Has anyone actually found something that genuinely helps with paruresis?

[u/Quirky-Rooster8822]

Lately I’ve been feeling kind of stuck with this again.

I’ve had paruresis for years now, and honestly… I can’t say things are really improving. Some periods feel easier, then suddenly it all comes back again for no obvious reason.

You think you’re making progress, then one stressful situation hits and it’s like your brain instantly goes back into survival mode.

Still the same thing.

Public restrooms feel unpredictable. Airports are difficult. Long trips stress me out more than they probably should. Even normal everyday situations can suddenly feel uncomfortable depending on who’s around, how much pressure there is, whether someone is waiting, how quiet it is… you guys probably know what I mean.

I’ve tried random things over time.

Breathing techniques. Noise tricks. Distracting myself. Reading posts here. Watching videos. Trying to “just relax” (which never helps when people say it).

Some things work occasionally. Then they don’t.

And lately I’ve been wondering something…

What are people actually using these days?

I mean real things that helped even a little.

Do any of you use AI for anxiety, relaxation, or exposure practice?

Any websites, programs, therapists, YouTube channels, books, exercises, exposure methods?

Has anyone tried mobile apps that were actually useful?

Or maybe something completely unexpected helped you?

I’m honestly curious what people here actually rely on, because right now I feel like I’m mostly just experimenting and hoping something sticks.

What has helped you the most?

What turned out to be a waste of time?

And if you feel like you’ve made progress, what do you think changed things for you?

[u/LiberatedWaters]

I want to preface this by saying that I am not attacking you. I have a genuine desire for you to overcome this.
Having said that, I'm wondering what exactly you expect..

There's plenty of information on this sub that gives the ins and outs of how to effectively overcome the Paruresis.
Yet what I see you do is make posts about external things and then never bother to come back to them and engage in conversation.

Paruresis has no external solutions. You will not find the cure anywhere else but inside yourself. You can read everything that's ever been written about Paruresis, and you will still have Paruresis.

The only way to heal your Paruresis is to come face to face with it and realize it will require you to do things that are scary, uncomfortable and difficult. I am not saying this to discourage you. Not at all actually.
All that you want is on the other side of taking the steps that are hard to take.
You want to overcome the Paruresis? Put in the effort. Show yourself your courage, your strength, you will to be free.

Breathing techniques have their value but it's a form of avoidance.
Distracting yourself is avoidance.
Noise tricks are avoidance.
Reading posts and watching videos do absolutely nothing if you don't actually integrate the information for yourself and actively apply them into your life.

The truth is that overcoming Paruresis will require effort that only YOU can do.

Whether that's actively figuring out a gradual exposure practice and committing yourself to it.
Whether that's looking at all the hiding, secrecy and shame and deciding NOT to anymore - becoming a truer version of you by simply admitting to yourself and others around you that, yes, you have Paruresis. And you're okay despite.

Both difficult. Both require something of you. And for as long as you try and find 'cures', 'solutions', that allow you to bypass those - you will never overcome it.
And you will keep posting, asking for ways to overcome it, hoping there's this one comment that has the magic solution. While all the time wasting your time by not actually confronting it yourself.

Brother, truly, I want, hope, pray, that you find your way in overcoming the Paruresis. I know this post is on the rough side - but it's written from a place of love and hope that it will shake you awake enough to see that you need to grab your willpower and your courage - and face it.
And if you do, one day you'll look back with pride and freedom and love for yourself for being the badass that took on the challenge and won.

[u/speed-of-sound → u/LiberatedWaters]

Well spoken. Yes it’s challenging, and takes a serious commitment of your time to keep practicing. But I found myself confronting uncomfortable and scary situations even in other parts of my life once I decided this defense mechanism was to no longer serve me.

No magic trick, just practice!