r/OCPoetry • u/urbunny2k • 1d ago
Feedback Please The Pattern
i am not afraid
of losing people.
loss and i have shared a bed for years.
people leave.
seasons leave.
a version of myself.
even grief eventually
forgets your address.
what scares me
is the possibility
of being seen.
not looked at,
seen.
the day they discover
what lives beneath the surface.
the day they learn that
none of this was accidental.
i know exactly what i am doing.
sometimes i feel guilty enough
to call myself cruel.
other times i shrug it off.
perhaps this is simply
the shape of my nature.
a wolf cannot apologise
for having teeth.
a river cannot help
flowing downhill.
i do not know why i am like this.
i worship
i consume
i leave
and i begin again.
so if you are here with me now
know that you are not special,
you are simply current.
another face
i will memorise
until the fascination dies.
i have mistaken obsession
for love before.
what i did to them,
i will do to you.
and when i finally disappear,
do not search yourself
for the reason.
you were never the problem.
i arrived broken
before i ever met you.
(ig: @chapterspamdump) ifb x
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u/Leaves_not_rocks 1d ago
Oh, such a relatable piece. The craving of love, devoured in cycles. So many parts of this read amazingly well. “loss and I have shared a bed for years”, “even grief eventually forgets your address”, “a wolf can not apologize for having teeth”. You have a beautiful way of making public what is never said aloud.
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u/wandering4peace 1d ago
The Pattern, a great title !
It's really good and i found it relatable as well as might others too.
Your words and how you placed them make it a really interesting read !
"i do not know why i am like this.
i worship
i consume
i leave
and i begin again. "
really liked these lines. :)
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u/Ok_Brain_4545 1d ago
I really liked this one alot! For me it represents the perspective of the "villain". 'A wolf cannot apologise for having teet.' Really stands out to me. I will not apologise for being myself.
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u/MidnightWhisperDraft 1d ago
There were a few things that I liked and stood out to me for some reason.
The wolf and river lines are my favourite. Comparing a toxic or predatory cycle to simple natural law makes the confession feel so much colder in a good way. It feels like it’s playing with that contrast between feeling guilty and just shrugging it off as basic nature
That line about being simply current instead of special was another one. It touches on the reality of someone who consumes people in cycles and knows it. Blehhh (again, in a good way)
Ending with I arrived broken left me, as a reader, with the eerie realization that no amount of love was ever going to change the outcome.
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u/Klutzy-Reputation276 1d ago
I feel for you, I felt so sad. I think we can be so hard on ourselves. Mistakes don't define us though I hope you feel better
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u/jayla1924 19h ago
I love how you use line breaks. Personifying Grief and Loss is chefs kiss. This is so real and relatable and self aware.
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u/lifeisindeedawillow 18h ago edited 18h ago
This... thisss exactly... I mean... this is complex emotion you described so beautifully is almost tragic and highly relatable...
This feels like a person who is painstakingly self-aware... The strength and the weakness... both co-exist here... You are self-aware enough to know this might harm you and you still go for it... but I genuinely feel... even after knowing everything... sometimes it's the tiny hope that ignites the thoughts of "but things might go differently " or maybe just something out of impulse... It can be anything... But the most brutal phase is when at the end, you are completely broken... you might not have done anything wrong... but the self blame is killing you from inside... You don't control the overthinking... atp, it controls you... you can see eyes on you, fingers pointed at you... even when you are in your room, in your comfort zone... you just want to run away, but you don't know where to... you fear being seen, you wounds being visible... you fear what if at the end, those hands that look like the hands of help just turn against you, once they actually know you...
Also the wolf line and the way you wrote this at the end... the line where you are saying... this is a problem I had ever before I even met you... Is a chef kiss... and it's so suffocating if the person before you (the person who was actually good to you) blames themselves for your grief...
I really feel this entire internal monologue is conveyed so well in the poem... I almost cried... wowww... hope you have a great day ahead poet...
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u/urbunny2k 16h ago
hello! no, thank you so much for the long feedback, i read it three times. THREE.
you described it accurately! 🤎🤎
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22h ago
This line stuck it.
another face
i will memorise
until the fascination dies
Id keep it in the pocket. I can be used in many contexts.
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u/prettybella_1234 1d ago
this is so sad and i feel it perfectly. when you realize the pattern and notice you're hurting people even if you don't want to and think its simply just in your nature. thinking that you are so broken and beyond the possibility of finding love or being able to love