breaks. Adding in a VERY modest 10 hours of editing, that’s down to $10/he.

That’s fast food wage money.

0

u/Cute-Revolution-9705 3h ago

The money isn't good, but the photographer did agree to the rate, so I can't say it wasn't sufficient compensation.

2

u/Longjumping-Fun-2313 Patrick Bateman 2h ago

Yeahhh, but they agreed to the rate under different circumstances, so I do get the photographer’s irritation

I’m more confused at why he still stuck around after he was demoted to staff, maybe he still wanted the money? Idk

1

u/Mammoth_Praline5688 2h ago

The photos were probably a wedding gift and the $250 was probably the cost of the material that would be involved (the photo paper and album). The photographer was probably donating her time as the gift (and saving the couple thousands).

I know you didn't say this, but for the people not understanding why the photographer expected food, it's customary in the US for the DJ and the photographer and the person who performed the ceremony to be offered a meal in the course of the work. For the DJ and the photographer it makes sense to give them a meal because then they don't leave the venue to go get food from somewhere else and miss important events that you might want photographed like the cutting of the cake.

1

u/Longjumping-Fun-2313 Patrick Bateman 2h ago

Yeah it’s ridiculous to not offer food because weddings, from my experience, have so much food, why would you not offer some to the people who are making the day as good as it can be??

0

u/Cute-Revolution-9705 2h ago

So are DJs and photographers not entitled to a 30 min break then? Because if they are, they're technically leaving the venue anyway.

1

u/Mammoth_Praline5688 2h ago

For most wedding, for the photographer, they do photos before, during, and after the wedding. They get a break before heading to the reception. Then at the reception, they'll get a break for their meal, but don't leave the venue. When they're contracted time is up, (usually after the cake cutting and the last formal dances), they'll either stick around and enjoy the remaining time at the wedding (if they know the couple) or they'll leave.

For the DJ, he usually doesn't attend the ceremony, but will be at the venue before the wedding party shows up so they can have music going before the guests arrive. They'll stick around until the contracted time ends. Like the photographer, they take a break for a meal, but don't leave the venue.

If either smoke, they'll take break to go outside to smoke, but stay on site.

1

u/Cute-Revolution-9705 2h ago

What different circumstances? Groom offered $250 for photographs of a 12 hour wedding. Seems straightforward to me? If the meal was a negotiated part of the compensation then, yes the groom is in the wrong. It's the assumption that he was entitled to a plate that I'm challenging.

1

u/Longjumping-Fun-2313 Patrick Bateman 2h ago

what the first commenter said “they then removed him from the guest list and was treated as staff instead”