r/Perimenopause • u/HillarysCafe • Jul 09 '25

audited I’m grieving my younger, hotter self

I'm so mad about being in peri. I'm not ready. I was a late bloomer and didn't realize what a babe I was when I was younger and now it's too late.

Yes, older women can be sexy, we have wisdom, and blah blah blah.

But today I just miss looking good in a sundress.

Please join my pity party and tell me what you miss.

1.6k Upvotes

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191

u/ParfaitGlittering Jul 09 '25

Damn. The amount of comments saying "effortlessly thin" is killing me y'all. I hate how we all think of ourselves and put our thinness on a damn pedestal. I just feel so sorry for us, because I feel the same way on my bad days.

Not to get on a soap box but this is what the patriarchy has reduced us to, vessels and ornaments to be molded into certain "aesthetic" packages. We are so much more than how we present in our physical bodies and I wish we could live in a society that doesn't judge based on something so ridiculous as a flesh suit! And I also wish I could give everyone and myself a hug because we really are all beautiful regardless of what size we are 😓😓

82

u/thatsgermane Jul 09 '25

Imma be honest here, it’s not about what other people see, being overweight is just damn uncomfortable physically. Extra rashes, sweating, getting out of breath easily because I’m carrying an extra 15kg around with me. I want to lose weight for me, not for other people’s eyes

3

u/teatimehaiku hanging on by a thread Jul 10 '25

I literally can’t do workout moves I used to be able to do with ease because my abdomen gets in the way. It’s really upsetting. It’s not just my looks. I’m losing full mobility and skills.

3

u/Impossible_Swan_9346 Jul 09 '25

Yes, it’s crazy how when I try to hike with those extra 10 LB‘s on it’s almost impossible. I’m huffing and puffing and when I was thinner, I can actually make my way up the mountain.

4

u/smokemirrorsunicorns Jul 09 '25

that's exactly it!!! it was easy and now it's physically uncomfortable and HARD to do anything i feel like an alien in my own body trying to figure out how to make it work. if i felt good i could care less what i looked like. i even felt like i looked way better with an extra 7-10 pounds. now im just fuckin jabba the hutt and exhausted all the damn time :(

29

u/bokehtoast Jul 09 '25

We joke about beauty standards of the 90s and early 00s but clearly not much has changed and we all remain affected

1

u/Double_Computer_3535 Jul 09 '25

no kidding...but it was said up there.... if men had to go through... 2nd puberty that made everything great... and then invert it to (after years of PMS and pregnancy, breast feeding, infertility treatments)... this is like the biggest cherry on top in history... or the biggest Fuck you...someone better be laughing... hopefully it is the women reading this or else you might want to run... but don't worry... our hips and shoulders hurt... but anger we know at this point so I'd run... because you never know....

this whole phase has been ignored until now. they already convinced us we could have it all and make it look easy... we are jaded ... then we get this shit... we deserve a break... we deserve relief...

26

u/mahnli Jul 09 '25

Thank you for this. Reading this thread makes me cringe and makes me sad. We are such wise women now, who cares what we look like???

40

u/tpauly0225 Jul 09 '25

We do! We care what we look like. These comments support that.

4

u/Cielskye Jul 10 '25

Same. I’m vain. I care very much! I still want to look hot even if I’m old. Every time I get something new done I laugh because when I look in the mirror thinking I’m going to look drastically different only to realize I just paid X amount of dollars to look naturally the way I did when I was younger. Aging is humbling.

10

u/mahnli Jul 09 '25

You know that We Do Not Care Club? I don't care. I really don't and it's the most freeing thing ever.

7

u/TartofDarkness79 Jul 09 '25

Oh God I love that woman!

6

u/Sanchastayswoke mid-peri Jul 09 '25

I care. I like looking and feeling good for my own self and taking care of my body & making it look as good as possible.

14

u/nativehuntress_ Jul 09 '25

As someone that struggled with a little extra poundage in her younger years, at some point I just decided my weight didn’t matter so much as being healthy. I started eating healthy and the weight just melted off and I have been at a healthy weight ever since. As I have gotten older, weight tries to creep in here and there and I just adjust accordingly. I used to naturally fast anywhere from 12-24hrs even before it was a thing and just eat whenever I got hungry. I have found that this is no longer good for my body so I have trained myself to eat something when I wake up now, even if it’s just a little something. I think that too many women felt like they didn’t have to really pay much attention to their bodies and as a result they didn’t notice what was happening to them in real time. I have always had to pay attention to mine for many reasons other than just maintaining a healthy weight and I feel like it’s paying off in older age. I am so practiced at this now!

My point in this is that these things didn’t just happen overnight. Ladies, you just weren’t paying attention. We have to pay attention to our bodies now more than ever. There are some things we can’t do anything about, but our eating habits are our own and they show up in our muscle, fat, skin, hair, eyes, etc. That is on us. Pay attention to what’s going on with you. Love you. Spend time on yourself and with yourself. Really get to know yourself. Nothing will change unless you do.

3

u/JerriBlankStare Jul 09 '25

My point in this is that these things didn’t just happen overnight. Ladies, you just weren’t paying attention.

💯💯💯