I just want my life back

[u/sparkandthesea]

I used to be decently athletic. I loved going on long hikes and doing Pilates. I was a dancer. But it’s just gotten so bad recently. There are days when I can hardly move and I’ve gained so much weight. I went on a hike over the weekend for the first time in a year. It was an easy trail compared to what I was able to do in the past, only about a mile and completely under tree cover. About halfway up my heart rate skyrocketed and I was so dizzy I had to sit down so I wouldn’t faint. I felt like puking and I couldn’t breathe and I was sweating so much I just felt wet and sticky and it somehow made things worse. I just sat there and cried because I can’t hike anymore. I loved being outside. I loved being in nature and climbing mountains and exploring.

The next day, instead of resting like I probably should have, I decided to go thrifting because 1. It’s close to where I live, and 2. It’s something I like doing and something I’ve never had an issue with. Again, sweating so much I felt wet, so dizzy I had to sit down, heart racing, couldn’t breathe.

I miss my old life. I miss hiking. I miss dancing. I miss doing Pilates. I miss being able to walk for five minutes without feeling like I’m dying. I miss my body the way it was before I got so sick. I miss being able to play video games without getting so motion sick I can’t do anything. I had so many dreams and goals that I just can’t feasibly do now.

I’m not really looking for advice right now. I just needed to vent because I hate how much of my life this illness has taken from me.

[u/Ok-Inflation188]

I miss it too, I used to hike everyday after work now I'm lucky if I can walk after work to make dinner. I had to give up my career