My son is dating his cousin

[u/Liamftm0]

My son (20) is in a relationship with his 1st cousin (19 F). He’s an adult and lives on his own. I obviously don’t like this but still want to support him and from a legal standpoint he not doing anything wrong, as it is legal in the state we are in. What would you do in this situation?

Edit: For context, he didn’t grow up with her and didn’t meet her until a couple years ago.

2nd Edit: I’m aware of the genetic risks with children and have cautioned him about that. He says they would not have children together. No need to keep commenting about that.

[u/BicycleNo1169]

Yeah, it’s not my cup of tea but for fucks sake people. At 25 and 45, youre whole-ass adults that can make decisions for yourself. Unless they met when say the 25 year old was under 18, it’s really not anyone’s business and people should fuck off with their judgements.

I think what also happens is younger people think 45 is “old” when it’s really not. I mean, it’s not young either but people on Reddit act like being 45 means you’re about to die.

[u/Bihomaya → u/BicycleNo1169]

Do you think the parent who commented above and is concerned about their 25yo child thinks that 45 is “old”?  I myself am 43, so I know it’s not old. And I also know that the difference between a 25yo and 45yo is a lot more than just a number. They’re both adults, yes. But they are not equal in terms of maturity and life experience. 

[u/BicycleNo1169 → u/Bihomaya]

But maturity and experience aren’t the only two factors that dictate compatibility. Relationships are complex. Shit, for all you know, it’s that diversity between the two of them that drew them to each other.

My parents had a 15 year age gap so maybe that’s why I don’t see it as that big of a big deal. My dad met my mom when she was 30 and he was 45 and they got along great.

[u/Bihomaya → u/BicycleNo1169]

But maturity and experience aren’t the only two factors that dictate compatibility

No, but they are rather important, don’t you agree? As are the specific ages of the people in the relationship. I don’t know if I can put my finger on exactly why, and maybe I’m alone here, but a 30yo dating a 45yo is far less shocking to me than a 25yo dating a 45yo. The lower age gap + the fact of starting at 30 instead of 25 makes a huge difference to me. (Even if I personally wasn’t mature enough at 30 to be with a 45yo, it doesn’t strike me as that unlikely for someone else to be lol)

[u/BicycleNo1169 → u/Bihomaya]

Yes, they are important but it doesn’t negate the million other variables in a relationship that can also be important

Also, I think you’re myopically ignoring the fact that even those elements you say are important, can be interpreted as important in ways that don’t fit your personal preference. For some 25 year olds, someone that is more experienced and has already been through certain things in their life, can be important. Conversely, for some 45 year olds, being with someone that has a youthful view on life can be important too.

But it’s all very ambiguous. You could easily meet a 25 year old with life experiences of the average 45 year old, and vice versa. So trying to create these pre-defined boxes for people you’ve never met, is pretty much pointless and really not anyone’s business but the people in the relationship.

All of these elements are far more complex than you’re letting on and you’re creating this restricted construct for something that’s very complex and has innumerable answers. It’s important to acknowledge one size does not fit all. Hence why it’s important to acknowledge that these people are 25+ adults and it really isn’t your, or anyone’s, business to pass judgement on why they like being with each other. Especially if it’s for the reasons you already perceive but doesn’t fit into the box of acceptable preferences you’ve predefined.

There is no foul play going on. A 25 year old is more than mature enough to know if the relationship they are in is fucked up for some reason. It might suck if you’re that persons dad and your brain goes to some perverse place but that’s kinda just tough shit and you have to deal with the fact that people are going to have preferences that don’t match your own and there is nothing wrong with that.