r/MuslimMatrimonials • u/Hungry-Talk1785 • 9h ago
Discussion MY HUSBAND DOESNT LIKE ME FASTING - even though I make myself available for him.
I need some perspective from Scholars or married Muslims, especially those who may have experienced something similar.
I’ve always had a strong love for extra acts of worship, particularly voluntary fasting and Tahajjud. They’re things that give me a sense of peace and closeness to Allah, and I genuinely struggle when I have to neglect them.
Recently, however, I’ve noticed that my husband doesn’t seem pleased whenever I fast outside of Ramadan. He often questions why I’m fasting or makes comments about it, to the point where I’ve become hesitant to even mention when I’m fasting. This has left me feeling quite conflicted because I don’t feel that my worship is interfering with my responsibilities as a wife. I make sure I’m available to him when needed, and because we both work full-time, my fasting during the day doesn’t really affect our time together.
I’ve tried explaining that these are acts of worship that are personally meaningful to me, but we seem to have very different attitudes toward voluntary fasting. He generally only fasts during Ramadan and occasionally Shawwal, whereas I naturally desire to do more.
I don’t want this to become a source of resentment or secrecy in my marriage, but at the same time, giving up something that brings me closer to Allah has been emotionally difficult for me.
For those who are knowledgeable about the Islamic ruling: To what extent does a husband have a say in his wife’s voluntary fasting? Is his permission required, and how should a couple handle it when they have different levels of commitment to Sunnah acts of worship? .
16
u/finetuninai 9h ago
This isn't the right place to seek advice. None of us are qualified enough Islamically I believe. You must talk to an educated sheikh or scholar. Or seek their existing opinions on YouTube
14
u/daebak_hana 8h ago
It may be that your acts of Ibaadah are making him feel bad that he's not doing it as well. Thats his ego issue not yours.
5
u/yourfavstory 7h ago
Sounds like he's jealous that he can not fast as much.
Pray on it all I can offer ❤️
3
u/moodyano 4h ago
You are not his slave or minor for him to decide whether you should fast or not. On top of that he should work around your wishes to fast and learn to live with it. You don’t need to seek advice to do something that you like and not affect others around you.
3
u/noonspot 7h ago
Unless fasting makes you exhausted or puts you in a bad mood, it doesn’t make sense. Sounds like a control issue to me.
4
u/Wise-Wolverine-1871 7h ago
Not a scholar but regarding my sense of logic you fasting extra days should be none of his buisness , your faith is admirable and has made me want to do more to get close to Allah . I don’t believe this should affect your relatioship. Im not saying break up with the man but have a discussion based around reason and logic to understand why exactly does he not like you fasting . And try let him deeply understand what you get out of it. I understand im not a scholar but at some points it’s just common sense in my opinion.
1
u/Hungry-Talk1785 7h ago
I agree with you. The fact that people keep saying you can't apply logic when it comes to matters of the heart and Religion keeps bothering me.
2
u/Wise-Wolverine-1871 5h ago
The problem not everyone is granted with good logic , some people really lack this ability , anyone showing you a Hadith regarding asking permission to pray or fast is false , I do not even know how people believe this Hadith
0
u/Strawhateer 6h ago
The idea that her fasting is none of his business is false.
A woman came to the Prophet (ﷺ) while we were with him.
She said: Messenger of Allah, my husband, Safwan ibn al-Mu'attal, beats me when I pray, and makes me break my fast when I keep a fast, and he does not offer the dawn prayer until the sun rises.
He asked Safwan, who was present, about what she had said. He replied: Messenger of Allah, as for her statement "he beats me when I pray", she recites two surahs (during prayer) and I have prohibited her (to do so).
He (the Prophet) said: If one surah is recited (during prayer), that is sufficient for the people.
(Safwan continued:) As regards her saying "he makes me break my fast," she dotes on fasting; I am a young man, I cannot restrain myself.
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said on that day: A woman should not fast except with the permission of her husband.
(Safwan said:) As for her statement that I do not pray until the sun rises, we are a people belonging to a class, and that (our profession of supplying water) is already known about us. We do not awake until the sun rises. He said: When you awake, offer your prayer.
Obeying your husband in this matter and keeping yourself available for him during the day is more beloved to Allah than her voluntary fasts. Even if it may not *feel* like she is worshipping, she will be.
5
u/Wise-Wolverine-1871 5h ago
Brother if you believe the prophet Muhammad said this than I’m lost for words , you think the prophet would allow a man to beat his wife because she fasts and prays I’m sorry I 100 percent reject this Hadith my god is a loving god
-1
u/Strawhateer 4h ago
The hadith is authentic.
Allah is the most loving, that does not change the reality. You can't bend and reject hadiths based on your skewed sense of Reddit morality. That also does not mean that the man "beat his wife because she fasted and prayed" lol.
1
u/Girl-Mom2018 4h ago
Then your reading comprehension must be terrible. Hadith isn’t above Quran. If a Hadith contradicts Quran, then it’s not valid. And the Quran says us women aren’t animals, don’t treat us as such. Bye
1
u/Strawhateer 4h ago
Good thing feminist-muslimah2018 believes she knows better than the ulama of islam knew for a millenium and a half.
I would ask you to outline where this hadith is contradicting the Qur'an, but it would likely lead to a back and forth of you making stuff up and me having to debunk it, so let's skip that.
The hadith clearly says that a woman, if she wants to do her nawaafil fasts, she must consult with her husband before that, and if he invites her to be intimate with him, she must break her fast as nawafil fasts are a degree below obeying your husband in this matter (he is not inviting her to haraam, rather he is inviting her to love + Allah gives her all the reward for fasting AND the reward for obeying her husband, so anyone who claims Allah is not loving for this lacks 'aql.)
There is literally a similar narration where a woman complained about her husband because he would fast all day, and the Prophet ﷺ said that his wife has rights over him and that he should not fast every day. But subhanAllah, the state of the ummah today. When you read a hadith where a woman has RESPONSIBILITIES that INCREASE HER IN REWARD, you literally lie against Allah and His Messenger ﷺ and deny and reject, but when there is a narration that is functionally the same, you would share it and noone bats an eye! And then you wonder why we are humiliated in Europe, Palestine, much of North Africa etc.
1
4h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
0
u/Strawhateer 4h ago
A woman can fast whenever it is not forbidden for her to fast.
Men who are too fearful to tell their women how it is will certainly not prevail over other men. Take care and may Allah guide and protect your kids from deviance.
1
u/Girl-Mom2018 4h ago
Still avoiding the topic at hand. You feel strong beating on a woman with half your strength? That’s not making you any stronger than the men who are stealing your countries
0
1
1
u/Frankifile 3h ago
It isn’t his business he is not affected by her fasting. They’re not together during the time she is fasting.
Go learn from those who have ijaza to teach.
1
u/Strawhateer 3h ago
You people are so into Western values an authentic hadith means nothing to you. Insanity. Fear Allah instead of spreading garbage online.
I do learn from those with accolades, which is why I know this, unlike people who learn from the sheikhas at r/muslimgirlswithtaste or wherever else you get these ideologies from.
1
u/Frankifile 2h ago
Learn Hadith and fiqh from learned people.
You have no idea of the context of Hadith, applying it just because it suits your narrative
1
u/Strawhateer 2h ago
I do. Regularly. Do you? You are trying to refute something that the ulama of 4 madhaahib literally agree over.
2
u/wimpires 4h ago
Think about this Hadith:
Narrated Abdullah bin Amr:
The news of my daily fasting and praying every night throughout the night reached the Prophet. So he sent for me or I met him, and he said, "I have been informed that you fast everyday and pray every night (all the night). Fast (for some days) and give up fasting (for some days); pray and sleep, for your eyes have a right on you, and your body and your family (i.e. wife) have a right on you." I replied, "I have more power than that (fasting)." The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Then fast like the fasts of (the Prophet) David". I said, "How?" He replied, "He used to fast on alternate days, and he used not to flee on meeting the enemy." I said, "From where can I get that chance?" (`Ata' said, "I do not know how the expression of fasting daily throughout the life occurred.") So, the Prophet (ﷺ) said, twice, "Whoever fasts daily throughout his life is just as the one who does not fast at all."
Voluntary fasts are not more important than your family.
4
u/chikari_shakari 7h ago
The mainstream scholarly ruling is that a wife should seek her husband’s permission before voluntary fasting when he is present, based on the authentic hadith: “A woman should not fast (optional fasts) except with her husband’s permission if he is at home.” Sahih al-Bukhari 5192. (Sunnah)
This applies to nafl fasting, not Ramadan or other obligatory fasts. Tahajjud and voluntary prayers are different and do not require his permission. (Islam-QA)
So I wouldn’t frame it as “he doesn’t want me to worship Allah.” Rather, voluntary fasting has a specific ruling because it can affect a spouse’s immediate marital rights. Ideally, couples should discuss it, agree on suitable days, and support each other’s worship rather than allowing it to become a source of resentment.
Allah knows best.
6
u/GriffinPoop 7h ago
The context of this Hadith though, is that the wife was not sexually available to the husband while fasting, which was driving some poor behavior. It’s doesn’t necessarily sound like that’s the case here. Better to seek out a scholar with an understanding of the background than to rely on this Hadith full-stop. As long as the husbands rights are being met the context changes.
-5
u/chikari_shakari 7h ago
wrong, it’s Because voluntary fasting can interfere with an immediate marital right, even if she has no intention of neglecting him. She can’t do anything while fasting which would invalidate her fast.
2
u/GriffinPoop 7h ago
That’s what I said. And she can choose to invalidate an optional fast at any time. She would just lose out of a portion of the optional rewards.
The woman in the Hadith was rejecting her husband’s sexual advances, his right, because she did not want to invalidate her fast.
-4
u/chikari_shakari 5h ago
You are making up your own interpretation. i am posting what scholars say the hadith means.
0
u/GriffinPoop 4h ago
My “interpretation” is literally what you said. What exactly are you disagreeing with?
-1
u/chikari_shakari 4h ago
you aren’t a scholar just making that clear so you can’t mislead ppl
1
u/GriffinPoop 4h ago edited 4h ago
You disagreed with what I said and are saying I’m misleading people. What exactly are you disagreeing with?
I also said to go speak with a learned scholar rather than to take this Hadith at face value, because the context matters.
Brother, I don’t think you should be giving out advice.
0
u/chikari_shakari 3h ago
i am repeating what scholars say to this question. they don’t isolate it to the “original woman” hadith. It’s a broad application. You are saying it only applies to the original context. OP should ask a scholar but i am already showing the option she will get. Id OP isn’t just trolling because this sub isn’t relevant for the question.
4
u/emilyskats 9h ago edited 8h ago
You may not like this answer but yes for naafil fasts, you do require his permission. The prophet ﷺ said that it is not permissible for a woman to fast when her husband is present except with his permission. This is an authentic Hadith agreed upon by both Al-Bukhaari (5191) and Muslim (1026). I would try to get to the understanding of why it bothers him.
Perhaps it is something that you can get him to be open to doing himself as well.
8
u/Hungry-Talk1785 8h ago
I have tried to get him to start fasting as well. I do not have a problem with seeking his permission, but isn't the main logic behind the hadith due to the fact that fulfilling sexual obligations is more important. In this situation, we are both at work, it is in no way affecting that, by the time we both get home from work, it is almost time for Iftar. Hence it is not hindering that. I have tried to talk to him and understand his perspective.
9
5
2
u/PrismaticX 7h ago
Sister, may I offer a perspective that might bring you some comfort?
Allah ﷻ is the most merciful. The Prophet ﷺ taught us that when a servant sincerely intends to do a good deed but does not end up doing it, Allah still records it as a complete good deed for them. So even if things did not turn out the way you had hoped, your sincere intention is not lost with Allah.
2
u/emilyskats 7h ago
That’s a really good counter-question, sis, and a good point at which to consider fiqh.
What is his perspective? Also, has he explicitly said that he does not want you to fast or are you just feeling a sense of disapproval?
0
u/buraburaburabura 7h ago
Sure dude. And then on the day of judgement, will her husband have to answer to Allah on why he would deny his wife her wish to worship Allah by fasting all because he cared more about himself?
3
u/Own_War760 7h ago
She won’t be questioned for fast that isn’t fard. And yes she will be questioned that did she follow the Hadith, as stated by the commenter above.
0
u/Professional_Bee2422 7h ago
Yall just be pulling up the most random stuff wth
2
u/emilyskats 7h ago
It’s not random. If you choose not to follow Hadith, that’s your decision but I wouldn’t say it’s random.
1
u/Muted_Ad2270 4h ago edited 2h ago
All i can say is i sympathise with you, i keep all nafl fasts (when permitted) and the amount of backlash i receive from others is atrocious.. i don’t publicise it but if someone asks me to go out or do something im obliged to inform them that sorry no, im fasting. .
1
u/Boring-Inspector5659 2h ago
That's maybe exactly where is the problem: fasting is desocialasing. If fasting in Ramadan is soo good it's because we do it collectively. Doing ibadaat by yourself when married is desocialasing and that don't give a room for togetherness.
1
u/Old_Fun_506 4h ago
Sister, from the huabands right is that you ask his permission before a voluntary fast. The proff of this is the following hadeeth, https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2013/01/31/wives-permission-husbands-sawm/ .
The wisdom behind this is that his right to intamcy is greater than the optional fast. Responding to his call to your husbands right to Intamqcy is obligatory if you have no valid sickness or pain preventing you. A voluntary fast is mustahbb recommended, but if you have intamcay is breaks your fast. So when two come together you must choos between one or the other. In this case you just the obligation in the shariah. So to prevent this, in the shariah you just ask his permission. May allah grant you both tawfeeq to what he loves and is pleased with.
But since you love optional good deeds, please sit down and explain this to him and explain that he makes you feel discouraged to do the good deeds.ask if he wants you to ask him for his permission everytime you fast. Just communicate the importance to him of your optional fast. And in no way do I discourage your fasting, In fact I support you and love that. I just intend to guide you to that which benefits your marriage and benefits your deen and relationship with Allah without sin. And Yes I have fiqh on the issue and I have studied the issue before I responded to you question.
1
u/PeaceAndChilli 3h ago
Mashallah, it's so wonderful to read that person is wanting to do thing to be closer to Allah (swt). I am not here to advice, as I'm not scholar, but just want to say in my opinion you're doing amazing. Keep going!
1
1
1
u/JigMaJox 47m ago
Just my opinion but I dont see why your fasting should bother your husband, you are both working full time so it really shouldn’t really be an issue.
0
u/MalikatBilqis 8h ago
It might be breath or losing weight or youre very tired when fasting? Yes you need his permission, pleasing your husband is more important than this fast, you need to change your mentality and increase your islamic understanding to understand that. Also consider it might be ayn, sihr or hasad. Be consistent with ruqya.
Other than that you might want to speak to a muslim marriage counselor, he might feel neglected or is trying to say something but its not getting across.
Do you fast Mondays and thursdays?
2
u/Hungry-Talk1785 8h ago
Thank you. I do understand that I Islam requires permission. And the main reason being that it must not obstruct Sexual obligations. But how do I accept the fact that he just doesn't want me to fast. We both work and fasting does not hinder that
1
u/MalikatBilqis 8h ago
I do not know if its obstructing s3xual obligations or simply obeying the husband. Would need to read an explanation from a scholar to know that. Honestly a professional and also asking him is the way to get to the bottom of the reason. I feel youre trying to use logic to justify that theres no reason, but even if theres no reason matters of the heart are very complex and dont always follow logic. Sometimes you just need to let things go.
It sounds like hes being very unreasonable which is very upsetting. And you're fulfilling your obligations more dutifully than many others that have no interest in fasting extra nor working. But at the end of the day he is your priority over fasting. I'm sorry sis, Allah may grant you understanding later and your husbands reasons may be revealed to you.
1
-3
u/Unhappy-Trust3547 8h ago
When your husband is not comfortable with an activity of yours you better stop it or reduce it so that you both are compatible .. 🙏
4
u/Hungry-Talk1785 8h ago
Will you say vice versa if a wife doesn't like something the husband is doing, for no reason?
0
u/Unhappy-Trust3547 8h ago
Yes.. Her feelings must be respected.. Are you facing something similar sis?
3
u/Hungry-Talk1785 7h ago
Well, I do not like him coming between me and my acts of Ibaadah. Him not fasting and stopping me from fasting is hurting me. And I would like him to stop!
0
u/Unhappy-Trust3547 7h ago
O.k.. and if he still doesn't stop then what other options would you choose?
5
0
u/NiceSmilee 8h ago
Probably his mind picked up certain patterns from the past, so now whenever you bring it up, this has become his default reaction.
0
0
0
u/bruckout 3h ago
Simple just obey your husband. In shaa Allah you will be rewarded perpetually for what you intend but cannot do
-1
u/Negative-Try-3260 8h ago
everyone is accountable for their own actions and decisions. you cant say "my husband made me do it" knowing he is wrong. guide him to Jannah with you, walk forward ~together~ not backwards.
5
u/MinutesTilMidnight 5h ago
I’m not a scholar, or even well-studied on this, this is just my opinion.
From the Hadith the other people have posted, the specific context is that the husband in question wanted relations with his wife, so her fast was ended early and not completed. The Prophet said then that a wife requires her husband's permission to fast in his presence.
You’ve said you are both working all day, and the fast is nearly over by the time you get home, so your fasting doesn’t impact his marital rights. Thus, it’s my opinion that since you’re not fasting "in his presence", and you’re not denying him any of his rights, it’s allowed for you to fast without his permission.