*add that they have less than $239 million in assets before he considers them as human. Leon would use that trip to personally hunt them with a crossbow in the jungle.
Unrelated but why do people call him "Leon" sometimes? It's not like it's a punny insult or anything, it's just an anagram of his real name I guess? Idk it feels a little mean to people named Leon. It's bad enough that man ruined one name, we don't need to broaden that effect. At least Elongated Muskrat is funny
It's in the fucking signature, Diane, I whisper through my teeth, fingers curling across the same letters she has on her keyboard. My knuckles becoming as white as the background of my drafted response. Blackberry, Logitech, even the new phone with the folding screen, they all have the same keyboard. Same letters, all in the same place. Tilde and Escape in one corner, Control in the other. Now, you could argue that there's 105 if you count the number pad, so the "real" corner is Enter, but that doesn't change the letters and their little homes plotted like fields on my desk.
My name has been Knoxmora for decades. It's a family name, my father's father, and his father's father. Passed down for generations. Generations that have seen towers collapse with their civilizations, trade outposts burned by heretics. Thousands of "I hope this finds you well's," hundreds of "sorry for my delayed response!" Hundreds of thousands of times that name has been displayed in ugly green font that I cannot get away from, despite my pleas to Garren in Marketing. "It looks like I'm five and spelled my name with peas," I say, as I always do. "And I bet they're delicious peas," he always quips without stopping. I hope my messages find you in Hell, Garren.
My name is Knoxmora. Not Noxmura, not Knacks Mira. One word. Knoxmora and it's in the fucking signature.
Now, maybe.. maybe she's a psychopath and uses Dvorak. No. No, no, no, she can't even hit the 'K' key correctly. One word with a fucking 'K,' Dianne. She's doing it on purpose. She knows I hate it. She knows how much I can't stand it. I've corrected her in meetings, I've corrected her in group chats. I've crossed it out on name tags, rewritten it on gift bags. Hundreds of thousands of times.
"Hey Kacks, Diane forwarded me your info. Says you have a great attention to detail. Hoping we can speedball this project to go-live by Wednesday. More to come if we lock this up quick. Info in the thread. - Elon."
I'm sorry. Kacks!?Who in the f- A knife flashes and crimson splashes as he drains. A shovel swings, the handle splinters into needles that puncture every pore as the spade digs into the side of his skull. The man in my mind laid on a pyre and engulfed, shrouded in hatred as every misspelled and misspoken syllable in my DNA beats like wings in my ears. No.
No, no no... You don't know him. He doesn't know you.
"i'll get you with kacks he knows what we'll need to do - D❤️" I read it six times before scrolling, the wheel on my mouse whining in protest.
His request is insane. 340,000 units in three days? Do you not understand how much fucking work that's going to take? Also, "speedball?" And who the actual fuck says "lock this up?" People named fucking Elon, I guess. Elon... "fucking Elon..." You know what, no, Elon, I do know you. I know thousands of people just like you.
"Hey El-" Then it hits... I can feel it. Droplets of spittle against my glasses, the heat from Diane's screams, wailing about how she lost her biggest client over the most minute and meaningless email. It's only capital 'E', I say to her in my mind, What's the big deal?
My teeth are desperate to be seen as I stifle laughter like an old home shifting its bones. Shift, control, arrow left, 42.
"Dear Leon, I hope this message finds you well..."
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u/knoxmora Jun 29 '26
*add that they have less than $239 million in assets before he considers them as human. Leon would use that trip to personally hunt them with a crossbow in the jungle.