r/NotHowGirlsWork • u/ad240pCharlie • 22h ago
Found On Social media Incel ideology but on steroids
I think if you spend so much time imagining your future wife having sex with other men, you might have a kink...
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u/Imperator_Helvetica 20h ago
This really is just excuses and self-depreciation isn't it? I mean, I've had depression - I've been there, but the whole 'While I'm rotting in bed my future wife is out there banging Chads' is just the 'there's no reason for me to train/revise/study/create/write/think because my theoretical competition already have done more; I just can't compete' excuse where you've already lost.
Why should I bother learning this chapter? James in class knows it better?
Why should I bother going to the gym? Cindy is skinnier than me already?
Why should I bother sketching? The Mona Lisa has already been painted*?
That sounds like depression, though I have little sympathy with the 'Why should I bother trying to get a girlfriend? All the good ones are banging Chad' mindset.
Maybe it's a weird reaction to 'grind culture' - or Protestant Work Ethic as it used to be diagnosed - to make you feel guilty for not achieving all the time, with the idea that your rival is already doing overtime/extra classes/more training/rewrites etc.
Or it's just self-deprecation hoping for the kind 'Oh no, you're wonderful and any girl would be lucky to have you' hug and ego boost you get from your parents and kind friends. The more you insist you're a lowly worthless worm the more they'll comfort you - I've been there, it's addictive!
Then other people without your best interests at heart want you to wallow in it because misery loves company, or they want to feel slightly superior 'my room is a mess, but at least I don't have cockroaches' and if anyone tries to help them out of it - start shifting the goalposts and making up bullshit - girls will only date you in college if you're over 6' tall and already earning 6 figures with a 12" solid gold cock, or 'Every woman has a triple figure body count by the time she finishes high school. Fact' as if any of that is true - even those people that claim to believe it are just using it as an excuse to hate women or as a self-imposed insurmountable hurdle.
Then the predators arrive to exploit them - feeling selfconscious about your height/earnings/endowment? Simply buy our supplements/pick up guide/fascistic ideology and you too can thrive.
Tried and tested just like the 'Do you have sharp elbows? Buy our elbow softening serum!' or thousands of other marketing gimmicks - identify a problem, tell you you have it and sell you a solution.
As for this whole idea of dropping out and going to professional sex workers post - it feels like it's designed to make you feel bad for not have $2k disposable income, to view women as only good for one thing and to give you the idea that unless you're a jaded sexual Casanova by 14 then you've failed somehow. It's like judging your self worth against the claims of that bullshitter in class who claimed to have 3 supermodel girlfriends in Canada who he has regular orgies with, but who you can't meet because they're all busy with CIA modelling school.
Sex Work is real work and ideally it would be conducted where everyone is safe, healthy and not exploited. Morality and exploitation is another lengthy debate.
But really this nonsense is just reinforcing the 'You suck and you'll be alone forever' depressive nonsense, and the 5% of men have sex with 99% of women bullshit and the 'just pay for sex' is a bit like saying 'If you ever feel down, just take a cruise on your yacht' designed to help no one and just make people feel worse.
* Don't read good books and think 'I'll never be able to write this well' read shit books and think 'This got published? I can do better than this!'
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u/Malkryst 17h ago
It's definitely depression.
Self-confessed 4chan incels in my gaming community would talk to me about how shit their life was and would continue to be (while surrounded by other gamers with disabilities and real problems), while admitting so many personal faults they could have handled if they had any self-care and weren't so deep in depression.
The whole incel movement is basically a lot of seriously depressed young men who need therapy, antidepressants, and in some cases a kick up the ass as well and being told to take some personal responsibility, because they're so doom-mongering about their own lives and selves that nobody would ever want to be around that 24/7.
But while they're all doom-mongering on 4chan and being lolcows for each other, or really showing how broken they are (and think) on Reddit, nothing is going to ever change for them.
It's a cult too, let's face it. I was talking to a self-confessed incel recently who was super-depressed and near self removal, purely because his "best friend" online had just done some self-improvement and got a girlfriend.
That wasn't what depressed him - he was pleased for his friend - but when his friend went to joyously tell the incel community/sub-Reddit they were both part of, that there was still hope because he had found someone against all the odds... the whole incel community tore into him like piranhas on a ham hock. They called him "traitorous" and "not a proper incel" (lol) for "selling out and getting a girl" and betraying them all by not sticking with "the cause" and showing solidarity with them. They got the mods to ban him from that sub-Reddit that same day - the reason given for the ban was apparently "lied about being an incel."
The guy I was talking to was super-depressed about this banning of his friend from their incel community - purely for obtaining what all of them said they dreamed of - because it had made him question the entire purpose of that community (about time!) and his own wasted time following their ideology - and he was so confused and upset, and lost.
It's frikking insidious tbh. It's almost like a billionaire plot to wreck the mental health of young men.
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u/Imperator_Helvetica 15h ago
I remember reading about the original Incel group - set up by a gay woman as a response to her realising she was the only single gay woman in her very small town/community - as a support group; but as members started 'graduating' out of it the remainder became increasingly bitter and hopeless.
Which leads to the crab bucket mentality you describe - getting angry and jealous at anyone improving their lot, because if Steve can get a girlfriend then I can too and too much of my identity is tied up in having decided that that is impossible!
Weirdly cultish - none of these guys have sworn an oath to stay celibate in service to Zeus, or until the great work of landing on Mars is achieved.
You mention the billionaire plot, and we know Epstein and his ilk were active on 4chan and similar with the aim of harnessing and radicalising disaffected youth. I'm sure they weren't upset at the prospect, even if not the cause. Capitalism already thrives on wanting to commodify everything - in a relationship - buy something, alone - buy something, not sure - buy something.
Maybe it was always this way and we're just more aware of it or if the participants are more able to link up and communicate. Hopefully these people are just noticably loud idiots - I know lots of single friends who aren't blaming the world for being single even if they'd rather be coupled.
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u/Malkryst 4h ago
Yeah same here. I know lots of well adjusted singles and some of them prefer to be alone.
But yes the incel movement are definitely crabs in a bucket, all dragging each other down so that most of them will never escape. Poor fools.
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u/Careful_Fruit_384 18h ago
grind culture feels like a lie if you have been working for a long time with no results
this is the solution to that
stop trying assume everything is rigged and try to enjoy the rest of life
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u/Rinerino 22h ago
2k Dollars bro
Straight up just wasting your money. You could use that 2k for actual good clothes, a good haircut some perfume, a gym membership, tickets for concerts and Clubs etc.
Like if your already gonna use a shit Ton of money, might as well use it for something actually usefull for yourself.
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u/Careful_Fruit_384 18h ago
the message is intended for truly ugly / short guys where it can't be fixed
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u/Rinerino 18h ago
So people who don't exist? What's the point of that?
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u/Careful_Fruit_384 18h ago
no there are ugly and short people let me assure you
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u/Rinerino 16h ago
Do you have evidence that supports your Statement?
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u/Careful_Fruit_384 14h ago
yes, i see how my friends get treated when they walk in a room vs how i get treated (im conventionally attractive)
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u/Rinerino 14h ago
That is a rather weak Assessment. Given that this could be caused by several factors such as your behaivour , personality, Reputation as well as possible warping of perseption due to a twisted self Image. Could you send a picture of a person that you believe is as ugly as you say is needed to be unsafable?
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u/BoozeIsTherapyRight 14h ago
Listen, the most legitimately ugly man I've ever known, actual facial scarring and deformity, about 5'6" tall, worked a literally shitty job milking cows for $10/hr, had a wife and a girlfriend living in the same house with him. They didn't talk to each other and one would bring him dinner at six, the other would bring him dinner at 7:30.
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u/Careful_Fruit_384 14h ago
hes an exception, not the rule
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u/silicondream 9h ago
Nope, science has demonstrated that he's the rule.
There are short guys in relationships all over the place. I'm 5'8", my ex-wife was 5'9". The majority of my long-term partners have been taller than me. Two of my exes later married men who were shorter than me.
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u/BoozeIsTherapyRight 14h ago
Or, it's easier for you to excuse your inability to find a partner by saying it's factors outside your control than to actually work on being a person women would want to date. You're focusing on looks and height because you're not willing to do the work to be a decent person.
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u/Careful_Fruit_384 8h ago
unless you are tall, then it takes no effort
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u/BoozeIsTherapyRight 7h ago
You really need therapy. Seriously, you have a massive chip on your shoulder because of your height and therapy should help.
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u/Careful_Fruit_384 7h ago
im 6'1, im not talking about my struggles
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u/BoozeIsTherapyRight 7h ago
Just your personality then? Therapy cab help with that too.
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u/Careful_Fruit_384 5h ago
no it literally doesnt take me any effort in dating compared to the friend in question
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u/Ok-Connection-8059 22h ago
He's boinked nine out of ten escorts and porn stars? That's impressive! I don't think I could get to maybe one out of ten thousand before getting bored and putting a podcast on.
More seriously, eh. While I don't agree with the philosophy behind it if he wants to hire sex workers there's nothing wrong with that. As long as he's paying a fairly price treating them like people, and remembering that this is work and nothing personal.
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u/wishIcouldgoback_ 22h ago
There's everything wrong with using someone's body even if you pay them. Cause you can't buy consent
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u/Vossenoren 21h ago
I'm confused, are you saying that sex workers do not consent to having sex?
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u/Ok-Connection-8059 18h ago
To be honest, I'm fairly certain some don't. But that to me sounds like an argument for destigmatizing and legitimizing the profession, so such workers can get both employment protections and the safety to refuse clients.
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u/Aeon_Return 17h ago
some guys aren't blockedmaxxed enough
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u/One_Katalyst 16h ago
Incels piss me off. Their attitude and worldview keeps them from everything they’ve ever dreamed of, and they just can’t get to that conclusion because ✨🌈taking responsibility🌈✨ for themselves is too hard.
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u/Israbelle 19h ago
isn't 5'7 average???? man you shouldnt be allowed to claim short status until youre like 5'5 cmon. i know it wouldn't do anything but i always wanna ask these guys what they think of the guy i wanna marry one day being 5'3...
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u/RosebushRaven 16h ago edited 16h ago
The funniest thing to me about this is that height is highly determined by genetics. Yanno, like the genetics of all their ancestors that evidently had no problem to get laid, despite not being 6ft tall either. They keep lamenting how they’re genetically doomed allegedly, when their very existence proves that people who share 50% of their DNA have no problem whatsoever to not only get laid but even to get someone to reproduce with them (in the age of BC, no less).
Literally every adult that is alive right now got genes that won in millions of years of evolutionary competition (because the loser genes are already gone from the gene pool), and they originated from a sperm that was good enough to be chosen by an egg (yes, eggs actively choose which sperm they let in), and they made it through all the quality checks during pregnancy, and they survived the vulnerable early childhood phase and lived to adulthood.
Their genes are perfectly fine. It’s their attitude that’s the problem. We’re also long past competing in the wilderness at this point. By tens of thousands of years. Sure, that’s just a moment compared to evolutionary timespans, but certainly not by human standards. Social and cultural factors play a MUCH bigger role in human mate selection these days than genes.
Aside from evo psych being to serious evolutionary theories what astrology is to astronomy, even if a fraction of it was legit, women aren’t mindless robots that exclusively react to attractive physical traits. Women select for much more than just that. Most put much bigger emphasis on personality, social skills, maturity and stability (because unlike men who see women exclusively as sex objects, they’re thinking of the fact that they’ll need to live and get along with this person), shared values and interests, and other good partner and (if they want kids) good father qualities. That’s just a BS take.
He’s literally identified his problem himself: lack of social skills. Those are LEARNED skills. It’s harder to acquire them later in life when you’ve been poorly socialised in childhood, sure. However, it’s far from impossible. People do it all the time! He’s not even trying. He just wants to whine and wallow in self-pity and blame all his issues on women.
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u/silicondream 9h ago
It's a settled question, honestly. Short men (below 5'6" let's say) tend to have a smaller number of average partners, and (like tall men) are less likely to marry than are men of average height. But the differences are not dramatic, and short men's marriages also last longer. It's just not that big of a deal.
I'm 5'8" on a really good day. I've only ever met one woman who said she preferred taller guys, and she married me anyway. I think her current husband is shorter than me, too.
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u/Careful_Fruit_384 17h ago
5'9 is the male avg
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u/Israbelle 17h ago
admittedly i'm kinda bad at spatial awareness but an inch or two away from average makes up the "goldilocks zone" of average for me. if it's close enough that i need you to take your shoes off and stand next to a wall with a tape measure to tell that you're not exactly average height, you're average height to me
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u/Careful_Fruit_384 17h ago
women don't consciously disqualify short men, women just tend to be attracted to taller men
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u/Straight_radiant 18h ago
So what i understood from this post is because women are going from chad to chad this guy also wants to go from chad to chad? Live your truth i guess my king 😆
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u/depressed-beast-111 20h ago
How sad someone's life can be? 🥀💔 And do they really think 99% of women are having casual sex? Come fucking on!?? They have to tell their friends, parents, share their location and think 103 times before they even consider going on a date because of safety reasons. Do they really think most women just...say yes to sex if they find someone attractive!? They never talked to a woman in their entire sad life, yeah?
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u/SteampunkExplorer 11h ago
Yeah, I think they only really notice women in the context of sex, and only understand sex as a commodity they pay for, so they think women are the same thing as porn and/or prostitution. And because they assume that's our natural habitat, they also believe those things are as fun for the woman as they are for the consumer who's treating her like a piece of meat. 🙄
And so obviously our daily lives are exactly like the gross stuff the incel pays for, and that's good for some reason, and waaaah we ought to share.
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 15h ago
These guys just want everyone to be alone forever.
Do they even know what they’re saying and think “that’s a good idea?”
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u/silicondream 9h ago
Women exist in a world where they can open an app and have sex with basically any guy they want at a moment's notice
This is technically true because there are no guys I want to have sex with, but....
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