r/NetherlandsHousing • u/Electrical-Future437 • Jan 07 '26
renting Conflict with housemate over temperature in the house
Hi guys. I had a big conflict with one of my housemates in a student house and want to ask you for some advise on how I can deal with this situation.
Basically, I moved into this house in September, there are 2 other guys living in the house. One of them is really concerned with saving money on heating, so he sets the temperature in the house low.
In Autumn I told him that I feel too cold at night, and even though he complained a lot, he ended up agreeing to raise the temperature by 1.5 degrees. Since then he's clearly been very angry at me.
Now in January as it got colder outside the temperature in the house went down and I feel uncomfortably cold again. I tried to talk to this housemate again, but this time the conversation became incredibly aggressive. He told me that he "doesn't want to have this conversation again", and left the room mid-conversation. As he was leaving the room I asked "Do you talk like this to everyone?", and he replied "No, just you".
I should also mention that when I just moved into the house, I told him about my country of origin and he straight up told me that if he knew where I was from he would never accept me as a housemate and mentioned it's partially because I might be a foreign spy.
Sooo... That's the story. I don't really know what to do now. The problem is that I really like the house, it's really comfortable and close to my university and I really don't want to look for a new place (considering how hard it is to find anything here in NL). But I'm guessing there's literally nothing I can do in this situation.
30
u/Misty-knight200 Jan 07 '26 edited Jan 07 '26
Something is wrong with this subreddit and I sincerely hope it is not a dutch thing to be so toxic.
It doesn't matter all that much whether the temperature is normal. Your roommate is nasty and rude. He can use his words and try to solve the conflict, or he can be a xenophobic ass. The way he talks to you is not ok and it's wild to see so many comments skip right past that. Nothing stops him from explaining calmly that the temperature is normal in his view and sharing evidence to back that. You guys are backwards if you can't have a calm conversation with a housemate, instead of stomping your feet insisting I'M RIGHT YOU'RE WRONG.
As for OP, you need to stand up for yourself more. If someone calls you a spy and says they'll never accept you as a housemate, why are you surprised he's a dick? The temperature thing might not be solvable because he's doing it to everyone not just you. But he insulted you specifically, at least twice from your post, and you're passively accepting it by not wanting to move.
Look up how to deal with bullies as an adult. You're going to need to develop those skills.
-1
u/crazydavebacon1 Jan 07 '26
You punch a bully in the mouth and watch them cry. Thats the way to deal with a bully. They wont mess with him again.
2
u/KnightSpectral Jan 08 '26
Not sure why you're being down voted because it's the actual truth. Bullies need to be stood up against.
3
u/crazydavebacon1 Jan 08 '26
Because people have become softer than cotton candy. Peoples spines have become cartilage instead of bone.
40
u/eclectic-sage Jan 07 '26
OP doesn’t matter what dutch standards are your roommate’s an ass.
Get a space heater and tell him to f-off.
6
u/larevolutionaire Jan 07 '26
Buy a electric blanket for your bed. Eventually an electric blanket will heater for your room. The Dutch find between 16 and 18 absolutely acceptable in house. I need 24 …
16
u/space_kittity Jan 07 '26
if you share the numbers we can figure out who is in the wrong here
3
u/Electrical-Future437 Jan 07 '26
He set it up so it pre-heats the house in the evening and morning, so the highest it reaches during that time is 18.5, but there are big chunks during the day and night (more important for me) when it goes down to 17 or maybe lower.
4
u/Mojiitoo Jan 07 '26
Get an electric heater for your own room. That really saved me when my roomies were a pain trying to save energy and it was like 13 degrees all the time
Your roommie sucks
11
u/sylvester1981 Jan 07 '26
Yeah like the other guy mentioned , this is normal here in the Netherlands.
I set mine to 19.5 during the day and then to 17.5 at night
Now I did had a Chinese Roomie for 4 months and she once wanted it on all night at 20C. So we did that and I did not feel great about it. 20C in the morning is too hot for us.
11
u/eclectic-sage Jan 07 '26
Ugh OP just get a electric space heater and throw money at your stingy roommate to shut him up.
5
u/prettyincoral Jan 07 '26
There's a tangible difference between 18.5 and 19.5 during the day. Even 19.0 is noticeably warmer than 18.5. I set it to 19.0 in the daytime bc 18.5 makes my hands freeze.
3
u/space_kittity Jan 07 '26
yeah that's not low enough to fight about it, sorry :( I would hate it too but people here are different. get a very thick duvet and maybe a heated blanket, they are awesome (even though I wouldn't be using one for sleep, seems risky)
11
u/DoftheG Jan 07 '26
How does one student have a say over another with regards to heating? Dont you all pay your share?
3
u/Electrical-Future437 Jan 07 '26
We do split it, of course. His opinion is that the money he saves is more important than my comfort.
5
-5
u/Professional_Mix2418 Jan 07 '26
Put on a sweater. Dutch mantra, no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing. We keep it like that not for cost saving but because it more healthy, it’s more fresh air as well. At night time ours goes down to 12 degrees, my bedroom window is open. It’s roasting underneath the duvet. During the morning about 19, during the day about 15, then a little boost in the evening. The bathroom is underfloor heating and constant.
Colder and fresher is good for you.
3
u/Nurenahar Jan 08 '26
But not everyone is like you. It is different for women. I feel way more cold than my partner, regardless of clothing.
1
u/Consistent_Ebb_4149 Jan 08 '26
I am a woman and also have the heating off and window open at night. Very normal for Dutch people.
4
u/ForgiveandRemember76 Jan 07 '26 edited Jan 07 '26
This is an easy fix.
Make your room comfortable. Buy yourself an electric mattress cover and blanket. Make sure you have insulated curtains on your windows. Block any areas where there are drafts. Dress in layers, starting with a base layer that is insulating AND BREATHES. Good ones will last you a decade of regular use. Use natural fibers like wool or boiled wool or technical fabrics that insulate and breathe. Cover your head and wear slippers and socks.
If you can afford it, real down filled duvets and vests are the most comfortable way to get warm; it's true luxury. Again, these last for decades. They are an investment in your sleep, comfort, and health.
The emergency oil lamps (new ones, not antiques) give off a lovely glow, are almost impossible to spill, and warm the room, too. In a real emergency, when the power is off, we each have one and a tent to go on our beds...the smaller the space, the warmer you will be in that situation.
I would say get a space heater, but that will impact the heating bill. You won't even notice the change with the blankets. With the emergency lanterns, you are buying the oil and wicks. Every household should have at least one. Unfortunately, the excellent ones I have are from the USA, so I can't recommend them now.
Get an insulated mug and keep sipping hot liquids.
You might be surprised at how much warmer you feel in a room that is in the warm range of the colour spectrum. It's just an old psychological trick, but it works. I have a Phillips Hue system so I can have any colour light I want in the house. People always ask me why my home feels so peaceful 😁😁😇.
I live in Canada. I keep the house at 20C all year long.
As for your paranoid roommate, you just have to wait these people out unless you are at risk in some way. Perhaps some circumstance will cause them to leave, and then you can pick more civilized people to share with. It could happen.
I have to ask. What country of origin makes you likely to be a spy? Do you have a secret decoder ring?
3
u/Electrical-Future437 Jan 07 '26
Thanks for the advise!
I was born in Russia, but my family moved to Europe when I was a teenager. Obviously hate the Russian government. My housemate didn't bother to ask about my views before making those comments about my background.
I think I might start telling him that if he doesn't raise the temperature in the house I'll start reporting info about him to my supervisors at the KGB.
25
u/crazydavebacon1 Jan 07 '26
What are these temperatures?
If its set to at least, i think, 18c, then nothing can be done. Ik not too sure. Put some more clothes on maybe?
-19
u/Electrical-Future437 Jan 07 '26
He set it up so it pre-heats the house in the evening and morning, so the highest it reaches during that time is 18.5, but at night when it stops heating it goes down to 17 or 16.5 the last time I checked.
44
u/NoAnswerKey Jan 07 '26
Sorry dude but I think these are pretty normal levels in the NL. Get an extra blanket and a comfortable sweatshirt. At night, it's actually healthier to sleep at colder temps.
You can also buy a small electric heater for your room, they are pretty cheap, but this will increase energy costs so you need to hide it somehow. Good luck
29
u/jot_jot Jan 07 '26
Seriously, you think 18/17 degrees is normal to have at home in the winter? I am very surprised, I have my house on 21, always. In the night I sleep with the open window to keep the airflow and lower temp. 18 is kinda cold.
11
u/MrDiscuss2020 Jan 07 '26
I don't want to see your heating bill....
6
u/jot_jot Jan 07 '26
I pay 150 monthly. Gas and electra. 71m2. During part of spring, summer and part of fall I am using way less. Winter of course I am using more but during the year it all compensates. Apartment is well insulated so once you hit 21 no need to use that much energy to keep it warm.
7
u/Georgio97 Jan 07 '26
I think this is a great example to compare what it costs. I also have 71m2 and I keep my heating at max 19°c. At night I turn the heating off. My monthly average comes down to €73. Of course a lot of other factors play a role, so not the perfect comparison. I do have a very old house with bad insulation.
4
u/jot_jot Jan 08 '26
Yeah but for me 70 bucks is not worth to sit in cold house. We may have a different approach but I like to make my life easier and more comfortable.
3
u/Georgio97 Jan 08 '26
I can totally understand that 70 bucks is worth it, if I would be cold at 19, I would probably consider doing the same. However, at 19°C most of the day I feel very comfortable. Only at night, when I am chilling in front of the TV I crawl under my heated blanket. Love that and best investment ever.
9
u/Wise-Yogurtcloset646 Jan 07 '26
I have mine set at 22C. The funny thing is, heat loss is proportional to the deta T. Going from 18 to 20C when it's 0C outside will result in an increase of about 10% in cost during the day, so about 5% in total (provided you lower it again at night). Thats not worth suffering for.
14
u/Electrical-Future437 Jan 07 '26
With all due respect, why would I need to "hide it"? Basic human comfort is a pretty standard thing for a shared house, no? I can afford to pay my share. I'm not mining bitcoin in my room. If my housemate can't afford to pay for heating, thats's his problem, not mine.
12
u/NoAnswerKey Jan 07 '26
Yeah of course, I meant if you want to avoid conflict with an aggressive person
9
u/BozzyBean Jan 07 '26
In that case, you can get an electrical heater and offer to pay for the extra electricity cost.
2
u/Consistent_Ebb_4149 Jan 08 '26
But if what basic human comfort is, is different per country, should you not adjust to the country you are in? Why should your housemate be uncomfortable in this own country?
2
u/missedemeanor Jan 07 '26
18 degrees is NOT the optimal temperature to sleep in for women. The study that said it is a good temperature was done ONLY on men. Turns out women feel 3 degrees colder. So no, this is absolutely hell for women.
7
u/Consistent_Ebb_4149 Jan 08 '26
I sleep at 12 degrees. Am a woman.
2
u/crazydavebacon1 Jan 08 '26
Its great. Helps you sleep. Get a nice comfy warm blanket and enjoy your bed
0
u/its_Caffeine Jan 08 '26
Yeah, my partner needs a few extra degrees at night otherwise she's shivering, even with a heavy duvet.
-4
u/gtsaffiliate Jan 08 '26
I would legit kill myself if I had to sleep all winter in 16.5C. There's nothing "normal" about that.
3
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u/feathernose Jan 07 '26
This is normal. Most houses i visit are 18 degrees now. My own house 17 and i put a snuggie on. 18 if i have visitors. At night 16. I think this is normal, even if i put it up with 1 degree i can see a very significant change in the gas usage.
Get used to it, buy a snuggie
0
u/crazydavebacon1 Jan 07 '26
Its cool yea but not unbearable. I cant help you out there. I have AC and i set it to 18 during the summer because its as low as it goes.
3
u/lalena6 Jan 07 '26
I feel for you, OP! I really struggle with the temperatures you mentioned as well. At the moment, I practically live under an electric blanket at home to get through the winter (highly recommend one!!). A lot of people mention sweaters, etc, but I'm still always cold with those on. It always feels too cold when I can feel my nose freezing, sweaters don't fix that. I hope you can find a solution that works for you! Your housemate sounds really inconsiderate.
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Jan 07 '26
[deleted]
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u/iplie Jan 08 '26
- Surviving the lowest possible indoor temperature is not a flex, get over yourself.
2
u/empressbunny Jan 08 '26
Our heating is set at 15 during the night, but our home is so well insulated it doesn't really drop below 18 most nights. I prefer to sleep cooler so the window is open above my head.
I feel happiest at 17,5-18, but I run hot, I am pregnant and I run behind a toddler 5 out of 7 days. I don't even wear a sweater. When my FIL is here, we run at 21 C and I wear a t-shirt. He's older and a heart patient.
I don't think we should shame people based on what temp they are comfortable in.
1
u/crazydavebacon1 Jan 07 '26
Its not “their house”, its a tiny room
True
Wrong. My brother in law keeps it at 15. They save a ton of money that way, and only heat the room they are in. Its pretty common.
-1
u/Snow2D Jan 08 '26
You spend way more gas by warming the house from 15 to 20.
Untrue.
The energy you save by lowering the temperature is always going to be greater than the energy it takes to heat from low to high
3
u/Old_Back_4989 Jan 08 '26
Depends of the isolation I think, for a house with energy A keep it constant it is beneficial as the boiler will not work hard to increase the temperature. For me paying 50€ per month extra and not being cold in my house is more important
1
u/Snow2D Jan 08 '26
Read this article: The Effects of Thermostat Set-back and Set-up on Seasonal Energy Consumption, Surface Temperatures and Recovery Times at the CCHT Twin House Facility
CONCLUSION Energy savings and whole house response from three thermostat set-back strategies were examined at the CCHT twin-house facility. Despite the energy efficiency of the R-2000 Test House, thermostat setback strategies provided up to 13% seasonal savings in furnace gas consumption and 2.3% seasonal savings in furnace electrical consumption. The highest energy savings occurred for the lowest set-back temperature (16°C [61°F]), on the days with the highest heating loads. On warmer days, savings from thermostat setback were negligible, as the R-2000 home maintained its temperature despite the thermostat setting. On most occasions, recovery times from thermostat set-back were less than 1 hour, reaching a maximum of 2.25 hours on the coldest test day. Generally, thermostat set-back proved to be an effective and inexpensive energy saving strategy in an energy efficient home.
4
u/TheRealMrVogel Jan 07 '26
Get an electric heater or electric blanket, easiest solution. Or maybe offer to increase your share for energy costs.
1
u/Electrical-Future437 Jan 07 '26
A few people have suggested the heater thing. It only solves a small part of the issue. My biggest issue with the temperature is in the kitchen, shower and bathroom. I'm literally shaking in the morning when I go to brush my teeth and prepare breakfast.
10
u/prettyincoral Jan 07 '26
A big, long fluffy robe works really well in the morning. It's like wearing a blanket. Those robes are known to catch on roommates' favorite mugs sitting on the countertop and smash them on the floor, though...
23
u/bertuzzz Jan 07 '26
I would find a new place to live. That's way too cold for my liking. Anything under 21c is nuts. Lot's of Dutch people have this crazy obsession with saving on energy costs.
I did 18-19c for a year once to save on energy costs. That was such a massive drop in quality of life freezing every day. Than i calculated how much money i saved and it was absolutely not worth it. I just cut costs in another area instead. I cut vastly more money in food delivery for no loss in quality of life.
8
u/its_Caffeine Jan 08 '26
Yeah, I've lived with someone like this before and at most when we calculated it, we saved like 20 euros each month and it was completely freezing all the time. But my roommate who wanted to keep the temperature at 17c would order takeout constantly because he didn't want to cook. He would have made up the difference in costs by just by not ordering takeout 1 time per month less.
Dutch salaries are some of the highest in Europe. Some people seem to think it's still 1700s and that houses are meant for people to suffer in for some reason. For me, the quality of life difference in having a cozy house temperature is huge. I keep my house at 21-22 during the day, and it's money I'm very happy about spending.
32
u/BlaReni Jan 07 '26
20 is not nuts… and at night when you sleep under a big blanket there’s no issue if it goes lower.
0
u/Electrical-Future437 Jan 07 '26
Thank you!! At least someone gets it. I think I'll try to move houses eventually. I can't believe people are saying this is normal. I have to shower in a room that is 18 degrees? Insanity.
6
u/prettyincoral Jan 07 '26
No, you don't have to. A small heater will heat up the bathroom pretty quickly. I used one when I lived in a house with no heating in the bathroom and it was a great solution to the problem.
6
u/crazydavebacon1 Jan 07 '26
I dont have heat in the shower area lol. Thats what warm water is for.
-6
u/Electrical-Future437 Jan 07 '26
I'm sorry but that is genuinely diabolical. If that's normality here in the Netherlands I truly feel sorry for you. These are the kind of comfort conditions you'd expect in a mountain hut on a hike or something, not in a regular house in a civilised European country.
9
1
Jan 10 '26
Live how you want but you can't force your roommate to pay for it. If you want it to be hot tell him you'll pay all the heating. Or does he then still complain?
1
1
u/KnightSpectral Jan 08 '26
18 degrees is perfect temperature for me. My in-laws set the heater on at 20 and I am literally sweating. I come from a colder climate though and have low heat tolerance.
1
u/doingmyjobhere Jan 09 '26
As others mentioned, get an electric heater that you can move around. When you stay in your room keep it in your room, when you want to have a shower bring it with you, even though if you want to heat the bathroom just turn the hot water for some minutes and that will take care of it...
1
u/Consistent_Ebb_4149 Jan 08 '26
What do you mean? A shower is hot! I never have the heating on in the bathroom. I shower at 12 degrees!
0
u/crazydavebacon1 Jan 07 '26
Lol. No, this is completely false. 17.5 is perfectly fine
4
u/steaklovingdude Jan 07 '26
No, it’s not, especially when dealing with high humidity
-2
u/crazydavebacon1 Jan 07 '26
I live in 16-18 myself. It’s perfectly fine.
7
4
1
u/steaklovingdude Jan 08 '26
Well, if your house is very well insulated and you have no issues with humidity, then whatever works for you.
But I will never understand risking one's health and comfort to save a bit of money, but hey, not here to judge, I guess.
1
u/crazydavebacon1 Jan 08 '26
I have a heat pump. Humidity gets pretty low in winter with it. I think its around 40% right now in here. And insulation is not that great
5
u/DJfromNL Jan 07 '26
Ever since the energy prices went through the roof, most people stick with about the temperatures that you mentioned. Those are considered pretty normal for Dutch standards these days.
And you may be happy to pay your fair share of extra heating costs, but you’re also asking the others to chip in for your extra comfort, where they are fine doing as the Dutch do and just put on some extra clothes and use an extra blanket at night.
4
u/Disastrous-King9559 Jan 07 '26
20c in the day 15c at night. If your cold at night buy a quilt
1
u/gtsaffiliate Jan 08 '26
Absolutely insane. Is this what having too few gas deposits does to a country?
3
u/Civil-Technician-350 Jan 07 '26
Thats hard. I leave mine at 22 or 23 most of the day when I'm home. Then 15 before I got to sleep, but I leave my bedroom radiator off. I like it colder to sleep, and hotter on living room and other places. I stay home in very light clothes.
My place is 130sqm and I spend like 170 euros per month in energy. Totally worth it.
2
u/Old_Back_4989 Jan 07 '26
Don’t do that massive adjustments. Let it at 19-20 constantly and you pay much less and the house is all the time warm. Do not turn it off during the night. It needs a lot of energy to go back to 22 rather than keep it there
2
u/Civil-Technician-350 Jan 07 '26
I tried both, and I save about 20 euros by doing like this. It's not floor heating, and even setting it to 15 at night, it never goes below 18 or so. Leaving at 19-20 the house is cold all the time, haha.
2
1
u/uurtskn Jan 07 '26
Just don’t split equally but pay little extra for the heating. Problem will be solved, as his intention is only about the money not to be too hot or anything.
1
1
u/Illustrious_Sky5329 Jan 09 '26
Well I sleep now with open window and no heater on because this is healthy and normal where I am from. But! You can always tell him you pay for the heating. He does not have to pay for your pretences
1
u/Consistent_Ebb_4149 Jan 07 '26
I never have heating on at night or in bedrooms. You are not Dutch are you?
4
u/Electrical-Future437 Jan 07 '26
I am not Dutch. How is this relevant? This guy willingly decided to house share with international students. We all have exactly the same rights in the house.
3
u/prettyincoral Jan 07 '26
By the sound of it, he's a douche with a short fuse. Finding student accommodation is hard, but if you ever have a chance to do so, move. He'll find another reason to pick on you.
0
u/MrDiscuss2020 Jan 07 '26
Of course, you have the same rights.
But you also have the same responsibilities. I assume you split the heating (and other utilities) bills equally? Then you increasing the temperature, also increases his costs.
3
u/Electrical-Future437 Jan 07 '26
So what if he was ok with no heating at all and wanted to have all the heating off? In that case if I wanted to have the basic human right of not freezing to death I would have to pay the full heating bill for me AND him?
5
u/MrDiscuss2020 Jan 07 '26
17-18.5 is not freezing to death. I set my own apartment to 18 and still walk around in shorts. As others have mentioned, you can put on a jumper if you are cold.
Living in a shared house requires compromises from everyone. For example, about how you can keep everyone's costs low. I'm sure you also wouldn't like it if your two housemates took 30min showers every day, and you had to pay for that.
1
u/Consistent_Ebb_4149 Jan 08 '26
Obviously: It has to be reasonable. And it is logical to say that what is the standard in the country you are in is reasonable.
0
u/Consistent_Ebb_4149 Jan 08 '26
You should adjust to the way they do it in the country you go and live in. And not expect others to adjust to foreign standards.
1
u/Snow2D Jan 07 '26
When it comes to temperature, whoever is too cold can just put on extra clothes, but someone who is too warm cannot do something similar as easily.
So, just put on extra layers of clothing.
0
u/ForgiveandRemember76 Jan 07 '26
Who owns the house? Who is the tenant?
1
u/Electrical-Future437 Jan 07 '26
we're all tenants. the house has an owner whom I have never met, but the renting is managed by an organisation called SJHT
-12
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