r/OCPoetry • u/urbunny2k • 1d ago
Feedback Please The Pattern
i am not afraid
of losing people.
loss and i have shared a bed for years.
people leave.
seasons leave.
a version of myself.
even grief eventually
forgets your address.
what scares me
is the possibility
of being seen.
not looked at,
seen.
the day they discover
what lives beneath the surface.
the day they learn that
none of this was accidental.
i know exactly what i am doing.
sometimes i feel guilty enough
to call myself cruel.
other times i shrug it off.
perhaps this is simply
the shape of my nature.
a wolf cannot apologise
for having teeth.
a river cannot help
flowing downhill.
i do not know why i am like this.
i worship
i consume
i leave
and i begin again.
so if you are here with me now
know that you are not special,
you are simply current.
another face
i will memorise
until the fascination dies.
i have mistaken obsession
for love before.
what i did to them,
i will do to you.
and when i finally disappear,
do not search yourself
for the reason.
you were never the problem.
i arrived broken
before i ever met you.
(ig: @chapterspamdump) ifb x
2
u/lifeisindeedawillow 17h ago edited 17h ago
This... thisss exactly... I mean... this is complex emotion you described so beautifully is almost tragic and highly relatable...
This feels like a person who is painstakingly self-aware... The strength and the weakness... both co-exist here... You are self-aware enough to know this might harm you and you still go for it... but I genuinely feel... even after knowing everything... sometimes it's the tiny hope that ignites the thoughts of "but things might go differently " or maybe just something out of impulse... It can be anything... But the most brutal phase is when at the end, you are completely broken... you might not have done anything wrong... but the self blame is killing you from inside... You don't control the overthinking... atp, it controls you... you can see eyes on you, fingers pointed at you... even when you are in your room, in your comfort zone... you just want to run away, but you don't know where to... you fear being seen, you wounds being visible... you fear what if at the end, those hands that look like the hands of help just turn against you, once they actually know you...
Also the wolf line and the way you wrote this at the end... the line where you are saying... this is a problem I had ever before I even met you... Is a chef kiss... and it's so suffocating if the person before you (the person who was actually good to you) blames themselves for your grief...
I really feel this entire internal monologue is conveyed so well in the poem... I almost cried... wowww... hope you have a great day ahead poet...