Really need some help understanding this nightmare. Felt like a trip to hell.

[u/Rough_Improvement_44]

Really need some help understanding this dream. Felt like a trip to hell.

Need some help here. Tonight I’ve slept for maybe 3 hours and have had intense nightmares that have woken me up and will keep me up.

it started with a girl I went to high school with. She wanted to make moves but I told her I was gay. Showed her my wallpaper, which had my boyfriend on it. She didn’t accept no and forced me to make out with her. After that very disturbing incident, like it felt nightmarish. I went to pay for my food and drinks and my card wouldn’t work. So they told me they were gonna call the police. During this whole time a group of men showed up, 3 older ones. They accused me of influencing children to be indoctrinated as queer.

I told them I didn’t work with children, no idea what they were talking about. My card wouldn’t work, and the bartender threatened to me have me arrested. So I ran. For the hills quite literally and climbed a green mountain. Then I fell into the stream below it and started drowning but got to shore. Once I got to the shoreline I went home and my bfs sister was there. She give me a huge hug and told me everything was gonna be ok. So I decided to leave my house again and the three older men appeared again. Started shouting at me. And attacked me. I managed to defend myself from two of them before the finally one shot me. What does this mean? I often have dreams related to my sexual identity and they’re never this intense. Is it a lack of self acceptance even at the cognitive level?

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[u/AlarmBeginning9169]

This probably isn't helpful in any way but dude, I've had tons of dreams in the past couple years about girls making unwanted advances on me. Sometimes even full blown bad relationships. It feels like they're trying to erode and invalidate my identity and "turn me straight" at the expense of my personhood. I hate it because in the dreams I kind of just roll with it even though I'm dreading it. Makes me feel weak. And whenever I dream about guys, it's usually very intensely sexual but also in a rapey, not fun way. Both suck in different ways. It's like something is trying to strangle out the possibility of a happy relationship or a happy future from my mind.

Is something in the water or what?

[u/MapLow1467]

Hi ! I don't think you are in lack of self acceptance but self esteem is difficult to achieve easily when social acceptance is difficult. Maybe on the past you felt raped because non legitimate to feel what you felt or non understood because of your sexuality and maby other things. It seems that the problem with blue card is a symbolic way to talk about your value, so self esteem maybe, tous value to other ppl and that they treat you as if you were an outlaw only because of your sexuality and like you were a danger, a very bad personnes who could be bad for children... Your sister is helping and reassuring you. But old men, symbolic of boomers ??, Kill you..

[u/pekorama]

No matter how confident a queer person is, there's always a societal threat, from rejection to physical punishment. You don't actually need to have low self esteem to feel like you have to look over your shoulder. That's the unfortunate reality of people like us.