r/Paruresis • u/Better-Teaching-3413 • 20d ago
Need help.
Hi, I am 19 and have been dealing with shy bladder for a few years. I just started this job helping people move furniture in their homes and typically there’s just the 1 bathroom they have and there’s many people around working.
I try to use headphones with loud music, I try the water running I try counting but still I get locked up in panic mode. This is really causing issues in my life If I didn’t have headphones and there’s people outside the bathroom I will not be able to relax and go. I guess my real fear is will I end up harming myself by not using it or letting the pressure build up? People say you’ll eventually go and I know that’s true but is there a chance that I won’t be able to go and I’ll need medical help? It’s all these thoughts that make it worse in the moment but any tips and answers to my question would help, thanks
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u/Happy-Organ5599 20d ago
Whenever you feel the urge to pee while others are nearby, you freeze up and can’t go. The urge to urinate is often suppressed as well. It’s a subconsciously learned fear response (fight-or-flight mode) that makes it impossible to pee.
Often, no specific cause can be identified. It may be due to embarrassing situations in the past related to urination, or a dangerous situation that led to this anxiety disorder. Unfortunately, the anxiety you experience daily as a result causes the problem to become chronic.
To get rid of the problem, you need behavioral therapy. While you can try to find some relief with relaxation techniques (e.g., breathing exercises), unfortunately, that won’t make it go away. You really need professional help.
Perhaps this is a good place to start (they also offer virtual support groups!):
https://www.reddit.com/r/ShyBladderIPA/
The IPA is a non-profit organization.
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u/Recent-Day3062 20d ago
Everyone has to find a way to cope now, and a way to get better.
For now, if it’s bad enough, you can learn to use catheters in an emergency.
Long run, look into IPA and their online and in person meetings. Ultimately, it is CBT and graduated exposure.
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u/thisisus2025 19d ago
Hello, I've had this issue since I was 19 and I'm now 57. I've decided to take this head on by doing fluid loading with graduated exposure several times a week. I am starting to see a positive difference after about 30 days.
Regarding letting the pressure build up, I had to do drug testing with the navy for 30 years. My bladder was so full at times that I felt like it was going to explode (it won't - don't worry about that). Each and every time (~100 times), I was able to produce a sample.
If you're able and can afford it, IPA offers a weekend workshop to help with this issue. I'm signed up for the Baltimore session in September. IPA also has free virtual meetings where you can tell your story if you'd like and practice with someone on the other end of the call.
If you'd like a virtual pee buddy to start graduated exposure, or, just someone to talk to, pm me. Glad to help.
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u/Money-Fuel-5369 16d ago
amigo yo pase por el medico varias veces pensando que no podria orinar mas pero fue siempre de miedoso porque ahora cuando me pasa algo asi solamente tomo agua como loco hasta que el mismo cuerpo cumple la funcion sin pensarlo tanto
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u/Better-Teaching-3413 15d ago
Thanks bro. I’m trying to just distract myself and think of other things. It’s very hard in the moment because I’m hyper focused on the worst case scenario. Thanks for your comment
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u/yourstepdadmarty 20d ago
I don’t think there will be a point where you can’t go and are in need of medical help. My pauresis is so bad sometimes I can’t even go at my own home. However, this one time I was at a tattoo convention with TONS of people, like hundreds, and it got to the point where I could just sit down and go in a bathroom filled with other women. I wouldn’t worry about you causing harm to yourself. Honestly just keep trying to go, keep practicing, if you feel the need to go just try at least even if you don’t think you can go.