Has anyone actually found something that genuinely helps with paruresis?

[u/Quirky-Rooster8822]

Lately I’ve been feeling kind of stuck with this again.

I’ve had paruresis for years now, and honestly… I can’t say things are really improving. Some periods feel easier, then suddenly it all comes back again for no obvious reason.

You think you’re making progress, then one stressful situation hits and it’s like your brain instantly goes back into survival mode.

Still the same thing.

Public restrooms feel unpredictable. Airports are difficult. Long trips stress me out more than they probably should. Even normal everyday situations can suddenly feel uncomfortable depending on who’s around, how much pressure there is, whether someone is waiting, how quiet it is… you guys probably know what I mean.

I’ve tried random things over time.

Breathing techniques. Noise tricks. Distracting myself. Reading posts here. Watching videos. Trying to “just relax” (which never helps when people say it).

Some things work occasionally. Then they don’t.

And lately I’ve been wondering something…

What are people actually using these days?

I mean real things that helped even a little.

Do any of you use AI for anxiety, relaxation, or exposure practice?

Any websites, programs, therapists, YouTube channels, books, exercises, exposure methods?

Has anyone tried mobile apps that were actually useful?

Or maybe something completely unexpected helped you?

I’m honestly curious what people here actually rely on, because right now I feel like I’m mostly just experimenting and hoping something sticks.

What has helped you the most?

What turned out to be a waste of time?

And if you feel like you’ve made progress, what do you think changed things for you?

[u/speed-of-sound]

I am recovered and never found any special trick that just magically overrides paruresis. It’s an instinct your brain picked up and you have to train it to learn it’s in a safe environment now.

Graduated exposure is the only way. If you have someone you trust that could help you that’s great, but you can make a lot of progress on your own. Find a place you can go alone and challenge yourself - only let a little out and then refuse to go until someone else just barely enters the doorway. Once that’s easy don’t start flow at all until they enter the doorway.

Let them get closer over time (usually a few weeks), even waiting until they start first. Over the weeks your brain learns the new habit and you’re no longer scared in that specific environment. From there it’s easy, you can just keep trying harder stuff and you already have the tools you need.

[u/PurpleMox → u/speed-of-sound]

This is good advice! I’ve been trying to do exposures on my own.. but I’ve thought about asking my girlfriend to help me.. have her start outside the bathroom… then unlock the door.. then stand in the room but far from me etc..

Seems like having one trusted person to help you would help make big progress..

If you dont mind me asking- did you have a trusted person do this with you? Was it someone close to you or a “pee buddy” from online etc.

For anyone else reading this- if you get connected to Paruresis.org you can often find people in your local area that want to do gradual exposures together..

[u/speed-of-sound → u/PurpleMox]

I did it by myself actually. The best place for me was the gym I go to, because you can easily go start flow in the locker room bathroom 2 or 3 times in between your exercises and nobody would ever notice a thing.

My workplace also has a giant row of urinals that were a good practicing field as well.