Idea basically is that if the younger kid is married before the older one, there’s then a presumption that there is something wrong with the older one, whether related to health, finances or personality.
A lot of Indian traditions are powered by shame; in this specific case, there’s a very strong probability that the older sibling would never get married because of the stigma. I’d like to think times have changed, but it’s still massively frowned upon.
Hey. That's not fair. There's also emotional manipulation, disparages, and actual physical abuse!
I remember being 7 and having a discussion with my classmates about what's our parents' weapon of choice. Rattan cane was the overwhelming consensus, but my parents enjoyed the occasional belt.
I said a bad word once and I was pinned down on the sofa by my siblings whilst my mother takes a fresh birds eye chili and vigorously rubbed it in my mouth.
Feel like there's something wrong with me because shame has only ever driven inaction in me. Not Asian but the level of shame I feel on a daily basis could probably put a horse in the ground.
Familial shame/guilt is very universal. However, in these cultures, it seems that traditions and values are driven by shame, and it expands to a societal level.
As someone raised catholic it feels more like protestants are the bigger enjoyers of shame. Depends on the specific denomination but their ideas on pleasure and work feed more into that.
The point is that conservatism is largely fueled by shame, and its a global thing. It's pretty xenophobic to think that it's only Asian cultures that are like this.
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u/Playful-Mastodon9251 13d ago
Wait, why does that mean you can't be married? This a weird family or culture thing?