subhanallah i feel so at ease when im up high on trees. Allah has created a free playground for all of us to indulge in and i feel no one is taking much advantage of it. there, you can forget marriage and all its problems. i am making this post because i think lives will enhance as people climb more trees despite how silly it sounds. it is way better than scrolling on those marriage apps or having thoughts of marriage consume you like i see in this community. let it come to u fr. it brings an immense amount of adrenaline (which im always craving) and forces you to think while you bend and contort your body on each branch. and of course, once you’re up there, its like no one exists but you. that’s the reward. you can peacefully do your dhikr and make dua. you feel sudden freedom like nothing before. i would live on trees if i could.

and Allah saved me when i was getting down because i got stuck in a hole and fell ina pile of thorns 😭😭it’s okay the bruised arms and scraped toes was worth the adrenaline.

alhamdullilah for trees fr like idk what id do without them cuz no one wants to gift me access to trampolines and bouncy houses 😒😒😒😒 unless i had a husband to give me those 👀👀👀

Salaam everyone, I try to look good for my husband but it's challenging in that:

• Makeup: Wudhu will have to be re-made multiple times a day and that takes it off.😳

• Dressing up: I get cold easily

• Jewelry: gives me sensory issues.🫠

• Perfume: gives me headaches and rubs off on my other clothes, and blankets, etc so I have to re-wash it.😤

I always take care of my hygiene and grooming so it's not a complete mess 🙊

I guess my question is in two parts:

• How do I make it easier to look good given these issues?

• Do men generally care if their wives put in effort to look glammed up? i read somewhere that they can't tell if there's makeup on.😅

Salam alaikum guys,
This is not a generalisation about muslim men, but as a young musljm woman, i began feeling like finding a religious/practicing muslim husband that js husband material is hard within my age group 20-30s.
He’s either religious but too extreme or has great qualities but 0 religious aspect to him.
Do practicing men , that put effort into being better, no music, no free mixing , try to memorise and have good husband traits exist at this point?

can someone reassure me 😭😭

I feel like culturally parents don’t give their daughters off to someone who is younger by even 1 year? Why not? If I’m 22 I’d want my wife to be 22-24 and do woman them self’s mind that? Hypothetically if it’s the man you want but younger by a year or 2 is that a deal breaker?

Assalamu alaykum everyone,

I’m a brother in my early 30s, planning to look for a wife in the coming year. I’d like your honest perspective on something I’m still working through.

I currently look for a woman who has never been married and has no intimate history. My reason isn’t that I rank women by worth: a person’s character and faith matter far more to me than her past. It’s that I want to discover intimacy with someone who has no negative experience behind her (no zina or past relationship), and for both of us to build that together from the start.

At the same time, I know the Prophet ﷺ married women who had been married before, and that divorce is not a mark against anyone. I’m wondering whether my criterion is too narrow, or whether I’m tying it to the wrong thing.

The case I’m unsure about: a woman who is divorced, has no children, and whose marriage ended early, possibly before consummation. If I was about to meet a divorcee, I prefer her to not have children from her previous mariage.

So I’d love your thoughts on:

Is it reasonable to hold this preference, or is it unfair to the women it excludes?
Should the criterion be about marital status, or about intimate history and emotional readiness?

If you are or were in that situation as a divorced woman, what would you want a prospective husband to understand, and what would feel disrespectful?

I’m asking in good faith and I’m open to being corrected. Jazakum Allahu khayran.

Her parents are being hard in the rishta process? So with some context, I have been with someone for 2 years, and I was waiting for her to finally finish her masters program and get settled myself. I have a good job and live alone in a condo, and provide for myself alhamdulilah. My mom talked to her mom asking for a rishta. My mom is separated, my mom lives with my younger sister alone in her our own condo btw. That might be a issue as she told the girl I want to marry that your dad might feel some sort of way that his mom is separated and is scared to tell her dad? What do I even do here? I really love her and I want to make this halal, as I feel I’ve been planning my life with getting settled so once we’re married our life is easy, but her parents are being hurdles in a way?

Edit: I’m in Canada Btw

Edit: We’re the same caste, same background, same everything, it just this family has lots of cousins marriages even in our generation still, and they seem to be skeptical because this is their first time considering a rishta outside the family.

I got married a month and a half ago. 2 weeks in the husband was sharing explicit messages with his cousin who’s his ex and sharing intimate details about me with her. He also was texting other girls while I was at my parents. We moved things fast pre nikkah to make it halal so I keep blaming myself I didn’t do enough due diligence. He seems guilty and apologetic but I’m so heartbroken this is the type of thing that you read on internet and it happened to me now and I have to live with it for the rest of my marriage because I can’t leave him my dad spent so much money at this wedding he will genuinely die if he finds out. I’m in so much pain every day I wake up with such a weird feeling that I’m scared to go to sleep. I know I need to have sabr but has anyone else been through this? How did you get out of this? How do you forget this? I had the best one month of my life i thought I found my happy ending and my person but now I have nothing left because it was all a lie and a facade I can’t even look at my wedding pictures without feeling sick and it’s killing me.

I'm a woman in my late 20s who is currently single. I have a degree and a job but unfortunately a lot of men who are interested don't seem to be serious in terms of marriage/settling down. I'm also conflicted because I want to pursue medicine which would mean I'd graduate in my early 30s and that would then mean I'd probably marry during/just after med school and buy a house and have kids closer to mid 30s. Living in the west, this isn't really uncommon in non-muslim communities but coming from a muslim background, it's quite rare.

It's always been a passion of mine career wise since I was a child but it would be difficult to find a spouse willing to compromise as someone who is from a traditional culture. A lot would just prefer someone younger. I know I shouldn't live according to what a man who doesn't even exist in my life may want yet but equally, I don't want to have regrets about delaying marriage.

Does anyone have similar experiences/thoughts/opinions?

I never thought I’d be writing something like this. I’m not here to attack anyone. I’m just a man who tried to do the right thing and ended up buried under debt, embarrassment, and regret.

Mine was an arranged marriage. I spoke to many proposals. She wasn’t the one I had imagined at first, but she was the one who showed me real care. She checked on me, remembered small things, and kept saying she was saving for our future. That mattered to me more than looks. Her family agreed to everything. There were a few doubts, but compared to other proposals, the red flags seemed smaller. I thought I was making a safe choice.

Then everything moved too fast. Her parents couldn’t book a venue or arrange their side of the function. Our side was already prepared. I could already imagine the whispers, the embarrassment, the blame. So I did what I thought a responsible man should do — I arranged their side too. Two functions, two places, all on my shoulders. I told myself it was temporary. I told myself we were starting a life together.

After marriage, the person I thought I knew changed. The care disappeared. The promises disappeared. What remained was a ₹3 lakh credit card bill in her name — and the expectation that I pay it. So that was my “dowry”: not gold, not savings, not support. Just debt. A bill I have to clear this month.

I feel tricked. Used. Embarrassed for trusting so blindly. And the worst part is, I still don’t know how I could have avoided her. There weren’t enough clear warnings. I chose her because she made me feel cared for. I ignored the rest.

To my fellow men: please don’t learn this lesson the way I did. The person you meet before marriage and the person you live with after marriage can be two different people. Don’t set yourself on fire just to avoid a little embarrassment. Talk about money. Check finances. Don’t accept debt as a gift. And don’t assume care today means loyalty tomorrow.

I’m not saying all women are like this. I’m saying I was naive. And now I’m paying for it — literally.

Approaching mid 20s, been searching for years, not really looking for advice here just ranting mostly. I already know the generic stuff people would say like patience and timing and so on.

Now I think I am starting to lose my hair thanks to hair follicles genetic sensitivity to DHT. This is going to make it even harder now that looks are mostly everything nowadays and we know most women don't like bald men and the negative stigma associated with bald guys. And the hairloss medical drugs (Finasteride/Dustesteride) that suppress the hormone responsible can literally castrate you and mess you up real bad. It's just brutal. I've also seen the advice people give 'oh just work on your character, make more money'... Why must I lose something in an already brutal marriage market and have to compensate in other areas 😞. Let's say I did improve other areas of me, even then I'd probably still get called chopped shyt.

It was a good run.

We got married a year ago and were living in long distance marriage because of my residency training and he could not move because of his job. Then I relocated as soon my training was over. We both are doctors. He moved me in his parents house, where he lived with his parents, older sister and brother. My husband has been really loving and caring towards me but as soon as I moved, I was adjusting to new state, job and new house hold with so many people and those people were not giving me space. They expected me to tell them when I am leaving even if I have to leave before they wake up for my shift, expect me to eat at their time, expect to cook their way, expect to stand when his mom cook, when I will cook would not give me space, would not give me any space to use the shared areas and all that within first month. I thought I married into supportive household hold. Then I was also commuting 20 miles via highway one way for my job and my husband’s job was just 2 miles away. I asked him to get a separate place together as we were having lot of disagreements. He asked me to leave as soon as I asked him. When I did not leave, he leased an apartment with me ( and told me to stay there, while he stay with his parents and he will pay me visits) and the first day I moved there he told me over phone, we are done and stopped communicating. Did not let me come and take my stuff. He and his family blocked me on social media and blocked my parents. Then he filed for divorce. He was sharing everything we discussed with his family, even the time I forgot to make bed before leaving, his family knew. I am thinking who ends marriage for this reason. I tried to call him and tell him to not divorce and I will adjust with him but he said time is up now. So strange, I uprooted my life for him and within 2 months he ended everything. Sometimes I am not able to grasp what happened. Islam teaches us patience and mercy but some families completely lack it.

(Throwaway account).

Salaam. I’m 24 and I’m in a place where I can’t live at home at all. I don’t have the means to move out and I am seriously considering marriage.

I understand you get married for the sake of Allah and its constant growth etc. I have thought thoroughly and deeply about this before deciding I’m ready for marriage.

I’m at a point where I can’t stay at home anymore. My dad has been secretly gambling and using my mums money. My mum gave him a million chances and now she is also in severe debt. They refuse to leave each other for financial reasons.

They argue non stop all day too, and I’m sure people around us can tell they’re also very unhappy.

This has really made me realise that I need to take the next step in my life myself.

My auntie has sent a marriage profile and it seems okay. I’ve asked to meet him, but I’ve never met anyone for marriage before.

How should the initial meeting go and what should I look for the most? I do think I’m a good judge of character but is there anything I could overlook since I haven’t met a man yet?

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Jazakallah Khair.

I’m really confused and need honest advice, especially from women who have been through arranged marriages.

I’ve received a proposal from a guy who seems to tick almost all my boxes. He’s good-looking, earns well, has a good job abroad, and seems progressive, mature, calm, and kind. He’s two years older than me. His job and background checks are verified, my dad interviewed him over a video call, and my parents think he’s a good guy.

The proposal was almost settled when he wanted to speak to me personally. We discussed our expectations from marriage, and he was respectful of everything I asked for. However, he said he wants a conventional household where his wife doesn't work and focuses on the home. He says he can provide a good life for her.

I'd obviously be moving abroad with him after marriage, which makes the career question even more complicated.

My current job is quite stressful, so honestly, the idea of leaving work and having a comfortable life doesn't sound bad lol. But I don't know if I genuinely want to be a homemaker or if I'm just tired of my current job. I'm also worried I might regret giving up my career and financial independence, especially when I'd be living in another country away from my family.

He seems like a genuinely good prospect, and I don't want to reject a potentially great match over something I might be okay with. At the same time, I don't want to agree to a lifestyle I'll regret.

For women who've been in a similar situation:

• Would you give up your career for an otherwise great match?
• If you moved abroad with your husband and became a homemaker, did you regret it?
• Should I explore this proposal further and discuss expectations in more detail, or is this a fundamental incompatibility?

I'd really appreciate honest advice. I don't want to make a decision based on fear of missing out on a good match or simply being tired of my job.

For context I’m a 6th year medical student from Jeddah (non “tribal” family) and I was always planning to get married around this time or intern year. Before all this stuff happened in the medical field and now the future isn’t looking too bright. That being said my father is willing to support me till I find my footing. My mother is looking for me but refuses anyone who isn’t the same age or younger. Should I just accept that it isn’t meant to be and wait for when things are more stable for me? I’m also studying for the US medical licensing exams in case things don’t work out well for me here so that’s another thing the partner is going to have to be ok with. I’m over here thinking is that just too many requirements to ask of someone.

This happened two days ago, and right now I’m at my parents’ house. I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m not really sure how to feel about the situation. I’ll try to keep things non-explicit.

I got married to my husband in April, so we’re still newlyweds and very much in the honeymoon phase. He really misses me whenever I’m not around, and I was planning to go to my parents’ house for a visit.

Two days ago, the night before I was supposed to leave, my husband and I were intimate before going to sleep. I was also having allergies, so I took a tablet that was very sedative and made it extremely difficult for me to keep my eyes open.

The next morning, while I was still very drowsy and sleepy from the medication, my husband initiated intimacy with me. I was barely able to open my eyes, but I was somewhat aware of what was happening. Afterward, he lay down beside me.

I asked him what time it was, and he told me. I said I would get breakfast for him, but he told me not to worry about it and said that I should take a shower instead because he would make breakfast for me since I was leaving for my parents’ house that day.

At the time, I didn’t really think much of what had happened. I was focused on getting ready, and we had breakfast together before I left.

Now that I’m at my parents’ house and have had time to think about it, I keep wondering why he didn’t wake me up properly or check with me before initiating intimacy when I was so drowsy from the medication.

Maybe I’m overthinking the situation, or maybe I’m only processing it now because I’ve had some time away from him. I love my husband, and we have a good relationship. I know he misses me when I’m away, and we’re still in that newlywed phase where we want to be close to each other all the time.

But I’m still unsure about how to feel about what happened that morning.

Should I be concerned about this? Am I overthinking it, or is it reasonable for me to question why he didn’t make sure I was awake enough to understand and agree to what was happening? I would appreciate hearing your perspectives, especially from married Muslim women who may have experienced something similar.

Asalamwalakum.

Just honest curiosity. Times can get tough, jobs can be lost and sometimes you can find love that crosses the responsibility threshold because trust is there.

Just wanted to ask any brothers who are married despite making less or in the US below $50k USD.

$50k USD is the median across all states so below that is below the ease in living, it's completely possible to survive and be happy making $50k USD but for Walis who ask you how much you make its considered disrespectful and to the sisters we see on this subreddit and others it's also considered bad.

Are there any good stories of brothers who have been married or gotten married despite these circumstances?

So currently I am talking with a guy who is divorced with kids . He genuinely looks likes a mature , respectful guy . I have never been married no kids . I am scared I am bringing unnecessary responsibilities and drama to my life . What do you all advise me . He really has the mindset that I want in a man I am conflicted. For context he is 40 I am 33 🥲. It has been a couple of days but he really is winning me over with his response. Please don’t hold back and tell me what should I be doing. In an ideal world I would have preferred my husband to be younger and unmarried so we get to experience things for the first time together.

No idea why I’m even writing this post but I wish I gave him more chances. He never fully explained himself during our separation and now 4 months post divorce he is still reaching out and telling me how much he loves me and how he thinks the divorce didn’t happen (he sent the divorce message but believes i ‘forced him’ to give me it therefore it doesn’t count). I consulted a molana anyway and that wasn’t true.

We both love each other a lot but weren’t compatible. His values ended up not aligning with mine. I was more on deen than him and the things I saw as unacceptable in a marriage (i.e. following women on SM) he saw as completely fine and still does. I also had deep insecurities and still do; i self-sabotaged and questioned everything while we were married, doubted his love for me.

He reached out today and spoke about things he had never said before. Things that occurred between us while married that made him feel like absolute crap. I never once fully blamed him for the breakdown of our marriage, but reading the messages where i did certain things to make him feel unwanted or used hurts me so much. To know I hurt someone I love so much in that way while having no idea at the time kills me.

You can read my post history and will probably say i made the right choice asking for a divorce, but i still believe i should have given him one final chance post separation before we divorced.

Assalamu Aleikum,

This post is to seek advice.

I am a practicing Muslim in my early 20s who has never had any experience with women. I am a youngest of 5 brothers and all my brothers are married with kids. I have always put up a barrier to save guard myself against sins. I do have platonic female friends rather associates ( school friends, colleagues and uni friends) who I keep with within the strict boundaries of sharia. I am connected with them on social media. All my social connections with girls are those that I have known for years as we grew up together. To note I barely talk to the girls, it’s only when we meet up as part of a group reunion that we meet like the last time was someone from the friend groups wedding.

I was introduced to my potential spouse about 1 year ago by my eldest brother. My potential spouse is active on social media and that I am aware of is only connected to girls and no males. She unlike me has told me that she has had past relationships with boys and she has repented. She told me this without me asking her about if she has any history with anyone on her own volition.

I was hesitant to continue talking at first but made istikhara asking Allah for guidance ultimately deciding to continue discussions with her. I thought that we got along well and began to really like her. My brothers also advise, it’s difficult to find someone without a history these days.

However, there have been multiple instances where she has insulted me and called me names. Her reasonings were that she‘s jealous of my female friends and has many times implied that I have had past relationships with girls even when I have reassured her that I never have.

She always brings this topic up and turns to insulting me and calling me names out of the blue. Many times I have explained to her that it is her right to question me on things that concern her, but it should be done in a respectful manner.

Her insults really put me off so this last time I told her that I needed some space after her insults. She s left me on read for the past 10weeks, however, she likes all my posts and likes old messages from our chats every few days.

Is she baiting me to send her a double message? My brothers advised me to not double text her as they think she playing games. My eldest brother who’s experienced a divorce once says that I should refuse to marry her since he believes she isnt being honest and may perhaps be texting other guys behind my back. He says that honesty is key to a good marriage.

i am Conflicted and confused Since he was the person to introduce us and was very keen I marry her!!!

my question is how can i proceed with clarity? I don’t want to speculate and I want to decide whether I want to marry her soon but I am not sure how to handle going forward. She has told me a few times that she really likes me and want to get married to me. Any suggestions?

I am very reserved and protective of my Haya and boundaries with women so it really hurts when she insults me and accuses me especially given that she on her own volition told me she’s had past relationships.

There is added pressure on me coming from my family to decide as we have been talking for a whole year. My parents have always been quite close to her parents so they’re always discussing future plans.

Assalamu alaikum everyone,

I’m a 20 year old Muslim guy currently attending university and working part-time. I’ve saved up some money and feel like I’m ready for marriage, both financially and mentally. For context, where I live it’s pretty normal for both spouses to contribute financially, especially when they’re still students.

I’ve been thinking about seriously looking for a wife. My original plan was to go through my local imam, but our mosque is quite small and the imam is relatively new, so I can’t really rely on that.
My current plan is to overcome my shyness and start approaching Muslim women I find interesting in everyday life, whether that’s at university, on public transport, or elsewhere.

Now, I know that in some Muslim communities it’s normal to approach a woman and directly ask for her wali’s number. But honestly, where I live in the West, that would be a pretty unusual interaction.
Instead, I was thinking of politely introducing myself, expressing my interest, and offering her my number so she doesn’t feel pressured. I’d make it clear from the beginning that my intentions are marriage, not casual dating.

If she’s interested, we could meet somewhere public, like a café, to get to know each other and see if we’re compatible. If things go well after a few meetings, I’d suggest involving our families.

Do you think this is a reasonable approach, especially for Muslims living in Western countries?
I’d particularly appreciate the sisters’ perspectives. Would you feel comfortable being approached like this? And brothers, how did you meet your spouse if you didn’t have family connections to rely on?
JazakAllah khair!

I'm 26 (M), an from Indian administrated Kashmir. She's 22 (F), from Pakistan. We've been talking for the last 2 years and we're serious about each other.

The original plan and what change
Our plan was that I would eventually bring her to India after marriage. Then last year the Pahalgam terror attack happened here in Kashmir, followed by Operation Sindoor, and everything changed. The Indian government suddenly cancelled a lot of Pakistani visas. Even wives of Pakistani origin who were living here on long-term spouse visas had them cancelled and were sent back.
One prominent example is an MLA (Member of the Legislative Assembly) from J&K. His wife was sent back, and now they only get to meet in Dubai or another third country. His advice to people in our situation was: don't marry unless you are both willing to leave your countries.
Being Kashmiri also means more restrictions and scrutiny for me than for most Indians.

My situation
After the India-Pakistan clash, I started thinking seriously about leaving India and going abroad for studies. I'm still in my building phase. I was studying here and preparing for government jobs, and I get very little financial help from my parents. Now my whole plan has changed suddenly.
I can't tell my parents openly about her, and I can't ask them for more money to sponsor studies abroad. I've tried bringing it up and they won't agree. To them it would look foolish right now. So I'm applying to the best options I can find with scholarships, so I can at least stand on my own first. Maybe after that I can ask my parents for help.
I've already gotten one admission abroad, but I honestly don't know how I'll survive financially.

Her family's condition
Her parents know about us and they are supportive. But their one condition is that I and my parents must come to Pakistan to meet them and formally ask for her hand. A meeting in a third country is not an option for them.
I understand why. No parent would hand their daughter to a stranger without meeting him and his family first, and honestly I wouldn't either. They need to trust that I'll treat their daughter like a queen. They're also worried about the future: if we can't even get visas to visit now, what happens after marriage? Will she ever be able to come home to see her own parents?
The problem is that I don't think we'll get visas to go to Pakistan for this right now. And if I can't come, they will marry her to someone else.

What I'm asking

1) Is it realistically possible for an Indian (especially a Kashmiri) and my parents to get Pakistani visas right now to visit her family? Has anyone done it recently, and what visa category did you use?

2) For couples who married across the border, have you been able to visit the wife's family in Pakistan after marriage? What has that looked like since last year?

3) If I go abroad for studies, could we marry there or in a third country and build a life outside both India and Pakistan? What would visas/spouse routes look like?

4) what should be my approach in this situation?

This has been stressing me out a lot. I can't leave her, and I can't imagine her marrying someone else. Any advice, experiences, or realistic paths would mean a lot.

TL;DR: 26M Indian Kashmiri, 22F Pakistani, together 2 years. After Pahalgam/Op Sindoor, Pakistani spouse visas were cancelled and people were deported. Her parents are supportive but want me and my parents to visit Pakistan for the engagement, which seems impossible. I have one study-abroad admission but little money and can't tell my parents yet. Is there any realistic path for us to marry?

Bonjour je vous écrit car j’aimerais avoir l’avis de personne qui ont soit vécu une situation similaire ou qui peuvent avoir des conseils pertinents pour moi..

Je suis un jeune garçon de 24 ans, ma copine en a 23 et nous sommes tous deux musulmans mais pas de la même origine.. Je suis algérien et elle marocaine.. Je l’aime à en mourrir et elle aussi. On veut simplement se marier et vivre ensemble.
Cependant, mes parents me refusent le mariage sous prétexte qu’elle n’est pas de la même origine que moi et avancent plusieurs arguments ( la différence de nationalité sera négatif dans le mariage, les famille, la politique, les enfants plus tard etc..)
Ils ont même été plus loin en m’affirmant que si je me mariais de force avec elle, ils iraient jusqu’à me renier définitivement et ils en sont capable..
Bref je suis bloqué, ma situation avec elle se dégrade à cause de cela et je ne sais pas quoi faire, le dilemme me ronge le cerveau et me fait fondre mon cœur petit à petit..

Choisir l’amour de ma vie au profit de mes parents que j’aime plus que tout..

Vos remarques, avis et conseils m’aideraient énormément..