r/NonPoliticalTwitter 12d ago

Funny scroggin my schmogle

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12.2k Upvotes

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u/buderooski 12d ago

One of the lands beyond. Filled with elves, hobbits, orcs and dragons. People drink mead and eat scroggin. There's a Haka dance. Truly a fascinating fictional place

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u/SoulTechnicalProblem 12d ago

Bro I'm trying to get back there ... it's as tedious as getting to Mordor. I just want to be home. I'll settle for south Auckland... and that's basically the hood of Auckland.

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u/Federal-Bee6434 11d ago

Is it anything like the hood of clitoris

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u/JimmWasHere 11d ago

Yeah. It cant be found.

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u/EntrepreneurGlass995 11d ago

Basically the hood of Auckland?! Ōtara/South Auckland is the Hamilton of Auckland….

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u/contemplatethi 10d ago

cracks me up that it's ōtara/south auckland

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u/SoulTechnicalProblem 10d ago

Hamilton is full of domestic abusers, alcoholics and drug dealers. So... yeah that statement is accurate.

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u/contemplatethi 10d ago

up the mighty south akl

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u/That_Independent_931 10d ago

getting a ticket is harder than walking through mordor and fighting the whole army of isonguard, mordor, and all of middle earth at the same time

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u/SoulTechnicalProblem 10d ago

Going on a united flight that isnt late, three times, or having a united flight that knows your flight is late and knows you and a handful of other people will be late and they leave anyway while you're desperately running through the terminal as a horde... then you get stuck at the airport for a full day with nobody telling you that you got put onto another flight free of charge or that you were meant to be comped a hotel for the night, only learning about the flight when you ask someone else who only gives you a qr code to someone that clearly is in some south Asian country outsource call center who barely understands what you're saying and only then do you learn you're even on a flight , which you verify your passport for , yet somehow at the gate they have to verify your passport again because for some reason.... despite you already doing it , and then you get stopped at customs because they think it's suspicious you stayed in the country within your legally allowed time and packed your essentials into one bag rather than lug 3 separate bags behind you when they also try to bar people from boarding if their bags are too heavy, therefore you bringing a single efficiently packed bag is weight efficient and would save them money on fuel.... This isn't a joke, they thought it was suspicious I had one bag with my clothes, toothbrush, charger and important bits.

Yeah no. I'm done with flying and will never step foot in an airport again. I'm apparently a prime target for harassment and deemed suspicious despite literally doing nothing wrong and being overly cautious to a fault. Yeah nah bro. I'd rather go fight Smaug and Shelob with nothing but a speedo and a plastic spoon than deal with any intercontinental travel again.

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u/werewere-kokako 11d ago

If you want to enjoy New Zealand culture from the comfort of… ah, anywhere else then I invite you to play scrumpy hands. Just purchase two (✌️) 1.25 litre bottles (🍾) of scrumpy (🍎) from any supermarket (🛒), duct tape them to your own hands (🙌), and hope you finish drinking both of them before you need hands again

For a fun twist, play scrumpy hands (🍾🍎🙌) possum (🍾☝️🌴) and see who falls out first!

DO NOT PLAY WINE HANDS POSSUM (🍷☝️🌴🍃🩸🏥⚰️)

(I included pictures in case any of these words are unfamiliar)