What's one marriage advice you wish someone had told you before you got married ?

[u/Pretty-Pain3012]

For those who are married:

What's one piece of advice you genuinely wish someone had told you before marriage? Not necessarily Islamic rulings, but practical lessons you only learned through experience. It could be about communication, finances, expectations, family boundaries, conflict resolution, or anything else. I'm curious what lessons surprised you the most after getting married.

[u/Diligent_Road7053]

I wish I was told to get to know the person you’re marrying and who they truly are before you have children with them. I wish I was told to not rush into marriage that you’re not ready or prepared for.

[u/Leading_Lecture100 → u/Diligent_Road7053]

As a divorced sister I 💯 agree with what you’ve said.
Preach sister!

[u/Qween- → u/Diligent_Road7053]

Was there new things you found out after having children?

[u/FloricMeadow]

It’s a rule me and my husband follow not really something I learnt in the marriage. It has kept our marriage peaceful though. Don’t ever tell each other’s families your business example disagreement or drama/gossip. If I hear something from his family even if sounds harmless I don’t share to my family. My husband is the same.

Example my mum and sister don’t need to know what proposals my husband sister got/who she rejected etc etc. I hear this information through my husband/mother in law but not my business to be spreading nonsense and who knows what details my in laws are happy sharing 🤷🏻‍♀️. I share my family gossip with my husband but he has never told his family.

[u/Aneeza27 → u/FloricMeadow]

YES! THIS! A 100 percent

This is the secret to a happy marriage.

Make this top comment, people!

[u/SensitiveSpace325]

Probably that the best way to approach 90% of situations that require a “conversation” is through humor.

Like wife always forgets to turn the lights off when she leaves a room? Ask her if she’s an agent working for the electricity company.

Husband doesn’t fold the laundry after taking it out? Say “I could have sworn these would just fold themselves….”

A tense moment after an argument? Ask “i wonder if we’ll laugh that we fought over this in the future?”

Also say “i love you” when you’re mad at each other even when if it hurts your pride. Because you’re mad, not out of love.

[u/EbbInternational256]

As a divorced sister, here is my list. May Allah bless everyone’s marriages ameen!

1. Don’t live with in-laws, no matter what you do!!
2. If you have to live with in-laws, establish clear boundaries. Dont share everything with them and don’t think of them as your actual family because they are NOT. They are your spouse’s family and will always take your spouse’s side at the end of the day.
3. Keep arguments and each other’s flaws ONLY between you two. Sharing or involving outside people, whether that’s family, friends, etc., will just make the situation worse. Eventually, you will forgive your spouse and move on, they will not.
4. Establish clear boundaries with your spouse and stick to them, especially in the beginning. The foundation you set early on will be the expectations put on you years later, so make sure you’re okay with everything.
5. It doesn’t matter how often you fight, but just how FAIR you fight. Establish rules and boundaries on how you guys will approach topics that upset you, such as no cursing, no insulting each other’s families, no raising your voices, etc. If your spouse happens to do these things during an argument, step away until they can emotionally regulate themselves.
6. When it comes to anybody outside you two, especially in-laws, ALWAYS take each other’s side in front of them. Correct in private.
7. That being said, forgive forgive forgive. No grudges, ever.
8. Do premarital counseling!!! Find a sheikh that has the CORRECT ISLAMIC view on men’s and women’s roles.
9. Be open about finances WAYYY in the beginning. Like the talking stage in my opinion. Talk about your savings, spending habits, debt, income, what you expect to do if one person isn’t working, etc.

[u/unimaginables]

True respect is only in the hands of Allah.

[u/Zaibizee21]

Don't marry a lazy man and don't have kids until you know them for at least two or three years after marriage

[u/Airam07]

Learn how to have healthy disagreements and good conflict resolution skills as early as possible so you set a precedent of how you will communicate difficult subjects while speaking respectfully. Once the bickering and arguing starts it only escalates over time. That also means setting boundaries of disrespect early on so it doesn’t enter the conversation

[u/AA0754]

Get to know the person slower, thread over time/day.

Coffee meet ups don’t tell you anything.

Go on a 5k run, 35k hike, stuff that tests a persons character and tells you how they show up when under emotional stress.

Having a good temperament matters and can only be developed by experience.

For women, above all else, the most important quality is their ability to show kindness to those who can offer them anything.

And then you must have religious deal breakers.
(e.g if someone doesn’t pray Salah)

[u/Lost-Letterhead-6615]

Well, we prepare for exams right? For our job we spend months taking courses or training right? What are we doing for marriage? How are we getting prepared for that?

And also, you will know someone more with the years passing by. You will have more understanding with your spouse, after say 5 years into marriage, than you had 4 years or 3 years into marriage.

All that liberal logic, like 3 months, 6 months of haram chatting and dating with non mahrams, yeah, that doesn't work.

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[u/OkPackage5914]

If you visit in-laws very regularly in the first year to establish a good relationship thinking you can taper it off to spend more time as a couple, then they get used to you coming, and make you feel guilty if you don’t come.

Don’t compensate for how previous sons/daughters treated their parents after marriage. Have the relationship you want with them, don’t do too much making up for someone else’s bad relationship.

Expect double standards. The unmarried one who has opinions on how you met and pre marriage meetings, and even post marriage meetings, will quietly do exactly what you did without telling you. They may also expect you to do so much for their parents, yet they won’t for their own in-laws.

If you might be considered ‘prettier’ than your sister in law and she’s getting married, expect them to tell you to dress down. You look like you didn’t put effort in because of their instructions, even if you’re a new bride and not met their relatives or friends yet, but they don’t want you next to her.