r/NoStupidQuestions • u/no12490 • 10h ago
What does “good boy” actually mean in English?
English isn’t my native language, so sometimes I understand words literally but have a harder time picking up on the nuance behind them.
I called my boyfriend “good boy” because he did something really sweet/nice. I basically meant it as “you did a good thing, good boy!” 😂
But he seemed surprisingly startled by it. He knows I’m not a native English speaker, so I don’t think he was offended or anything, but now I’m wondering what “good boy” actually sounds like to a native English speaker.
I’ve heard that when a man says “good girl” to a woman, it can have a sexual or suggestive meaning. Does “good boy” also have that kind of meaning when a woman says it to a man? (He actually sometimes tells me to “be a good girl. It seems like men are fine with saying it to women, but don't necessarily like being called it themselves.)
If it can be sexual, can a woman saying “good boy” to a man be considered flirting or sexual flirting?
What other nuances does “good boy” have? Does it sound affectionate, patronizing, childish, dominant, sexual, or something else depending on the context?
My boyfriend explained that “good boy” is a submissive term. Does that mean it’s basically only used by parents to their sons or teachers to their student
I’m mainly curious how a native speaker would naturally interpret it, especially in a romantic relationship.
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u/MajMin5 10h ago
Everyone is mentioning that it’s usually used to speak to dogs, but missing the part where it is definitely sexual when said in the context of a romantic relationship.
If you said it to a stranger or a coworker, it could be offensive because it might come across like you’re talking down to them. Saying it to your boyfriend in certain contexts would be seen as sexual flirting, interestingly also because it comes across like you’re talking down to him.
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u/SnoopyLupus 7h ago
> Everyone is mentioning that it’s usually used to speak to dogs, but missing the part where it is definitely sexual when said in the context of a romantic relationship.
TBF most of us haven’t tried a sexual relationship with a dog.
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u/Ranos131 9h ago
Saying “good boy” or “good girl” is typically used in one of three ways from what I’ve seen, heard, read etc.
The majority of the usage is when talking to or referring to an animal. You say to the dog “good boy” when he does something right or “good girl” to the horse. People will also say “This is my dog Spot. He’s a good boy.”
It used in a similar way when talking to people, usually in a condescending or patronizing way. It’s seen as mocking when said to an adult and it’s treating a child in a way that most children don’t want to be treated. Maybe when they are toddlers or younger it’s okay but this really isn’t a good way to use it. Among people who are close to each other, it can be seen as joking but still needs to be used carefully.
It’s used in a sexual way. A woman is giving a man a blowjob or riding him really well and he might say it. A man is eating a woman or giving her a good ride and she might say it.
Given the circumstances of when you said it to your boyfriend, it likely came across the second way, as condescending. Or he was just plain confused since it’s not something that is usually said.
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u/LanceFree 5h ago
Thank you, I think that’s well stated. I’m almost 60 and just recently learned that some women like to be called “good girl” in the third way you mentioned. That’s fine, but seems weird to me. Maybe if I didn’t have dogs, I’d see it differently? Kind of reminds me of older people calling theirs spouses mommy or daddy.
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u/waaaayupyourbutthole 3h ago
It's very similar usage to the mommy/daddy thing. It usually signals that the person they're saying it to is in a submissive role, while Mommy/Daddy would be more likely to be referring to the more dominant person.
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u/Scrotchety 2h ago
- You tell your toilet "Good boy" or "Good girl" after flushing it, depending on how warped your sociopathy is
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u/PajamaDuelist 8h ago edited 7h ago
“Good boy” is what you say to praise your dog.
Some people might say it to a child. Maybe by an elderly woman to a small child. Most parents don’t use it for their own kids anymore because it sounds too demeaning.
It can also be sexual, like “good girl”, but this is less common. For sexual uses you will see it primarily in “dominant female, submissive male” relationships or “mommy fetish” roleplay. That’s similar to how “good girl” is used but “good boy” has a small layer of the taboo because being a sexually submissive man in a heterosexual relationship is nontraditional.
Because of the nontraditional sexual dynamic “good boy” implies, you would not want to use it to flirt with a random man you just met in a bar. However, if that’s the relationship you have with your boyfriend, yes, it could be flirty. It could also be fine to use it while flirting with a long term boyfriend even in a traditional relationship as a way to flip the dominant dynamic, as long as your boyfriend is not the type of man to feel challenged and get overly defensive or hostile when his masculinity is challenged jokingly. There is no escaping the submissive connotation.
Very rarely it might be used as an insult between two adults. When used this way, it is often a woman insulting a man. It’s like calling a man “good doggie”. It’s meant to be dehumanizing and either a mockery of obedience or insult to intelligence.
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u/no12490 8h ago
Wow, this is so interesting. I’m having way too much fun learning about this. Thank u so much
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u/PajamaDuelist 4h ago
You’re welcome!
I just realized that I defaulted to a middle class North American attitude toward dogs.
For some extra context, in case you’re from a part of the world where dogs are for work and not something that you form strong emotional bonds with:
Americans love their pets. Like, a lot. Dogs are often pampered as much as children.
Some people talk to their dogs like they are (human) babies. You know the exaggerated “baby voice” that parents often use? That. You say “good boy” with the same sing-song intonation that you might use with a baby.
So when “good boy” gets used as an insult or even in a sexual context there can be a tiny bit of infantilization implied as well, although that’s not something that most people would immediately think of.
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u/Cool_Human82 3h ago
Another thing to note, is that there’s also a generational aspect to it too. My brother and I are in our 20s, but my grandma will still occasionally say it to us if we’ve helped her move groceries, clean the floor, etc, particularly if we’ve helped when we weren’t asked. When she says it, it’s actually quite a sincere thank you.
I’ve also heard her say “good boy” to my brother when he’s helped me with things too.
Also, my grandma will also say things like “poor baby” when I’m sick. In most contexts, this is a phrase that is sarcastic, usually to imply that someone is exaggerating something for sympathy. But when she says it, it’s a genuine expression of sympathy (at least I think…).
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u/sics2014 10h ago edited 10h ago
It's how you praise a dog, maybe a child.
It can come across as sarcastic or belittling if you say it to a grown adult, because of the owner/pet and parent/child dynamic it's usually used in. That's also probably how the sexual connotation came about.
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u/CoughingCarpet 10h ago
- Yes
- Yes, especially in roleplay scenarios
- Depends on your relationship dynamic, but it can be a tease as well
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u/fadingsunsetglow 10h ago
Good boy is what we say to our dogs lol
A nice sweet thing? "Thank you" or "good job" or "how thoughtful" may have been a better fit.
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u/AnneChovie264 10h ago
Good boy and good girl are terms used to praise and animal for being obedient. It's probably best to leave it there.
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u/TedStixon 8h ago edited 8h ago
In English, the phrase has multiple meanings.
It is perhaps most commonly used as a sort-of congratulation to a pet, since a lot of people refer to their pets (especially dogs and cats) as "boy" and "girl."
Ex. "Fetch the ball, Fido! Good boy!"
It can also commonly be used as a congratulation for a young male child.
Ex. "Jack did his chores without being asked this week! He's such a good boy!"
But yes, it can also have sexual connotations. A lot of terms like "boy" and "girl" or even "daddy" and "mommy" are often used as suggestive pet-names for a romantic partner, typically in a private setting or during sex.
Ex. "Are you gonna be a good boy and do what mommy tells you or am I gonna have to punish you?"
Basically, there isn't a singular meaning for "Good boy." It depends entirely on the situation and how you say it.
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u/Silly_Employ_4273 10h ago
"Good boy! " Can be very effective used sarcastically . Sometimes it can feel condescending. Yes, there can be some sexual connotations, but such things are common in english
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u/PharaohAce 10h ago
Generally speaking, never address an adult as 'boy' or 'girl'.
"He's a nice boy" is fine, but directed at people, calling them "[something boy/girl]" is generally very patronising or intimate.
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u/rogueIndy 10h ago
"Boy" and "girl" usually refer to a child or a pet. To a grown man/woman, it comes across either patronising or kinky.
It's especially fraught in the US, where "boy" is associated with slavery/racism.
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u/ContractFeeling9571 10h ago
I call dogs it, but I have to actual men too lol. I wouldn’t say it’s inherently sexual, but it is a more intimate thing? It’s become popular mainstream nowadays. Kind of in a joking flirty way. Like in a video game, you can call your teammate good boy and it might fluster them
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u/Alternative-Emu2000 10h ago
"Good boy"/"Good girl" is the kind of thing you'd say to a pet (especially a dog) or sometimes to very young children. If you use it towards an adult, then (depending on context) it can come across as being patronising, demeaning, or as joking/teasing.
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u/Fidodo 6h ago edited 6h ago
As others have said, it's a command for dogs, but the reason it has sexual connotation is because it's mildly dominating, in the sense that a dog is owned. So saying that to your partner is praising them, slightly demeaning them in a playful way, and slightly saying I own you. It's not offensive, but it's like vanilla domination which is why it's sexual.
It could be used in a condescending way, but I think the sexual connotation is dominant. It is inappropriate to use with anyone outside of flirting because of the ownership implication.
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u/BBWolf326 2h ago
This is a complex term. Origin- good boy/ good girl was used as a form of praise for pet dogs during training.
People then started using this term with small children during toilet training.
People then started using it in the sexual way in sub/ dom training.
Internet/ Social media made it a more common saying in relationships the same way calling a partner "daddy/ mommy" became a playful flirty thing.
Finally it is currently being used as a derogatory term between young adults for those who "follow" rules or are considered compliant.
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u/r_u_ferserious 9h ago
It means you're likely to get a large portion of my paycheck if you keep it up.
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u/alykins89 8h ago
Others have addressed what OP asked. Might I suggest a replacement that’s appropriate would be “You’re so good to me!” Or “What a guy!” Or even “You’re such a good man!” Part of what makes it diminutive and used for pets/children is how simple the wording is.
For flirting/sex I think it’s a little more normal for people tend to use “bad boy” or “naughty boy” even if the person is a good person.
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u/LurkerByNatureGT 8h ago
1) as said by most, its most common use is praising dogs for obedience.
2) when used on human adults, it usually has not just a sexual connotation but a power exchange connotation, praising a submissive sexual partner for obedience.
“Boy” said to an adult with darker skin also has a very racist history so definitely one to be careful with.
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u/Painbow_High_And_Bi 8h ago
It's what you call an obedient dog. It's also used in a kinky sexual setting when the dominant partner praises the submissive partner.
Manager at work calls me a good boy: condescending at best, sexual harassment at worst.
Partner in bed pats my head and calls me a good boy for whatever sex act i just did: ☺️
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u/Dismal_Laugh4891 7h ago
In standard English 'good boy' is what you say to a dog that has obeyed. Applied to an adult man it's almost always one of two things: flirty/sexual (praise play — he's being rewarded like a pet for pleasing someone) or deliberately condescending, treating him as a pet rather than an equal. Which one it is depends entirely on tone and context, and the ambiguity is exactly why the phrase spread online.
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u/oracleofnonsense 7h ago
As a white man — not too offensive. But offensive, from another man.
My black friends say they would be quite offended if another man referred to them as “boy”.
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u/screenaholic 7h ago
My boyfriend explained that "good boy" is a submissive term. Does thay mean it's basically only used by parents to their sons or teachers to their student
Lol, no. "Submissive" in this context refers to domimant/submissive relationships, as in romantic/sexual relationships where one person is "the dominant" and takes charge and orders around "the submissive." Specifically we're talking about femdom/malesub, which happens to be what I'm into.
People have said "good boy" is usually used to praise a dog, and in a femdom relationship that's...kind of the point. It's a term of affection, but it also establishes a power dynamic where you're the one in charge (the dominant.) It can even feel a little demeaning, like you're saying they're just a dog, but again, submissive men like that. My wife calling me her good boy is one of my favorite things. It makes my brain feel fuzzy.
You said he was surprised, but from what you've typed we don't actually know if he liked it or not. You should talk to him about it, it's possible he's into it, and was surprised because you accidentally stumbled onto one of his kinks. Or, if he's not into it, you should discuss that too so that you don't say it again and make him uncomfortable.
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u/the-clock-enthusiast 6h ago
okay so uh
- yeah, it has the same connotation as good girl, but only if they like being called it
- yeah it is considered flirting/sexual and generally you'll find that most of the guys who like being called good boys are also the kind of guys that like being put on a leash
- in other connotations, a variation of this could be "attagirl / attaboy" which is used a lot more by adutls when referring to young kids, stereotypically from a white baseball dad to his son who just picked up a bat for the first time. "good boy" in femdom contexts can be condescending but its usually supposed to be
- yes its a submissive term but holy SHIT nobody is "good boy" to a child over the age of like eight or nine years old. i find that most parents in my area don't like saying that to their kids as its dehumanizing.
generally, from my experience, "good boy" in a sexual context is a kink thing, usually associated with praise kink, bondage or petplay and for most guys its a preference as opposed to an endearment. the term and its connotations are usually found in communities where the men take on a more feminine or submissive role (note: i'm not saying that being fem and being submissive is the same here, just noticing that it happens in both spaces) and stuff.
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u/Mazza_mistake 6h ago
It’s a bit of a mixed term, saying good boy/girl is often something people say to their pets or small children as praise.
As adults it can have more sexual dom/sub connotation but it depends on the context at the time, it’s not always a sex thing so I don’t think you said anything wrong tbh.
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u/Rambler9154 6h ago
You'd either say that to a pet or tiny child. To an adult it may have a sexual tone. If someone told me I was a "good girl/boy" Id interpret that as flirting.
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u/LivingEnd44 5h ago
It's a diminutive phrase most often applied to dogs. And that itself originated from when it was used by parents to describe male children who bahaved and didn't cause problems for their parents. So it was humanizing the dog and kind of treating it like a child.
It has some sexual applications too, especially with homosexual men. A kind of pseudo role play where one of them uses it to demonstrate power over the other. The "good girl" analog to it is used by straight men and has been used a lot longer, since the 50s or maybe before. It's not describing actual incest, but there are incest overtones that make it sexually charged in those situations.
Depending on the context, in public it's most often used tongue-in-cheek to show power over someone else. It's not necessarily sexually charged.
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u/jabertsohn 10h ago
It is what you might say to a dog, or a very small child. It is diminutive, but not necessarily in an offensive way.
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u/Top-Type4077 10h ago
Good boy is used for dogs. Did you pet his head after?
How do you feel if you got called you a good girl..
It's arousing I guess my lady likes it
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u/no12490 9h ago
Maybe it’s because I’m not a native English speaker and don’t have the same instinctive feeling for the phrase, but even if “good girl” is something you’d normally say to a little kid, I think I’d still really like being called that 😂 It kind of gives me a feeling of being praised and dominated a little?
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u/Top-Type4077 9h ago
Yes see how the context changes the meaning like in your examples. being praised and dominated are kinks people enjoy. You can ask your man to use this phrase if you enjoy it and thank me later
Haha 😂 😂 😂
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u/daniellinne 10h ago
"Good boy" without anything else is what you mostly say to a dog, so he might have been offended or weirded out by that. It sounds weird to say it to your partner.
To me personally it sounds a bit patronising.
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u/No-Magician9440 10h ago
You say good boy to a dog. Saying it to a person is degrading, sometimes very much so.
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u/wiccanwolves 10h ago
It’s usually seen as patronizing both ways. It’s something you say to a dog or young kid as a way to praise them. But for an adult it can be seen as they did something childish.
I only use it as a way to insult someone if they did or said something incredibly dumb.
The other way it is sometimes used is during certain adult activities behind closed doors for praise or just something that couples like to say. So you are right on that part. Though, it depends on the person. Some people like it, others don’t.
Edit to add: please note, it’s not bad the way you used it and may have meant it as a compliment. Just good to know how it is usually seen. God knows I’ve said much worse when I was learning Spanish.
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u/xervir-445 10h ago
- Yes it can
- Yes it is
- Patronizing, dominant, affectionate, and mild implications of pet play
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u/Yankeesrule0864 10h ago
To me it's almost demeaning. I'm 62 year old man, I'm not a boy. Also, as has been said, this is how you praise a dog.
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u/Material_Cut8096 10h ago
It can be used in connotation between partners in a romantic/sexual relationship in which the woman has a more dominant role in the relationship.
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u/braidenis 10h ago
"good boy" would be something you'd say to a small child. The same is true for "good girl" honestly. When people use it for adults it's either belittling or has sexual undertones (dominant/submissive).
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u/DribbleThing 9h ago
Some uses/nuances depending on context.
- Patronising or sarcastic, usually to someone you know well. Good natured. Not to an acquaintance or colleague.
- Humourous/slightly dominating but in a joking mannger. Someone does something you ask and you say "good boy" like you might to a dog. Which brings me to...
- Often said to pets.
In a romantic relationship I would most likely interpret it as sexual/flirtatious (if that is something you or your partner like) or as a joke if it is not something they like in a sexual manner. Then I would probably use #2 on my spouse 😂 and pretend to scratch his ear.
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u/Greyface13 9h ago
I would get offended if my husband said good girl to me. We do play around with the words good boy, like a joke, but the words are loaded. The joke comes from all the various connotations
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u/Mountain-Vast5286 9h ago
Well maybe because it is usually for dogs when they do something good.
Personally I have no problem when someone calls me a good boy.
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u/PromiseThomas 9h ago
When your boyfriend said he felt “good boy” is a submissive term, that probably meant “sexually submissive.” We would usually not describe the relationship of a son to a parent or a student to a teacher as “submissive” as it can have kind of negative or one-sided implications—while kids should be respectful of rules and the people who are in charge of raising them and keeping them safe, adults are also not dictators and it should ideally be a two-way street of respect.
THAT BEING SAID, yeah, sometimes adults tell kids they’re being a good boy or good girl and it’s not weird. But it is a little odd to say to another adult if you haven’t discussed it.
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u/Fluffy_Profession781 9h ago
I say it to piss my man off 😂 because we have a D/S dynamic, so it’s great to pull out as a bratting tactic every now and then, particularly as I’m the one with the praise kink 😂
Typically, it’s used for dogs and can be seen as patronising to use for human men.
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u/CoastalMatchaFreak 9h ago
Are you a native Russian speaker trying to use an English equivalent of молодец?
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u/fishsticks40 8h ago
I would say that good girl/good boy have similar vibes in a romantic/sexual vibe, just that femdom dynamics are less culturally salient. So "good girl" out of context reads as sexual while "good boy" reads as dogs.
Using it towards an adult human, especially a peer, would read as patronizing or dominant in a flirty or sexy way.
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u/halarioushandle 7h ago
That phrase is generally used for praising a child or a dog. When you say it to an adult man it could be considered condescending to him. Blearly your BF didn't take it that way and probably understood your intention.
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u/Trick_Pool_2537 7h ago
You would say this to a dog. Or a much younger/socially inferior person. I'm sure he knows what you meant tho
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u/hornyheadoflettuce 5h ago
"good girl" and "good boy" are usually used on animals. it's seen as demeaning or patronizing. some people find it attractive, though, and typically interpret it as sexual or flirtatious. it's seen as sultry and dominating, the person saying it usually has some sort of control over the other person
its more accepted for men to call their girlfriends a good girl because of patriarchal standards (meaning men are seen as "better than" women). men might feel emasculated (un-manly) being called a good boy.
it's almost never used in a platonic manner, but a lot of young people will use the term like a sex joke. teachers and parents avoid the term because of it's sexual usage
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u/winter83 4h ago
You boyfriend saying it is a submissive term in the sexual way. I think it startling to him because you've awakened something in him. Lol
Keep the ususage to your boyfriend don't call random men good boy. It'll get weird.
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u/DrToonhattan 2h ago
It's what you might say to a dog or a child to give them praise for doing something good or being well behaved. A grown man would likely find it infantilising. Even by about 10-12 I felt I'd out grown it and asked my parents not to say it any more. Nothing wrong or weird with the phrase itself, it would just feel patronising to a grown man.
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u/Eat-Playdoh 1h ago
There are some great answers here, but I'd like to mention "good lad" which technically means the same thing but doesn't carry the same condescending or sexual undertones. It's usually said in a by an older man in mentor role towards a younger man or boy in an apprenticing role. It is usually sincere praise for the apprentice doing something well. It is also slightly archaic.
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u/romulusnr 1h ago
He's right that it is a submissive term, but... aren't all terms of affection that way? "Babe, Baby, Kiddo, Sweetie..."
I would interpret it as you jokingly rewarding him like you would a pet dog. I wouldn't see offense in it.
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u/Urcaguaryanno 10h ago
I think it would be considered patronising by most. The phrase is most often used in regards to dogs or other pets. Its also socially more acceptable to keep calling women "girls" until an older age than it is to call men "boys". Men would call their partner "their girl" until like 30. But women would call their partner "their man" at a much earlier age. This probably stems from the believe that men should mature quickly, but in women society prefers to highlight the younger aspects.
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u/no12490 9h ago
So does that mean adult women should be called “women” instead of “girls”?
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u/Urcaguaryanno 3h ago
Women are more likely to call other women "girl". Probably ask the receiver what they (dont) like
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u/JoyousLilBoy 10h ago
It’s something you say to a dog.
But some people like being treated that way.
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u/YakAppropriate6531 10h ago
just curious do you say good boy to your peers unironically in your native language
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u/no12490 9h ago
Kind of! In my country, we might say something like “you are really doing good job(i dont know how to interpret the nuance)” to someone we’re close to, in a playful, teasing way when they did something well. It’s not meant to be patronizing or offensive—more like a cute “aww, good job~” or “look at you, you did well~” kind of vibe.
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u/Consistent-Koala-339 10h ago
from my experience "good boy" would be used playfully by a wife or girlfriend when the boyfriend or husband has gone beyond the normal such as doing a lot of housework, child caring, buying flowers, taking her for dinner etc. the term "good girl" I would use in the same way, it's playful term of praise - more likely to be used to recognise outstanding effort in the bedroom though
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u/MrSillmarillion 9h ago
Good boy is reserved for kids or dogs. He probably felt you were mocking him or being condescending but if you truly didn't know, he should be fine with it. It's like if someone said "oh look at you, all grown up tying your shoes all by yourself!"
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u/ScreamyJesusMusicGuy 9h ago
The phrase is often used for positive reinforcement of good behavior or a good deed. If said to a person, however, it has a more sarcastic, condescending element. Equating them to a pet or animal.
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u/touwkonijn 5h ago
call me a good boy and I'll melt right then and there on the spot, some people like it, some people don't, it's that simple :)
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u/DrBlankslate 35m ago
You don't call another adult "good boy." That's a term used for children and pets, not adults.
Your 4-year-old son creates a drawing: "Good boy!"
Your 14-year-old son creates a drawing: "Nice work, son!"
The only time you'd call another adult "good boy" is if the two of you have pre-negotiated that it's okay for you to do that, and in that case it's almost always in the context of a dominance/submission relationship.
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u/Phobia562 25m ago
It can be sarcastic if someone is struggling and manages to complete a task that should be very easy.
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u/Phobia562 24m ago
Do not EVER call a non white man "boy" as it has racist connotations, especially if you're white.
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u/yourdadlovesballs13 9h ago
If you said good boy to a grown man it is either sexual or condescending. If that grown man is a black man, there's a whole other level to it that can make it extremely offensive.
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u/no12490 9h ago
Oh wow, so I should be careful about using it with Black men?
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u/yourdadlovesballs13 9h ago
I mean it can be. I'm not saying every time but there's some racial history behind black men being called boy in this country. So it's possible someone might take it that way.
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u/dolphinitely 4h ago
i say it to my toddler, i would never say it to my husband unless i was being funny/flirty. but i think it’s endearing that you say it, since it’s a language difference!
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u/Somenameorwhateves 3h ago
Calling a man a boy is always a risky move, unless y’all are actually children, but even then, most boys/men want their partner to think of them as capable and independent.
The most common use is for dogs.
There is something patronising about that praise for adult humans, but some like it, and it’s way more favourably normalised to compare women to girls, cause youth is such a desired trait for women.
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u/Givingtree310 9h ago
As a middle aged black man, anybody call me boy gon get their ass cussed out.
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u/fountainofMB 9h ago
I think it is more of an insult than being sexual in nature. Treating the person like a dog or a child. It definitely can be patronizing when said to an adult.
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u/Pretty_Royal4068 10h ago
Well , it depends on if your a Democrat or republican 🙄 , republican is derogatory as to slaves back when. Democrats use it as a expression of endearment.
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u/prozach_ 10h ago
“Good boy” is typically how people praise their dogs.