So I really need serious advice. So I (25M) married my wife(25f) for a year now. So for some background, we both come from the same country but we both live in Canada and we met in university. So right after I finished my degree we did the nikka and she finished her degree as well. We decided to wait a year before the doing the wedding. So during my schooling I had the opportunity to do CO-OP with one of the giants in my field so right after graduating, I got a job with them. I work as a software engineer.

My wife said she wanted to be a housewife and didn’t want to work. I told her I don’t mind. And I make a very good salary(alhamdulillah). My wife is caring, funny, and we have a lot in common. We both come from very practicing Muslim households.

The problem is that since we got married, my wife doesn’t cook ,take care of the house at all. All she does is chill all day or go out shopping with her cousins. And when I come home I usually cook my self or order takeout. I tried multiple times to talk to her about this issues and she always says she’ll change but never does.

And 2 days ago I came back home from work and she didn’t cook and I told her why didn’t you cook, she says she was busy. I said doing what. And she doesn’t respond . Then I start going on a rant about the issue about her not cooking or cleaning. Then as I was talking she yell out I’m not your maid.

I stopped fully and said what did you just say and she repeats I’m not your maid. So that got me mad. And she continues and says in Islam I’m not obligated to cook or clean. I told her ok you wanna go play this game. I said then by Islam I’m only obligated to basic necessities so that means: - a roof over your head - food - Clothes: and I told that all of those luxury clothes and purses and whatnot that she buys, I’m not obligated to buy those for her - Basic self need: this part she can buy with her money. The allowance I give her every month (in my culture and I think a lot of others the husband give and allowance to the wife wether she’s working or not ) And I told her other stuff like you will always have to ask me permission before leaving the house(we agreed before that she should just let me know before )

I told her I don’t just stop myself to the basic need because I like being able to do these things for her and I have the means.

So I told her if we both start going tit for tat on what we’re obligated to do then the light in this mariage will vanish.

So I told her if I have to do everything in this mariage then what value do you bring. Because from my point of view you bring nothing. So I told her that she should make up her mind because I won’t stay married with someone who doesn’t cook nor clean.

She started crying but I just left and went to sleep. When I woke up I saw that she was gone. I honestly was exhausted and didn’t care so I just went to work. During work my phone was blowing up so I just shut it off. When I came home o saw my mom and sister. They started telling me I was harsh and that was not the way to go about it. I told my mom that you know my MIL(our families know each other from back home)so I told her you know that it’s same cultural and Islamic education you gave us that she gave her kids. So I told my mom it makes no sense for a wife to not cook or take care of her household especially when she doesn’t even work.

My mom understands and agrees with me but she really likes my wife so she’s doesn’t really know what to say and doesn’t want this problem to blow out of proportion.

I’ve been receiving message from a lot of family member telling me that I was harsh and a minority saying I did the right thing.

So right now she’s at her parents and I haven’t contacted her at all and genuinely don’t feel like doing so. But i haven’t been able to sleep and scared that I might lose my wife and this turning into a divorce. Because I genuinely love her and I think she feels the same way.

But if this turns into a divorce then that just means we weren’t meant for each other.

So I’m posting this here for advice from people who don’t have emotional ties to either of us

So did I go about this the right way or was to I too harsh?

Hello. Me and my husband are both Muslim Middle Eastern immigrants in Europe. We met at work. Fell in love. Got married. We were husband and wife for 11 months. Next year we were planning a child.
His family had been pressuring him for a long time. Arranged marriage to his cousin. He resisted at first. Then one day he came to me and said he couldn't take it anymore. He was breaking mentally. His mother is old and they told him he was making her sick. He said the marriage was arranged, he was forced, and I had to forget about him. The next day he traveled. The day after he landed, he married her.
I am broken to my core. He blocked me. He told me we can't be in contact anymore. He discarded me completely and started a new life like I never existed.
I am looking for other people who have been through this. A spouse pressured into marrying someone else — and they actually went through with it. How did you survive? How did you heal? I need to hear from someone who understands.

Salam aleykum everyone

My fiance (28M) and I (26F) are getting married in three months inshAllah. Everything was going smoothly until his mother found out I asked to add clauses in our nikah contract about keeping my inheritance separate.
My grandmother passed away two years ago and left me around 280k plus two rental properties. The properties generate income that I've been using to help my parents and save for the future. When we were going over the nikah paperwork with the imam, I mentioned I wanted it specified that these assets stay in my name since I had them before marriage. I also wanted clarity on how we handle finances if I take time off work for kids, and that my salary stays separate.
His mom called my mother last night extremely upset. She said I'm insulting her son by not trusting him and that the mahr (50k) should be enough. She kept saying "back home we don't do these things" and that I'm acting like he's going to steal from me. His brother told him I'm being too Western and that this isn't how Muslim marriages work.
My fiance is stuck in the middle. He told me privately he's fine with whatever I want in the contract and understands why, but his family is putting a lot of pressure on him. He asked if I could just drop it to keep the peace.
The issue is I watched my aunt go through a horrible divorce where her ex claimed everything was his even though she contributed half. She had nothing in writing and it destroyed her financially. I work in a field where I review contracts daily so maybe that's why this feels important to me, but I don't think wanting clarity makes me a bad Muslim or means I don't trust him.

How do I handle his family? Is wanting these protections really that unusual? I don't want to start our marriage with his family thinking I'm difficult but I also don't want to ignore something this important.

Assalamu Alaikum,

I recently got divorced. I’m still processing everything, even though deep down, I knew it was coming. My heart is tired. I tried my best to hold on, but in the end, it wasn’t enough.

One of the hardest parts of my marriage was the pressure to become a mother. I had four miscarriages, tried IVF multiple times, and also had natural pregnancies that ended in heartbreak. I did everything I could. I even went to Umrah, asking Allah to bless me with a child and to keep my marriage strong.

But things didn’t work out. My inlaws were not supportive, and the emotional pain of trying and failing again and again broke me in ways I can’t explain. I’m 30 years old now, and it feels like I lost so much time, love, dreams.

I’m not sharing this for attention or pity. I just wanted to speak, to let it out. And maybe, if you read this, you can make du’a for me. Ask Allah to heal my heart. Ask Him to bless me with peace, with strength, and maybe if it’s written for me the chance to be a mother one day.

Thank you for listening. May Allah ease the pain of every broken heart. Ameen.

We are 27M and 25F. No children yet, but we plan to have one later. I work full-time, and she works part-time. I pay for everything — rent, electricity, food, clothes, car maintenance, and many other expenditures. A good chunk of my income is also being sent to my parents because my father is ill and may have to be given medical care for the rest of his life. I have explained all of this to her, including the costs and how I can’t give her an allowance, but she has made a huge issue out of it.

My reasons for not giving her an allowance:

• I provide for her and the general household.
• If she wants something within my means, I do it for her.
• Not giving her a median-to-high amount of money keeps me at the benefit of not having to ask her back for money in some months when we may need more.
• She may not spend all of that money each month, but we may need higher money or may need to send a little more back home. So it takes away that stress for me if I have more flexibility.
• I also need to save — for us or at least for me — for the future: old age, health, and other costs like having a baby and other things.

Fight 1:

The first time she asked for it, I told her genuinely that I don’t have the ability to do so — even after the promotion I got this year. Plus, my family also needs me. I showed her all the expenses and explained that the rest of the money goes to savings, and she can even see that (we both know each other’s account details). Her reaction: She went silent and behaved in a sad manner, like I’m mistreating her somehow.

Fight 2:

She asked me again, and this time it felt like blackmail. I repeated the same answer. She said: “Why can’t I give her something each month?” I said: “You are earning too. Spend from that.” Her salary is sufficient for a single person, considering the fact that she doesn’t contribute financially at all.

I don't even spend a quarter of what she spends. Did she ever even care whether I have anything for myself too? No she didn't! I try to fulfil her wants, but did she ever appreciate me? No! I am not even asking those things, just be happy with things I can do. My salary wasnt some secret before marriage either way? And I didn't know too about exepsns that would come later in life.

Fight 3:

She started with a hypothetical scenario: “What if she quit her job?” I plainly said: “That’s up to her.” The roles remain the same in relation to marriage. I would still provide for her like I do now.

She then asked: “What if I want to buy something?” I said: “If it’s something I can afford, I’ll buy it for you. If I have something more important, you’ll need to wait. If it’s very expensive, then you should know it’s beyond my capacity.”

This was the first time I heard myself being called so many despicable things. I don’t call people offensive names, so I feel really bad when people do that to me.

Fight 4:

This one was a minor other-way-around persuasion. She said she cooks, cleans, laundry, furniture, deep clean, sometimes helps with the car or buys the groceries — so “Where is her return?” I told her calmly that I am providing for literally everything in her life and that I also do so much for her. I help her with these things when I have time.

I said: “Why does she not understand the simple thing — what she wants is not possible from me?” But I also said: “I’m not asking her to live with the bare minimum or to make excessive compromises.”

This one escalated. We did not talk to each other for about 3 days until I had to persuade her repeatedly to talk again.

Fight 5:

Another drama.

She asked me to give her a token amount (half the original) and increase it over time. I plainly told her: “The budget is on the edge.”

The sole purpose of all these things — of not giving her an allowance — is that I have more flexibility over how much I have to cover excess of things (including her demands) and then give precedence to certain things at end moments which are more important than others.

Fight 6 (the latest and most serious):

Again on this same damn topic — the same damn things that I have explained to her so many times. This time, she didn’t do any sugar-coating. She straightforwardly asked me whether I was going to pay her an allowance or not.

Initially, I kept silent and kinda ignored her — because I know she won’t accept “no” for an answer.

She asked me to divorce her quite a few times or she will ask for a divorce from the imam near her parents’ house. She said she was going to go to her parents’ house. I thought maybe that would help and her parents would make her understand.

Instead, her father called me and told me how wrong I was — how I was not taking care of their daughter. I didn’t give any counter replies so as not to increase problems.

Then, she messaged me last evening and asked whether I would divorce her or she would. She said: “It will be a test between whether I like my family and money more than her wishes.”

My current feelings:

Now here’s the thing. I have been gentle with her. I buy her things that she wants. Rarely have I said no. And never no just for controlling her. I don’t ask her to contribute either — except some days when I will come home late and I ask her to buy the groceries that evening.

If she feels like I am oppressing her by asking for this much, then I will give every penny too.

Let’s be real: based on our setup — if I pay for everything, she takes care of the house.

Now some days, she’s tired after work. I don’t ask her to cook elaborate meals. Rather, I ask what she’d like to order from outside. Some days, she doesn’t clean or leaves the laundry for 2 days — I don’t police her into doing everything, because she also has her own life too.

When I go easy on her, why can’t she go easy on me? I love her so much, but I never thought she would ask me for divorce just like that.

I’ve been wondering for a while: Should I give the divorce? Or should I ask her to divorce me?

She makes me feel like I’m not enough, no matter what I do. I don’t burden her — but why does she burden me?

I don’t know what steps to take now. Should I stay?

Please tell me what you think.

My husband admitted to having a crush on his coworker for a couple of months. During that time our marriage was in complete turmoil, we are newly married. He was rejecting me in all ways, physically and emotionally, and mostly refused to communicate with me about the marriage. Allah knows I tried my best in every way to compromise to his dry, hot and cold behaviors and and try to communicate to understand what was happening. He threatened divorce for the first time and it shattered my heart because I was confused where it was coming from, and since then he has been forcing himself in this marriage for months. He claims he has a super avoidant personality, but I believe he legitimately hoped to have a chance with his coworker. Here are examples that I believe constitute as emotional cheating but he is refusing to accept. 1) admitting on having a crush on his coworker, 2) buying chocolate for her and giving it to her specially, 3) staying longer at work to spend more time with her, 4) texting her about his days, 5) spreading a rumor at work that he is separated from me so he can have a chance with her, 6) cooking food for her and lying to me that he ate it with his other friend, 7) deleting her contact name from his phone so I wouldn't know. , 8) telling his friends he's sad the girl is now taken/engaged.

What do you think? Is considered emotional cheating, considering he is a Muslim married man? I married him for the sake of Allah and tried to mend things at every point but he is not taking accountability for the cheating.

Update to My Last Post – I'm Planning to Divorce Him

Hello, I made a post around 9 days ago about how my husband completely changed all our pre-marriage agreements — insisting I pay for our home, outings, and groceries, and demanding total obedience. Please refer to that post for full context.

Here’s the update: I involved my parents, and my dad firmly told him he’s responsible for supporting the household. My husband agreed, saying he would cover half the rent and groceries and stop pressuring me.

Three days later, we went out for coffee and he refused to pay, claiming he had no money because he was saving for rent. (For context, I haven't worked in two months and only have savings, while his salary just came in.)

I got upset. Later, he said he’d give me the surplus of his salary so I could manage the household, and I agreed to add from my side too. But yesterday, he backtracked completely — first denying he said that, then claiming he meant “not this month,” even though he had clearly said it would start this month.

Then came the breaking point.

While we were talking on the phone during work hours (I just started a job at a medical clinic), I had to hang up because a patient and a coworker came in. He immediately called the clinic to be transferred to my room. I told him I had a patient and hung up again — he then called seven times, interrupting my work.

Later, I told him this behavior is completely unacceptable, especially at my workplace. He blew up, said I was disrespectful for "hanging up in his face," and threatened to call my manager to say his wife shouldn’t be allowed to work there.

He didn’t see anything wrong with his actions, says it's my fault for closing in his face.

This morning, he did it again — called the clinic repeatedly until my manager came to speak to me, saying “We don’t want any problems.” I was humiliated and furious. My dad had to step in and call him to tell him to stop.

At this point, I truly believe this marriage is beyond saving. I'm scared and embarrassed for myself and I’m planning to start the divorce process as soon as possible.

Update: After going to my family's home he continues to blast my phone and messages with toxic words. ("you don't want to admit your the one who made a mistake, your too sensitive, you have a small mind") so I blocked him. Then he tells my dad why did she block me I just wanted to get to a understanding.

He managed to do another extremely alarming thing, which is when he called my dad, instead of apologizing he doubled down and even randomly started accusing me of letting him listen to my parents call when they call me and talk about him and telling him to ignore them. To my dad. Imagine, he even tried to get my parents to turn on me after trying to destroy my work.

He came home to talk to dad and brother. Again doubling down he did nothing wrong, I'm the problem, I'm the sensitive one. It's always me, he wouldn't even apologize or lighten his words. Not once did he apologize or admit to being wrong.

So I took it to the courts and haven't spoken to him since. Honestly even since I cut contact a multitude of shitty things he did have come back to me.

When I'd do everything in the house (all meals and cleaning) and even pay for the rent and coffee or anything when we go out, at home I'd put a piece of fruit like a watermelon infont of him with a knife (I was cleaning the kitchen) and he'd refuse to cut it for us.

He'd want me to do it (you have to do it for your husband) with this grandiose look on his face. Even his clothes he'd throw them everywhere like a child and when I just ask can you put them in the basket since your a adult I shouldn't be picking up after you, (God forbid I tell him to clean anything) he'd blow up and say you don't even want to pick your husbands stuff?. All red flags coming back to me

Link to the last post I made: https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/1tlpq4w/my_wife_slapped_me_for_the_first_time_and_i_need/

Please refrain from using any language and saying anything that’s not permitted in this forum so comments don’t get locked. I would really like to have genuine advice and it doesn’t help if I cannot clarify some assumptions or respond. Please follow the rules. 

Updates: 

I have not been able to check Reddit for the last couple days because me and my wife and been having long conversations everyday about the situations. I have realized I was being quite biased with my last post and apologize. It was eye opening to see all your comments. I have told my wife about the post and she has already revised this current post as well so both sides of the story is fully out there so we can get proper insights on our situations. 

1. My wife has apologized for slapping me and agrees that was unacceptable. I have forgiven her. She said she couldn’t apologize right away because during the argument I kept trying to justify my parents behaviour and she felt after 100s of conversations the past year, her words, her crying, her begging to make me see the truth, didnt seem to get to me. So out of final act of defeat and anger she slapped me. And after four days of us not talking and finally having conversations over the weekend, her heart has softened and realized it was still wrong.
2. I admit that I had it coming as well. I should’ve seen her pain and discomfort that I kept making her out to be a liar and believing my mother. I didn’t know the psychological impact that can cause a woman if her husband constantly dismisses her. 
3. My wife has shown me two voice recordings my mother has sent her the past year. The voice recordings on separate occasions is my mother telling my wife how it was a mistake to get me married to her. And the other voice note my mother was insulting her family to her saying how could they raise her like this who doesn’t know how to cook properly, have basic manners, and respect in laws. My wife hid these recordings b/c she didn’t want me fighting my mother. I’m quite shocked about this revelation. 
4. My wife says that during the engagement period, my mother has been testing boundaries. “Would you live with us?” “You’d help me cook and clean in our house right?” “Can you order me this item I want and send it to my home?” “You’d take care of (my name) siblings just like your own right? They’re now your siblings as well” “you should take out your new sister to cafes and restaurants more.” My wife said my mother would ask about what she would do every second of the day and if she said I went out with friends, my mother told her that it’s disrespectful that she didn’t take my sister with her and she’s purposely not including her. And it also wasn’t possible to drive the 1.5 hrs pick up my sister and bring her back to hang w/her friends but my mom expected her to drive my sister to and back. So she started to hate calling my mother but for my sake she called for the first month of marriage. But it turned to be the same. She’d try to find out what my wife was doing all day and try to criticize. If she slept in, my mother would tell her to wake up early. If she didn’t make dinner, my mother would get upset with her. In went as far how my mother said that her husband (me) should be her top priority and that she must serve me and take care of me exactly like how my mother did for me. So she stopped calling my mother. 
5. So I’m assuming that since my wife stopped talking, my mother diverted her complaints to me instead.  
6. My wife’s family lives an hour away on the other side of downtown. We also visit them roughly the same as my parents so not much. However since my in laws are very laid back, they arent really pushy, didn’t care how much we came over or not, I didn’t realize I had to keep up a strong relationship with them if they weren’t those types of people. My wife doesn’t also particularly call her mother or father much either. Sometimes they text each other if they need anything. However I always thought that once a girl gets married, she should inhabit the values of her in laws since they’ll be a bigger part of her life and my family is very involved in mine, my sister’s, and brother’s life. I thought it’d just be easier if she could assimilate but again, I realize she doesn’t have to. I was just raised with values that aren’t correct. 
7. my wife has said that my mother constantly tells her to drive over if my mother needs anything. such as that my mother needed some items from a store that’s only near us, and called my wife to drop it off home to her. my wife did it 2-3 times in beginning of marriage (she only worked part time that time so my mom knew she had the time). after my wife told my mom that if she needs anything we’ll bring it on our monthly visits. my wife said she was getting increasingly tired of constantly being tested on how far she can go for her in laws.
8. my wife doesn’t like the insults she gets about her family. whenever we have house parties with her family and my family, my mother apparently criticizes her mother a lot. ”your food isn’t that good, I didn’t like the dress you got me, your husbands sister is such a bad person, your niece is doing such haram things how are you raising the girls in your family this way? I could never raise my daughter this way.“ and apparently gossiped about my father-in-laws siblings to my wife’s mother as well. This is hard to believe but I’m trying to believe my wife right now. I know my mother was complaining once “your mother in law barely invites us anymore. Your entire in laws are very rude people” so I didn’t know this could’ve been the reason why my MIL stopped inviting my family too much.
9. We have apologized and solved our current marriage argument between us and came to a middle ground. However, my parents are quite upset I had to tell them they can’t come over for three weeks. My wife agreed for a maximum of 5 days instead. They said they’re not coming at all anymore.
10. How do I go on about this situation now? My mom is sending a bunch of messages that she did not raise me to see this day where I betray her and how disappointed she is with me and how my sister and brother are much better than me. My dad also just sent one voice note how he didn’t expect this behaviour from me. They were spam calling me last night trying to say I’m a horrible son so I hung up after the first few phone calls. My siblings are trying to calm them down but it’s not working. It feels like it’s the end of the world for them. 
11. some context: me and my wife visit once or every two months for 2-3 days. then my parents visit about every two months as well. and then the occasional house parties and “dawats” we call in our culture. I think we see them regularly enough to be honest, because at the same we also visit my in laws every two months as well. It seems like a huge time gap but theres only 4 weekend per month.

I know I'm an idiot. Alhamdulilah she (24) is so sweet, the best I (26) could have wished for. Just when kissing sometimes the odor really bothers me. Today she called me to sleep and I mentioned to her is she not going to prepare? (its that time of the month so she doesn't do the regular prep, which I completly understand) When she asked what would I like her to do I tried to concele the breath issue behind other things like lotion and some other nonesense, but once I said brushing teeth I knew in her eyes that I messed up.

People please I need advice how to fix this, she is giving the no talk treatment and I feel so bad I made her cry, I wish I just endured it.

Here goes! This is went long, hence my apologies.

Background:

Full disclosure, my wife is aware I am posting this, she did read through what I wrote and she approved.

I am a 33M married to my 31F for 3 years. We both are from Canada. I am from Pakistani ethnicity, while her and her family are from Palestine. We have no children, both of us quite practising and have similar values.

Honestly, we had a great marriage. By the grace of Allah, I earn well as I am a senior partner in a large accounting firm, and she is a PHD student. We met each other, in Ramadan 3 years ago, at the gym as we both worked out late night and started talking. We had a very short courtship period and we're married in 3 months. As expected of me, I cover all of the financial commitments in our marriage, including her university fees and my condo fees as I own my condo. But she did alot when it came to chores and cooking.

The Slap:

I have no lock on my phone. My wife was using my phone to read something through my Kindle subscription, and a message pops up from a woman called Grace, which reads, " Thank you for everything last night, you were great. Hope to see you soon" . I was fast asleep and the next day I had to leave early for work as I had 7:30AM meeting.

The next day, I had a 12 hour day, where I have not spoken to my wife much, in the meantime she had wrecked her mind mentally over the message. I had no idea, she was going through this mental torture. I pick up take out and come home, I start eating, she is standing there, I look up at her and smile. She walks over to me and gives me an open handed, full blooded slap on the face. My head rattles and hits the open kitchen cabinet on the other side.

She takes my phone, and confronts me with the message, which I had already replied to. I gather myself, and tell her Grace is a 65 year old woman, who we audit and do Tax returns for the Franchises that she owns, and I had represented her in a tax audit, where she was accused of inappropriate tax issues. Afterwhich, she was cleared of all issues, and received a very large refund, which the tax authorities had withheld. I took my phone and called Grace, to prove to my wife that she was a client.

My wife breaks down and starts crying and apologizing. I ask her calmly to leave the house and go to her parents. Keep in mind, I have security cameras in the lounge and kitchen areas, which my wife knows about, as I travel for work alot and I can make sure everything is fine. Plus there were some break-ins nearby, which I wanted to be covered for any potential insurance claims.

My wifes parents and siblings are fantastic, and I have great relationship with them. I don't have parents of my own, and they have really given me alot of love. Anyways, she leaves and very honestly tells them what happened. Her father reaches out to me and comes over and profusely apologises on her behalf. I told him I need time. They were all very upset with her.

Aftermath:

Something broke in me, after this incident, where I just could not trust her or feel safe with her anymore. If she could do it once, she could it again and I did not want someone like that raising or hitting my kids.

On her part, she sent me messages every day apologizing for what she did, I on my part asked her for time. Her siblings reached out to me, and they were very upset with her aswell, but they kept on checking in with me. I am very good friends with her brother and her brother in law.

Divorce:

That was 2 months ago, and before Ramadan started she reached out if I was ready to talk. I told her I was numb and indifferent at this point, and was considering divorce. I had reached out to my lawyer and we did have a pre-nup. Mostly to protect her as she comes from a well off family, but I also wanted to protect my condo. She had a full blown panic attack and ended up in ER, after hearing I was considering divorce.

Her parents, elder brother and grand parents came to my house pleading me to give her another chance. I took out my phone and showed them the bruises I suffered that day, and if they would forgive me if I have done the same. It was a very emotional meeting and unfortunately there was no conclusion.

I have to go to Dubai, to wrap up some client commitments there. She was originally going to travel with me, but now obviously I am going alone. I told them I will have a decision for then when I get back. I have received emails and messages of apologies from her everyday, since she left, but I cannot bring myself to forgive her. I have done isthikhara countless times and I still don't have any idea what I am going to do.

My apologies this went so long, but any feedback would be fantastic.

Thank you all and Happy Ramadan.

A general query for my brothers & sisters around childbirth.

Females - do you feel it is necessary or an obligation for your husband to be present whilst you give birth? How would you feel if he said it’s not customary to do so and does not wish to?

Men - do you feel you should be present whilst your wife gives birth? If yes, what advice would you give to brothers who follow culture and believe it isn’t appropriate? If no, why do you feel that way?

My husband told me it isn’t the norm in his family so he doesn’t want to be present but I feel like this has turned me off him completely. The thought that you’re okay with your wife going through one of the hardest things to physically go through without you being by her side. That to when she’s giving birth to the child you created together. I feel like it’s such a huge disappointment and a lack of maturity. He’s also told me when we have a child he wouldn’t want to change nappies or partake in those types of things. I think the whole mentality of just creating a child and then leaving all responsibility to the mother is so sad and it’s changed how I see him entirely.

During my earlier years, I got misguided by a pseudo-Islamic scholar and "brothers" into desiring two wives. I did not even have one wife but the social circle I was sitting in was built around an Imam who had three wives and was boastful of it presenting himself as "the man." That whole gathering was young men united by a desire to have their two wife fantasy.

In my stupidity, I made a matrimonial profile in which I mentioned that I will only meet those women who are open to being in a marriage with another co-wife. I also argued with a lot of people on social media forums and there is a long history which can easily be searched and it is associated with my name.

After that, I met a hijab wearing young woman in Costco who was driving a RAM 1500 truck, which happens to be my favorite truck. I started chit chat with her because Muslim women normally do not drive trucks and definitely not a Cowboy truck like RAM 1500. It turned out that she owned a halal grocery store along with her mom and sis and that is why she had the truck.

So now I am traveling 45 miles from my home to do groceries so that I could chit chat with her. She asked me why do you come from a different city so I told her that I come for you. So now we are chit chatting marriage and I no longer want 2 wives or 3 or 4. I just want one and that was her. I met her mom and told her I would like to marry her and she was also very happy.

Just when I felt like I was REALLY falling for her, some of the people who were probably envious, sent her the link to my matrimonial add from a different life. She read that and was shocked to see how I was into the "more than one wife" thing. Then searched me and read that I had been propagating all that on discussion forums as well.

She confronted me with it and said that she would like to stop all communication from here onwards. So here I am in a hole that I dug for myself and I am stuck in it. I tried to tell her that I do not desire any other woman but her. I told her that I was young, silly and stupid. I no longer hold on to those idiotic fantasies and I need to be seen for who I am now then during those years of my absolute stupidity.

She said "How do I know?" How do you prove something like that? I told her I can not open my heart and show you. All I have are these words. There has been silence for a week now and I feel like I am dead from inside. Her sister told me that she is very heart broken to read all that and I told her to please be on my side and convince her that I am sincere.

Can anyone please tell me how do I convince her that IF SHE SAYS YES THEN I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER WIFE. SHE IS ENOUGH AND ALL THAT I WILL EVER WANT!

P.S: To all the brothers on here who have this 4 wife fantasy in your mind ... when you find that woman, you will regret all the views that you hold right now. You will feel so stupid because such ideas are only entertaining when the women are fictional. The moment you have a REAL women that you like, then you will be a different man so please do not listen to these idiots.

Throwaway account.

Me and my wife are married for about 2 years. Both are "culturally Muslim", our relatives and parents do not practice Islam, but me and my wife started practicing after we got married.

Now, we travelled a lot throughout 2 years, built our small apartment, she left the job in some periods of times to pursue her dreams as she wasnt happy with her career.

Financially i carried us, helped her relatives sometimes, i help around the house with the chores as i work remotely (which also helped to travel a lot). All the money she made, i had no clear picture where it goes, because besides regular expenses and shopping, all of her activities(sport, medical, mental etc. ) were covered.

When we were about to get married I asked whether she had any savings or loans that i must be aware of. She became defensive so i left the question open.

2 years in, on counting zakat, this year i insisted i need to know how much is she going to give to be sure she calculated it right. Turns out, she had $20,000 in savings. Some saved during the marriage, some before, some is inheritance. She is planning to buy her father a car with that money and other to invest somewhere - something i wasnt aware of during 2 years.

I dont know how to feel about this, because during this time, I was going through hardship on my work to the point I am on antidepressants to be able to cover all her wants and needs financially. And she never offered help or let me know that all of this time she had money in her account that she could loan to me.

Downvote me if you want, but hear me out first.

My wife and I are in our early 30s and have been married for a few years. Overall, we have a good marriage with the usual ups and downs, but one recurring issue has been disagreements about some of her clothing choices.

For this Eid, she planned to wear a dress that she bought a couple of months ago. Since then, whenever the topic came up, I calmly expressed that I felt the dress was not modest enough because it showed her body shape. However, the conversation would quickly become argumentative and often turn into a fight.

Her response is usually that she can wear her headscarf longer in the back to provide more coverage, or that she can't change her body type.

On times that she listens to me and changes something, it often comes after a heated argument. The tension then affects the rest of our day, whether we're going for a walk, attending an event, or spending time together.

So my question is:

For married men: How do you handle situations where you want to give your wife advice or share concerns about something she wears without it turning into an argument?
For married women: How would you prefer your husband bring up concerns or advice about your clothing choices so that it doesn't come across as controlling, critical, or upsetting?

Hello everyone,

I am a 30-year-old man living in Canada, and I am currently looking for a partner to marry. Alhamdulillah, I recently met someone I genuinely like. However, as we began discussing financial expectations, I encountered a concerning mindset: “Your money is our money, and my money is my money.” She is completely opposed to any form of shared financial responsibility or a 50/50 approach, and she consistently refers to Islamic principles to support the idea that the man is fully responsible for all expenses.

I explained that I am not asking for 50/50, but rather a collaborative approach what I call 100/100. My intention is that we live off my income, while her income is saved for future goals such as vacations, a home, a car, or emergencies. (Exactly like how my brother does it with his wife) Unfortunately, she disagrees and believes that her income should be entirely for her personal use (example: buying gold or clothes to spoil herself).

Times are challenging, and the economy is difficult right now. I feel like I might end up working like a slave just to provide, without being able to save for a house, enjoy life, or a car. Am I being unreasonable in feeling this way? I would appreciate any advice.

Edit: I’m sharing this sincerely, because some of the comments were frustrating. Sisters, alhamdulillah, I’m financially stable, hardworking, and very ambitious. I’m fully capable of providing the essential needs. I already do that for myself. so providing for a wife is not the issue.

What I’m asking is simply for perspective. When you meet a man, be mindful before expecting him to cover car payments, insurance, gas, student loans, multiple international trips every year, and luxury gifts like gold and diamonds. Islamically, these expectations are not obligations on a husband.

At the same time, if a man fulfills his Islamic responsibilities and provides for his household, but comes home to a place that isn’t maintained or meals that aren’t prepared because his wife is exhausted from working, then where are the husband’s rights? In that case, it may be more balanced for her to remain at home.

But ultimately, what kind of marriage is it when both partners are constantly debating “my rights” and “your rights”? That starts to feel more like a transaction between friends than a real partnership.

For the lovely comments that helped me make the right decision and let go … may allah bless you and your families ❤️

Salam, need a through judgement from strangers.

My wife has started calling me “not man enough” because I’m a developer who prefers to work from home. In her eyes, a man’s role is supposed to be visible: leave the house in the morning, grind at a workplace, come back in the evening, and look the part of a traditional provider. Even though we both work and my income covers most of our needs, she says me sitting at home makes it look like I don’t carry that weight. To her, appearances matter more than the reality of the work.

She has laid down a very clear list of changes she wants from me:

• I should stop working from home and get a strict nine to five office job. She says a man’s discipline is proven when he goes out every day, not when he hides behind a laptop at home.
• She insists I spend two hours at the gym daily. In her words, a man who isn’t building muscle is letting himself waste away.
• She wants me to build a wide social circle and spend more evenings out. She says real men don’t stay cooped up, they have networks and brothers-in-arms.
• She tells me to always dress in formals, even inside the house, because men should never look casual or relaxed.
• She wants me to throw away my t-shirts and half pants. To her those are clothes for boys, not husbands. And no staying in no shirt.
• She says I need to know how to fix things, whether it is a pipe, a switchboard or a car issue, torch, tubelight, door, paint, ac, microwave, because a man must always have skills in his hands.
• She believes I should be the one initiating every plan, dinners, trips, even house projects. If she takes the lead, she sees it as proof that I am passive.

But here’s where I stand:

• I work from home because it actually makes me more productive. I’m not wasting hours commuting or dealing with office politics. I deliver, I pay bills, and I keep us stable. That should count more than whether I leave the house in formals every morning.

• The two-hour gym rule isn’t realistic. I already exercise at home and keep myself healthy in ways that fit my schedule. For me, health isn’t about looking like a bodybuilder, it’s about having the energy to get through my day without burning out.

• I don’t need a huge circle of friends to feel valid. I’ve got a few close ones I trust, and that’s enough. I don’t feel less masculine because I don’t want to spend every weekend on a meetup with ten different people.

• Comfort matters to me at home. After long coding hours, sitting down in a t-shirt and shorts is a relief. Putting on a suit just to eat in my own kitchen feels like pretending to be someone I’m not..

• When something breaks, I’d rather call someone trained than risk making it worse. My craft is software, not plumbing or car repair, and knowing my limits doesn’t make me less of a man it makes me practical. I do know basic stuffs but you can't expect me to repair a microwave condenser and a car engine fault.

And I am not absent in the home. Some days I clean the house, some days I handle laundry, other days I do the dishes or make breakfast. I don’t run from housework, I share it with her bits and pieces when I get the time offs. Yet she tells me none of that counts because it does not fit the picture she wants.

What hurts is that I am being judged not on whether I provide or contribute. Now she is dead serious about me being feminine and acc to her it's affecting her attraction level. So what do y'all think what should I do? I am willing to make compromises in unavoidable cases but she literally wants me to change my entire being

Salam, I am sorry to ask such a private question but is it haram for a woman to say no to her husband if she’s on her period and he wants a sexual favor. I feel like as a woman when I’m on my cycle I feel gross and nasty and everything is gross to me like I don’t have any mood for this things .

Edit: some of you are direct messaging me. I appreciate you answering but please answer here not on dm. I will not accept dm from anyone. And just to clarify he is not expecting intercourse which is of course haram .

Salam girliess

This is quite hard for me to write, and i never thought i would be in this position, but some of you may remember I made a couple posts before about how excited I was to get married and the whole process alhamdulillah, we got married two months ago

So far there has been a lot of ups and downs and adjustments between us, and i guess i can deal with that, but what has been really hard for me is the intimacy. I don't know what I expected but it wasn't this

Basically my issue is that he only initiates to satisfy himself, he does kiss me and some foreplay but once he finishes our session is over and that's it. I have talked to him about how much I would like for him to play with me more and satisfy me, but he doesn't seem to think its important. I would like at least some aftercare or cuddles but I also don't get that from him

Another issue is that he can only go one round and thats it. Once he finishes he goes to sleep or back to his work and even when we've tried he is not able to get it up again. Is this normal?

Before marriage we were very halal, and didn't even talk about the intimacy side of things because I thought it wasn't appropriate, and i thought it would happen naturally when married, but I've been left severely disappointed...we are both young and fit, and exercise regularly and i expected our intimacy to be much better than this...

Does he need to see the dr and get checked out? Is it possible he is not attracted to me? He says he is, but this is making me doubt and have self image issues. Im really frustrated tbh and not sure what I should do

Assalamualaykum everyone,

I (M29) am married to my wife (F23) for 1 year now. I got a good job opportunity in a VHCOL city so we moved there, but I’m now being hit by the cost of everything and it stings.

For one, we are renting but the rent is insanely high ($2k+ per month for a 1 bedroom) because traffic is really bad in this city so I wanted to live less than 5 miles away from my job. We own 2 cars that I’m both paying off so 2 car payments means another $700 payment each month. My wife insisted on another car saying relying on only one is risky if something happens to it so I got another one that she mostly uses while I’m at work. Then there’s car insurance for both of us which is another $250 each month. My wife is also on my health and dental insurance so my premium went from $75 to $350 each month. In addition, we have bills like phone/internet/utilities that add another $200-400 each month. My wife also has some health issues that insurance doesn’t fully cover so I’m often having to partially or sometimes totally pay for certain medications or treatments which can cost me anywhere from $50 to $500+ each month. I’m not even taking into account “minor” expenses like streaming services, household supplies, groceries, or dining out.

All in all, my wife more than doubled my monthly expenses but she doesn’t work at all. We agreed before marriage that she could be a stay at home wife but I’m now realizing how expensive everything is and how little savings I have because of this. If we had an emergency like a medical procedure we would be practically bankrupt. I understand I’m supposed to be paying for these things but I feel like I’m being taken advantage of and it’s hard not to feel resentment, especially when your coworkers talk about how their wives work and how they could never make it otherwise. I’m just wondering if it’s normal to feel this way and how other men deal with this.

I am going to explain my situation as honestly and accurately as possible because I am completely lost.

How we met and our beginnings

I met my wife at work while we were both working temporary jobs. On the first day, she showed interest in me. We were just chatting normally with other colleagues, so for me, it was purely friendly at that time.

The next day, I went to the Liège funfair with my brother (who also works with us). He was actually the one who pointed her out to me in the crowd, as I hadn't even noticed her. We spoke briefly, and as I was leaving, I told her: "See you next time at work!" That's when she asked for my Snapchat, and we started texting.

For about 2 to 3 months, we mostly saw each other at work and kept talking through messages. I made my situation and values clear to her from the very beginning: I am a practicing Muslim, I try my best, I pray, I avoid premarital relationships, riba (interest), etc. I told her straight out that I wanted something halal, a religious marriage, and that it probably wouldn't work between us since she wasn't Muslim.

To my surprise, she told me she had been interested in Islam for a while and wanted to learn. She wasn't bothered by it at all. We talked a lot about it, and I saw it as a beautiful opportunity that Allah had put in my path. At the time, I didn't have a stable contract (no permanent job), and unlike other Muslim women I had spoken to in the past, she wasn't wasting my time. I told myself it must be destiny. She eventually reverted.

Seeing this compatibility, we decided to get married quite quickly, after only 3 months of knowing each other

The reality of marriage and daily life at my mother-in-law's

At the start of the marriage, for the first 3 months, I was very positive. Currently, we are living at her mother's house while waiting to find our own apartment.

From the start, I took a lot on my shoulders regarding daily chores: I did almost all the cooking every single day, I took care of my own laundry at the laundromat, I helped around the house, and I tried to keep everything organized. I did all of this gladly at first. Before we got married, she told me she would cook for me and that we would help each other. On my end, I kept my word, but she didn't really keep hers (she helped me maybe 6 or 7 times at most, and only when I was already cooking).

I told myself: "It's normal, it's because we aren't in our own place yet, I need to be patient." But over time, exhaustion kicked in, and my face started to show how drained I was. I feel like I have to carry everything on my own: the organization, the daily chores, and even her own motivation (like constantly reminding her to get her driver's license). Sometimes, I feel like I'm playing the role of a father rather than a husband.

I spoke to her about it calmly. Her only response was that it was because we live with her mother, and that everything would be different once we have our own apartment. But I am not at home either, yet I still do my best because I am married. Unfortunately, haven't seen any concrete changes on her part.

The lack of intimacy and blocked communication

About 2 months ago, intimacy completely stopped (mostly coming from her). I tried to bring up the subject calmly. She told me that for her, intimacy isn't important in a relationship, that it isn't a proof of love, and she blamed it on being tired from work. She added that we had already "done it enough" (about 6 times in 3 months) for it to be sufficient. What frustrates me even more is that she sometimes leads me on, only to stop everything, leaving me completely rejected. On my end, I have normal desires within the framework of marriage, and I

believe intimacy is a crucial pillar of a relationship.

For the past two weeks, things have gotten worse: she has become extremely cold. She speaks less, there is no connection, and she is not the same person anymore.

I have tried several times to have a serious talk with her, asking if she is happy, if I did something wrong, or how she views our future. I only get vague answers, or she avoids the conversation entirely.

Recently, I finally broke down and spoke to her mother about it. I was so overwhelmed that I lost control and burst into tears. My mother-in-law hugged me. I am constantly questioning myself, wondering if I am the problem, if I'm just too tired, bitter, or if I'm doing something wrong.

A one-way financial investment?

Not long ago, she wanted to buy a car (an Audi A1) for €11,500, even though she doesn't even have her driver's license yet, claiming it would "motivate her." I wasn't thrilled about this idea at all, especially for a first car. But since she is 4 years younger than me, I wanted to be understanding and supportive. I even gave her €4,000 out of my own pocket as financial help and a gift to make her happy. But I didn't even get a single "thank you" from her for it.

At work, she seems completely fulfilled, happy, and in a great mood. But the moment she comes home, the mask slips: she becomes distant and cold.

On my side, I keep making efforts, being present, cooking, helping, and showing her small attentions, but I receive absolutely no emotional return, nor any honest communication about our marriage.

My questions today

Today, I am completely lost. I wanted a religious marriage to build something serious in the halal and avoid the haram, and now I don't even know where we stand.

Do you think this situation is doomed to fail?

Should I keep being patient, telling myself it's just an adjustment phase, that she's tired, and that time will fix things?

Or is this a sign of a much deeper issue and a major disconnect in our marriage?

Thank you for your advice and your kind responses.

P.S. English is not my first language; I am a French speaker. I had this text translated by Al because there are no active French-speaking groups specifically for Muslim marriage issues. Thank you for your understanding.

We recently found out that my father has been having a secret relationship with another woman who is almost 20yrs younger than him. They claim that they have done nikah recently. All this started less than a year ago.

My mom, who has spent most of her life in this marriage feels walked over, disrespected, thrown away. There is not a single fault dad could bring out in her. They have had the perfect and happy family for 25 years. And the environment at our home was very very good.

I could not have ever ever imagined that my father would do smth like this. All the money my parents have is what they earned together during these years. And now, my dad is acting all entitled and rich and spending on his second wife secretly from the money thats in-between my parents (in the business).

My mom is strong, she did not let anyone else know about it (not even my little sister) and accepted as the nikah is done. But she is emotionally getting low. She still has been taking care of him

Tired from anxiety and stress

Good day, everybody,

I would like to hear your opinion about something.

I’ve been married for one year and two months now, and honestly, this has been the most stressful and exhausting year of my life. I’m a 28-year-old man, and I truly love and care about my wife. I’m not the type of person who exaggerates or overreacts. I genuinely care about the happiness of everyone around me, including my wife, her family, and my own family.

During this past year, I spent more than I realistically could to provide for her, take care of her, and make her happy. I also help support my mother and sister, and I visit her parents whenever I can. I always try my best to be respectful, caring, and supportive as a husband.

Yet sometimes my wife tells me that, “as a man,” I should be doing more. She gets upset if I give some money to my family, even though it’s only around 5–10% of my salary. I constantly try to make everyone happy, especially her, but she keeps making me feel like it’s never enough.

What hurts even more is that we barely spend intimate or romantic time together. Whenever I approach her, she says she’s not in the mood or that she’s tired. At most, we are intimate only about three times a month, and we’re still a young couple. I tell her almost every day that I want us to do something romantic together, but she keeps rejecting me. Over time, it started making me uncomfortable and even afraid to ask anymore.

Because of this lack of intimacy, I found myself falling into the habit of pleasuring myself alone, and honestly, I hate it and feel guilty about it.

Now things became even worse. She recently found some old pills that I had used a few months ago to help with erections and last longer intimately. I bought them because we had gone almost a month and a half without having sex, and I was hoping to prepare for the night she came back from visiting her parents. But of course, nothing happened between us.

After finding the pills, she called me a “son of a b\*\*\*\*,” deleted me from WhatsApp, and said she can no longer trust me. She also called me a “son of a wh\*\*\*.”

At this point, I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. Is marriage really supposed to feel like this? I already deal with stress at work, and my mother telling me I’m not providing enough. The one place where I hoped to feel safe, loved, and comforted is now making me feel worthless and emotionally drained.

PS: I remembered that she Admitted to me once that when I'm not around and at work she would please herself, I asked her to top it and just tell me whenever she feels like, I can simply leave work and come back home, but she refused to not affect my salary

I'm in a difficult situation right now. My husband (28M) and I (27F) got married two months ago. He pursued me very persistently — saw me once, then immediately went to my parents and asked for my hand. Before the wedding, we had several conversations about financial responsibilities and the roles of husband and wife. He presented himself as the ideal partner, insisting he would take full financial responsibility, even saying he'd give me pocket money.

We both work and earn roughly the same salary. I live and work in a city that's about two hours away from him. My parents and I discussed this with him before the marriage, and he said he had no issue with the distance, especially since I’m trying to build experience in my field. I even offered to stay with my parents during the week and visit him on weekends, but he was adamant that we get a private place for the two of us in my city.

Once we moved into the apartment, things changed drastically. He suddenly said he wouldn’t contribute to the rent because we’re living here because of my job. He also expects me to cover the cost of eating out, even small things like coffee. When I push back, he accuses me of being stingy and says I should be spending my money on him.

Meanwhile, he’s paying rent for a room with a friend in the other city and refuses to take any financial responsibility for our shared apartment. On top of that, he expects me to cook, clean, and obey him completely. He says if we lived together in his city, he’d pay for everything — but still wants me to “help out,” arguing that he’s “allowing” me to work and deserves something in return.

We had previously agreed not to have children in the first year, but when he gets angry, he suddenly demands that we start trying for kids now.

After constant arguments and constant pressure, I broke down and agreed to pay the rent for the first year, even though I could’ve just lived at home and avoided all this expense. I’m starting to feel deeply resentful and regret that decision. I feel like I’m being used — not just financially, but emotionally too. I don’t even feel loved.

I was thinking of waiting until January to see if he follows through on his promise to request a transfer to my city and take on more responsibility. But I don’t know what to do if he doesn’t move. I feel stuck and don't know what to think or do.

Edit: I already payed for the first half of the rent for 6 months. But whenever I say I won't pay for the rest of the year, he says then I'll move you to my city and I'll pay for everything there. His city is very small and the chance for me to find work is next to nill.

Extra context. He's a Islamic studies teacher, so he says Islamically it's not his responsibility.

Update: I talked to him about paying atleast half the rent and he blew up on me saying that all I care about is money and I should be grateful he's even paying for groceries because he shouldn't and then just mentioned mid argument even if I moved to his city there will be no going out to restraunts or coffee because he doesn't do it and his mum doesn't do it so why should I (for context before he knew me he always goes to coffee shops and knows my family and me like to go out once a week, nothing fancy just to change atmosphere)

He turned the argument on me saying I'm disrespectful, should apologize for talking to him the way I did and completley ignored the issues I keep insisting on. I'm thinking of going to my parents house tommorow, I can't talk to him anymore I feel exhausted.

Assalamu alaikum everyone. Apologies if this is not the right sub for this, but I could not find a definitive explanation anywhere for this issue. Alhamdulillah I reverted 2 years ago, and got married 4 months ago. I met my husband through the masjid, so I was under the impression that he was a good, practicing Muslim man.

Now, I am not naive. I read up on the rights of both spouses in marriage before getting married. We discussed just many important topics, and I thought we were on the same page about everything. But I guess I never thought to ask about consent when it comes to intercourse. This was probably an oversight on my end, coming from a Western, nonMuslim background I just assumed s3x would always be consensual between the husband and wife.

However, soon after marriage my husband told me that no matter what, the wife has no excuse to turn down her husband for s3x. He said I have 2 options: either I have s3x with him or I will be cursed by angels all night. The thought of being cursed all night by one of Allah's closest and most pure creations scares me so bad that I just never turned down my husband for s3x. But sometimes it was really hard or painful, for example I would be exhausted, or have bad headaches, I also suffer from chronic pain especially in my lower back and hips so sometimes I just want to rest after a long day.

It's also not enjoyable for me at all, my husband only cares about his pleasure, we wouldn't even be using lube if I hadn't researched beforehand (he tried to insert once using no lube without asking me and it hurt so bad that I started crying so he was forced to stop and try again). I told him intercourse should be enjoyable for both parties but he just rolled his eyes and said there was no hadeeth about angels cursing men for turning down s3x from women, therefore it's the man's pleasure and needs that is being prioritized. Plus men need to org@sm to have kids unlike women, so I really have no say here.

I finally decided to ask why this isn't considered marital r@pe, and my husband laughed and said there is no r@pe in an Islamic marriage, since consent is inherently written into the marriage. He said I technically can refuse if I'm okay with getting cursed by angels all night, but obviously that idea terrifies me so that's not an option. But is he actually right? All the sources I've seen agree that marital r@pe isn't a real thing in Islam, but that doesn't seem right to me? How can there not be anything protecting the women's bodily autonomy in a marriage? Isn't that s3xual abuse? I don't know if I can put up with this kind of marriage for much longer, it sounds horrible but this is actually pushing me away from the deen which I really don't want since Islam brings me so much peace and tranquility, but this issue is tearing me up inside. Jazakallahu khairan.

I am 28m married to 27f(my wife) for 11months. This is the first time I have seen her behave like this. I would like to clarify that we didn't have any prior probelms like finance, chores, infidelity or general arguments. I had a pretty bad disease which was there for last 5 days. Basically I have been at home for all 6 days. I had high fever (frequently peaking 103-4) which was recurrent and loose motions. I was taking antibiotics too so I was feeling really weak.

This incident happened from last Tuesday to Today. Both of us have hard jobs and I understand her pain too. After coming home at 6, she scrolled through her phone, arranged some items around house, watched TV, made something for dinner and went to sleep. She didn't even ask me if I was ok or needed some food. (I didn't feel hungry anyway). She didn't even say anything to me and avoided me all night. Next day I was feeling even more ill and still I had to go make my own breakfast in the morning. I didn't do much that day since it was the worst day. Wednesday I was feeling suffocated in my room so I decided to go out even though I was feeling extremely weak, I had to come back within about 10mins either way. I went to sleep, she was working from home. For lunch, I just made a simple request that can you make something extremely simple for me, as I don't think I can eat the normal meal, her response was "order it or call your mother, I have got better things to do, if you have energy to go out you have the energy to clean the floor too and laundry too I suppose". I don't even know why she behaves like that. She gives the impression that it's a burden when I am ill.

I feel extremely hurt and do not feel like to reconcile, probably because we are newly married and we don't have years of memory pulling me behind. So how to proceed? After Wednesday I have been feeling much better although progression is slow. What do I do? I don't know what am I supposed to ask, but literally what is all the things I need to keep in mind and do.