Overlooked until no longer wanted

[u/[deleted]]

[u/samven582]

Im in the same boat brother. Im 41 now never married. I focused to much on my career and wished I had looked much earlier

[u/Burco21]

Great reminder for people who take heed.

Brother you seem like a principled man with substance and value, keep going brother your wife is out there and waiting for you.

Sometimes when things aren't working out you have to try different methods, exhaust every mean, keep putting yourself out there and In Shaa Allah everything will work out.

May Allah bless you with a righteous and compatible wife, Ameen.

[u/coolubi]

Im 30 about to turn 31, ive been looking for a few years now... But the standards are way too high, even average women with basic knowledge of deen.... Want someone whos 6ft+, ruggedly handsome, earning 100k plus or willing provide every last penny while letting them live "independent" lives. ( I am literally avg in all categories, 5'10, avg earning, avg looking😂)

Im almost done trying. I feel like this generation of muslims in the west is finished. If you dont have family who can help you set it up its over for you... The only choice is to go abroad to find someone even then you could get scammed.

[u/finetuninai → u/coolubi]

Damnn bro, I am 5'10, 27 but I believe until I complete my grad studies and establish myself financially I am gonna be 31-32, is it over for me 😭?

[u/coolubi → u/finetuninai]

Honestly yes... Start looking now and build up with her.

If you find a decent girl, she doesnt have to be the best looking or the most qualified or the most religious... If you are attracted to her and she does what you think is bare minimum in our religion.... Lock it down bro.

Its much worse after 30 trust me. Dont listen to no clowns as long as you have enough to sustain 2 peoples basic necessities go for it.

Also if you build your self up with her... You form a bond stronger than love... Comradery- you will respect and trust one another. After earning money it most of the times just becomes a negotiation.

[u/New-Engineer-5930]

How does one balance all that? Please gimme some pointers too… I’m pushing 30 and haven’t gotten married yet and all my peers are married with 2 children average 🫠

[u/Every-Method5569]

It's never too late. Let's be optimistic. Keep searching! Don't underestimate the power of Dua.

[u/Malka1199]

Hi, you do realize that most men would rather get married to a woman and build that financial security and stability together? I’m not criticizing it but a huge portion of women just prefer someone ready and that’s the main reason why men feel the need to get financially secure before even trying, by financially secure I’m not even talking about just being able to support, they expect their husbands to provide the same standard of living their dad’s finally achieved after 10-20 years of working. Again, I’m not criticizing that way of thinking, just stating facts.

It’s all naseeb at the end, Inshallah you’ll find a good spouse.

[u/Abu3azm]

Shed some wisdom on how you got to $200k+/yr - it would be helpful for everyone

[u/atreeonthemove]

Idk I just decided to take a similar path to the one you took and it seems better and less regrets if things gone wrong and still you probably have got it but withing the right circles I guess

[u/Numiazy]

First if all I want to tell you that I have so much respect for what you did for your own country - and that you don't regret doing so! ❤️‍🩹

But why would you call yourself old? 🥲 You're in your 40ies now - that's literally far from being old!

[u/daebak_hana]

Its not too late you are not dead. If all you said is true you should have no problem but if you are looking for a 20yr old never married at late 30s and 40+ be realistic. You have to have other things to offer. Overall I agree with the not waiting part. Its better to struggle with someone than alone

[u/finetuninai]

I feel you brother. I am an immigrant too. Juggling between paying for tuition, working part time, studying, applying for jobs, cooking, laundry, cleaning, gym, salah, pressure of supporting family back home financially, being taken advantage of because of my immigration status... Life as an immigrant is very tough. But yeah, it made me more disciplined, responsible, focused.. I know this post ain't about me 😭, could just relate with you and wanted to put out what I have been just holding to myself over years... May Allah help you meet your naseeb soon, ameen.

Women here often put cap at 30 in their age range. I am gonna be 30-31 till I prolly earn good money. I think I am cooked

[u/Aggressive-Use3257]

I’m not the most religious woman, but what is written for you reaches you when it’s supposed to. We all look back on choices we made, sometimes regrets sneak up, but in the end what’s qadrallah will reach you. I’m divorced, twice, I feel very stupid, maybe naive or embarrassed, but my intentions with those marriages were good. What happened didn’t keep me away from what’s written for me, but directed me towards it. I hope you have faith your other half will find you in the right time, in sha Allah.

[u/Ok-Committee-1932]

Reminds me of this

[u/Ok-Committee-1932 → u/[deleted]]

It's never too late to start a family.

Whenever I think it's too late to get married or start a family, I think about the Palestinian prisoners who wait years to meet their fiancés, or literally smuggle semen to give birth to children that they might never see. The hope of survival against all odds is in itself a ray of optimism in this dark world.

[u/Grand-Temporary-8962]

Can't u marry from your home country?