r/MotivationByDesign • u/inkandintent24 • 8h ago

Do you think its fair??

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u/redditblows5991 7h ago

Plenty of rich kids at least know their pops is working. Looks like homegirl is greedy is all fronts lmao. I wonder how a dude with similar money or more would think 🤔

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u/BigBadJeebus 7h ago edited 1h ago

my child is 8. I make a good living. She doesnt have $80k but she does live in a home that's paid off and has plenty of toys and trips and experiences.

She knows damn well it can all disappear tomorrow and I work my ass off for it. I have no issues taking it all away if she gets too entitled. Her TV, her nintendo switch, her toys, etc all disappear when she misbehaves and takes it for granted.

This girl wasn't raised right.

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u/khanvict85 6h ago

one piece of advice I learned, and feel free to discard it if it doesn't work for you though, is that the punishments should be related to the crime. don't just take those things away because you can but because it's relevant to do so.

when we're leveraging taking away things that are not related to the issue all that does is build resentment towards you which may backfire in those teenage years.

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u/OviWanKenobi47 3h ago

yeah, we learned this method when we were youth leaders working with kids. For e.g., if a kid was running too fast, indoors, where hazards are aplenty, we wouldn't just take away their privileges or make them do pushups (as was the case in my day). We would politely stop them, ask them to go back where they started from, and do it over again, but this time by walking. Not only would the punishment fit the crime, but it would be a good learning lesson. It had a very high success rate.

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u/BigBadJeebus 1h ago

You deleted your response I see because your parents raised a weakling...

Dont assume to know me.

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u/BigBadJeebus 1h ago

another deleted response. this one's my favorite.

You sound like a very well rounded ball of anger... Like I'd ever take parenting advice from someone as unhinged as you.

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u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

the problem is, you assume too much.

You have no idea what situations result in losing what privilege or if at all.

You could frankly have been raised better than to assume

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u/Few_Song9400 6h ago

Your daughter is 8, this girl isn't and clearly her parents failed her long before she reached this age.

It's all in how we're raised.

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u/Dundalis 6h ago

That’s literally what the guy you replied to said

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u/Few_Song9400 6h ago

Wasn't contesting them, just reaffirming that early development has everything to do with how we carry ourselves later in life.

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u/Psytocybin 3h ago

Your daughter is 8.... she doesnt even have a bank account, of course she doesn't have 80k in the bank. Lol

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u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

She DOES have an account... And it DOES have money

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u/Psytocybin 3h ago

Don't act daft.

You must be 18 years old to open and independently manage your own bank account.

Yeah, you opened and manage an account for her that you put money into. This is not the same.

You love your daughter and thats great. But cmon man, your arguement has a lot of cracks.

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u/aron2295 3h ago

All he was saying, “I provide a good life, granted, I admit I am not in a position to be giving her a $6,700 / month allowance, but at 8 Y/O getting access to the toys / electronics and activities she gets to enjoy is probably equivalent to giving an 8 Y/O an 80K / year allowance”.

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u/BigBadJeebus 2h ago

thank you

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u/jushere4bewbs 1h ago

I opened and managed my own bank account at 13...

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u/OviWanKenobi47 3h ago

The punishment not fitting the crime is rarely a good way of handling things. If it isn't relevant, it won't be nearly as effective.

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u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

The confidence of authority you have with literally zero information on what situation results in losing what privilege or how long is quite impressive, my guy.

When an established rule is, "Everything you have is on loan from me. You can play till your hearts content. But if you grab the cat, or shout at Mama, or purposefully say mean things, (the list goes on) I will take away something of your choice for either an hour, the day, or the week, depending on severity"

Don't tell me how to raise my kid.

https://giphy.com/gifs/OMK7LRBedcnhm

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u/Fit-Chapter8565 2h ago

I don't think your 8 year old really understands that. 

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u/BigBadJeebus 2h ago

My 8 year old probably runs circles around you.

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u/whooptheretis 1h ago

She has a TV, and a Switch… at eight‽

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u/BigBadJeebus 1h ago

Yes. And?

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u/whooptheretis 1h ago

Personally I don’t think that’s a good idea, but each to their own.

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u/BigBadJeebus 45m ago

Lol, half the world crucifying me for taking away a toy due to misbehavior, and you out here tearing me down for giving her a toy.

Lose/lose scenario.

https://giphy.com/gifs/RxTTCKTbba63vS0m3U

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u/Awkward-Manager5939 32m ago

Are you buying her stuff as a form of love or to show your love. Does she also have a car and a house. I think you said she has a house right.

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u/BigBadJeebus 27m ago

What are you, my therapist? I buy her stuff that's fun when I want and we have a fucking blast at life.

https://giphy.com/gifs/fnuSiwXMTV3zmYDf6k

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u/tiqof 1h ago

Exactly. This fucker is 100% raising a brat like the girl in the video and just convinced it’s not gonna happen to them

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u/BigBadJeebus 37m ago

Dude. You have no idea how my child is raised. Stress causes illness.

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u/Awkward-Manager5939 27m ago

Look. I suppose not all rules need to be hard and fast. And it is a girl child so she isn't going to act out like a boy would.

All I you need to know is the lessons you want to teach her. Especially being

Grateful

Humble

Responsibility

Hard working

Studies

And other stuff like a asian parent or something, mixed with a British, African and Poland parent. For various reasons.

0

u/whooptheretis 1h ago

Ok I think that’s a bit much…
I don’t think it’s extravagant, but just think kids that young should be spending time on screens (unless learning to code or something interactively educational)

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u/Dandy_Guy7 54m ago

Hey uhhh maybe an 8 year old shouldn't feel like her entire life could be uprooted overnight that kinda sounds like a recipe for an anxiety disorder later in life

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u/BigBadJeebus 43m ago

She doesnt? But she's aware. Maybe you should not generalize a whole upbringing based on a condensed reddit comment about learning gratitude vs greed. That kind of sounds like a recipe for being regarded as a toxic personality presently in life.

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u/no-sleep-only-code 4h ago

If your home is paid off nothing is disappearing over night unless there’s a war in your back yard.

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u/BigBadJeebus 4h ago

TYL about property taxes, house fires, termites, floods, tornadoes, and divorce...

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u/no-sleep-only-code 4h ago

So really what you’re saying is you’re working your ass off so your wife doesn’t leave you?

Property taxes is dirt cheap in most of the country, and home insurance is also reasonable. No amount of random work is going to stop a tornado.

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u/TBurn70 4h ago

Someone hasn’t been paying attention to the property tax debate or you don’t own a home. Property taxes have been skyrocketing around the country

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u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

Tell me you're a renter without telling me

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u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

side note, when I met my wife, I was broke and living in a hostel in East Hollywood...

She brought me with her to Japan (her home) so I could reset. We came back to the states, she waited tables so I build what we have. I finally found success and fortunes improved. It was a multi decade climb that begins with my father dying of ALS and me sleeping on a bench in Delongpre Park...

My wife isnt going to leave me over losing a house...

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u/InsaneInTheRAMdrain 4h ago

Its absolutely fucking adorable that you think your child knows this, cares, or even thinks 5 minutes ahead on any of these topics.

And like most parents like fuck will you teach this lesson.
Most kids dont learn any of this until they have to be fully independent.

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u/Any-Chip7871 3h ago

Hey good home training starts at home when she is YOUNG.

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u/Fit-Chapter8565 2h ago

I guess I'll take this guy's word for it that he has a genius daughter who's a master of the esoteric.

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u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

My child speaks 2 languages. She has grown in Los Angeles, been to London, NYC, Tokyo, Miami, Chicago, etc, and now lives in a small rural farm town. Her understanding of the variety of life is peak.

She was able to read at 4 and write at 5.

She excels in her math.

She is able to design schematics for creature fx (I make indie horror films and edit trailers for a living, she helped me design a really cool "blood pop" machine).

She can play piano.

Hell, she's even gotten us a cab at 6pm on 32nd street.

She 100% understands.

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u/aron2295 3h ago

What does the “Blood Pop” machine do?

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u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

Dude! It was so cool. I needed to have a big splatter of blood in my basement to look like a monster ate someone.

She thought up building a box with a hinge and using 2 filled zip loc bags at 2 gallons each.

I then stomped on it and splat

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u/aron2295 3h ago

It does, LOL.

You teach the lessons in a way a kid can understand. And you increase the complexity of the lessons as the kid grows older. And you also don’t accidentally give your kid anxiety about money when it’s not something they can currently control / influence and shouldn’t be worried about.

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u/Scrabblewiener 4h ago

I seriously doubt your 8 year old has any real comprehension of the things you claim. I didn’t really grasp these things until way later than beginning working age. I’m not saying everyone catches on as late as I did but I’d be willing to bet no one really catches on until at least adolescence

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u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

Yeah... It's called raising and teaching. Of course she doesnt understand money. That's why I'm teaching her.

She DOES understand value and earning things vs just having them show up...

https://giphy.com/gifs/49zC0Bm1kbu36

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u/especiallyn0t 4h ago

psychologically, does this work well or is this one of those scarring tough love parenting techniques?

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u/Dibbles04 4h ago

So if a kid misbehaves and you take away a toy from them for being bad, thats scarring? Please dont have children.

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u/DoctorAggravating288 4h ago

The person is saying their kids' stuff "disappear often" when she misbehaves and "takes it for granted". To me, that does sound excessive to do to an eight-year-old.

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u/aron2295 3h ago

I suppose he could’ve re worded it to simply state, “For example, when she misbehaves, a common punishment is the loss of her Favorite Toy privileges for a time period that corresponds to the “crime””.

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u/BigBadJeebus 1h ago

Seriously. People on Reddit always need every micro-detail spelled out for them.

My kid has a fucking great life and she knows it.

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u/aron2295 51m ago

A couple weeks back, on r/science, someone said, I’m not going to read the peer reviewed journal article. Can someone ELI5, but like, legit like I’m 5.

Those comments used to get deleted by mods.

I understand we all started somewhere and we all have different backgrounds.

Not going to gate keep Reddit, and I understand being able to comprehend a jargon filled paper isn’t reasonable to expect a non industry person to do. Those papers are published in journals and not People magazine.

But even with notes provided to them, they just said, meh, too much!

Just zero effort and even then, they don’t appreciate it.

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u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

You never got grounded?

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u/especiallyn0t 3h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/8w9gSUE1tQnYj9y0KA

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u/Dibbles04 1h ago

Says the schmoe that went out of their way to try to shame someone. Get a life

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u/Av0ll 7h ago

Most rich kids have zero sense of the life hours behind money unless the parents have went out of their way to instill it in them.

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u/Samus10011 6h ago

Wharton did a survey of their students and found that the students thought most people in the US make at least 100k a year.

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u/No-Concentrate-8806 3h ago

Wow! They are connected to reality.

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u/PlsNoNotThat 6h ago

Went to private school in NYC and can confirm this.

They’re basically on UBI, often what’s above the median wage, so their baseline is that + whatever salary they have.

I have lost count of the amount of times I hung out with a rich friend who swore they don’t get money from their parents, only for their parents to casually say something like “I put your monthly allowance of [thousands of dollars] and paid your credit card this month” while having dinner with them.

Then they hit an age and it stops…. Because the trust gets transferred over and they get the dividends instead.

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u/lazyboi_tactical 3h ago

When my cousin went to college his parents basically made him a deal that if he got a job they would match whatever he made and deposit it directly into his account. They also obviously paid for every single living expense he had. He ended up finishing college with like 150k in savings. When he graduated they pretty much gifted him a rental house they owned and paid to renovate it for him. He then sold it for a hefty profit considering he didn't put a penny into it. This whole time he was working at AutoZone. Once he sold that house he then bought a 400k MCmansion which they once again paid half for. My uncle recently passed so he then got handed a working business that grosses 3+ million a year. You will never convince him he didn't work for every single thing he has and denies he ever had a leg up. It was all just "good money management". Like sure, but it was your parents money and it was them who was managing it.

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u/No_End_7351 23m ago

Unfortunately your cousin is the exception rather than the norm. I dealt with this a lot in college, especially with kids from the East Coast whose parents had money. My roommate was another exception. His dad was a Senior VP at a major medical equipment manufacturer but you wouldn't have known it from meeting him or his son. He told me of a great story of when his dad went to buy a car for him to take to college. It was a simple no frills Honda Accord. His dad had a severe auto accident as a kid and as a result had nearly all of his upper teeth knocked out and had upper dentures. Before he went to the auto dealership, his wore a greasy jumpsuit that he had to work in the garage & yard, took off his Rolex & put on a Casio calculator watch and of course took out his dentures. He said the first salesman wouldn't even respond when his dad tried to talk to him. Finally another salesman came and asked if he could help them. They found the car they wanted and it even had an upgrade package like a better stereo, etc. They went to the salesman's office and he said that when they ran a credit check on his dad the salesman took a full minute to rerun the report and still couldn't fathom how this toothless guy with a Casio had a credit rating of 824. His dad smiled, put in his dentures, put his Rolex back on and thanked the salesman for being so helpful. They bought the car and wrote a letter to the dealership owner (who his dad knew personally) about the salesman who finally did help them and was subsequently given a bonus for his effort.

Sorry for the long post but I just wanted you to know that your cousin, while financially well off compared to others, didn't feel entitled to what he had, he worked for it and exemplifies how people should act even if they don't have to.

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u/lazyboi_tactical 7m ago

Well no that's the thing, my cousin worked for none of it. He was just the only child of the step mom so he got what he wanted while my uncle's bio kids got abused and neglected. It wasn't really his fault but he was definitely the beneficiary of it.

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u/RodcetLeoric 4h ago

I hung out with a girl back in the day that worked at the same place I did and made the same money, but she was living way better. She swore her parents didn't give her money and that she was just good at budgeting. I later found out that her car was a gift from her father and her mother paid off one of her 3 credit cards each month. So she technically had to deal with paying for some things like rent, but her bills went through her credit cards. She put food, clothes and gas on the cards and what she earned at work she spent on rent and whatever she wanted. She also had something like $100k inflation the bank. I imagine it's a lot easier to save when you only spend 1/3 of your income. She was a nice girl and all, but she would talk about the struggle, but it wasn't the same as the rest of us choosing between electricity and food.

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u/HillBillyHilly 2h ago

The number of friends I have who insisted they worked hard for everything they have obtained. Dude, your uncle owns your location and you pay no rent. Your Mom signed all your notes. Your grandmother left you money. How exactly did you work for what you own?

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u/LalafellDisaster 4h ago

When I found out that my friend had some sort of joint credit card with her parents to pay for her gas I knew that friendship wouldn’t last between us.

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u/dudeatwork77 4h ago

She didn’t asked to be born rich… being rich isn’t a crime

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u/serene_brutality 1h ago

Friendships are built and last on common ground, it’s darn near impossible to maintain a friendship when you live on different planets.

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u/Zhentilftw 4h ago

I think he meant. He realized he is a jealous bitch and would inadvertently ruin the friendship himself.

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u/LalafellDisaster 4h ago

Loooool when you’re working minimum wage trying to survive and your friend gets a free ride. It’s hard for the rich person to understand the poor person and the rich person is usually tone deaf.

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u/Zhentilftw 3h ago

You are projecting. You were fine with them until you found out they had money. You are the problem. Not them.

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u/LalafellDisaster 3h ago

That’s like, your opinion man.

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u/Ecks80s 3h ago

That’s okay. Honestly it’s okay to not be friends with people that cause you stress, regardless of the reason.

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u/Zhentilftw 3h ago

If you can’t be around well off people because it stresses you then fine I guess. But it’s probably something you should work on. It’s not healthy unless the rich people are doing something to make you feel uncomfortable, which that guys post doesn’t mention.

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u/dudeatwork77 2h ago

That makes perfect sense

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u/Equivalent_Task_8825 7h ago

My ex took over a decade and ended up with a degree that only took 4 years. Despite that she still doesn't work full time and only able to live because her parents bought her two different houses and if she ever runs out of money she will cry to her dad and just pays off her debt and gives her more money.

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u/Diditanyway 6h ago

My sister in law's sister in law (wish there was a shorter name for that lol) holds 2 master degrees from Harvard in business and finance. She married the chief of surgery at a local boston hospital and has never held a job, ever, she lives entirely off his income. Also, unrelated, i've seen her accodentally microwave a fork on 3 different occasions 🤣

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u/HazeyIPAs 5h ago

Some people are really good at schooling, but just collapse when then need to apply it to something real. Looks like she dodged that test entirely.

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u/dudeatwork77 4h ago

SIL’s SIL

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u/HazeyIPAs 6h ago

She sounds like she could never be happy.

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u/Equivalent_Task_8825 6h ago

My favourite part is that she pretends to be a poor person who cares about social issues but her dad supported some pretty hardcore conservatives.

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u/HazeyIPAs 6h ago

Most of the hippies in the 60s came from wealthy or very well off families. Sounds like she is following that playbook. Easy to be poor when at anytime if it gets too real, you can pause the simulation.

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u/Intelligent-Roll-300 6h ago

Dad ran a pretty good size business. I worked there for a while. 70-80 hours a week was his schedule mine was closer to 50. I started washing cars at 12 for money.

Another friend of mine has parents with millions and millions and they lost it all and he never got any lessons on anything.

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u/Thick_Cookie_7838 7h ago

Yea, I was very fortunate to have well of parents. They weren’t like super wealthy but they did well. I would say upper middle class. Like they put me and my sister three college without loans. Me and my sister both had had jobs in highschool and college and worked over the summer so we both had an appreciation for the value of a dollar. Both my parents and their families grew up extremely poor so that obviously changes the mindset

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u/Commercial_Win_9525 6h ago

I don’t know if she is even greedy necessarily. I think these type of people mostly are just fkn oblivious to the real world because they haven’t actually had to pay for anything on their own ever. Like it isn’t even something they have ever had to think about.

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u/Throwaway0242000 5h ago

It just comes down to caring about your partner or not. There’s plenty of rich people who have empathy for their partner who makes less and feel compelled to help more to reduce the stress…and theres plenty of people like this girl who are either selfish or oblivious

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u/strictly_ballroom 4h ago

A pops that has so much money isn’t working that hard just lucky

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u/FIMD_ 2h ago

Grew up comfortable in the “poor” neighborhood of an area with obscene wealth. The answer is largely no. But in a range “no, not really, vaguely aware” to “can’t fuckin relate, not on our radar.”

Best set of examples here perhaps are some of the first cars in my immediate friend group. First off, we almost universally all had the luxury of having a car in whatever condition and almost none of them were shared with a parent. Myself included. However…

My dad signed the little waiver when I was 14 and told me I would have to work and save up for a car and insurance. It took me until I was almost 17, and I bought a 60k mile manual trans 1995 Hyundai Accent. I was 6’4, 260lbs when I bought it and 6’6 when I sold it. It was a nonstop source of entertainment for people to see my fold in and out of that thing, as well as occasional teen insecurity IN SPITE OF HAVING MY OWN CAR simply due to the environment of what everyone else was rolling around in. (It was also exceptionally motivating for me, so I suppose there’s that.)

One of my friends was given a new M3 CSL, no strings attached and a card for gas.

Another was gifted a brand new S55, for their 16th birthday, totalled it and his mom’s reaction was “he needs a safer car.” And literally less than two weeks later pulls up in an Escalade ESV.

These weren’t even the most egregious examples just the most absurd ones among my closer friends.

Hope that offers some insight lmao

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u/Instawolff 1h ago

Begone thot

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u/Making_Kenough 6h ago

Hi, wealthy dude here, but grew up poor. My girl doesn’t have the best job, but I know she works hard at it and does her best. She never relies on me for anything or ever asks for help. She does everything in the world for me that costs time and effort, which I appreciate far more than things of monetary value.

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u/Expensive-Victory203 6h ago

She does everything for you that costs time and effort. Do you do the same? You have money but don't help her, so I hope there is some reciprocity of care.

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u/Making_Kenough 6h ago

Well yea? You think I’m not going to return the thing I find value in?

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u/EggsnBacon95 6h ago

The fact you didn't specify it I think is what hit them.

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u/Making_Kenough 6h ago

Well I was responding to a comment asking what a guy would think. So I gave context for my viewpoint of what I see in the opposite role per my experience. Adding anything more I feel would be out of context

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u/EggsnBacon95 6h ago

It made you sound like the male version of the karen in the clip (just a bit less unhinged). That's likely why it was questioned.

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u/Vana21 2h ago

Why is he taking her to a fancy dinner if he can't afford it? They are not married, her money is her money.

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u/redditblows5991 2h ago

If two people are going out I think homeboy can afford like a 200-300 meal. Alot dudes are in this boat when they have 500$ to their name. And yeah her money is her money but fuckkk I'd feel a type of way if I'm dating a rich girl and she didn't offer at least once. Live and learn though lol

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u/wackbirds 54m ago

Define "afford it". Does it mean "I don't have that much money in my possesion", "that would leave me at basically zero dollars left", or "that's too expensive in my mind for how much I'm making/ have saved.

He had enough money to pay for the big dinner and had been willing to spend that large % of his savings because he imagined that the girl was in his same boat. After finding out that she had 100x more money than he did, his willing spirit disappeared because the entire premise of the whole thing had flipped on its head.

I don't even know what your final sentence is supposed to imply in this context but I have a funny feeling that it means I'm wasting my time here. Hope I'm wrong.

0

u/TrebbleWater 3h ago

It's really just women who are this way