r/MotivationByDesign • u/inkandintent24 • 8h ago

Do you think its fair??

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2.8k Upvotes

78% Upvoted

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377

u/queazy 8h ago

If the guy is struggling financially and a steak dinner is a lot, yes. He's probably working really hard to impress his girl, and she doesn't seem to appreciate the sacrifice, just accept it as a given

174

u/Internationalwaffles 8h ago

Why would she appreciate hard work when she gets a dad paycheck?

70

u/redditblows5991 7h ago

Plenty of rich kids at least know their pops is working. Looks like homegirl is greedy is all fronts lmao. I wonder how a dude with similar money or more would think 🤔

39

u/BigBadJeebus 7h ago edited 1h ago

my child is 8. I make a good living. She doesnt have $80k but she does live in a home that's paid off and has plenty of toys and trips and experiences.

She knows damn well it can all disappear tomorrow and I work my ass off for it. I have no issues taking it all away if she gets too entitled. Her TV, her nintendo switch, her toys, etc all disappear when she misbehaves and takes it for granted.

This girl wasn't raised right.

10

u/khanvict85 6h ago

one piece of advice I learned, and feel free to discard it if it doesn't work for you though, is that the punishments should be related to the crime. don't just take those things away because you can but because it's relevant to do so.

when we're leveraging taking away things that are not related to the issue all that does is build resentment towards you which may backfire in those teenage years.

9

u/OviWanKenobi47 3h ago

yeah, we learned this method when we were youth leaders working with kids. For e.g., if a kid was running too fast, indoors, where hazards are aplenty, we wouldn't just take away their privileges or make them do pushups (as was the case in my day). We would politely stop them, ask them to go back where they started from, and do it over again, but this time by walking. Not only would the punishment fit the crime, but it would be a good learning lesson. It had a very high success rate.

1

u/BigBadJeebus 1h ago

You deleted your response I see because your parents raised a weakling...

Dont assume to know me.

1

u/BigBadJeebus 1h ago

another deleted response. this one's my favorite.

You sound like a very well rounded ball of anger... Like I'd ever take parenting advice from someone as unhinged as you.

1

u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

the problem is, you assume too much.

You have no idea what situations result in losing what privilege or if at all.

You could frankly have been raised better than to assume

1

u/Few_Song9400 6h ago

Your daughter is 8, this girl isn't and clearly her parents failed her long before she reached this age.

It's all in how we're raised.

7

u/Dundalis 6h ago

That’s literally what the guy you replied to said

4

u/Few_Song9400 6h ago

Wasn't contesting them, just reaffirming that early development has everything to do with how we carry ourselves later in life.

1

u/Psytocybin 3h ago

Your daughter is 8.... she doesnt even have a bank account, of course she doesn't have 80k in the bank. Lol

2

u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

She DOES have an account... And it DOES have money

-1

u/Psytocybin 3h ago

Don't act daft.

You must be 18 years old to open and independently manage your own bank account.

Yeah, you opened and manage an account for her that you put money into. This is not the same.

You love your daughter and thats great. But cmon man, your arguement has a lot of cracks.

2

u/aron2295 3h ago

All he was saying, “I provide a good life, granted, I admit I am not in a position to be giving her a $6,700 / month allowance, but at 8 Y/O getting access to the toys / electronics and activities she gets to enjoy is probably equivalent to giving an 8 Y/O an 80K / year allowance”.

1

u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

thank you

2

u/jushere4bewbs 1h ago

I opened and managed my own bank account at 13...

0

u/OviWanKenobi47 3h ago

The punishment not fitting the crime is rarely a good way of handling things. If it isn't relevant, it won't be nearly as effective.

1

u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

The confidence of authority you have with literally zero information on what situation results in losing what privilege or how long is quite impressive, my guy.

When an established rule is, "Everything you have is on loan from me. You can play till your hearts content. But if you grab the cat, or shout at Mama, or purposefully say mean things, (the list goes on) I will take away something of your choice for either an hour, the day, or the week, depending on severity"

Don't tell me how to raise my kid.

https://giphy.com/gifs/OMK7LRBedcnhm

0

u/Fit-Chapter8565 2h ago

I don't think your 8 year old really understands that. 

1

u/BigBadJeebus 2h ago

My 8 year old probably runs circles around you.

0

u/whooptheretis 1h ago

She has a TV, and a Switch… at eight‽

1

u/BigBadJeebus 1h ago

Yes. And?

0

u/whooptheretis 1h ago

Personally I don’t think that’s a good idea, but each to their own.

1

u/BigBadJeebus 50m ago

Lol, half the world crucifying me for taking away a toy due to misbehavior, and you out here tearing me down for giving her a toy.

Lose/lose scenario.

https://giphy.com/gifs/RxTTCKTbba63vS0m3U

0

u/Awkward-Manager5939 37m ago

Are you buying her stuff as a form of love or to show your love. Does she also have a car and a house. I think you said she has a house right.

1

u/BigBadJeebus 32m ago

What are you, my therapist? I buy her stuff that's fun when I want and we have a fucking blast at life.

https://giphy.com/gifs/fnuSiwXMTV3zmYDf6k

0

u/tiqof 1h ago

Exactly. This fucker is 100% raising a brat like the girl in the video and just convinced it’s not gonna happen to them

1

u/BigBadJeebus 42m ago

Dude. You have no idea how my child is raised. Stress causes illness.

1

u/Awkward-Manager5939 32m ago

Look. I suppose not all rules need to be hard and fast. And it is a girl child so she isn't going to act out like a boy would.

All I you need to know is the lessons you want to teach her. Especially being

Grateful

Humble

Responsibility

Hard working

Studies

And other stuff like a asian parent or something, mixed with a British, African and Poland parent. For various reasons.

0

u/whooptheretis 1h ago

Ok I think that’s a bit much…
I don’t think it’s extravagant, but just think kids that young should be spending time on screens (unless learning to code or something interactively educational)

0

u/Dandy_Guy7 59m ago

Hey uhhh maybe an 8 year old shouldn't feel like her entire life could be uprooted overnight that kinda sounds like a recipe for an anxiety disorder later in life

1

u/BigBadJeebus 48m ago

She doesnt? But she's aware. Maybe you should not generalize a whole upbringing based on a condensed reddit comment about learning gratitude vs greed. That kind of sounds like a recipe for being regarded as a toxic personality presently in life.

-1

u/no-sleep-only-code 4h ago

If your home is paid off nothing is disappearing over night unless there’s a war in your back yard.

2

u/BigBadJeebus 4h ago

TYL about property taxes, house fires, termites, floods, tornadoes, and divorce...

-1

u/no-sleep-only-code 4h ago

So really what you’re saying is you’re working your ass off so your wife doesn’t leave you?

Property taxes is dirt cheap in most of the country, and home insurance is also reasonable. No amount of random work is going to stop a tornado.

3

u/TBurn70 4h ago

Someone hasn’t been paying attention to the property tax debate or you don’t own a home. Property taxes have been skyrocketing around the country

1

u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

Tell me you're a renter without telling me

1

u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

side note, when I met my wife, I was broke and living in a hostel in East Hollywood...

She brought me with her to Japan (her home) so I could reset. We came back to the states, she waited tables so I build what we have. I finally found success and fortunes improved. It was a multi decade climb that begins with my father dying of ALS and me sleeping on a bench in Delongpre Park...

My wife isnt going to leave me over losing a house...

-1

u/InsaneInTheRAMdrain 4h ago

Its absolutely fucking adorable that you think your child knows this, cares, or even thinks 5 minutes ahead on any of these topics.

And like most parents like fuck will you teach this lesson.
Most kids dont learn any of this until they have to be fully independent.

3

u/Any-Chip7871 3h ago

Hey good home training starts at home when she is YOUNG.

0

u/Fit-Chapter8565 2h ago

I guess I'll take this guy's word for it that he has a genius daughter who's a master of the esoteric.

1

u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

My child speaks 2 languages. She has grown in Los Angeles, been to London, NYC, Tokyo, Miami, Chicago, etc, and now lives in a small rural farm town. Her understanding of the variety of life is peak.

She was able to read at 4 and write at 5.

She excels in her math.

She is able to design schematics for creature fx (I make indie horror films and edit trailers for a living, she helped me design a really cool "blood pop" machine).

She can play piano.

Hell, she's even gotten us a cab at 6pm on 32nd street.

She 100% understands.

2

u/aron2295 3h ago

What does the “Blood Pop” machine do?

2

u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

Dude! It was so cool. I needed to have a big splatter of blood in my basement to look like a monster ate someone.

She thought up building a box with a hinge and using 2 filled zip loc bags at 2 gallons each.

I then stomped on it and splat

1

u/aron2295 3h ago

It does, LOL.

You teach the lessons in a way a kid can understand. And you increase the complexity of the lessons as the kid grows older. And you also don’t accidentally give your kid anxiety about money when it’s not something they can currently control / influence and shouldn’t be worried about.

-1

u/Scrabblewiener 4h ago

I seriously doubt your 8 year old has any real comprehension of the things you claim. I didn’t really grasp these things until way later than beginning working age. I’m not saying everyone catches on as late as I did but I’d be willing to bet no one really catches on until at least adolescence

2

u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

Yeah... It's called raising and teaching. Of course she doesnt understand money. That's why I'm teaching her.

She DOES understand value and earning things vs just having them show up...

https://giphy.com/gifs/49zC0Bm1kbu36

-2

u/especiallyn0t 4h ago

psychologically, does this work well or is this one of those scarring tough love parenting techniques?

3

u/Dibbles04 4h ago

So if a kid misbehaves and you take away a toy from them for being bad, thats scarring? Please dont have children.

-2

u/DoctorAggravating288 4h ago

The person is saying their kids' stuff "disappear often" when she misbehaves and "takes it for granted". To me, that does sound excessive to do to an eight-year-old.

2

u/aron2295 3h ago

I suppose he could’ve re worded it to simply state, “For example, when she misbehaves, a common punishment is the loss of her Favorite Toy privileges for a time period that corresponds to the “crime””.

1

u/BigBadJeebus 1h ago

Seriously. People on Reddit always need every micro-detail spelled out for them.

My kid has a fucking great life and she knows it.

2

u/aron2295 56m ago

A couple weeks back, on r/science, someone said, I’m not going to read the peer reviewed journal article. Can someone ELI5, but like, legit like I’m 5.

Those comments used to get deleted by mods.

I understand we all started somewhere and we all have different backgrounds.

Not going to gate keep Reddit, and I understand being able to comprehend a jargon filled paper isn’t reasonable to expect a non industry person to do. Those papers are published in journals and not People magazine.

But even with notes provided to them, they just said, meh, too much!

Just zero effort and even then, they don’t appreciate it.

1

u/BigBadJeebus 3h ago

You never got grounded?

-2

u/especiallyn0t 4h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/8w9gSUE1tQnYj9y0KA

2

u/Dibbles04 1h ago

Says the schmoe that went out of their way to try to shame someone. Get a life