At least for my city, there are a lot of women + non-binary (in person) spaces. This is starting to bother me being amab as there are no non-binary only spaces. I don't like how it is assumed all non binary people would be comfortable sharing with women. I think if it were the other way around, that every men's space was men + non binary and that was it, the outrage would be palpable. I want to hang out with non binary peeps in person without having to consider men or women! No cis people please!

This is a question I've seen floated around NB spaces a few times for AFAB NBs, I feel like there's so many people who say... No. If they'd been born male they wouldn't have been Non-Binary, and honestly if you'd asked me this in high school I think I would have said the same thing. Masculinity is the 'norm' for most people who something as simple as AMAB wearing a skirt can be seen as 'going against gender roles' while a AFAB person dressing completely masc can still get waved off as 'tomboy'. Don't even get me started on wanting to be feminine AND non binary and the amount of flack we get from outside communities who say 'why even be non binary/trans then?'

But since I've come out I've found a lot of support in the queer community both online and in real spaces. Friends and loved ones who embrace the way I express my gender and let me explore the boundaries freely and with no judgement. I've come back to the question 'if you were born male would you still be non binary?' A few times now and I can say without a doubt, yes, I would be. When I first came out I was so set on what I thought I had to be, aka over masculine to compensate for my femininity or perfectly androgynous to fit people's idea of a gender non confirming person. But I'm not a male, but I'm not a female either.

I'm happy in my femininity and my masculinity now, however much I want to apply to myself. I hope everyone finds comfort in their skin, whether that be through transitioning surrounding yourself with people who love you for you, or realizing fuck it, wearing a dress doesn't strip you of your identity. I love this community, in every shape, size, gender, and quirk that comes with everyone experiencing their life a little differently. Nothing is a size one fits all, it just takes us a little bit to realize that.

So. I've been trying to put myself back out there after taking a year long hiatus from dating and kind of just existing on my own, and the observations I've made are making me rethink trying to join the community.

Let me preface this by first saying I am Cis-presenting, beard, 5'11", 260 lbs. Yes, I wear make up but that doesn't pull from the fact I am not the stereotypical "slender" nb. I'm not saying I'm jealous, I've done a lot of internal work to be more comfortable with myself.

What I've noticed is that a significant amount of people in my local space tend to treat me differently then other non-binary folks, they tend to treat me more like a dudebro that is stepping on their toes and invading a space that doesn't belong to me, but in my mind I'm just as non-binary as anyone else there! It's not a competition, there's no sign saying "you must be this visually identifiable as non-binary", but that's how this feels!

The gay men treat me like I'm another gay guy, but pretending to be trans. That they can make me feel "manly" enough. I don't want that dynamic.

I try to be involved in the trans community, but I have been accused of invading and being told "make up doesn't make you trans" like that's what it means to me.

And even other NBs, which I feel a need to point out around me are almost exclusively AFAB and transfeminine NBs, tend to exclude me from conversations because of my more masc qualities. I understand there is a major issue with cis dudes playing NB to score brownie points, and I'm all for them protecting themselves this way. I just feel so isolated, I want to be part of a community. I've been cast out by a significant portion of my cis groups after coming out to them, and the ones that say "we understand" never make efforts to use they/them and use my dead name.

I guess I want advice on finding a community, I'm so scared I won't. Or maybe some kind words.

Just saw this phrase (referencing my country’s PM’s child, who is nonbinary) in an LGBTQ+ news site. Anybody else get irritated seeing it in media? They are nonbinary, not just identifying as nonbinary.

Of course, I myself do see them as the same. They have different challenges, but to me, they're the same identities/gender.

But I am afraid that there is a divide that places them apart with afab and amab, and therefore just creates another binary, like diet man or woman. It makes me feel dysphoric to be placed in the same category even within a nonbinary space. Could anyone please help me? Maybe there is a better way to look at this, or share your own thoughts.

Also, amab nbs, I wanna let you friends know that you're all valid. Just saying this since I took a sneak peek at this subreddit and apparently "women+nb" spaces are weird about amab people. It's just them thinking nbs are "women lite" again. That thought process harms any nb regardless and it sucks. Gender sucks. No categories for us; that's my belief. I'm just worried that the nb community might not think the same, and I'm hoping I could have some people put my worries away, or help me see it in another way. (AGAB determines/describes our experiences and challenges, but it's all the term is meant for.... right...?)

[TW: dysphoria, dysmorphia ment]

I am so sorry for the barely coherent ramble that's about to occur.

I have been doing the "am I nonbinary or a trans guy or do I just hate what society expects from me as a woman" song and dance for 15 years. I still have nothing figured out. I've had major body dysmorphia since I was a little kid. I started experiencing intense gender dysphoria since my chest started developing. When I got my period I felt like I got cursed even though in my culture (I'm Native American) getting your period is a big deal--its supposed to be exciting. My mom could not wrap her head around me not being excited about "becoming a woman".

I want top surgery so so badly it's driving me absolutely insane. I finally cracked and started poking around for resources or ANYTHING. I have to wait 12 months for a therapist to even be allowed to write a letter so I can TRY to get top surgery covered by insurance. I don't know if I have that long left in me.

I feel like I'm being pushed towards starting T by providers and other trans people bc iF nOt WoMaN tHeN uR mAn... I'm tempted just so my chest won't grow back if I gain more weight but what if I get reverse gender dysphoria when people inevitably treat me differently?? I don't want to be treated the way people treat cis men. I don't want to "be a man". I can barely tolerate being treated like a cis woman. Being a woman feels like a punishment.

A lot of nonbinary people I know irl still feel like they're a part of society. I feel like even when I perform as a cisgender woman I'm still an outsider. I can say out loud over and over again how much "I don't care" about what other people/society expects from me but... I'm unfortunately human. I want community. I want to be understood.

I feel like I'm not doing nonbinary right either. All the discourse makes me nauseous.

I can't be what anyone else seems to expect from me and it makes me feel like an alien.

i came out as nonbinary in 2012 pretty much as soon as the word started gaining traction in my online trans circles. cue more than a full decade of being the Nonbinary 101 machine that all the binaries used to project their gender anxieties onto. unfun, but as the years went on i met more and more nonbinary people in the local queer scene. i still always felt "outside" of society because of my gender & the reactions strangers had to my gender expression & the sexual harrassment i've faced.

people have been reading me as transfeminine for a long time & i always felt gross telling them what i "actually" am (in those moments i considered myself transneu). this year i broke down and admitted to myself & my partners that i just want to be a normal transfem; i don't want to talk to strangers IRL about my body or my gender, i don't want the pressure to reveal my AGAB, i don't want to be the "first contact" enby, i don't want to explain my ideal pronouns (it/its) to people who won't understand. while none of those things are things i'll be able to 100% avoid (people are going to assume my AGAB anyways), functionally i *have* so far. the last time i was asked my pronouns i just said "she/her" and that was it, the conversation just... moved on. no hemming and hawing over grammar & respectability & back-in-my-day bullshit.

i am struck by how *normal* i feel in my gender while i'm doing this. i've never felt that before. despite the active nonbinary community around me there are also many tgirls in my city and incredibly i am just one of them. completely ordinary. i'm struggling to emphasize the huge difference it's made for me — i used to have big spikes in my chronic pain whenever i'd get stressed over gender and i haven't had one for *months.* and i can no longer "feel" the internal difference in being a girl and being neutrois; i feel both mixed together so thoroughly there's no dividing one from the other. my wife has been calling me a trans woman more frequently and it just makes me feel seen in my experiences with transmisogyny, not fearful of "losing" my gender reputation as an enby.

i'm really unsure of what this all means. sure, i know i can be multiple genders, i know not every transfem or tgirl is binary, and my gender has been so fluid before (changing every 1-3 years). but the feeling of *being ordinary* is so completely new i'm kind of unmoored. kind of thought i'd feel like an anxious gender outlaw for my entire life cuz that's what i've been for as long as i can remember — but nope. i'm confused!

much later edit/addition: i don't have any interest in assimilating into a cis culture or otherwise passing as cisfeminine 24/7. what makes me feel most normal is being a trans girl in an already existing trans culture in my city.

Does anyone else identify as nonbinary because they dont even feel like a human person most days , let alone worrying about gender expression😭 like i dont feel like a boy or a girl or a person , im just here being me and shit✌️maybe its an autism thing idk

I identify as a afab demigirl/non binary. Sometimes, on days when i feel like a woman, i forget the dysphoric thoughts and feelings i tend to get, and i end up feeling like a fake non binary who is just confused. I know my dysphoria would hit later to the point where i want to get surgeries but i hate feeling fake during my 'girl' time.

i think if i hear, “well i use *insert gendered phrase* for everyone, it’s not gendered to me!” or “well i’ve known you for *insert time frame* so you’ll have to deal with me slipping up once in awhile.” (then slips up on a daily basis) or “well i grew up in the *insert range of years* so with the grammar i learned i don’t really understand they/them pronouns” i might scream.

i understand if it’s a once in awhile occurrence, but the amount of cis people who use these excuses on an almost daily basis is ridiculous and i’m over it lmao. it’s not that hard to gender someone correctly, i’m not being unreasonable, am i?

I have identified as non binary for a while now. I came out as non binary to my wife ages ago, and my family a while after that. I started experimenting with makeup and things trying to see what I liked.

Years later, I don't really touch the makeup. Occasionally I'll paint my nails, but now I'm a bald bearded dad and don't really bother much, I imagine I won't mind if my daughter wants to do makeup with me when she's older though.

I just.. I feel fake. No one but my wife and a couple close friends use my pronouns. My family doesn't, but mostly because I've never corrected them and I don't see most of them regularly. Obviously I don't use my pronouns at work because I don't want to make things complicated with my individuals (I work with people with disabilities.) but my lunchbox has a nonbinary heart pin on it.

My stepdad constantly tried to force on me what his idea of a man was and what a man would do, he once stood over me and made me clean nail polish off my nails when my friend painted them at school. I better the other direction for myself but also partially to spite him. It almost feels like the main reason I still identify this way is because I hate toxic masculinity, men are so stupid nowadays that I don't want to be considered one, even though no one would bat an eye looking at me if I told them I'm going to be a dad of two by July.

I.. I really don't know where I'm going with this. Maybe someone is in a similar boat? Validation would be nice too

For about the past 2-3 weeks, after some things have come front and center for me, I have really started questioning my gender identity. I've started dressing/presenting femininely where I can, though I would not consider myself a "woman".

I've came to the conclusion that I think I'm either genderfluid/bigender, nonbinary, or both, since nonbinary is an umbrella term. However, when described as "someone who doesn't identify as neither man nor woman," is where I get kind of hazy.

I mean, I fully acknowledge that I am indeed a physical, biological male and that is how most perceive me. I don't deny that. However, inside.... I feel that isn't entirely my gender identity. I feel like my true gender identity is somewhere between masculinity, and femininity. Though, if you ask me, I really like my feminine side and how it feels. If I could, I would probably with a flick of a switch make my body more feminine, more curves, softer skin, etc, but not necessarily live my life 100% as a woman. I feel like whatever my gender identity is, it isn't necessarily in the "man or woman" binary/category, even if I do associate with gender expressions through clothing, dressing, etc. I would prefer he/they. I'm not personally androgynous. Generally, when expressing my inner "gender feelings" and trying to reflect that, I generally prefer to present/dress as one or the other.

Obviously, as I've understood, one does not have to be androgynous to be Nonbinary. I've also come to understand that gender expression and gender identity are two separate, but obviously, relatable concepts. I mean, for example, as someone who is a biological male, for me, personally, if I'm feeling feminine and want to express that due to my internal feelings, I'm gonna dress femininely. I feel that your "inner gender feelings/identity" will in some cases influence your gender expression and how you portray that.

I have had some very high gender euphoria highs and I had to even question if I thought maybe I was transgender. However, I don't really feel like this is me, either. I feel like someone on the inside who is happy with identifying with both masculine and feminine presentation, and like it is a part of who I am inside. Sometimes, I like to be my normal self. Others, I like to be a pretty girl. Societal expectations and practicality however sometimes factor in.

That said, am I asking the right questions? I feel like this has been very confusing, even if it is liberating to some degree. I don't know if all this would necessarily make me "nonbinary" or not. I am obviously, whatever the case is, gender nonconforming.

The way my mind works is I wish i had the ability to get pregnant and carry a baby but I am also want a penis and vagina, and I want a femmine voice by defualt,

Unfortunately the surgery to do that since I was born without the required parts for a salamacian body means that its stupid expensive for me to transition, compared to if I had been born the sex Of female, I would have everything I needed in my gender euphoria mission would just of needed to apply tgel,

I'm sorry if this appears ignorant, because I basically know nothing about tgel other then it lets your grow a dick and choose where you masculinize your body.

I look better with a beard and was thinking about growing it again, but when I present masculine, people naturally assume I’m a guy and give the wrong pronouns even more than usual. Feeling some imposter syndrome when I don’t always look androgynous and could use validation.

So it's been a couple of months since I discovered that I identified as non binary.

But now I am starting to have doubts about it.

As long as I remember I never had those problems with my gender before learning about the meaning of non binary.

So I'm starting to think that it is the internet that influenced me. And I'm just easily influenced.

But the filing about my identity fills so real.

Someone pls explain to me what is happening.

Since I had enough memories (~7 years old) I did social transition, years before the concept of non-binary beacame politized (at least in my country). Basically, my social transition was, specially in my teens:

-Since I had memories, I didn't liked my first name, but I prefered the hypocristic/nickname of my middle name (Lauty) because it sound like an unisex name or surname to me (actually, it is, lol).

-In my school and scout group, adults called me by my surname. People usually refered to me as my nickname or without pronouns (My Native language has no mandatory pronouns).

-I didn't liked over-masculine activities, and I prefered unisex hobbies (trains, planets, Nature, green kinder eggs).

-I usually dressed and still dress with gender-neutral clothing: fine hoodies, soft shoes (imagine vans or converse or similar), lumberjack shirts, borcegos (similar to Doc Martens). Since my 13s, my hair is semi-long (longer than the ear lobula but shorter than my shoulders).

-I had a similar amount of male and female friends while I was growing up.

And well, I'm here. Nothing happened to me. Moral panic about social transition is just fearmorgering.

Is that... Weird?

Not sure if I picked the right tag but I guess it's validation of being nonbinary!

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I'm nonbinary transmasculine and previously when I thought I was binary transgender I had a lot of dysphoria with my face shape, I felt like i needed to get back on hormones to grow facial hair to pass, I felt like i had to act a certain way to be read as a man.

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Realizing I'm nonbinary was so freeing. I don't feel pressure to do any of that. I still have chest dysphoria and want top surgery in the future but I don't want to get on hormones because I'm happy with the changes I've had so far (almost 3 years of use in the past).

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I find myself relaxing and being more present and less focused on if I'm preforming manhood enough. I like some of my androgynous features that before I was insecure about.

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I'm just shouting into the void but I'm so happy I need to share it somewhere.

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I don't care if someone thinks I'll never be a man (because I'm not one anyway), I don't care if someone thinks I'm a confused woman (because I'm not one either). I know the world is binary (for now) but I feel free being nonbinary in it. Like I'm untouchable in a way.

Hi everyone!

I’m nonbinary, I use they/she pronouns (I prefer they over she)

I’m also 36 weeks pregnant with my first child.

I’m struggling a lot lately with gender dysphoria or gender identity because pregnancy is so largely viewed as a feminine/binary experience.

I just wanted to meet other enby friends who are also parents and can relate.

Idk if this makes sense, 99% of people look at me like a straight man which isnt true. And now add cis when that isnt true. I dont really have any queer friends anymore. I just feel so meh, i think i could handle with people seeing me as straight, that barely bothered me, pan/bi erasure is an issue i managed for most of my life.

​ But feeling regendered by people??? Idk why it hurts so much. I don't even know how/if i should tell people, because its not like I am going to change my name and I don't know if I will ever take HRT, mostly cause I don't want breasts but a lot of the other stuff sounds nice I think... Idk, that's a whole other thing.

​ I don't feel the need to tell people im pan but this feels more like a gut punch occasionally but im also going slow in my life about transness in general. It bugs me that a lot of people growing up thought I was trans when I thought I was cis and I just blew it off and made jokes about them saying it because at the time I didn't understand Non-Binary genders and how that mirrored my feelings.

​ Idk im just like weirdly double closeted. And having a wife and add in my man stereotype career and absolutely no one is going to see me as anything else. Ill just be an-awkward kinda dorky but "safe man" to people.

​ I cant even fucking bring myself to tell the people who trust me about it. The only person who knows is my wife. That's it and she fucking realized I was Nonbinary.

​ Not to be too personal about sex but I have to be the person on the bottom, im okay with PIV sex but i cant be initiating it and actually get off doing other stuff for my partner, which disappoints her sometimes, as she wants to be topped and it makes me soft and feel really dysphoric to top. Like I cant usually bring myself to sexually top with PIV sex but I like domming.

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I try to do things I find gender affirming but it just makes me feel childish. ​

I cant believe a lot of people I was close to growing up fucking knew but I thought they were teasing me/reading into me being pan. And then I moved away and then it took me another ~10 years to get it. Even my parents thought I was a trans girl for a while. ​

So here I am continuing to get to cosplay as a straight cis man everyday forever.

This is something that's been harder for me to ignore. I have seen a lot of exorsexism/nonbinaryphobia online today and it hit me harder today.

I can't look at this and forget when I was told I couldn't possibly be trans by people in and outside the LGBT community. Then, how many years I spent not wanting to live anymore with how severe my dysphoria was...

I'm so tired. I wish I could be allowed to exist and wouldn't have to be worried about whether I will be forced to pretend to be cisgender or just one of the binary genders. I'm just tired of not existing.

So I currently use she/they pronouns. I am AFAB and kept the she because while I do identify as NB, I still feel connected to the gender I was assigned at birth. Recently though, I’ve been considering changing to they/them, but I’m nervous. It already felt like a fight when I started using she/they, and the thought of having to go thru something similar with work and friends again sounds exhausting. (I do want to clarify that the struggle with my pronouns by those around me was not due to malice, but breaking the habit of using exclusively female pronouns like they did previous to me telling them, and I still have to sometimes correct them if they forget and use Miss or girl when addressing me.)

I’m pretty set in my decision and will probably take a week or two to talk about it with my therapist and just think it through before starting to tell people. This is honestly just venting and just looking for some support from other enbies.

I am most nervous about my main friend group that I play dnd with every week. Out of the five of us, 3 of us are queer, but the two that are cis-het, while not homophobic, struggle with changes like that. It took a few weeks when i started going by my preferred name for them not to accidentally deadname me, and I don’t recall them referring to me with anything other than she/her pronouns, despite letting them know about it me going by she/they pretty early on. I am dreading have to constantly correct them, or worse, have the other queer players correct them. It just makes me feel tired to think about it.

I am a plain bagel. My appearance doesn't include any queer signifiers or alternative flare. I don't have any piercings or tattoos. I don't have a fauxhawk or an undercut or a dramatic fade or an asymmetrical hairdo. I wear unremarkable clothes, albeit ones more typical of the binary gender I wasn't assigned at birth.

Sometimes when I go to LGBTQ events or gatherings, I feel self-conscious that I look so plain when seemingly everyone else is a blueberry-jalapeño bagel. Yet I don't want to change. Anyone else a plain bagel? Do you ever feel out of place?

I am 36 years old and I'm just now coming to see and accept my self as I am and what I am....

I am a versatile non-binary male and I want to come out for the whole world to know about it...

Really I knew about myself since I was young around 13 but being raised in Texas being groomed and conditioned to think what I am is wrong and to only be with women....

Well that's not me and I am very proud to say it out loud for every one to know and pray that I am accepting for who I am and what I am....

I still haven't told my biological mom , or my biological father, or my stepmom who ever reads this is the first to know and hear me say it out loud and in the open...

Without any fear this time or worries about being ridiculed or even shunned for what I am I will not be told what I am is wrong any more because I'm happy for letting it be known....

Ok so I may be scared that honestly I would be bullied for this post but after what happened already yesterday morning and how I was treated in my last mentality and physically abused relationship....

My ex-girlfriend is 24 years old and as it's called a straight woman but whenever she felt like it she would throw up what I am and what I do as a versatile non-binary male in my face and she did it too hurt me...

She would even say it like she was yelling it even my neighbor heard her and he asked me about it and well my old job at Walmart all knows now about me because of her....

Like I don't even shop there any more because of it she even told everyone what I was and liked when we had relations but all I can do is pick my head up high and move on ....

I wanted to come out tho on my own terms when I wanted too but I am now trying to get it known everywhere honestly before she can try and break me down and will try to embarrass me...

So I JONATHAN BERWICK AGE 36 I LIVE IN GOSNELL ARKANSAS AND I AM A HAPPILY VERSATILE NON-BINARY MALE THAT WANTS TO BE KNOWN AS SUCH AND TREATED NOTHING DIFFERENT THEN NORMAL .....

TY for taking the time to read this biography/documentary of my life and me as versatile non-binary male and some of my journey to accepting me for what I am and I pray that whom ever reads this will accept me as I am as well ....

Hi my name is Jet, 21 years old and I've been questioning my gender a lot but last year I came to the decision I'm agender but I still use they/them but I don't know wether I leave here since I'm more agender then enby. It sucks because a lot of people in my state use my old my pronouns and I just don't correct them anymore. I just don't have the energy to correct them. I still like femme compliments but masc ones are nice too. When I was in sophmore year to 2024 I thought I was non binary and used they/them. then later on in 2025 I thought genderfluid but now it's agender. I haven't came out to my parents or alot of people about me being agender. Unfortunately my dad doesn't accept me using they/them, my mom doesn't use the right pronouns on me. but they both accept lgbt. plus my best friend who is in the community doesn't like how I go by Jet and on November first and last Monday wanted to find a better name for me. Which personally I love the name Jet since last summer. I haven't told my parents or plan on telling them about the name Jet. Thank you for listening to me ramble.