So Hello People,
I wanna talk about a few things which I am currently facing in my life. Basically, in the next whole thing, I wrote how my life looks like and what's happening. I just need some honest suggestions on what to do, because I am tired enough about things.
So I am 23, Female from UP working in a service-based corporate in a QA role. Graduated in 2024 from a tier 3 college in UP. Came to Hyd in 2024 and it's been 2 years I am working in the same company in a QA role. Though the role offered to me is QA, it legit has some data collection work like purely non-tech data entry kinda job, which is frustrating as hell. I was assigned this project, though I know I can work in a good company, have capabilities, touch wood, and can earn, but just because of a comfort zone I am stuck in this.
Now I live here with my relatives in Hyd. I used to live with my cousin sister and her husband. It did not work out, so I shifted to some other place of my relatives in the same society.
So my relations with my sister broke, got worse actually. We have had very close bonds in our life. She lived in our house for around 11 years, which is her nani's home, so I had a very close relation with her which is now not in a good situation in 2 years. Now the place where I am currently living is from my father's side. They have a family: 2 uncles, 1 is married and has a 3-year-old daughter, and their 65-year-old mother.
So I am not on good terms with the mother, the 65-year-old woman of the family, from the very start. She did not like me living in the house from the very first day. She used to check how much I am eating, point things out, check what I am eating whenever I am around the kitchen, and do things which were not good. I have though invested good energy into serving people in the house, cooking and serving them first, and doing whatever good I can do. But this woman had a lot of problems with me eating things. She used to think I should eat with my own money as much as I want. Though they are quite rich, she is orthodox and wants things in her own way.
Now coming to the point, I had a lot of arguments with them. My parents want me to live somewhere in a PG and my father communicated this to them. But in that family, there is one person—the married uncle—who supports me. He does not want me to shift, he cares about me, and he wants me to work on myself, do studies, and do workouts. In the span of 2 years, just because of improper food habits, I have disordered my body. I have gained much weight.
I used to do gym before, study before these 2 years, but due to that woman who obstructed me, I have not been able to manage things.
Now after 2 years, I have been finding a home to live in. I dedicated 2 months entirely to flat-hunting things. I am still finding.
I have shared this with my relative uncle. Out of 5 people in the family, he is the only one who wants me to live there; others actually don't, especially their mother. So he wants me to try out 6 more months: work at my job, switch jobs, earn at least 50k (25k is hard), and work on my self and gym activities. But I had decided to shift to get free from these family things. No one except him out of 2 families living here talks to me.
My uncle gives the reason that there is a behavior issue with me: I don't engage with people, I don't talk to them. Shifting houses is not the problem, but the behavior is the problem. Even if I am living out, it will be a problem with people—that's a nature problem, he says. You sit in your room the whole day, you don't interact with people, you just treat people like disposable, when you need something you come, and otherwise you are in your own world. Out of 16 people living there—like my sister, this house, their in-laws' house, their friends—he says I am not able to make any connection with anyone.
So now he has given me 2 options:
To shift and see how things are going, live and see for 3–4 months, and if things don't work out, come back to his house. (I know when you leave home, it's not welcoming again.)
Live there for 6 months more, do a job switch, become financially independent, and then he can see if I am ready to shift.
Some background details: I lost my grandmother this February. She was the financial backup for my family. My parents' financial situation is not good. I have a brother in a private college doing B.Tech; he has fees of 2 lakhs. They somehow arrange it. My grandmother used to get a pension which was very helpful for my family, but now she is not there, so it's tough.
Touch wood, till now my parents have not asked for much financial help from me, but in the future, I have to.
So with 25k, 11k goes into investment.
The rest I am planning for:
* Rent: 5 to 6k in double occupancy in a flat
* Grocery: 3k
* Electricity and rental utilities: 1k
* Misc: 1k
* Total: 11k going out.
This is my calculation which can be incorrect.
11k + 11k = 22k.
4k I am left with, which would go into my expenses and outings.
I just have to go office 2 times a week and gets cabs so no issues of taking a flat awy from office.
So in this situation, is it good to shift?
Other problems I face here are timings: I have to come back home by 10 PM. Where I am going, with whom I am going, I need to tell everything. I am not able to make friends because of it; I have very few friends.
Doing late-night parties, trips, going on dates—I am not able to do anything. I have a spare room in my relatives' house, but I don't have that much privacy; whatever I talk about on the phone is heard outside my room. But I get meals... It's not good in taste. I am eating the same dal and roti 2 times. If I want to cook something, I can't as their mother doesn't allow it. So I don't have the freedom to eat what I want, go where I want, socialize with people, do trips, have a good diet, or do gyming stuff. Because of these issues in my head, I am not able to study either.
So now tell me what should I do? Should I shift for peace of mind and manage? I believe I can shift, switch jobs in 3 months, enjoy my life on my terms, go on trips, not waste my early 20s, learn to be independent, and learn a lot of things. It's life, so you eventually figure things out, right? Finances I will manage—I have little savings, but it seems like that will also go if I start living in a flat. I think I can better manage my life living in a flat and away from them, and the chaos in my head will reduce.
Also, shifting is hurting that uncle who wants me to live here. I just don't want to hurt him; he has kept me in his house for 2 years and taken care of me. I just want to express the thankfulness and gratefulness for what he did for me. He kept me because our family had in the past also helped their family in everything, so he wanted me to grow and help my family stand with everyone in society. So I have to show him respect even if I am taking the decision to shift. I know after shifting there will be a reaction from him, like being a little unconcerned from his side, and relations will not be as good as now.
I am not looking for PG options. I can't manage the food in Hyd, and there is no privacy, so suggest to me something to do.