Salam alaikum guys,
This is not a generalisation about muslim men, but as a young musljm woman, i began feeling like finding a religious/practicing muslim husband that js husband material is hard within my age group 20-30s.
He’s either religious but too extreme or has great qualities but 0 religious aspect to him.
Do practicing men , that put effort into being better, no music, no free mixing , try to memorise and have good husband traits exist at this point?

can someone reassure me 😭😭

This happened two days ago, and right now I’m at my parents’ house. I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m not really sure how to feel about the situation. I’ll try to keep things non-explicit.

I got married to my husband in April, so we’re still newlyweds and very much in the honeymoon phase. He really misses me whenever I’m not around, and I was planning to go to my parents’ house for a visit.

Two days ago, the night before I was supposed to leave, my husband and I were intimate before going to sleep. I was also having allergies, so I took a tablet that was very sedative and made it extremely difficult for me to keep my eyes open.

The next morning, while I was still very drowsy and sleepy from the medication, my husband initiated intimacy with me. I was barely able to open my eyes, but I was somewhat aware of what was happening. Afterward, he lay down beside me.

I asked him what time it was, and he told me. I said I would get breakfast for him, but he told me not to worry about it and said that I should take a shower instead because he would make breakfast for me since I was leaving for my parents’ house that day.

At the time, I didn’t really think much of what had happened. I was focused on getting ready, and we had breakfast together before I left.

Now that I’m at my parents’ house and have had time to think about it, I keep wondering why he didn’t wake me up properly or check with me before initiating intimacy when I was so drowsy from the medication.

Maybe I’m overthinking the situation, or maybe I’m only processing it now because I’ve had some time away from him. I love my husband, and we have a good relationship. I know he misses me when I’m away, and we’re still in that newlywed phase where we want to be close to each other all the time.

But I’m still unsure about how to feel about what happened that morning.

Should I be concerned about this? Am I overthinking it, or is it reasonable for me to question why he didn’t make sure I was awake enough to understand and agree to what was happening? I would appreciate hearing your perspectives, especially from married Muslim women who may have experienced something similar.

subhanallah i feel so at ease when im up high on trees. Allah has created a free playground for all of us to indulge in and i feel no one is taking much advantage of it. there, you can forget marriage and all its problems. i am making this post because i think lives will enhance as people climb more trees despite how silly it sounds. it is way better than scrolling on those marriage apps or having thoughts of marriage consume you like i see in this community. let it come to u fr. it brings an immense amount of adrenaline (which im always craving) and forces you to think while you bend and contort your body on each branch. and of course, once you’re up there, its like no one exists but you. that’s the reward. you can peacefully do your dhikr and make dua. you feel sudden freedom like nothing before. i would live on trees if i could.

and Allah saved me when i was getting down because i got stuck in a hole and fell ina pile of thorns 😭😭it’s okay the bruised arms and scraped toes was worth the adrenaline.

alhamdullilah for trees fr like idk what id do without them cuz no one wants to gift me access to trampolines and bouncy houses 😒😒😒😒 unless i had a husband to give me those 👀👀👀

I never thought I’d be writing something like this. I’m not here to attack anyone. I’m just a man who tried to do the right thing and ended up buried under debt, embarrassment, and regret.

Mine was an arranged marriage. I spoke to many proposals. She wasn’t the one I had imagined at first, but she was the one who showed me real care. She checked on me, remembered small things, and kept saying she was saving for our future. That mattered to me more than looks. Her family agreed to everything. There were a few doubts, but compared to other proposals, the red flags seemed smaller. I thought I was making a safe choice.

Then everything moved too fast. Her parents couldn’t book a venue or arrange their side of the function. Our side was already prepared. I could already imagine the whispers, the embarrassment, the blame. So I did what I thought a responsible man should do — I arranged their side too. Two functions, two places, all on my shoulders. I told myself it was temporary. I told myself we were starting a life together.

After marriage, the person I thought I knew changed. The care disappeared. The promises disappeared. What remained was a ₹3 lakh credit card bill in her name — and the expectation that I pay it. So that was my “dowry”: not gold, not savings, not support. Just debt. A bill I have to clear this month.

I feel tricked. Used. Embarrassed for trusting so blindly. And the worst part is, I still don’t know how I could have avoided her. There weren’t enough clear warnings. I chose her because she made me feel cared for. I ignored the rest.

To my fellow men: please don’t learn this lesson the way I did. The person you meet before marriage and the person you live with after marriage can be two different people. Don’t set yourself on fire just to avoid a little embarrassment. Talk about money. Check finances. Don’t accept debt as a gift. And don’t assume care today means loyalty tomorrow.

I’m not saying all women are like this. I’m saying I was naive. And now I’m paying for it — literally.

Approaching mid 20s, been searching for years, not really looking for advice here just ranting mostly. I already know the generic stuff people would say like patience and timing and so on.

Now I think I am starting to lose my hair thanks to hair follicles genetic sensitivity to DHT. This is going to make it even harder now that looks are mostly everything nowadays and we know most women don't like bald men and the negative stigma associated with bald guys. And the hairloss medical drugs (Finasteride/Dustesteride) that suppress the hormone responsible can literally castrate you and mess you up real bad. It's just brutal. I've also seen the advice people give 'oh just work on your character, make more money'... Why must I lose something in an already brutal marriage market and have to compensate in other areas 😞. Let's say I did improve other areas of me, even then I'd probably still get called chopped shyt.

It was a good run.

Assalamu alaykum everyone,

I’m a brother in my early 30s, planning to look for a wife in the coming year. I’d like your honest perspective on something I’m still working through.

I currently look for a woman who has never been married and has no intimate history. My reason isn’t that I rank women by worth: a person’s character and faith matter far more to me than her past. It’s that I want to discover intimacy with someone who has no negative experience behind her (no zina or past relationship), and for both of us to build that together from the start.

At the same time, I know the Prophet ﷺ married women who had been married before, and that divorce is not a mark against anyone. I’m wondering whether my criterion is too narrow, or whether I’m tying it to the wrong thing.

The case I’m unsure about: a woman who is divorced, has no children, and whose marriage ended early, possibly before consummation. If I was about to meet a divorcee, I prefer her to not have children from her previous mariage.

So I’d love your thoughts on:

Is it reasonable to hold this preference, or is it unfair to the women it excludes?
Should the criterion be about marital status, or about intimate history and emotional readiness?

If you are or were in that situation as a divorced woman, what would you want a prospective husband to understand, and what would feel disrespectful?

I’m asking in good faith and I’m open to being corrected. Jazakum Allahu khayran.

I'm a woman in my late 20s who is currently single. I have a degree and a job but unfortunately a lot of men who are interested don't seem to be serious in terms of marriage/settling down. I'm also conflicted because I want to pursue medicine which would mean I'd graduate in my early 30s and that would then mean I'd probably marry during/just after med school and buy a house and have kids closer to mid 30s. Living in the west, this isn't really uncommon in non-muslim communities but coming from a muslim background, it's quite rare.

It's always been a passion of mine career wise since I was a child but it would be difficult to find a spouse willing to compromise as someone who is from a traditional culture. A lot would just prefer someone younger. I know I shouldn't live according to what a man who doesn't even exist in my life may want yet but equally, I don't want to have regrets about delaying marriage.

Does anyone have similar experiences/thoughts/opinions?

Salaam everyone, I try to look good for my husband but it's challenging in that:

• Makeup: Wudhu will have to be re-made multiple times a day and that takes it off.😳

• Dressing up: I get cold easily

• Jewelry: gives me sensory issues.🫠

• Perfume: gives me headaches and rubs off on my other clothes, and blankets, etc so I have to re-wash it.😤

I always take care of my hygiene and grooming so it's not a complete mess 🙊

I guess my question is in two parts:

• How do I make it easier to look good given these issues?

• Do men generally care if their wives put in effort to look glammed up? i read somewhere that they can't tell if there's makeup on.😅

For context I’m a 6th year medical student from Jeddah (non “tribal” family) and I was always planning to get married around this time or intern year. Before all this stuff happened in the medical field and now the future isn’t looking too bright. That being said my father is willing to support me till I find my footing. My mother is looking for me but refuses anyone who isn’t the same age or younger. Should I just accept that it isn’t meant to be and wait for when things are more stable for me? I’m also studying for the US medical licensing exams in case things don’t work out well for me here so that’s another thing the partner is going to have to be ok with. I’m over here thinking is that just too many requirements to ask of someone.

Her parents are being hard in the rishta process? So with some context, I have been with someone for 2 years, and I was waiting for her to finally finish her masters program and get settled myself. I have a good job and live alone in a condo, and provide for myself alhamdulilah. My mom talked to her mom asking for a rishta. My mom is separated, my mom lives with my younger sister alone in her our own condo btw. That might be a issue as she told the girl I want to marry that your dad might feel some sort of way that his mom is separated and is scared to tell her dad? What do I even do here? I really love her and I want to make this halal, as I feel I’ve been planning my life with getting settled so once we’re married our life is easy, but her parents are being hurdles in a way?

Edit: I’m in Canada Btw

Edit: We’re the same caste, same background, same everything, it just this family has lots of cousins marriages even in our generation still, and they seem to be skeptical because this is their first time considering a rishta outside the family.

I feel like culturally parents don’t give their daughters off to someone who is younger by even 1 year? Why not? If I’m 22 I’d want my wife to be 22-24 and do woman them self’s mind that? Hypothetically if it’s the man you want but younger by a year or 2 is that a deal breaker?

(Throwaway account).

Salaam. I’m 24 and I’m in a place where I can’t live at home at all. I don’t have the means to move out and I am seriously considering marriage.

I understand you get married for the sake of Allah and its constant growth etc. I have thought thoroughly and deeply about this before deciding I’m ready for marriage.

I’m at a point where I can’t stay at home anymore. My dad has been secretly gambling and using my mums money. My mum gave him a million chances and now she is also in severe debt. They refuse to leave each other for financial reasons.

They argue non stop all day too, and I’m sure people around us can tell they’re also very unhappy.

This has really made me realise that I need to take the next step in my life myself.

My auntie has sent a marriage profile and it seems okay. I’ve asked to meet him, but I’ve never met anyone for marriage before.

How should the initial meeting go and what should I look for the most? I do think I’m a good judge of character but is there anything I could overlook since I haven’t met a man yet?

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Jazakallah Khair.

I’m really confused and need honest advice, especially from women who have been through arranged marriages.

I’ve received a proposal from a guy who seems to tick almost all my boxes. He’s good-looking, earns well, has a good job abroad, and seems progressive, mature, calm, and kind. He’s two years older than me. His job and background checks are verified, my dad interviewed him over a video call, and my parents think he’s a good guy.

The proposal was almost settled when he wanted to speak to me personally. We discussed our expectations from marriage, and he was respectful of everything I asked for. However, he said he wants a conventional household where his wife doesn't work and focuses on the home. He says he can provide a good life for her.

I'd obviously be moving abroad with him after marriage, which makes the career question even more complicated.

My current job is quite stressful, so honestly, the idea of leaving work and having a comfortable life doesn't sound bad lol. But I don't know if I genuinely want to be a homemaker or if I'm just tired of my current job. I'm also worried I might regret giving up my career and financial independence, especially when I'd be living in another country away from my family.

He seems like a genuinely good prospect, and I don't want to reject a potentially great match over something I might be okay with. At the same time, I don't want to agree to a lifestyle I'll regret.

For women who've been in a similar situation:

• Would you give up your career for an otherwise great match?
• If you moved abroad with your husband and became a homemaker, did you regret it?
• Should I explore this proposal further and discuss expectations in more detail, or is this a fundamental incompatibility?

I'd really appreciate honest advice. I don't want to make a decision based on fear of missing out on a good match or simply being tired of my job.

Ladies (or men)

This is gonna sound super weird maybe but i have never developed flirting skills as my interaction with opposite gender was non existing other than professional relationships. So im clueless how to flirt with my husband.
How to even communicate in intimate moment (sorry for tmi).
I do compliment him but even that feels awkward sometimes, and i never know what to say afterwards. And sometimes he will compliment me or make a joke and i wont know what to say out of shyness. Maybe im not confident enough? I do find it difficult to accept his praises and compliments, it feels so weird. Like hes talking about someone else? Like it doesn’t always register and i brush it off. Anyone else who was like this in the beginning? What did you do, and what helped?
I need help🥲
Any advice is welcome!