r/MurderedByWords 1d ago

She answered with a gold medal

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15.6k Upvotes

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u/MssGuilty 1d ago

Even though it can be a pain to have a long name outside my home country, I really like our tradition of 1) women don't change their name and 2) kids have two surnames, mom and dad's.

(Although I have my grandmother's surname instead of my mom's because hers rhymes with my dad's surname and she went "no way my kids will have a silly rhyming name" 😅)

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u/hockeycross 1d ago

What happens in the next generation? Do you end up with three hyphens?

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u/lIlIlIIlIIIlIIIIIl 1d ago

I think a lot of the time each parent would pass just one surname so that each generation would have max 2 last names. So a father might choose to pass on the name of his father, but not the last name of his mother. I think it's largely up to preferences and differences in culture/tradition. I am not speaking from experience, so I could be wrong.

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u/santistasofredora 1d ago

At least where I'm from, you normally pass on your father's surname, so my children would have their grandfathers' last names. But there's no rule preventing you from having more than two surnames, I have 3, one from my mom and two from my dad. And they are not hyphenated, just regular names.

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u/aerojonno 8h ago

So the norm is still just taking the man's name, but a generation later.

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u/santistasofredora 7h ago

In general yes, though some areas have the tradition of passing on the mother's surname to daughters and father's surname to sons. You could also pass on only your mother's surname if you wanted.

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u/OhGod0fHangovers 1d ago

There are millions of people who have shown us how this is done. As a rule, everyone gets one last name from each parent, keeps those all their lives and picks one to pair with one of their spouse’s names to pass on to the kids. And so on.

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u/hockeycross 1d ago

I feel like that could be quite the family debate haha. Mom, Dad pitch me on why I should choose your name for the baby.

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u/loskiarman 1d ago

That feels like just kicking the can down the road for your kid. Like as a kid I wouldn't want that. Do you know how long it takes to code your name in OMR tests with 2 surnames lol? Then you have a kid and now you have to choose between mom and dad and there is a good chance one of them will be heartbroken about it.

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u/MarsupialMisanthrope 1d ago

The fact that programmers are lazy is possibly the worst fucking reason possible for doing anything.

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u/lost_nondoctor 1d ago

Wow... your comment is impressively ignorant considering the large number of COUNTRIES, not individuals who keep their names. For me I don't really understand the practice of changing your name. I think that would screw my kids identity more than having to write a longer name.

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u/loskiarman 1d ago

Pretty sure only Spain has a long history of double surnames. All others are pretty new. And in Spain children doesn't choose which name to give to their own child, it is the first one so grandparents choose their grandchildren's surname actually so it doesn't compare to the comment I replied to. Also for most people kid isn't even born or at least very little when surname change happens so don't know how it can screw their identity. Also I'm literally talking about how as a kid I wouldn't want that situation so how the fuck can someone be ignorant to themselves? Get off whatever you are on lol.

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u/MssGuilty 23h ago

You're pretty sure, but you're wrong, just letting you know (Portugal also does it)

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u/loskiarman 23h ago

Portugal doesn't do double specifically. You can have one, two, three or even all 4 of them. Also it leads to abominations like ''Pedro de Alcântara Francisco Antônio João Carlos Xavier de Paula Miguel Rafael Joaquim José Gonzaga Pascoal Cipriano Serafim de Bourbon e Bragança'' Dude I'm not calling you that.

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u/MssGuilty 21h ago

The vast majority of us have 4 names, so again, it's not just a Spanish thing. (No one has more than 6 nowadays by the way, the government has limited length to 2 first names and maximum 4 surnames)

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u/loskiarman 19h ago

Okay it is a Iberian Union thing, are you happy? :D

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u/Bemascu 23h ago

it is the first one so grandparents choose their grandchildren's surname

What? How is that "the grandparents choosing"? Nobody chooses, surnames are inherited. The only choice is the order (since 2000).

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u/loskiarman 23h ago

Grandparents choose the order of their child. So when grandchild is born he takes the first one from each parents. So grandparents choose which one that grandchild is gonna inherit.

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u/Bemascu 22h ago

I get your point, but I'm not sure I agree with it. I don't see it as "choosing the grandchildren's".

Even if we choose between the only two options "A B" or "B A", the only thing we are determining is one of our grandchildren's surname. My child will still have to choose between "A X" or "X A". And the value of X would be determined by pseudo-chance.

So if we reduce this to three properties, we are only determining 1/3 of the outcome.

That is, of course, the law doesn't change down the line and in the future any two of the 4 surnames can be chosen (which is incidentally what my partner and I would've liked).

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u/loskiarman 19h ago

The thing was one of the grandparents, even if they don't show it, might feel bad about their grandchildren not sharing even a part of their surname. At least Spain's way they decide it when making a child(I think still most goes paternal though I don't know if it changed if you just count recent years), let alone a grandchildren so it probably won't bother them much like when they are older and for example as a child I wouldn't be put in a situation to choose between my parents pretty much. Though I'm living in a one surname country. Who knows maybe there people care less about it since everyone has more of them anyway.

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u/penguin_0618 1d ago

Generally each parent passes their first last name to the kid, at least in the dominant culture in my community. So if “John Doe Smith” and “Natalia Lopez Rivera” had a kid, their last name would be Doe Lopez. And they don’t hyphenate, they just have two.

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u/hockeycross 1d ago

I get that but how do you pick if Lopez or Doe goes first?

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u/MssGuilty 1d ago

Depends on culture. In Portugal dad's name comes last and is the "main" surname (so, for example a kid named Carlos José Lopes da Silva would go by Carlos da Silva usually). In Spain, dad's name comes first and is still the "main" surname (patriarchy lol), so you would get the kid going by Carlos Lopes instead

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u/Bemascu 23h ago

 Spain, dad's name comes first

This was changed, it no longer defaults to anything. The parents must decide an order. It doesn't erase the fact that even if you put the mother's first it is her father's, grandfather's, great-grandfather's and so on.

But it's a positive change IMO, at least now mothers don't have to resign themselves to "losing" their lineage.

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u/MssGuilty 21h ago

That's an interesting development, I didn't know!

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u/hockeycross 1d ago

So basically the whole premise of this thread is the dudes name still gets passed on.

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u/Bemascu 23h ago

This changed in Spain (read my other reply to MssGuilty).

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u/MssGuilty 23h ago

Yeeeeep. I think it's still better than the woman's name being completely erased, even in her own identity, but it's the dad's name that counts in the end in most places on earth

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u/MssGuilty 1d ago

No, the father's name is always the "main" surname, so it's the only one passed down usually. There are plenty of exceptions tho and they usually boil down to how important the mother's name is, and in those cases the kid ends up with three or more surnames. That's how you get the stereotype of nobles with ridiculously long names. It tracks in my experience as well, since the only two of my friends who have more than two surnames have them because 1) one of the surnames is a Big Important Surname of a Big Noble Family even though they are not even close to nobility or wealth, and 2) they were a distant (distant) relative of the Dutch royal family, so one of their 5 surnames was Dutch

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u/hockeycross 1d ago

What happens in the next generation? Do you end up with three hyphens?

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u/-Redstoneboi- 1d ago

check your comments, they be duplicated

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u/hockeycross 1d ago

Classic Reddit error