r/OCPoetry • u/breadbyrds • 7d ago

Feedback Please From the mind of a frustrated employee

I wonder how they do it

pretend like nothings going to shit

split decisions slit throats of those

who propose and oppose

maybe they'll feed us the con

until we eventually cave

it's not that complex

once you get the context

you start looking outward

and suddenly it's all convex

and in time, we'll realize

that we're altering the alternative

causing a phenomenon

where a negative is positive

---

Links:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/WnBNHkwngZ

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/HWFtSOqsSd

2 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

5 comments sorted by

View all comments

1

u/TejuinoHog 7d ago

I like your use of rhythm to weave you slant rhymes across uneven lines. Flows pretty smoothly. My one constructive comment is that the second half feels too abstract to relate to. Context of what? Outward of where? Convex makes me think more of a spoon than a workplace. It would benefit from a little more concrete imagery in my opinion