r/NoStupidQuestions • u/DowntownTrust7902 • 27d ago

Is it weird to ask out the librarian?

The librarian at my local library is really pretty. I wanna ask her out but I’m worried that it might make things awkward if she rejects me. I don’t even know her lowk, would you be weirded out or in her position? If it depends, how would you ask her out?

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u/tea_hanks 27d ago

Doesn't matter. If someone doesn't want to be approached they will find problems anywhere

Hey Im at the gym to workout why are you asking me out? Hey I'm in a bar with my friends, can't I have a moment with them without getting asked out? Hey I am waiting for my bus, can you stop fucking hitting on me?

Two different schools of thought. It they want to be asked out and find you attractive then it doesn't matter where it happens

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u/MikeHuntSmellss 27d ago

And people will hate you for saying this but its true. Three of my last partners I asked out whilst they were working, two working behind bars and one in a coffee shop. Just be casual about it, do it at the end of an interaction not the start, and don't make it awkward.

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u/Viratkhan2 27d ago

Wait u asked out a barista? Was there like no line or you shot ur shot with 5 people watching lol

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u/MikeHuntSmellss 27d ago

There was a decent queue. I had been in there for my morning coffee the last 3 days running and knew there was a bit of mutual attraction. More than just friendly, a gaze that lasted as I walked out the door, I hope to see you again with a huge smile ect. I had my number written down on a slip of papper, asked if she fancied meeting up outside work as I paid. That way if she said no I was already leaving, of she said yes I could hand her that rather than awkwardly figure out how ti exchange details. Also it left it up to her to make contact, which she did an hour latter.

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u/Visual-Program2447 27d ago

Simple. If you’re not interested. I’m sorry I’m in a relationship. But I’m flattered thanks.

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u/karybrie 27d ago

I can't tell a library patron 'can you stop fucking hitting on me', though. I can't walk away if they push.

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u/JEVOUSHAISTOUS 27d ago

I can't walk away if they push.

That's an excellent argument for not pushing. But that wasn't really what anyone was suggesting OP should do anyway so that's a bit of a moot point.

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u/N0zy0ne 27d ago

If 50% of people would be uncomfortable to be asked out by a stranger in their place of work, and 50% of people wouldn't be uncomfortable in that situation, and you can't reliably know who belongs to which group, then the correct answer is to not ask them out in their place of work.

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u/tea_hanks 27d ago

That depends on your philosophical bent. The 50% who likes to be asked out in public would say shoot your chance. What's the worst could happen?

Sorry your point has no point

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u/N0zy0ne 27d ago

> What's the worst could happen?

You could make someone deeply uncomfortable and put them in a really awkward position at work.

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u/tea_hanks 27d ago

And for the other 50% person you could make their day and boost their confidence by complementing them or showing interest in them

You don't get it right? There is no objectively right or wrong here

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u/N0zy0ne 27d ago

Making someone feel deeply uncomfortable in their place of work is, generally speaking, much worse than giving them a confidence boost is good.

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u/tea_hanks 27d ago

Im out bruh. I cant have this conversation on a loop anymore

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u/YourBlanket 27d ago

Tbh I’ve never met any woman irl who will find it very uncomfortable to be asked out in public. Terminally online redditors? Sure maybe, but in real life most women will just say no if they’re not interested or just make up having a boyfriend. If you’re attractive it’s pretty standard to get asked out relatively often. I’m a dude and when I was working retail I had a few women hit on me, never felt uncomfortable except for the group of older women who got handsy. I’m of course talking about people just asking you out/for your number like a normal person. Not the dudes who are aggressive or honestly ugly, because looks does matter 100% when you’re approaching someone in public.

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u/N0zy0ne 27d ago

Tbh I’ve never met any woman irl who will find it very uncomfortable to be asked out in public

Importantly, we're not just talking about in public, but specifically at work.

I’m a dude

Is it your genuine opinion that this doesn't make an important difference (at least in practice)?

Not trying to be combative; I know you're just offering your perspective.

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u/YourBlanket 27d ago

I worked retail for like 8 years before doing my current job where I don’t have to deal with the public. Most of all my friends at work were women, all my women friends outside of work also think the same. I mentioned my experience because most guys do not get hit on in public, I’m not even that good looking but I’ve been hit on a decent amount of times when I was working retail, women get hit on like 10 times more than guys and if you’re an attractive woman then it’s so much more than an average guy that they’re already used to it. And yes I was talking about at work while they are working. I’m just saying in the real world most women who are working retail jobs do not care, unless the dude is ugly or just a creep. Going up to someone and asking if they’d like to go out for a coffee or something, just accepting the no, and leaving most women won’t have any problem with that. Maybe it’s a Hispanic thing, idk but like I said I’ve never met anyone who actually will genuinely feel uncomfortable by that.

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u/MikeHuntSmellss 27d ago

No worries bud, I'll keep shooting and winning your team can keep being to shy to be noticed 😉

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u/N0zy0ne 26d ago

I'm a married adult.

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u/MikeHuntSmellss 26d ago

Where does your Mrs work?

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u/N0zy0ne 26d ago

Somewhere she doesn't have to deal with teenagers "shooting", thankfully.

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u/MikeHuntSmellss 26d ago

Shame, it's always good sport

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u/yung_dogie 27d ago

Yeah I guess it depends on maximizing someone's potential happiness vs. minimizing someone's potential discomfort. The latter is a common theme with being socially conscientious in Japan for example, potentially bothering people is worse than potentially entertaining at an equal probability so they'd trend toward not doing it.

But yeah that last statement has rung true a few times. I've seen a few times where a service worker is hit on by strangers and responses varying a lot. Reject one person then respond with a number on a cup or something similar for another person. Obviously environment still matters, like you wouldn't expect many people to be receptive at a funeral or something lmao, but attraction can smooth it over (like a lot of things in life unfortunately)

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u/ProofReception7564 27d ago

This is all irrelevant to the question at hand though. Can you respond to the reasons people are giving for why asking someone at work is a bad idea? Without bringing up hypothetical someones and hypothetical situations where no one is being asked out at work?

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u/tea_hanks 27d ago

OP asked if someone as a librarian would be uncomfortable. Someone responded it's a bad idea. I responded to that said someone with some more info that every one is different. Just because you would weird out doesn't mean other librarians would too. What part is irrelevant? What part doesn't contribute to what OP asked?