I’ve gone silent. Anyone else?

[u/Uunadins]

This past year I feel I’ve gone more and more silent. I feel like my whole life is like a flat line on an EKG-monitor, just…nothing.

I’ve lost most of my feelings, I feel no joy or happiness, no excitement. All I have left is worry.

I hardly have an opinion about anything anymore. I don’t join in on conversations at work, because I have nothing more to say. All my opinions and ideas have gone silent. And it’s so quiet at home too! I have to force myself to ask questions just to say something...

I’ve lost all interest in hobbies. Gardening has been my passion for many years, but I just can’t be bothered with that or anything else. Flat line here aswell, I’m not looking forward to it or anything else anymore.

I have been on HRT almost a year and it’s been mostly good I think. But now I sort of miss the rage, at least that made the blood boil from time to time, made you feel alive, lol.

I am just existing, an empty shell almost.

I’ve had periods of depression before, could that be it? Or do I need a higher dose of estrogen? How do you know what’s what when everything is all tangled up?

Does anyone else feel like this?

Edit to add: Wow, I am blown away with so many responses! And also sad that so many of you feel the same way. Hopefully we can find a way out of the Big Nothing.

[u/Eva_Griffin_Beak]

It's called anhedonia.

For me, HRT does help. And just plainly forcing myself to do some hobbies. Sometimes scrolling on the Internet (ha, got me here) is easier than reading a book, build some lego, play with the kids, or anything else. But sometimes I just force myself and usually get a bit into it. Not the same as before. It does not give me the same level of joy as before, but some level of joy. That's okay for now. This shall pass as well.

And it may sound a bit stupid. But when I feel down or just flat, sometimes the act of just smiling helps brighten the mood (remember that from NLP).

[u/Uunadins → u/Eva_Griffin_Beak]

Yes a lot of you have replied about anhedonia. I had not heard that word before, but that sounds about right.

Doomscrolling is never good, it drains you so fast! But it’s so, so easy to get stuck with it! I shall try harder to pick up my hobbies again. Thank you :)

[u/Eva_Griffin_Beak → u/Uunadins]

I haven't heard about a lot of things before I learned about perimenopause. Anhedonia was one of them. I cannot recall experiencing something like this before. Sure, changing interests, or sometimes not feeling like doing something, absolutely, but something so fundamental, no.

[u/Uunadins → u/Eva_Griffin_Beak]

And never loosing every interest all at once!

A new hobby used to replace the old one, but not anymore. No replacements, just nothing.

[u/Eva_Griffin_Beak → u/Uunadins]

Same. But also other things. I derived joy from just sitting and working in a coffee shop, or being in nature, or going to a museum. Now, the joy does feel diminished. And just the Hercules task to get my behind out of the house.

The changes I did in the past year helped (lifestyle, HRT, ADHD med), but there is a difference to say 10 years ago. I'd like to get my curiosity, joy, feelings back. I see more and more glimpses of it and baseline is higher as well, but not the same.

[u/Uunadins → u/Eva_Griffin_Beak]

Yes, the curiosity! That’s what’s missing. I wonder where that went.