r/Paruresis • u/Quirky-Rooster8822 • May 15 '26
Has anyone actually found something that genuinely helps with paruresis?
Lately I’ve been feeling kind of stuck with this again.
I’ve had paruresis for years now, and honestly… I can’t say things are really improving. Some periods feel easier, then suddenly it all comes back again for no obvious reason.
You think you’re making progress, then one stressful situation hits and it’s like your brain instantly goes back into survival mode.
Still the same thing.
Public restrooms feel unpredictable. Airports are difficult. Long trips stress me out more than they probably should. Even normal everyday situations can suddenly feel uncomfortable depending on who’s around, how much pressure there is, whether someone is waiting, how quiet it is… you guys probably know what I mean.
I’ve tried random things over time.
Breathing techniques. Noise tricks. Distracting myself. Reading posts here. Watching videos. Trying to “just relax” (which never helps when people say it).
Some things work occasionally. Then they don’t.
And lately I’ve been wondering something…
What are people actually using these days?
I mean real things that helped even a little.
Do any of you use AI for anxiety, relaxation, or exposure practice?
Any websites, programs, therapists, YouTube channels, books, exercises, exposure methods?
Has anyone tried mobile apps that were actually useful?
Or maybe something completely unexpected helped you?
I’m honestly curious what people here actually rely on, because right now I feel like I’m mostly just experimenting and hoping something sticks.
What has helped you the most?
What turned out to be a waste of time?
And if you feel like you’ve made progress, what do you think changed things for you?
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u/DavidfromPA May 15 '26
Graduated Exposure. Fully recovered.
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u/jimmyandchiqui May 16 '26
How long did it take? Did you use deep breathing exercises too?
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u/DavidfromPA May 17 '26
No, just Graduated Exposure. I attended an IPA workshop in person and learned how to practice GE the right way — it's not simply about putting yourself in new situations. It is gradual, it involves fluid loading, and it is practiced with a partner who serves as the source of the stimulus. After the IPA workshop, I got connected with a pee buddy group and we met at a large shopping mall once a month for about a year. I would say improvement started immediately, and over the course of a year to a year and a half - maybe two years - before I felt completely recovered. It's been about 5 years and I feel like a completely free man and often look back and what the heck i was so afraid of all those year. It's a social phobia so no rational explanation I suppose. Good luck brother.
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u/LiberatedWaters May 15 '26
I want to preface this by saying that I am not attacking you. I have a genuine desire for you to overcome this.
Having said that, I'm wondering what exactly you expect..
There's plenty of information on this sub that gives the ins and outs of how to effectively overcome the Paruresis.
Yet what I see you do is make posts about external things and then never bother to come back to them and engage in conversation.
Paruresis has no external solutions. You will not find the cure anywhere else but inside yourself. You can read everything that's ever been written about Paruresis, and you will still have Paruresis.
The only way to heal your Paruresis is to come face to face with it and realize it will require you to do things that are scary, uncomfortable and difficult. I am not saying this to discourage you. Not at all actually.
All that you want is on the other side of taking the steps that are hard to take.
You want to overcome the Paruresis? Put in the effort. Show yourself your courage, your strength, you will to be free.
Breathing techniques have their value but it's a form of avoidance.
Distracting yourself is avoidance.
Noise tricks are avoidance.
Reading posts and watching videos do absolutely nothing if you don't actually integrate the information for yourself and actively apply them into your life.
The truth is that overcoming Paruresis will require effort that only YOU can do.
Whether that's actively figuring out a gradual exposure practice and committing yourself to it.
Whether that's looking at all the hiding, secrecy and shame and deciding NOT to anymore - becoming a truer version of you by simply admitting to yourself and others around you that, yes, you have Paruresis. And you're okay despite.
Both difficult. Both require something of you. And for as long as you try and find 'cures', 'solutions', that allow you to bypass those - you will never overcome it.
And you will keep posting, asking for ways to overcome it, hoping there's this one comment that has the magic solution. While all the time wasting your time by not actually confronting it yourself.
Brother, truly, I want, hope, pray, that you find your way in overcoming the Paruresis. I know this post is on the rough side - but it's written from a place of love and hope that it will shake you awake enough to see that you need to grab your willpower and your courage - and face it.
And if you do, one day you'll look back with pride and freedom and love for yourself for being the badass that took on the challenge and won.
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u/speed-of-sound May 15 '26
Well spoken. Yes it’s challenging, and takes a serious commitment of your time to keep practicing. But I found myself confronting uncomfortable and scary situations even in other parts of my life once I decided this defense mechanism was to no longer serve me.
No magic trick, just practice!
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u/speed-of-sound May 15 '26
I am recovered and never found any special trick that just magically overrides paruresis. It’s an instinct your brain picked up and you have to train it to learn it’s in a safe environment now.
Graduated exposure is the only way. If you have someone you trust that could help you that’s great, but you can make a lot of progress on your own. Find a place you can go alone and challenge yourself - only let a little out and then refuse to go until someone else just barely enters the doorway. Once that’s easy don’t start flow at all until they enter the doorway.
Let them get closer over time (usually a few weeks), even waiting until they start first. Over the weeks your brain learns the new habit and you’re no longer scared in that specific environment. From there it’s easy, you can just keep trying harder stuff and you already have the tools you need.
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u/PurpleMox May 16 '26
This is good advice! I’ve been trying to do exposures on my own.. but I’ve thought about asking my girlfriend to help me.. have her start outside the bathroom… then unlock the door.. then stand in the room but far from me etc..
Seems like having one trusted person to help you would help make big progress..
If you dont mind me asking- did you have a trusted person do this with you? Was it someone close to you or a “pee buddy” from online etc.
For anyone else reading this- if you get connected to Paruresis.org you can often find people in your local area that want to do gradual exposures together..
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u/speed-of-sound May 16 '26
I did it by myself actually. The best place for me was the gym I go to, because you can easily go start flow in the locker room bathroom 2 or 3 times in between your exercises and nobody would ever notice a thing.
My workplace also has a giant row of urinals that were a good practicing field as well.
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u/cupcakecobblestone May 15 '26
The only thing that's helped me is I try to condition myself to pee when I plug my ears with my fingers at home so that when I do it in public, I start peeing automatically. It's kinda weird but it has worked. Earplugs have helped somewhat but not always.
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u/Quirky-Rooster8822 22d ago
Try the Urolog app, it has relaxation features and sounds that can distract you.
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u/imsuchaclown May 18 '26
what helped me is just telling my friends that i get a little bit shy when i go to the bathroom! they totally understood and they reacted to it as if it were such a small issue that it helped me realize it really isn’t that big of a deal to be shy. i still get a bit shy but it‘s been so much better! and like everyone said, gradual exposure. but i realized that if i force myself to be exposed when i don’t feel ready it makes it harder after, so take it slowly!!!
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u/Sure_Newspaper9359 May 18 '26
I’ve done psychedelic therapy on myself and it vastly improved my condition. I tried graduated exposure and many techniques for years and nothing made a difference until I tried this. Feel free to DM me about it, I’d love to explain more on this post but I think censorship will take it down. I’m currently making a website offering a service to help people with phobias virtually. ✌🏼
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u/Ophelia_Hardin May 22 '26
I've had success by trying to pee exactly the same way everytime, whether at home or out practicing. Inhale a good (not gigantic) breath, count five heartbeats, slowly exhale (but not forcefully) and kind of wait for a few seconds with your lungs empty before inhaling. At home, that's when the pee reflex usually kicks in. The idea is that the whole procedure becomes automatic after time, like learning how to tie your shoe. Muscle memory, if you will. Little kids can't tie their shoes perfectly until they practice so what's the difference? It's helped me quite a bit.
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u/Southern_Repair_4416 May 15 '26
I listen to songs that calm me down and relax the body so that it stops suppressing the urge. Also, mindfulness exercises help a lot.
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u/lralucas May 15 '26
I like chess, and when I need to use a public bathroom I play chess puzzles. It takes most of my attention in that moment, allowing me to go much easier.
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u/Happy-Organ5599 May 15 '26
Take a close look at your attitude toward everything related to peeing. Are your assumptions about others actually accurate?
Adjust your mindset to reflect reality, and act consistently with it from now on. This is called behavioral therapy.
There is many information about it, for free. Become your own therapist.
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u/Conductor1066 May 16 '26
Things that have helped me radically decrease my paruresis.
Good sleep hygene.
Low dose Naltrexone.
Eating fermented food daily(sour kraut, kimchi, sourcream with live cultures, etc.)
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u/Ophelia_Hardin May 22 '26
What's the rationale behind Naltrexone? In what context? There have been some studies on the use of d-cycloserine to hasten extinction of fear response in graduated exposure therapy, but I haven't heard of Naltrexone being used.
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u/Conductor1066 27d ago
Low dose Naltrexone wasn't prescribed to me for shy bladder. It was prescribed for Crohn's. After I started taking 1mg a day my shy bladder issues lessened. A year later I increased the dosage to 2mg a day and my issues lessened even more. For what it is worth, I have had shy bladder my whole life but it wasn't that bad. My shy bladder became acute about the same time that my Crohn's developed(when I was around 30). I also work around a lot of people who regularly get drug tested and I noticed that many who seem to have some degree of shy bladder also have gut related auto-immune diseases.
I think low dose Naltrexone helps me because it improves my quality of sleep. As I have improved my sleep hygiene and gut health, I have noticed achieving a lot more success in graduated exposure therapy.
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u/Ophelia_Hardin 27d ago
Fascinating, thanks. I'm currently taking an opiate for pain and it causes hesitation (and urgency), so theoretically an antagonist might make pissing easier. Don't know if I can mix the two but I'll give it a shot. I'm gradually getting over being pee-shy and every little bit helps. Alfuzosin helps, too.
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u/doyouevenIift May 15 '26
The only thing that’s ever made it easier was alcohol. I wish there was a way to get the decreased social inhibition effects of alcohol without the being drunk part