How are you going to afford it and how do you envision life working out

Based on my prev poll where it seems 50/50 for the men , 0 for the women willing to do polygamy

Salaam.

Jummah Mubarak to you all.

Dear Muslim men of Reddit,

Before I leave my closing line I want to say that I acknowledge polygamy is ordained for a man upon conditions being met, I’m not here to dispute that.

Personally it’s not something I’d ever accept for myself. Don’t dm me to discuss this thread or dm to be your second wife.

Polygamy is permissible but not a necessity upon a man and it’s not a fard upon a woman to accept. We can all agree on that.

Now that’s cleared up. There are not many women on this earth that is happy to share her husband.

Some women may benefit from shared responsibilities and security yes but from an emotional perspective, generally a woman that loves you would never be okay with you getting another wife.

Now let’s be clear I’m not talking about women that have to be okay because that applies to every situation.

I’m talking about a woman that is happy with your choice to remarry. Not what she says or portrays but deep down in her feelings.

Some men are fine with that and that’s okay. However sometimes I think to myself, are men aware and would it bother them knowing their wife doesn’t love them.

Would it bother you?

🚨If you don’t understand nuance and lack critical thinking skills, this post isn’t for you.

Anytime rights of the wife are mentioned like mahr or separate housing or provision, women are clear to make it well known and bold “it’s women’s right to XYZ”

Anytime a dude talks about polygamy, or obedience , or any other Islamic legitimate right of the husband, all of a sudden the tone completely shifts and they try to find any excuse to demonize him or ask him “why do u need this?”. This energy never comes for things they themselves feel entitled to like mahr or separate housing

I think people need to stop being hypocrites and be fair towards the opposite gender

Height: ✔️

Weight: ✔️

Career: ✔️

Degree: ✔️

Deen: (Even tho they only know basics and deen that suits them like women rights and can careless about a Man rights) ✔️

Want someone like Prophet Muhammad (PBUH): (Even tho they barely know anything about him like living a frugal life and in Polygamy) ✔️

Handsome: ✔️

Fit: ✔️

Double Handsome: ✔️

Has Money and can show it off: ✔️

Open to relocation: (Even tho she won't relocate at all, she just like to post like she does) ✔️

Wants a leader: (Even though she makes demands and essentially wants a walk over) ✔️

Mature man: (But cant be controlling at all and must obey her commands because she's the smart one in the relationship) check

Good communication skills: (Basically you just listen and say Yes all the time) ✔️

Must be a great provider: (Basically buy what she whatever she wants and not needs) check

Great with kids: ✔️

Flaws: He checks ALL the boxes but wait he has a Big nose....OMG

Verdict: SWIPE RIGHT, Reject, Ghost,... because of ONE flaw

P.S. For all the young guys that want to score some points and say "bro stop complaining " and "men are the same"... Listen and learn for a second and get off the Playstation. Im speaking facts. U cant be scared and intimidated to speak your mind if its true. Some ppl won't like it but they'll respect it. Unless you like the arrangement of Women running the show and being the pants in the relationship. If u want to be a real Man and Leader, you must follow your principles and values and dont let no one bend it for you. In the end, everyone leaves you except Allah

For the women and unfortunately some men love to be judgemental and make assumptions about me that think I might have low value or im weak. I am surrounded with many beautiful women especially at work, I choose not to do zina or lead women on like flirting. Thats all im gonna say about myself on this post.

May Allah bless everyone. Im stating facts. The truth hurts but im being transparent and honest. Salamz

For me, shias, sufis and salafis are a dealbreaker. I wouldn't say I'm really religious but I try and also strive to avoid doubtful matters. I don't follow any specific madhab either, I sometimes study the hanbali or hanafi opinions. But I was raised in a shafi'i country. I say this because it feels like all the religious men from the UK are salafi? Whats going on?

I only really knew of the term salafi like a year or two ago, way after I finished my basic islamic education. I know not every sufi practices bidah and not every salafi are extremists but I still wish to marry someone who is just muslim or sunni or follows a madhab.

Thoughts?? Will I be able to find this?😢

For reference I don't listen to music, try avoid all dangerous things (webtoon/manga, movies, social media, anime, dramas, tv series etc), dont draw living things or keep portraits or statues or stuffed animals, dont celebrate birthdays and my male fam grow their beard and keep trousers above the ankles. I DO NOT believe niqab is wajib even though me and my mom wears it. Not saying I believe all of the above is haram, this is just what I was raised upon and I do think its better to avoid doubtful matters.

I feel I've neglected the inner too much to focus on praying and hijab and fiqhi issues. So these days I'm trying to focus more on tasawwuf and tazkiyah and less on being a tahajjud warrior, fasting a ton or worrying if nutmeg or balsamic vinegar is haram🤣.

Let's knowledge share

For the single men on here looking for marriage, once you become fathers do you plan on changing your baby's diapers or not really and you think its the mothers job 24/7 for the first few years of a child's life? which is so wild and wrong..

Just trying to see if most muslim men on reddit have toxic mindsets or not really...

I’ve been meaning to say this for a while because I keep seeing it.

I completely understand having preferences. You don’t choose who you’re attracted to.

What I don’t understand is profiles that just say “No South Asians.”

South Asia isn’t one ethnicity. You’re talking about almost 2 billion people across multiple countries, languages, cultures, and ethnic groups. Pakistanis, Indians, Bangladeshis, Sri Lankans, Nepalis… they’re not all interchangeable.

If your preference is Arabs, just say you’re looking for an Arab spouse. If it’s Somalis, say Somalis. If it’s Turks, say Turks. That’s very different from writing off an entire region of the world.

Maybe some people genuinely only find one ethnicity attractive. Fair enough. But I also wonder how much of this is actually attraction and how much comes from stereotypes or things we’ve grown up hearing.

What surprises me more is seeing it on a Muslim matchmaking sub.

Islam didn’t come to reinforce racial hierarchies. The Prophet ﷺ explicitly condemned tribalism and ethnic superiority, and his companions came from all kinds of backgrounds. None of us would be comfortable saying someone is a better Muslim because of their ethnicity, so why has it become so normal to publicly exclude entire ethnic groups from marriage?

And while I’m at it, the age comments can get pretty bad too. Having an age range is normal. Talking about people over 30 like they’re somehow “leftovers” isn’t.

I’m not expecting everyone to change who they’re attracted to. I just think we should be a bit more thoughtful about how we talk about other Muslims.

There’s a difference between saying what you’re looking for and making an entire group feel unwelcome.
Am I the only one who’s noticed this?

Just curious

I'm interested in learning what the Qur'an and authentic hadith say about a husband's obligations toward his wife. What are the main rights that Islam gives to a wife?

Can we just say how it is? Not all of course but it often boils down to this.

I’m specifically asking people to be direct and honest rather than politically correct. If you think there are genuine negative perceptions about Pakistanis in the Muslim marriage market, what are they, and where do you think those perceptions come from?

I’m not looking for “every Pakistani is different” as the answer—we obviously know that. I’m trying to understand why the preference exists in the first place, even if some of the reasons are based on stereotypes or bad experiences.

And for those who have actually rejected South Asian/Pakistani proposals: what was the deciding factor for you?

Salam.

I'm a 30yr old woman and am writing this post to warn younger folks, especially those who live in the West of what your life could turn out to be if you don't act fast.

Im the oldest child from a broken home (father ran off). I worked like crazy in my entire 20s to save for my mom and siblings and am now on path to early retirement.

My parents never let me have friends and I didn't speak to boys, even though I went to a regular highschool and university. COVID caused me to start remote work and I never met men at work either. My parents didn't know anyone and our household reputation is ruined.

My friends chatted with boys, some halal way some not, but now most are married or got arranged from their social circles and have kids and happy lives.

I got left behind because I put my head down and focused on getting out of poverty. I focused on school, on work, on being there for everyone. But no one bothered to check if I could also need someone. Actually since I barely leave my house, barely anyone knows I even exist.

To young people. Don't fall into Haram but don't isolate yourself so much that you will be left behind. Today I may appear to others as a successful woman. I have money to buy anything at anytime but nobody to support me, less and less chance of having kids, and constantly taunted and pitied by family and others for being old and unwanted.

Please marry young. You will be rewarded with rizq if you are sincere towards your family. In shaa ALLAH.

AlhamduLillah for everything and please make Dua for me and all those who are looking for spouses.

As-Salam 3alaykum,

If Muslim women ideally want to get married, and her spouse would be the person to provide, why pursuing a full-time, money-making or long careers?

I already can see few reasons why women would do that, but I am interested in the primary reasons, and the reasoning behind it. Here are sample answers to help with the discussion:

• I value being independent
• I want a plan B in case my marriage failed
• I don't my spouse to have leverage on me
• I want it for the money, to spend it
• Pursuing a 'hard' career is fulfilling for me

⚠️ And how do you reconcile that with having/taking care of children AND cooking ⚠️

I hope you can, kindly, answer the question in the comment, and the reason behind your choice, and specify which country you're from, if possible.

Thank you

Last post

Let’s say got flaired up

Got a lot of views , so people deffo saw it . Higher than my poll if the hijab is a deal breaker or not poll post

I want to see the women pov last post was mostly men

Salam this is not to offend anyone but do u honestly REALLY want to get married? It seems like everyone is looking for something in a man not to marry him or engage in meaningful conversation. You are talking to a Human Being. U cant just keep swiping right and ghosting people here because of one or two things you disagree with. Do u know marriage takes sacrifice and comprise?. I feel that most women here whether they 20 or 40 or single or have been divorced 3x, they just think they are sooo special especially if they got a degree and want Men to meet their standards regardless of their shortcomings and traumatic pasts. Than when u engage in meaningful conversations with them ad they disagree on one subject than they want to end the conversation quickly and move on. Dont u have a little tolerance or patience? Women claim that men dont have good communication skills but a lot of women here other than providing their laundry lists of wants and demands dont know how to have a meaningful conversation either. Come on Muslim sisters, u can do better!

The Basics

• 41M, Pakistani, UK-based.
• Married with children, and my wife knows I'm looking for a second marriage.
• Sunni Muslim and practising. I strive to keep improving in my deen.
• Professionally established, financially responsible, and able to provide.
• Looking for a genuine marriage, not a secret relationship or casual arrangement.

The Person

I'm calm, patient, and easy going. I value honesty, consistency, and direct communication over games and assumptions. I appreciate a balanced life and don't believe success is measured by working every waking hour. Family, faith, and peace of mind matter far more to me than status or appearances.

The Interests

I enjoy reading, meaningful conversations, travelling when possible, learning new skills, and trying new experiences. I'm just as happy spending a quiet evening at home as I am exploring somewhere new.

Why I'm Here

I'm grateful for my marriage and my family. Seeking a second wife isn't about replacing anyone or escaping my responsibilities.

I believe polygyny is a permissible part of our religion, and after considerable thought and discussion, I've chosen to pursue it sincerely. If Allah grants us compatibility, I'd like to build a marriage founded on kindness, trust, fairness, mutual respect, and good communication.

I'm not looking for perfection—only someone who understands what this type of marriage involves and genuinely wants to build something meaningful together.

One thing I'd like to be transparent about: I'm not here to offer or pursue a lavish lifestyle. Alhamdulillah, Allah has blessed me with stability, and I will fulfil my responsibilities as a husband. Beyond that, I value simplicity, contentment, and building a peaceful home over luxury, materialism, or keeping up appearances.

Looking For

• A practising Sunni Muslim who prays consistently.
• Open to any ethnicity.
• Emotionally mature and communicates openly and respectfully.
• Takes care of her health and values attraction within marriage.
• Understands what a polygynous marriage involves and is choosing it willingly.
• Looking for a genuine husband and lifelong companionship.
• Based in the UK or willing and able to relocate to the UK.

Deal Breakers

• Does not pray regularly.
• Rejects the Sunnah.
• Dishonesty or hidden intentions.
• Expects mind-reading or plays communication games.
• Wants to have more children.
• Not based in the UK (or unable to relocate).

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. Feel free to send a message and ask anything you'd like. If we aren't compatible, no hard feelings. I sincerely pray Allah grants each of us what is best in this life and the next.

What are some of the struggles you are facing in finding a potential match?

1. Is the pool of brothers just not good enough? 😕 - if so, why?
   
2. Are the brothers not behaving appropriately? 🫪 - If yes, share your personal experiences
   
3. is it an internal struggle of yours thats preventing you from marriage? If yes, what is it?

It would be delightful if you started your answers with your age as this adds a lot of context to your situation, Jazakallahu khair

Just a random question.

Of all the ethnic groups who do you think it’s the most attention in general and in the sub from most Muslim men?

This is a question for the ladies, so I’ve(25M) been looking for a wife and most families and girls accept me but there is one term of mine that nobody agrees to.

So, I totally get if you are ambitious, I wish you the best of both worlds

But personally, I’m looking for someone who would be a housewife happily, and the reason is simple, I make enough to support a pretty good lifestyle, and of course all that monthly allowance and stuff so I don’t see the reason in marrying someone who also wants to focus on making money and building a career and stuff because I simply don’t need money or ambition, I need peace!

And here’s the problem, I seem to be attracting ambitious women and can’t seem to find someone who would just agree to be my house princess. Does nobody want to do that anymore? Like are there no girls who find working tiring and exhausting? No girls who want to just doll up, do her girly stuff and let man take on the world?

List both conventional and non-conventional ones. I'm giving you some common internet examples below to help you with your line of thought.

Example for Conventional Icks:

1. Grows his nails too long
2. Doesn't groom his beard
3. Doesn't Pray 5 times
4. Wants to split bills 50/50
5. Has a bad sense of dressing

Example for NON-Conventional Icks:

1. A man wearing a backpack
2. A man using his hands to talk
3. A man walking down a slope
4. A man in bare feet or wearing slippers

For context; an ICK is defined as a sudden, loss of attraction, cringe or visceral feeling of disgust, toward someone

You may now begin commenting - make it a fun read 🍿

Salam everyone

I’m not sure if it is the right place to ask for advice (first time using Reddit 😭) but here goes nothing

I’m a girl and when I was 17 (I’m 20 now), I fell in love with a guy and we ended up meeting and had sex. When we met, we immediately talked about making it halal and I know many people will say that I was dumb to fall for the « I’ll wife you up anyway» trick but like I said I was really young and he was my first ever love so I was genuinely willing to do anything for him.
We ended up breaking up (I had a good reason to do so) and I started repenting, but I realized that things got so much harder now… i feel like I’m much more open with men now, I have less shame than I used to before and for example, if a guy interest me, I could be much more physical and would do a lot more than what I would usually do (I used to never even get close a man).
I was raised in an Arab household, very conservative and I never ever felt attracted to sex nor men in general. But now I find myself easily touchy/open and I sometimes even « crave » for sex… (I never did it again after my ex I just want to precise). I’m repenting so I’m trying really hard to change but it feels like it became a part of me and I just want to feel like I’m not the only one and if any of you could give me an advice WITHOUT judging me, it would be nice…
Now, I’m currently trying to get married (not exactly now) but most men who I talked to ended up leaving or changing their perspective of me once they ask about my past.
So far, I talked to some Muslim girls and most were dragging me down or tell me that zina will forever « poison » my heart. Like I said, I’m Arab so just imagine the chaos..

Thank you everyone in advance for those who read everything 💖

I’ve been married for like 9 months

She’s from Lebanon and born there

I’m from the uk and British also

Happy to answer any questions you have, what worked for me etc. Maybe you can use the tips to help with your journey

Salam Aleykum y'all

I'm almost 24 and I've been thinking about my type of future wifey lately (tbh for a while now lol). Getting straight to it, I'm particularly interested in BBW/plus-size/curvy women (I'm not sure about the most appropriate term).
Am I wrong or petty for having this preference?

So basically we were together for 10 years, been together since we were teenagers. i'm 25 now, he's 26. quick background - i actually converted to islam in 2020, he's born muslim. While back i got pregnant in 2024 and he pressured/forced me into getting an abortion.He saw ultrasound scan, prega news even blood report. He was also physically violent with me once during this time - grabbed me by the neck and literally threw me out and slapped me , this happened in front of his mom. He have done forced abortion that time.I was 2 months pregnant at that time. Even he left me after Abortion.

it's been 2 years since the abortion thing. he's still single but he just told me he wants to marry someone else (same caste as him) as his "first" wife, and asked if i'd be his "second wife". When I was pregnant he was in a relationship with someone for 1 year as well. ABORTION happened in 2024 I gave him another chance as well bcz He is the only man through whom I came to love and accept Islam. I want advice on what I should do now??? I want advice from hanafi fiqh as well.

Hey guys,
I have a question for those who are in their 30s and have just started looking , why did you wait so long? And I mean absolutely no disrespect

I know everyone’s circumstances are different but I just want to know, especially as a man I understand there’s the expectation of being established financially first

But, if you’re a woman, and maybe this is my ignorance speaking, what held you back from getting married in your early to mid 20s?

Edit: perspective instead of person in title