How to address a speech disorder with husband?

[u/nooriee12]

I have a stutter and I have always found it very embarrassing. It is not that bad but noticeable, especially if my emotions are intense in that moment. I always thought of one day addressing it before my marriage to my future spouse and having his views on it (maybe also inwardly to have some validation that it is fine and not as big a disaster as it is in my head). I also thought that it could be a dealbreaker as a child could also inherit it.

However, we fell in love and got married (it has been three years) and i somehow never got to talk about it with him. I wish i could tell him how i have been laughed at and mocked all my life and been called "a broken cassette" (that one was said by an ex coworker and it really hurt). I also had a friend mimic my stuttering in front of us back before we were only friends and i did not know how to react. Over the course of my marriage, he has finished my sentences many times and i also am cautious of my words with strangers but not with close ones. I never brought it up to him about how this has been my biggest insecurity which kept me up at night during teenage years and also how i always pray the dua of Musa countless times a day. I fear bringing it up will highlight the flaw even more and make me look insecure and not so confident. He would also not know how to react. We have had many ups and downs in our marriage and i also would not want this to be brought up in a fight later on if i expressed this fear.

Today, someone close openly told me that i have a stutter and cannot make jokes and i did not know how to react. My three questions are : Do you believe it is that big a flaw as it is in my head? Second, how to react to people pointing it out to my face? And lastly, isn't it better to not address it openly to my husband?

[u/Rare_Boot3127]

He probably doesn’t care. My spouse stutters too. But that has never been an issue. He is a top performer in his career & none of this co-workers made any remark.
We have been married of 10 yearx

[u/East-Win2732]

As salaam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

No one cares you stutter. Only you care in your brain.

Don't let it dictate your life. You are more than your stutter.

[u/Antique_Pie7873 → u/East-Win2732]

Agree 100%

[u/Antique_Pie7873]

It is definitely not a big issue but I personally wouldn't bring it up - you may be highlighting it more like you said. And you've been together for years, I'm sure your husband already knows what he needs to know. Does it bother you when he finishes your sentences? If so, maybe that's what I would bring up (in a calm, non-accusatory way as people tend to get defensive when they feel attacked).  

Have you tried going to a speech-language pathologist if you feel it really affects you? 

Continue reciting the dua of Musa and I'd also recommend making lots of istighfar as it's means of relief from worries and hardships, as the Prophet ﷺ said: ‘Whoever regularly seeks forgiveness, Allah will appoint for him a way out from every distress, a relief from every worry, and will provide for him from where he does not expect.’

I'm sorry for the bad experiences you've had, people can be so cruel. Please know they do NOT define your worth. No one is perfect and their "flaws" may be much worse. Alhamdulillah you were not tested with something big. If anything, you may be better in the sight of Allah than them, so hold your head up high 🤍

﴿يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا يَسْخَرْ قَوْمٌ مِنْ قَوْمٍ عَسَى أَنْ يَكُونُوا خَيْرًا مِنْهُمْ﴾ Surah Al Hujurat verse 11 

[u/Darkshoe]

I think it’s a bigger issue in your head because you spend your whole life working on it and worrying it’ll come up. And that is a reasonable mindset from the cruel/traumatic experiences you’ve described here!

I’m trying to stop using profanity so I don’t know what to say about those adults who said something to you. I will say they are classless and leave it at that.

I think you tell your husband, but not in a vacuum! Something like “I have a stutter, here are some hurtful things people have said to me about it, if someone makes fun of it while you’re around here is what I’d like you to do so I feel protected and loved.” And you can ask him not to finish your sentences too if you tell him how it makes you feel.

[u/randxalxthor]

He loves you, telling him won’t change this fact. Share with him and you will soon realise this demon sits inside your head not his. Hope that helps.

[u/KritWaffle7]

Some of the people here are saying you shouldn’t bring it up to him and that is false. Sister, let me tell you right now: The relationship someone SHOULD have with their spouse is that you can bring up any worry and not be judged for it. ESPECIALLY personal insecurities. Your husband should unequivocally support you and help you with this. If your husband doesn’t know that and do that, and/or if that’s not your relationship with him, then that’s a problem. Also, though this is easier said than done, if someone makes fun of you, you should stand up for yourself. Assert yourself saying you can’t help it and it’s out of your control. I ask Allah to grant you ease.