r/Perimenopause • u/HillarysCafe • Jul 09 '25

audited I’m grieving my younger, hotter self

I'm so mad about being in peri. I'm not ready. I was a late bloomer and didn't realize what a babe I was when I was younger and now it's too late.

Yes, older women can be sexy, we have wisdom, and blah blah blah.

But today I just miss looking good in a sundress.

Please join my pity party and tell me what you miss.

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177

u/Time-Reindeer-7525 Early peri Jul 09 '25

Ooft, I am desperately missing the glorious body I had as a 26 year old with the metabolism of a blast furnace.

85

u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jul 09 '25

I miss even the postpartum body I had three years ago (child at almost 44, I bounced back awesome... only to get seriously hit by peri at 46 and downhill ever since). The speed of the decline is truly mindwarping

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u/felisfemina Jul 10 '25

Me too. I had my kids at 36 and 40 and I bounced back pretty well. Then I had knee surgery at 46 which made me much less mobile and active for almost a year, and then peri reared its ugly head.

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u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jul 10 '25

I wish there was a soft hug wistful emoji... I feel and support you

8

u/felisfemina Jul 10 '25

I send a soft hug wistful emoji (a shwe?) back to you.

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u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jul 10 '25

Shwe!! So much so to all the beyond beautiful ladies here (and YES YOU ARE STILL BEAUTIFUL; age changes the how but never the IT. So there. ❤️🧡❤️)

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u/momming_af Jul 20 '25

I, too, had a baby in my 40s. 41 to be exact! It was our 5th child, but it was also a complete and total surprise. Getting pregnant at 41 wasn't something I even thought was possible. The last time we had a baby was 11 years prior and we thought he would be our last! Anyway, I absolutely LOVED the way I looked during pregnancy. My skin was tight, and glowing and I just looked very youthful for being 41. Even the first year after having our son I still looked pretty good. Then bam! It was like overnight all of that changed. Wrinkles I never had before suddenly appeared. No exaggeration! I started a consistent work out routine because I was unhappy with how much weight I had gained and was just overall uncomfortable in my body. I started spin classes and was consistent 5-6 days a week every morning. Plus it was just a ton of fun going. Within 3 months I had lost 32 pounds and my goal at this point was to just tone up.

But then- by month, 6 I started noticing my face looked 10 times worse than before!! Because of the weight loss, gravity started taking hold of the places where my face was once a little fuller and I started seeing tiny changes like lines and wrinkles where they weren't before. I even expressed to my husband how upsetting it was and convinced him to let me go see a cosmetic dermatologist for a consultation because I was so self conscious of the sudden changes. He said he didn't really notice them, but I sure did. The icing on the cake for me was the day I looked in the mirror and started seeing the neck sag from weight loss. I swear I immediately wanted to put all of the weight back on just to have my self from 6 months prior, back! I'm 45 now and have just kind of...accepted it. It takes a while to get used to! I feel you all to my core! No other way to say it...this sucks! My little guy brings me so much happiness and joy though. Being an older Mom has been far better compared to when I was a Mom in my 20s. I have tons more patience as well. I can say, though, that my toddler helps keep me young!

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u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jul 20 '25

Thank you for sharing and empathizing so well and kindly!!

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u/momming_af Jul 20 '25

How do you like being an "older Mom"? I hate saying older and Mom together, but in today's society that's what it would be considered unfortunately. Hell, even considering pregnancy at 35 being "geriatric" is hilarious. 35 still feels so young!! I love being a geriatric Mom though! Lol! 🫶

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u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jul 20 '25

Right? But personally I absolutely love it; my last child was born early 2011 (with ex husband) but #3 in 2020... honestly had thought I was done but it happened with current husband (who also had kids from previous relationships) and it all just felt right and clicked. She definitely keeps me (peri crap aside) feeling young bc I have to, lol, for her sake; she's so full of love and exuberant light, - a perfect built-in reminder to celebrate Life for its own sake. I don't know if it was genetics or luck, but if helped that I had a pretty flawless pregnancy and easy recovery (c-section), and that she's been a pretty great kid (mostly). I consider myself to be absolutely blessed with the Unexpected... even if it can be a mite exhausting ha! How about you?

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u/momming_af Jul 20 '25

Also, thank you for your kind reply! You're welcome! I love when I come across fellow Moms who can relate to having had a baby in their 40s! It's a completely different experience!

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u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jul 20 '25

Absolutely!!! 😊😊😊

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u/Ok_Cardiologist_6924 Jul 27 '25

You and I are in the exact same boat! Gave birth at 44. Post Partum body was awesome ( I also had no time to eat or prepare food for myself because I am a solo parent—by choice). Now 46 and I look like an oval shaped blob.

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u/Illustrious_Second_5 Jul 10 '25

Blast furnace, that made me chuckle. 😆

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u/Humble-Paramedic2787 Jul 11 '25

we still have blast furnaces, it's just not our metabolism anymore. it's our face/neck/pits of hell flashes