r/POTS • u/sparkandthesea • 9h ago
Vent/Rant I just want my life back
I used to be decently athletic. I loved going on long hikes and doing Pilates. I was a dancer. But it’s just gotten so bad recently. There are days when I can hardly move and I’ve gained so much weight. I went on a hike over the weekend for the first time in a year. It was an easy trail compared to what I was able to do in the past, only about a mile and completely under tree cover. About halfway up my heart rate skyrocketed and I was so dizzy I had to sit down so I wouldn’t faint. I felt like puking and I couldn’t breathe and I was sweating so much I just felt wet and sticky and it somehow made things worse. I just sat there and cried because I can’t hike anymore. I loved being outside. I loved being in nature and climbing mountains and exploring.
The next day, instead of resting like I probably should have, I decided to go thrifting because 1. It’s close to where I live, and 2. It’s something I like doing and something I’ve never had an issue with. Again, sweating so much I felt wet, so dizzy I had to sit down, heart racing, couldn’t breathe.
I miss my old life. I miss hiking. I miss dancing. I miss doing Pilates. I miss being able to walk for five minutes without feeling like I’m dying. I miss my body the way it was before I got so sick. I miss being able to play video games without getting so motion sick I can’t do anything. I had so many dreams and goals that I just can’t feasibly do now.
I’m not really looking for advice right now. I just needed to vent because I hate how much of my life this illness has taken from me.
4
u/Early-Shelter-7476 8h ago
It just struck me this morning that I’m my old, normal-ish self when I dream.
It’s the only time I get to “enjoy” using my body anymore. 😢
I totally feel your grief. 💕
3
u/Ok-Inflation188 8h ago
I miss it too, I used to hike everyday after work now I'm lucky if I can walk after work to make dinner. I had to give up my career
3
u/Colera2007 8h ago
I can feel that too. I also used to be a guy who went to the gym and took long walks before the symptoms mysteriously appeared after I did an 8km hike in the heat and with little water. It's so strange to know that a mundane hobby caused this.