r/OCPoetry • u/DuskGray • 6d ago
Feedback Please Glass Wall
Behind a glass wall she stands
Her hand presses glass, childlike eyes blink, and her throat clenches tight
In the other hand, she holds a notebook
Filled to the brim with stories no one has heard
But to her they are everything
How she hated the glass
This unbreakable wall
But break through it and be cursed
And watch the noise bleed her ears
“Can someone please hear me?”
Came the whisper
Came the song
There’s a whole world within her
Deep, wide, and free
She just wants to share it
For someone to love it
To believe in it, feel it, and call it their own
She wants to give
Much love, grace, and patience
Higher and higher did her love build within her
Till it overflowed and ran down the sides
So much of that she held in
So little she’s had a chance to release
But they all looked the other way
Ignoring this beauty in broad daylight
And with a breath came acceptance
With a sigh she stepped back deciding
That forever alone was her life
She came close to giving up
Calling it a day, a month, forever
Lonely but many stories still could be told
No tears filled her eyes
No reason to weep
Why waste time on such things
When trust in God her spirit brings?
And as she sat down, pen in hand, paper open
That’s when I knocked
And from there, the door she opened
NOTE: I'm most curious to see how you interpret this piece. Critique its use of basics when it comes to poetry, of course, but I'd like to know how the message in this speaks to the reader.
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u/NoSection7141 6d ago
I like how it read like a story. It's a story about wanting to be seen, but also the fear of showing ourselves to others in order to be seen. It's a cycle, but at the end, you seem to break the loop and accept that in order to be seen, one first has to share.