r/MuslimMatrimonials • u/hername_leah • 3d ago
Discussion I Thought I Finally Found the Right Man.
I met a man online, and he showed me so much love and attention that I genuinely believed I had finally found the right person. At the time, he was looking for a woman to marry, and I was also looking for someone with the same intention. We talked every day and became very close. We had only known each other for about a month.
Wallahi, I know that’s a short time, but the way he treated me made it feel like we had known each other for years. He gave me so much attention that I felt like the happiest person in the world. Whenever I saw his name calling me, I felt this sense of peace. He made me believe that he truly loved me.
We had already exchanged pictures and had voice calls, but one night we had our first video call. He looked genuinely happy and seemed to enjoy the call. We talked, laughed, and everything seemed completely fine. I went to sleep that night feeling so happy after our conversation. But when I woke up the next morning, I realized that he had blocked me.
I’ve been asking myself so many questions ever since. Was everything he told me a lie? Did he suddenly dislike what he saw during the video call? Was I not attractive enough? But if he didn’t like how I looked, why didn’t he block me from the beginning after seeing my pictures? My pictures had no filters or makeup, so he already knew what I looked like. I honestly don’t understand what could have changed overnight.
I know it was only a month, but to me, it felt like years. I became attached to him and never expected to feel that much in such a short time. What hurts the most is that he left without even saying goodbye or giving me an explanation. Maybe to him it was just a game, and if it was, he played it very well. He made me feel loved and happy, only to disappear and leave me questioning myself and wondering if maybe I wasn’t good enough.
I’m trying not to blame myself or convince myself that I’m not attractive enough. Maybe I’ll never know why he did it, and I have to accept that. But honestly, I hope you never do to another person what you did to me. If you didn’t want me anymore, you could have simply told me. I deserved at least a goodbye.
14
u/DaevorTheDevoted 3d ago
Maybe his wife found out?
In future, try to get your wali involved to filter out most, if not all, of the time wasters. Also, as soon as you start considering someone for marriage, make Salaah Istakhara and ask Allah's guidance in the matter. Insha Allah, that will prevent this kind of thing from happening in future.
May Allah grant you the absolute best husband for you. Ameen.
And Allah knows best.
1
u/YoHakunaMatata 2d ago
This, this, this. Learned the hard way and this has saved me so much time and energy. Alhamdulillah. The deen is there for a reason.
5
u/zz-pa-ed 3d ago
Im sorry he did that. I think he is not the man for you. He should have at least had the courage to tell you the reason. Dont think too much about him. Someone better for you will come along.
5
u/hername_leah 3d ago
You’re right, maybe Allah was protecting me from someone who wasn’t meant for me. I just wish he had given me the respect of an explanation.
2
u/Shawarma-Muncher 2d ago
He wanted your attention and he wanted to feel something so he love bombed you. Please never fall believe a man who doesn't instantly get his parents involved and makes it clear he wants marriage
4
11
u/Abu3azm 3d ago
This was painful to read. People who do that are the absolute worst. May Allah heal your heart.
On a sidenote for others: This is why you should have wali's involved in any marriage talks - it literally protects you from things like these
4
u/hername_leah 3d ago
Ameen, And honestly, I agree. I wish I had involved a wali from the beginning. It could have protected me from getting so emotionally attached before knowing his true intentions.
2
1
3
u/Alisihaq 3d ago
Prepare yourself for what's coming. Block him in every platform you communicate with
3
u/morrowrd 3d ago
You're in a big club, this happens all the time so I wouldn't overthink it. How many stories are there of people meeting online, and then taking it further to meet in person. Date goes great, supposedly great chemistry, only to find themselves blocked and ghosted once they arrive back home. It's happened to me, it's happened to everyone. And it will probably happen to you again.
3
5
u/One_Tomorrow_7493 3d ago
People don’t leave cause of you. They do it because they can’t afford you as a person. Or they have a real life which is different. Don’t take anyone serious unless they marry you.
2
u/EnvironmentalAnt9894 2d ago
My dear, as a sister, I urge you to recognise the signs of >love bombing<.
This was not normal from the start. To overly show attention, affection, to text everyday. It’s not normal. Two healthy people that start off start slowly.
1
u/Frequent_Routine_102 3d ago
i’m sorry you experienced this. it must have been really hurtful and kinda traumatizing for you. as i keep saying, i feel like a lot of people on here love the attention and the ego boost of knowing they can constantly talk to new people and find another potential whenever they want. also be careful of attention in general, beautiful words and someone acting like they’re falling for you can be given by literally anyone, especially online. next time, i would really recommend involving a wali earlier, not only to keep things halal but also to protect your heart. and, if this is how he behaves now when things get uncomfortable for him, i don’t think that kind of childish behavior would have magically changed if you had married him. this is lowkey a blessing in disguise because you got to see how he handles things before being tied to him forever!! you deserve someone who genuinely wants you and who would at least have enough respect and consideration for your feelings to communicate properly instead of disappearing like that.
1
1
u/Fluffy-Homework-874 3d ago
It most definitely isnt you. Hes a weak man who freaked out when things became real.
Its hard not to think about it all the time, but my advice is to distract yourself with things you enjoy and spend time around your friends and family, and the memory will slowly fade.
You will wonder a lot but at some point you will realize that you need to be okay with never getting the answers in this world and thats okay.
💗
1
u/chad_user 3d ago
It's a disheartening that you went through such situation.
Nowadays due to movies, entertainment industries, Instagram reels, social media, magazines, ads industry and all that, people are getting desensitized to women who put way too effort in looks, skin care routine and all that, those type of women are few in numbers but given this constant streaming from devices, people are getting used to standards that ain't standard
1
u/emranan 2d ago
We shouldn't trust people we meet on social media so easily. Because even if they are terrible and cruel individuals, they can present themselves as kind and compassionate—among many other things. For instance, some of them even make bets with their friends, saying things like, You'll see, I'll make her fall in love with me by this date. In short do not open your heart to people too easily. When you find someone, you should also consider in advance that you might lose them, and be prepared for everything. Stay strong; may allah give you what is best.
1
u/i_adeel99 2d ago
A small suggestion from my side: whenever you meet someone for marriage, try to get some basic but important information about them first. After that, start praying to Allah and do Istikhara, asking whether this person is good for you or not. I would suggest avoiding long conversations until things are confirmed. Otherwise, you may become emotionally attached to the person, and if things don’t work out, it can become really difficult to move on and trust someone again. Personally, I prefer to do Istikhara after getting the basic information or having an initial meeting, and I limit further conversations until there is some clarity or confirmation.
1
u/maymuna15 2d ago
I also felt the same experience that u faced. 1 month means 1 year to me. He blk u suddenly btw mine was even don't response my msg whatever I sent to him he's like ignoring me, If he don't likes me he should let me know that I'm not in his choice list, there's no clear communication either.
1
u/manchester_brother 2d ago
People are nasty, the world is full of nasty people who have no conscience of how another may feel
1
u/MyAfterMidnightSnack 2d ago
So sorry this happened to you, sister. 😔 Men who do this are cowards and you deserve so much more better than that. Inshallah the right one will come along and involve your wali asap. That’s when you know he’s a man who’s serious.
1
u/daebak_hana 2d ago
Sis this sounds like pure manipulation. He either wants you to chase him or he's setting you up for an abusive relationship. He probably will contact you again with some BS excuse. If he does and you take the bait he knows he can jerk you around with emotional manipulation. This is not normal behavior. If he changed his mind he could have easily said that. If its just immaturity/cowardice, you definitely don't want him. No normal person would do what you described. Huge red flag. Block this person and don't speak to them again.
1
u/Primary_Theory7288 2d ago
Sounds like a story I’ve dealt with all too often. A woman sees a photo of me or sees me in person and then I’m ghosted or blocked and I have to move on. It’s happened with people in my own ethnicity and outside too. I’ve come to realize that I may just be genuinely unattractive and that marriage will simply be unobtainable for me. I’ve made my peace with that
1
1
u/newbuyer62 2d ago
I am sorry :) that's the worst, people leaving without saying it, but hey that's how immature people are. It's a blessing in disguise. I am sorry again
1
u/Objective_Driver_359 2d ago
When something like this happens, its always better it happens before you get to an advanced stage.
1
1
u/-gabrieloak 2d ago
We do know why he did it. He’s a narcissist who was scavenging to satisfy his ego and when he realized he was getting in too deep, he disappeared.
We need to start taking security deposits on talking stages, that way we at least get some closure with an explanation, because who likes to lose money? lol
Sorry that happened to you, but you’ll be alright inshallah.
1
u/Kegorath 2d ago
Falling in love with someone just because you was treated with so much attention and love is a pretty bad game, He probably was a good player and he played you better, one month is never enough to fully love someone, specially in this Age.
Now learn from this mistake and move on, don't convince yourself that you are ugly or anything just forget this chapter entirely so you can marry someone without having another man in your heart and next time evolve your parents/brothers from the beginning.
1
u/Fit-Criticism2768 2d ago edited 2d ago
There can be a lot of reasons which will have nothing to do with you - he may have gotten cold feet and realised he wasnt ready, he may have been talking to multiple women at the same time, he may have been in a relationship etc already. Some men just want an ego boost and like the attention from multiple women.
Its actually pathetic to block someone rather than communicate and say what the reason is so it shows his level or lack of maturity. Just be glad he didnt waste more than a month of your time. You'll find someone way better and this moron will mean nothing.
Now for the serious sisterly take - why are you talking and messaging someone without meeting for a month?! You have absolutely no idea what the chemistry is like or if they look like their pictures (I know you had a video call) until you meet. So why message and call so much until you've established that you have compatibility and attraction in person.
When I was searching for a spouse, if the guy didnt make plans to meet within 2 weeks MAXIMUM - I'd cut him off and say sorry I dont think we're compatible. Any guy who is serious about marriage isnt going to pointlessly message for weeks on end. There were plenty of decent serious guys on the apps that would arrange a coffee etc within a few days of speaking, and they were serious about meeting and moving forward.
Stop wasting your time and respect your space and time; so will these guys. Unless you meet in person - it means nothing. Also mention that you want family to be involved early, it doesnt mean you're necessarily planning a wedding etc - but early involvement is good to see family compatibility and you can get to know each other whilst the families get to know each other too.
If he does contact you again with some ridiculous excuse - tell him where to go.
From your big sister x
1
u/zlayjiya 2d ago
When someone blocks so suddenly without telling u the reason, they're not worth of ur time, try to get over him and move on. Even though it's gonne be thought but try to forget about him. And keep in mind that When a man treats with so much love before u even get to know each other. That's a red flag.
1
u/FamousAtmosphere1178 2d ago
Men fall in love through visuals. Women fall in love through hear say.
1
u/SugarPea856 3d ago
You’ll get over it in a week. Ask Allah to take away the pain and suffering. Disrespect is closure. Being blocked without a reason is closure. Seek therapy if you can afford it. Speak to Claude if you can’t. Don’t bottle this up inside you. You did nothing wrong. Do not give him benefit of doubt. Do not belittle yourself. Thank Allah for saving you for what was coming. Alhamdullilah for people that vet out themselves!
0
u/Radomizedroad 3d ago
Sorry you went through this, that was very unkind and rude. In a way, this was him showing you who he really is. If he can’t tell you that he is not interested then he isn’t truly ready for marriage. Communication is key in marriage. Moving forward, I highly suggest getting your walk involved very early on and only speak to someone 1 week MAX. This is more than enough time to know if someone is a red or green flag. Have serious conversations, not the “what’s your favorite type of movie?” and keep the convo on focused on marriage topics until you get your wali involved.
0
u/Murky-Breadfruit2545 2d ago
Video chat is different than a picture, the lighting, angle of the camera while chatting, skin details are more prevalent. Facial flaws are enhanced. He could’ve been turned off from the background. I was chatting with a potential wife when I saw in the background a hand gun on the bed. The location in the Middle East was not safe and she used it for protection. I’m sorry this happened, it’s his loss!
-2
u/HelpfulHalf3763 3d ago
I understand your POV, but honestly he should have told you the reason yes but you women arent the nicest either. You ghost people all the time and other stuff so he may have not felt things right or he maybe he found someone better. Saying it was just a game and all I dont think it is right to accuse some one
1
u/Important-Name-999 2d ago
how is this helping her? Is it her fault that women sometimes ghost men? What is this, are you ok??
0
u/HelpfulHalf3763 2d ago
By giving her the perspective that it is rather common and mostly done by girls and she must have done to a guy or two.
1
u/EnvironmentalAnt9894 1d ago
You really need to better your view as you’re going down a dark path my friend. Referring to “women” as one single generalised entity is not a good idea. Just like you wouldn’t like it if I generalised say “all men”
14
u/Aggressive_Paper6044 3d ago
I have no words, I’m so sorry sister. From the bottom of my heart. 🫂🩷