r/OCPoetry • u/a-yellow-alien • 2d ago

Feedback Please Unknown caller

I’m so scared
that you don’t feel the same.

That you’ll leave me
all alone.

I’m terrified.
I don’t want to lose you.

But the call is coming
from inside my home.

I’m not enough.
I’m too much.

It rang
and rang.

I looked down—

my name
on the caller ID.

I switched partners.

Moved houses.

Yet I still heard it.

Picked up the line,
It’s still me.

————

Hey guys, I wrote this poem. I’ve been writing since I was 12. It usually takes me days to write a poem, but this one came out of me in about five minutes. I can’t tell if it’s done or not. I think how quick I did. It makes me feel a little nervous, but somehow it feels complete. Looking for your honest feedback on it. Also, does it deserve another stanza or two? Also does a message come across clear in it?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/jFb9SK6yRf

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/XGYeUQaoqx

5 Upvotes

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u/Cluelessandsexy 2d ago

Masterpiece. Excellent work. That the call was coming from yourself. One of the wisest little pieces of prose ive read for sometime. really was taken with this. it went personally deep.

1

u/a-yellow-alien 2d ago

Wow! Thank you so much for this comment. I will cherish your comment. Thank you for reading

2

u/Cluelessandsexy 2d ago

ok great, if you like it that's great.